Love Or Career

[jkwn]

What do you guys think of this????

If you had your whole life in front of you to live, a brilliant chance at a brilliant career and everything going for you but you fell in love. Would you give it all up just to be with them. Say you were British and living in UK and you're engaged to be married to someone in Thailand and you were sure that person was the one and felt that even if you had all the good things it didn't matter without them. Would you throw it all away just for love? Is love enough? Yeah i mean you would get another job but it wouldn't be as good but you were together is it true to say that that's enough?

Share your ideas and advice PLEASE!!!

[britmaveric]

Love of course...considering you added the stipulation that you were able to provide income for you and your love!

[Boo]

why can't you have both, why not have the great career & the great thai man in your own country WITH the great career. Jeez, I know what I wan't to say but you get the drift right?

[LaoPo]

Follow your heart...the brain will follow.

If this is THE ONE.....just go for it.

Good Luck to you

LaoPo

[jkwn]

Yeah but it's not that simple is it like nothing in life is!!!!!!!!

He can't come over here because i don't have the means to support him he would need to get work here which there are no work now for specified permits. However he has been working here before.

Arghhhh!!!!

So far your all telling me what i want to hear, and i'm telling you my heart tells me yes to give it all up. You see i can't have both, if only it were that simple

[britmaveric]

Yeah but it's not that simple is it like nothing in life is!!!!!!!!

He can't come over here because i don't have the means to support him he would need to get work here which there are no work now for specified permits. However he has been working here before.

Arghhhh!!!!

So far your all telling me what i want to hear, and i'm telling you my heart tells me yes to give it all up. You see i can't have both, if only it were that simple

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well it seems you have to wait until conditions are suitable and carry on a long distance relationship. What other alternative is there if you are eliminating moves for either of you?

Edited January 14, 2005 by britmaveric

[Boo]

Give us more information on your situation.

Are you married?

How old are you both?

Do you own or rent your own home?

Do you have any savings?

Why can't he work if he had the right permissions?

A bit more info & we may be able to give you a few solutions.

I'll give you a brief on my own situation;

Travelled & lived in LOS since 97'

Met my husband (Thai) in 2001

Went back to UK for 3 months a year so had no savings & no home, job or possesions

Married in September 2003, applied for residency visa for UK in march 2004, had a letter of invite from my mum for a place to stay, no proof of earnings & 1,700 pounds in the bank. Some bills from our old house as proof that we knew each other & he was granted a visa in 2 days.

Sometimes it's easier than you think to find a solution, you just need the right knowledge.

Boo

[chuchok]

Thai men are known for thier infidelity. Speak to any bar girl.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

troll

[tuktukmike]

Thai men are known for their infidelity, speak to any bar girl"""""""

This has to be a joke.

Most the bars i see are full of us westerners chasing the next plaything or trophy.

As for bar girls,

mike

[Spee]

Share your ideas and advice PLEASE!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think you need to distinguish between love and marriage. You can be in love without being married, but there is more to being married than being in love.

In addition to love, being married means meeting obligations like making enough money to provide for the present and the future. If this means not being able to be in Thailand full time, or not being with one's tilac full time, then this is a potential sacrifice that needs to be discussed and agreed upon. Or if a couple is willing to give up opportunities for higher income, with the tradeoff of being able to be together a larger percentage of the time, then this is also a sacrifice that needs to be discussed.

I'm certainly full of my share of flaws, and can't claim to be an expert in marriage (or relationships or many other things), so I can't claim that this is the way to go. But for me and mine, earning money is very important as I am probably in the peak earning years of my present career. So we choose to sacrifice being apart, for hopefully a bit more long term financial security.

HTH ... Hope you find the answers you seek.

[cdnvic]

I think Boo has it right...go for both.

If you have a brilliant career ahead of you then you have the talent to do what you want almost anywhere. If you have an amazing relationship then it will survive the uncertainty and confusion of finding out how it all fits together.

Dumping someone you love for success in your career would just prove you didn't deserve it.

cv

[penelope]

What do you guys think of this????

If you had your whole life in front of you to live, a brilliant chance at a brilliant career and everything going for you but you fell in love. Would you give it all up just to be with them. Say you were British and living in UK and you're engaged to be married to someone in Thailand and you were sure that person was the one and felt that even if you had all the good  things it didn't matter without them. Would you throw it all away just for love? Is love enough? Yeah i mean you would get another job but it wouldn't be as good but you were together is it true to say that that's enough?

Share your ideas and advice PLEASE!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

many expats in LOS have both love and career !!

[aughie]

What do you guys think of this????

Share your ideas and advice PLEASE!!!

Put down the bong hippy!

[cdnvic]

It can also be said the other way around: If you dump your career for love, then you don't deserve it.

For her to dump her brilliant career, she is not only gambling on herself staying in love, she is gambling on 'him' being what she 'believes' him to be, and his love lasting?

I would also like to know how long this relationship/love has been going on? Was it a holiday meeting? How long are they together/together?

That's what I was saying. If the career is so brilliant, than choice of mate should hardly mean the end of it. (Unless you are an evangelist marrying a pornstar or something.) You'll have more chances down the road. I've dumped, and been dumped from jobs before, but they don't worry me anymore. There was still some regrets for the women I passed on for stupid reasons though.

jkwn.... you're not an evangelist dating a pornstar are you?

cv

Edited January 15, 2005 by cdnvic

[cdnvic]

Troll Rating: 4.5 (Out of 10)

Mild responses, no flames, reasonable question.

cv

[TizMe]

Or maybe just someone that doesn't get to the internet cafe too frequently.

[TRIPxCORE]

I have said this before and I will say it a million times over again, love is not about money and vice versa. Do not try and mix them together. Money is superficial and shallow and has too much importance placed on it by society.

You have to ask yourself this question-"Towards the end of your life, when retired, what do wish to have by your side? When you are old and not able to stand on your own two feet very well and can't remember many things anymore, what's gonna be important? A stack of money or the love of a good woman? At the end of the day, what really has meaning and importance in YOUR life?"

[cdnvic]

When you are old and not able to stand on your own two feet very well and can't remember many things anymore, what's gonna be important? A stack of money or the love of a good woman?  At the end of the day, what really has meaning and importance in YOUR life?"

How about some lovely good money and a stack of women?

cv

[ZOVOX]

What do you guys think of this????

If you had your whole life in front of you to live, a brilliant chance at a brilliant career and everything going for you but you fell in love. Would you give it all up just to be with them. Say you were British and living in UK and you're engaged to be married to someone in Thailand and you were sure that person was the one and felt that even if you had all the good  things it didn't matter without them. Would you throw it all away just for love? Is love enough? Yeah i mean you would get another job but it wouldn't be as good but you were together is it true to say that that's enough?

Share your ideas and advice PLEASE!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If you are in a good job and get well paid, you can save up every penny you can for a year or two, and then move here. Invest the money wisely and live of the earnings; you can live a comfortable, but not extravagant, lifestyle here in Thailand on not that much money. If she really loves you, then she'll wait for you. Just think you would never have to work again, and you could spend every minute of the day together for the rest of your life, and not be stressed out by money or work.

[Axel]

As brutal it might sound, while you are in love, people are changing,

love is turning to something shallow, sometimes to hate.

Look around your parents' friends, your friends, colleagues etc. How many are divorced, in a shaky relation ship?

Go for the job, keep your present relation by visits, holidays a.s.o. and see how it is going.

[penelope]

What do you guys think of this????

If you had your whole life in front of you to live, a brilliant chance at a brilliant career and everything going for you but you fell in love. Would you give it all up just to be with them. Say you were British and living in UK and you're engaged to be married to someone in Thailand and you were sure that person was the one and felt that even if you had all the good  things it didn't matter without them. Would you throw it all away just for love? Is love enough? Yeah i mean you would get another job but it wouldn't be as good but you were together is it true to say that that's enough?

Share your ideas and advice PLEASE!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

many expats in LOS have both love and career !!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'd hazzard a guess there are as many failures too... Not a gamble I would want to take with a brilliant career oportunity.

It seems that our heroine has less interest in this than we do... she does not answer questions that beg our answers... and yet she says, "Share your ideas and advice PLEASE!!!" with such desperation.

I'd like to know how long she spent with him 'physically' and how long engaged? She is obviously young and inexperienced... or maybe a troll?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

i'll try to address your post as best as i can :

there is alot of advice in my simple satement.you just have think about it a little bit harder.

i am a male. married to a thai/ausssie for 15 years, lived in LOS for > 11 years , worked in and developed my career the entire time.

how : well, this is just the hand i was delt, just panned out this way.sorry, but i don't have the secret formula to life success in LOS.

[Wanderer]

What do you guys think of this????

If you had your whole life in front of you to live, a brilliant chance at a brilliant career and everything going for you but you fell in love. Would you give it all up just to be with them. Say you were British and living in UK and you're engaged to be married to someone in Thailand and you were sure that person was the one and felt that even if you had all the good  things it didn't matter without them. Would you throw it all away just for love? Is love enough? Yeah i mean you would get another job but it wouldn't be as good but you were together is it true to say that that's enough?

Share your ideas and advice PLEASE!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

not an expert or anything, but no i wouldn'd throw a (brilliant) well paid career away for love, i would comprimise obviously but its a 2 way thing, looks like you are doing all the comprimising, unfortunatly life is not a romantic novel, at the end of the day most couples end up with morgates and kids which equals stress/ hassle and the end of carefree love. ie look at the high divorce rate among thw average joe bloggs. I work overseas which I don't like but I could obviously live like a miser on my savings in los with my wife and stepdaughter renting a little apartment and everything is great until you run out of cash,but you gotta look at the big picture and ignore any hippy/new age ramblings in your head as it will all end in tears

[jkwn]

I'm sorry for not replying to your questions etc but been really busy unable to get to a computer. Hectic life as ever, right i'll try to answer all your questions and give more infor once i've actually read through all your comments.

here's a start

jkwn.... you're not an evangelist dating a pornstar are you? NO! but very funny

Just hold on while i actually read your questions...

[jkwn]

Ok here goes:

Ravisher I would also like to know how long this relationship/love has been going on? Was it a holiday meeting? How long are they together/together?

I'd like to know how long she spent with him 'physically' and how long engaged? She is obviously young and inexperienced... or maybe a troll?

Yes I'm young..what's the troll business????? No not a holiday meeting. We'd met a few years earlier but thought nothing of it then, then met again but briefly and it wasn't until last year when he came over here to work that we got it together if you see what i mean. Been engaged for 3 months.

Ok you're probably all thinking it was all too quick but this tiem it seems different somehow. The feelings tell me that i'm right, it's as if i know this is right but the whole thing is that with the career thing i mentioned without going into detail about my life is that i'm about to embark on this great amazing career of a lifetime.

If you are in a good job and get well paid, you can save up every penny you can for a year or two, and then move See if i was with him it wouldn't mean i'd have no money etc i'd be able to get a job over there plus he has one there too and an appartment as well. It's just the fact that i'd give up my career chances over here. It's really complicated.

Anything else you want to know?? That's the best i can do so either ways i'm screwed!!!!! All your comments have been great tho.

Edited January 18, 2005 by jkwn

[Boo]

Sorry but this still doesn't really tell us anything.

Why can't he apply for a residency visa if you get married?

What is stopping him from living & working in the UK this way?

How has he managed to work & live in the UK this time when you met?

What kind of work do you think you will get in Thailand? English teaching? Do you have a degree, tefl, teaching experience? If not, good luck competing with the hundreds of other qualified, experienced people looking for work in the LOS.

Personally I don't see anything too complicated but then I can't read between the lines. What are the actual problems preventing you both from staying together in the UK as it seems to me that you are making too much stress out of a situation that can be easily resolved by applying for the right visas. Sorry if that sounds harsh but you wanted advice but don't give much information in return.

[sbk]

Well, I guess the naysayers don't want to hear from me. I ditched my life in the States to marry a lovely Thai man when I was 23 (no career yet but I did have an education!). We did live in the US a bit after we got married but both preferred living here. We were starting a life out together, I didn't have alot to lose (no real job or anything, I had graduated from college and then left the country) so it wasn't too hard of a choice to make. Last august we celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary and I still love, admire and respect him as much as I did all those years ago. I do not regret my choices in life.

As for that question about how many people do you know who have been married a long time, mmm... besides myself, my parents have been married 36 years (dad and step-mom -second marriage for both) and they still have a close loving relationship. My sister has been married for 23 years. My great aunt and uncle were married 60 years before he died of cancer. My in laws have been married for over 40 years. My dad's best friend has been married for 20 years. So, not many I guess then

It isn't necessary to ditch your career for your man, it is possible to have both. Find a way to get him to your country, if it really is love (and yes, it does exist!) then things will work out, you just have to find a way.

[Boo]

I agree with you on this SBK, you can have both, but the OP seems to me to really not want to go down the same path as you (living in LOS, giving it all up for her man ) as she has expressed concern about her great career going down the pan & rightly so, but I then don't see whats so hard about getting her guy over to the UK & working it out from there!

[jkwn]

sbk i agree with you there. The main thing is he can't apply for residency visa over here because i can't support him you know you have to have a house etc. I'd rather go live over there anyway because i'm half thai myself but have british citizenship.

I would ditch it all for him because to me career isn't everything. He can support me as well and i can get a job etc. It's the fact to do with the parents. The fact that he is older than me and the fact that my parents want other things for me and that doesn't inlcude him. But i know what i want and that's him. I suppose you're thinking if you know what you want why am i posting this thread, well just need some backup here or i don't know....

[Boo]

jkwn, I think you have some misinformation, if he is on residency visa then you don't have to support him as he is entitled to work & can support himself, all you need to provide him with is a place to stay, either your parents place if there is enough room or a small flat, rented is fine. Proof of enough savings or salary to pay the bills on that place & proof of your relationship. It's not as complicated as you think & if you wanted to try to gain some experience for a few years you could do so with him working in the UK as well & then return to Thailand with savings & the experience to get a better job in LOS.

[Wei]

hi jkwn, life can be complicated at times, but i think asking for advice sometimes further complicates it. why don't u just sit down, chill n relax, and write down the pros and cons and weigh them accordingly. ask ur self what is more important? if both are equally important, then jsut do whatver u can to get both. there are always ways of getting where we want to be. instead of asking which one should i take, why not asking, how can i have both?