Put Off Living In Thailand

[masterbiker49]

There appear to be a vast amout of people on this forum who are totally unaware of the strength of family ties in Thailand....or any country for that matter....if you are unwilling to acknowledge the 'family' because of a selfishness not familiar to thais', you run the very real risk of not having much of a relationship.......you may well attain your solitude in paradise.

You are already causing unhappiness....why not live with it for awhile but start going out more on your own...see the reaction

Err sorry about that last one, i just couldnt help it..

but yes i actually agree with you...thais do not even consider the issue of eating "someone elses food"...it doesnt exist..food is to be shared as that is what gives life and to the thai it is a privelege to share food, so in that regard they would not even consider themselves to be "sponging" off you..

If you arc up at sharing food with family you will risk being seen in a VERY poor light.

I personally would prefer to spend a few thousand baht feeding a decent family than some bargirl in Pattaya

It is better to put your foot down now,u pay the bills,no money,no food & no family

[st11x]

It's too late. Tell them you've got TB. Cough a lot.

Lie in bed groaning all day.

At the risk of being sarcastic, they probably just go buy the cheapest mask at Big C, that'll be all ;-p

If family of we 'Farang' come to stay we usually understand it is for a weeks holiday or some such. The visiting family help pay for excess and do not moan about doing so, especially as they are staying without paying rent, as opposed to staying in a hotel.

Seems strange a Thai family cannot do the same.

Exactly. A point being brought up during the "discussion". However, she failed to see that friends and my family that come to visit will tell you for how long they are going to stay, and they usually have the capacity to pay for themselves. I do not have to pay for air tickets, etc for them to come and leech on me.

Thtat's why I see nothing wrong with asking the question about their duration of stay.

If they don't earn much, have little savings, or survive on little a month, why expect to "holiday" for long periods?

If the family are still there 1 or 2 years in the future would you still consider him selfish if he is unhappy about it? It appears to me that his main concern is that once they are there, he will be unable to get rid of them, because there has been no limit set on length of stay.

She could go and visit the family as she knows that her husband values his privacy

In fact, that is a big concern. I have already been hinted at, so that is why I try to assert my stance this time. It's not going to be 1 or 2 years, it's going to be forever!

[Maverell]

Selfish I know, but does anyone feel the same? With this constant thought, I am starting to hold back investments (cars, etc).

Thoughts?

Matt

Its not being selfish at all. I know its easy to say, but it is time farangs in LOS realise that just because its Thai culture to 'share' it doesnt have to be yours, or your wife's. End of story.

[SoiGirlHunter]

There appear to be a vast amout of people on this forum who are totally unaware of the strength of family ties in Thailand....or any country for that matter....if you are unwilling to acknowledge the 'family' because of a selfishness not familiar to thais', you run the very real risk of not having much of a relationship.......you may well attain your solitude in paradise.

You are already causing unhappiness....why not live with it for awhile but start going out more on your own...see the reaction

I understand and respect thai family ties etc , but in most cases they will come just to sponge off the farang.

If u were a poor farang - u would never here from them.

[dave111223]

Thai ladies are used to MEN being the head of the family.

Not true in my case. Head of family in the finance department, that's about it.

Asked the wife an innocuous question "How long are they staying", and she put 2 and 2 together. The waterworks started, the silent treatment, the lot. There is just no room for negotiation, how did you guys manage to say NO, or bring up a topic as sensitive as this?

At one point, she even suggested that maybe I could take a trip back home. So now I have to leave the comforts of my place to go somewhere else while a bunch of people come and make themselves comfortable, all at my expense. Nice!

Doesn't matter if Tom Yum is several times cheaper here than back home if you have to buy several more portions each time you have to buy it!

It's beyond me why you would want to get into a relationship like this?

Why did you marry someone you don't even know how to talk to?

Next time you ask the question and she turns on the waterworks, don't slink away like a n*tless wonder...

It's a fairly simple situation; say you will no longer pay the rent/car payment/food etc until they are gone. If your wife would leave you over this, then you've got to ask yourself why you ever married her anyways.

[G54]

There appear to be a vast amout of people on this forum who are totally unaware of the strength of family ties in Thailand....or any country for that matter....if you are unwilling to acknowledge the 'family' because of a selfishness not familiar to thais', you run the very real risk of not having much of a relationship.......you may well attain your solitude in paradise.

You are already causing unhappiness....why not live with it for awhile but start going out more on your own...see the reaction

I understand and respect thai family ties etc , but in most cases they will come just to sponge off the farang.

If u were a poor farang - u would never here from them.

Soigirlhunter, there is nothing wrong with strong family ties, it keeps a solid base in times of woe. Yet there is a huge difference between having family ties and a family directly imposing themselves upon others without any thought or care for ALL concerned.

Also, as in this case, putting their daughter in the middle and making her life unhappy as well as making the OP's life unhappy. Surely family should not be there to create this sort of unhappiness and turmoil?

[samuibeachcomber]

Thanks for your thoughts mates.

dave111223, this "first" recce team is a party of 5 - Mum, sis, and kids. I don't have a big place, so it's going to get very crowded in the house for a while. In any case, I would consider even 1 to be too many, especially when visits can last for several months!

We talked about it in the past, but as always, the wife's defenses go up and thinks you are trying to alienate her from her family. If any of the immediate family (along with their families) comes calling, she is going to obliged. She did say before that she can't say no.

I thought putting some distance was going to help, but how wrong was I!

would have thought 800km would have been far enough away.you are in a difficult dilemma 5 visitors for an indefinite period.your wife cannot refuse this visit,as you would not back home with your own family,but maybe you could compromise with your wife re the length of stay,as your place you have said is small for such a large visit.If it all gets too much for you re lack of space/privacy,and also if only you are paying out,i would suggest you go away on your own for a while,while they stay and enjoy their time with your wife,leave a little cash to spend on them for food.thais do not realise or understand us farang's need for privacy and peace and quiet,it is alien to them.

[samuibeachcomber]

Hi st11x

Good advice given to you IMHO. I can understand your predicament and I think your wife must tell these people that it is not normal for a ferang to lose his privacy for such long stretches in time. Tell her/them that your wife can go visit/stay with them as much as they want too. That should be no problem unless they see you as an ATM.

Start as you mean to go on. Thai ladies are used to MEN being the head of the family.

Dave

that is a very good idea,OP wife doing the visiting,problem solved for all.

[Texpat]

OP, I'm a lil short of cash for the next few months. Can I move in, too?

[samuibeachcomber]

Is it a question of your wife being weak regarding her family or is she really up for this extended stay.If they have n't left home yet to come for their visit it sounds like its really time to knock this visit on the head,and to hel_l with the consequences,you sound really unhappy about this situation and really should have dealt with sooner,because once they arrive it will be too late and will end up being a very unpleasant time.I wish you good luck.

[hhgz]

"Wife"

Yours or someone else's? My suggestion is that you learn to refer to your wife in an appropriate manner. How about not using "my" (as an attempt to show ownership - as in my dog, my toothbrush)? How would you refer to her without using "my"? Don't rush, we can wait.

[samuibeachcomber]

"Wife"

Yours or someone else's? My suggestion is that you learn to refer to your wife in an appropriate manner. How about not using "my" (as an attempt to show ownership - as in my dog, my toothbrush)? How would you refer to her without using "my"? Don't rush, we can wait.

what baloney,"my wife" "my husband" is just a term of reference,implies nothing more.but there is a sense of belonging to each other,hence the wearing of the ring.

[dave111223]

"Wife"

Yours or someone else's? My suggestion is that you learn to refer to your wife in an appropriate manner. How about not using "my" (as an attempt to show ownership - as in my dog, my toothbrush)? How would you refer to her without using "my"? Don't rush, we can wait.

What are you on about??

My Brother, my dad, my mum, my uncle, i guess i own them all??

[dumball]

"Wife"

Yours or someone else's? My suggestion is that you learn to refer to your wife in an appropriate manner. How about not using "my" (as an attempt to show ownership - as in my dog, my toothbrush)? How would you refer to her without using "my"? Don't rush, we can wait.

You are just being an assinine PC , "Oh , this is the Thai lady I married and this lady is usually refered to as "Wife" . Not his wife , not your wife , My wife is the normal introduction by normal people , as is My husband , get it ? Got it ? Good !!!!!!!!!!

[SoiGirlHunter]

My wife is good, she keeps her family at arms length. Also lets me have girls on the side which is nice. Cant bring them home though,

working on that one lol.

I took her brother ong out for a few beers, at one point of the night he tries to scam me (long story). Well i got right

in his face and in thai told him if he ever did that again we will be boxing. I told my wife what he tried to pull and she blasted

him too. I havent seen him since lol.

[jalansanitwong]

1.You have a grand plan to live in LOS?There is no such thing in Thailand. Do not buy a property unless,like me, you have children born here.Your property is legally her's and her families.If its paid in full its collateral that can be used as security on a personnal loan by any member of her family. They wont tell you!!! Never,never think your being selfish by not throwing money at every deadbeat with a chest cold in her local village.If your kind hearted they will clean you out.PLEASE NOTE; When it comes down to the absolute crunch your wife,expecially if she is Isan would rather be with her childhood sweetheart or first or second husband...not you.She married you for the same reason all women here marry farang........financial security.If you think your relationship is the exception then your sadly mistaken.Keep your head screwed on tightly think rationally and your marriage will stand a small chance of success unless of course your old enough to be her grand daddy.zero chance.

[unforgiven]

There appear to be a vast amout of people on this forum who are totally unaware of the strength of family ties in Thailand....or any country for that matter....if you are unwilling to acknowledge the 'family' because of a selfishness not familiar to thais', you run the very real risk of not having much of a relationship.......you may well attain your solitude in paradise.

You are already causing unhappiness....why not live with it for awhile but start going out more on your own...see the reaction

I agree. Family bonds are strong. Why not try and take some pleasure in their company. If you feel so strongly about privacy rent the house next door for them. It's only cheap. Why marry a Thai if you don't like thais? Some of the posters sound like miserable control freaks. I suppose that's why they are in Thailand, they bought into the dream of marrying a doormat.

Your joking right! Why marry a thai , why marry a thai....................because he did it door knob and he just wants a little fricken privacy.... get it brain dead!!!