ajarnmark Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 To the OP…….Here is my thoughtJust because she doesn’t go along with your western values and loosely lifestyle, it doesn’t mean she is not an independent woman. Do you think that……by not staying out late, for the good of her own safety……is bad? Do you think that……not wanting to run around with a guy to koh Smui or who knows whereelse just the to 2 of you, to protect your own virtue ……..is bad? Do you think that……not listening to your own mother, when she has your best interests at heart,… is bad? Do you think if she got pregnant by you, who will end up taking her in and caring for the baby? And how can she’s not respecting her own parents when they had spent “almost lifetime of saving” (in many cases), for her education? You need to grow up and learn to respect others culture of protecting their own virtue and not giving in to the western culture thingy, if it means to have negative consequence from the fallouts. Give me a break….it’s you who have a problem of growing up.........you are mixing up the word "independent" with "maturity/inmaturity in the mind" If you want a mere loose woman, you should move along now This is the most sensible reply I have ever seen on TV. I completely agree with what you say. I just wonder why some people forget that they live in Thailand and not anymore in the west. I am not western and I have GF, who is Thai/Chinese (this would probably initiate some desire to flame from some old retard) and she has to go back home at 6pm, no matter what. So you can imagine, she never had enough time to spend with me. Even when she is with me, her mother calls and sometimes asks her to go back home immediately. Is it bad? I dont think so. We live in Thailand and we should respect their values. Sometimes I think what if I am Thai and I am dating a western woman in a western country, how would I behave? Like a Thai or like a western? How would people look at me in the west if I behave like an Asian? OP, now you know the answer? Goodluck dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longbow212 Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 Thank you for sharing your experiences. As for the inflammatory comments regarding me being immature and disrespectful to Thai culture... I disagree. I am only trying to understand her culture in comparison to my own hence asking on this forum...how is that immature or disrespectful?? Maybe I am percieving things from a western perspective slightly but only because that is where I am from, it does not mean I am not open to accepting her culture...I am merely questioning it in a rational manner. Fundamentally we are both adults capable of living our own lives and I am trying to comprehend how or when she or other Thai women are able to make their own decisions in life. I gather from the posts that this is not so uncommon for the good girls of Thailand. I am relieved to hear that its not just me that has to persevere with these issues if you want a girl from a good background and not just someone looking for a meal ticket. Even with these disadvantages she is still someone well worth the effort in my opinion. Thanks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rtwo Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Your GF, is she a Thai/Chinese lady?Hmmm...nothing surprised me... Sis, Being a Thai/Chinese or even a decimal of it.........has nothing to do with what we are discussing here. It's all about having common senses and wanting to protect her own safety and virtue. protect her virtue? he is already banging her and his post intimates he is not the first. May be she had learn her lesson from before...... and now she/or her mother is trying to stop it from declining? Well in my circle .....no one can stay out later than 9 pm, it used to be 8 pm when we were still in university, and 6pm below highschool ....unless you're now married then all the rules are lifted, cos now is your husband problem. I've never heard such sanctimonious male chauvinistic babble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacup Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 (edited) I've never heard such sanctimonious male chauvinistic babble. Read it again I said........"in my circle", and whether you believe it or not, UP TO U.......or rather may be you should try to expand you own circle of dot sometimes. and for your info.......I'm a thai female Edited March 12, 2009 by teacup Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texpat Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Twenty-eight is dam_n near a spinster in Thailand. I'd give that one a pass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adjan jb Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I've never heard such sanctimonious male chauvinistic babble. Read it again I said........"in my circle", and whether you believe it or not, UP TO U.......or rather may be you should try to expand you own circle of dot sometimes. and for your info.......I'm a thai female Teacup is no mug Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacup Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Twenty-eight is dam_n near a spinster in Thailand.I'd give that one a pass. So you would rather have a 21 yrs old with a mind of a 12, and along with her roomfull of hellokitty thingy Well best of luck to U then!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colibra Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Get some balls. On two occasions me and mama have had clashes. So far I'm 2w and 0 loses. I was totally prepared to walk away from the relationship at the time, and let them both know it. So I'm not sure whether they put their heads together and decided it was not worth losing the cash cow or my wife choose between me and mom. I would hope the later is true. I don't really care about the Thai culture angle because it changes from family to family. Is there one Thai standard I don't think so. All things are negotiable. So get some balls. Waitng for the flames from the wanna be Thai crowd. Don't even go there with the high Thai moral system. Its just not true. I have had mothers basically tell me if I pay them I can have their daughter, (not working girls) so selling your daughter and her willingness to do that is a common thing in Thailand call it what you want sin-sod it still amounts to the same thing. Thai moral what a load of crap. What is the infidelity rate among Thai men 70% plus. What a joke. Get real Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacup Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I've never heard such sanctimonious male chauvinistic babble. Read it again I said........"in my circle", and whether you believe it or not, UP TO U.......or rather may be you should try to expand you own circle of dot sometimes. and for your info.......I'm a thai female Teacup is no mug Bonjour JB..........So now you know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adjan jb Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 (edited) I've never heard such sanctimonious male chauvinistic babble. Read it again I said........"in my circle", and whether you believe it or not, UP TO U.......or rather may be you should try to expand you own circle of dot sometimes. and for your info.......I'm a thai female Teacup is no mug Bonjour JB..........So now you know I already knew . Edited March 12, 2009 by adjan jb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabum Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Twenty-eight is dam_n near a spinster in Thailand.I'd give that one a pass. So you would rather have a 21 yrs old with a mind of a 12, and along with her roomfull of hellokitty thingy Well best of luck to U then!!! oh god YES! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdman Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 We live in Thailand and we should respect their values. Sometimes I think what if I am Thai and I am dating a western woman in a western country, how would I behave? Like a Thai or like a western? How would people look at me in the west if I behave like an Asian? Go to Germany and you will have a shock. Hundred thousands of Southeasterners live over there exclusively under their own foreign orthodox rules without respecting the local way of life at all. They do not care at all about Western values. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henryalleman Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Hi, I would greatly appreciate your opinions and experience in resolving some issues I have with my girlfriend. I am the same age (28) as my girlfriend. She is from a good family and has a good education, good job, own car etc. Only problem is she has to be seen to be fulfilling her parents (esp. mothers) expectations. These include not staying over at my place or going away for the weekend with me, not seeing me too often and not coming back too late at night when she does see me (on valentines day she had a phone call at 12:30 am asking her to come home). She has had other boyfriends in the past and her mother still believes she has never had sex. Her mother is very kind to me despite her being so conservative. What frustrates me the most about all this is that my girlfriend will not even respectfully stand up to her mum and request that she accepts she is a 29yr old woman and has her own life. My girlfriend tells me all these expectations but disappear if we get married one day but i cannot see that. All i want to do is be able to get out of bangkok to koh samed or somewhere for the weekend as any 28yr old man should be able to if and when i want, but instead my free time with my girlfriend is controled by her mothers expectations. She can lie about going away with female friends but i cant be arsed sneaking round like this at my age. Has anyone had similar experiences with relationships with thai girls? I am starting to wonder if i can carry on dealing with living like this. Thanks for your input. NEVER. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lozfranco Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Hi, I would greatly appreciate your opinions and experience in resolving some issues I have with my girlfriend. These include not staying over at my place or going away for the weekend with me (Because she's staying with her Thai boy friend) On valentines day she had a phone call at 12:30 (Her boyfriend again) She has had other boyfriends in the past (and still has) and her mother still believes she has never had sex. Her mother is very kind to me (feels sorry for you as she knows what her daughter is up to) She can lie about going away with female (read male) friends but i cant be arsed sneaking round like this at my age. Grow up mate, she's obviously cheating on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkady Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 At What Age Are Thai Girls Considered Adults And Independent? 15 to get an ID card and be called nangsao instead of dekying. 15 to have sex free of charge. 17 to get married, unless court gives permission to marry younger. 18 to have sex for money. 18 to work in a bar. 18 to drink and buy alcohol and tobacco. 18 to vote. 18 to executed. 20 to be a customer in a pub or disco. 25 to stand for parliament. 45 to be Constitutional Court judge. At 28 about the only thing she can't legally do is sit on the Constitutional Court bench. I had problems with mine over exactly the same issues in the early days of our relationship. With gentle but increasing pressure over a few weeks I managed to snap the umbilical cord and dragged the gf on a couple w/e trips. After that MIL knew there could be no further silly pretence that her daughter was still a virgin, so she gave up being a pain and now eats out my hand. Can't guarantee this will work for everyone but I would not put up with an overbearing MIL or your life will not be worth living. No question that your wife would side with her and go against you, if she remains under her mother's spell. If her family is insufferable now, they will only get worse, if you marry her. Better to get a life and look for another one. There are plenty of fish in the ocean and you won't want to be married to a 45 year old when you are 45 anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villagefarang Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Thai Girls might one day reach adulthood but many will never find independence. Just not the way some Thai families work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waikhru Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 they will stop listening to there mothers when she dies. they also listen to elder siblings however. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Well I dont think it will change anytime soon mate!! You are lower on the hierarchy than the family, so either put up with it or find a new gf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TexasRanger Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 My Ex Mrs was like that (hence the "Ex" part) and I know some Thai girls that grew up overseas who are just as tied to the apron strings. My present Mrs is completely different and a breath of fresh air, her family are open and respect the kids freedom and have done so with all their children. Can you deal with it? Up to you, do you want to be happy? I wasn't, I moved on, now I am. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbowman1993 Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Hi, I would greatly appreciate your opinions and experience in resolving some issues I have with my girlfriend. I am the same age (28) as my girlfriend. She is from a good family and has a good education, good job, own car etc. Only problem is she has to be seen to be fulfilling her parents (esp. mothers) expectations. These include not staying over at my place or going away for the weekend with me, not seeing me too often and not coming back too late at night when she does see me (on valentines day she had a phone call at 12:30 am asking her to come home). She has had other boyfriends in the past and her mother still believes she has never had sex. Her mother is very kind to me despite her being so conservative. What frustrates me the most about all this is that my girlfriend will not even respectfully stand up to her mum and request that she accepts she is a 29yr old woman and has her own life. My girlfriend tells me all these expectations but disappear if we get married one day but i cannot see that. All i want to do is be able to get out of bangkok to koh samed or somewhere for the weekend as any 28yr old man should be able to if and when i want, but instead my free time with my girlfriend is controled by her mothers expectations. She can lie about going away with female friends but i cant be arsed sneaking round like this at my age. Has anyone had similar experiences with relationships with thai girls? I am starting to wonder if i can carry on dealing with living like this. Thanks for your input. Some never become adults...take a majority of the TV posters Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yaaklenmai Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Hi, I would greatly appreciate your opinions and experience in resolving some issues I have with my girlfriend. I am the same age (28) as my girlfriend. She is from a good family and has a good education, good job, own car etc. Only problem is she has to be seen to be fulfilling her parents (esp. mothers) expectations. These include not staying over at my place or going away for the weekend with me, not seeing me too often and not coming back too late at night when she does see me (on valentines day she had a phone call at 12:30 am asking her to come home). She has had other boyfriends in the past and her mother still believes she has never had sex. Her mother is very kind to me despite her being so conservative. What frustrates me the most about all this is that my girlfriend will not even respectfully stand up to her mum and request that she accepts she is a 29yr old woman and has her own life. My girlfriend tells me all these expectations but disappear if we get married one day but i cannot see that. All i want to do is be able to get out of bangkok to koh samed or somewhere for the weekend as any 28yr old man should be able to if and when i want, but instead my free time with my girlfriend is controled by her mothers expectations. She can lie about going away with female friends but i cant be arsed sneaking round like this at my age. Has anyone had similar experiences with relationships with thai girls? I am starting to wonder if i can carry on dealing with living like this. Thanks for your input. An opposite viewpoint. I met my TGF, on line, when I was living in the U.K. She has a good education (Degree), and has only had one job since leaving University (with a bank). All of the dates check out, so she has had no opportunity to "stray". She was not a virgin (No children) BUT I would not change her for the world! Never has she asked me for cash and her family have accepted me, totally, - I can stay with her, if I wish, (my concerns about "reputation" seem to far outweigh hers). She is of Chinese/Vietnamese descent (mixed with some Thai) and her family have a thriving business. Only time will tell BUT, after two & a half years, I am a happy bunny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
venturalaw Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Some become independent around the age of 80... Operative word - "Some". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
venturalaw Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 My gf tell her mother that she just work as a waitress in Nana, and never sell her body. She believe her. Dude, give it up. There are 100s beautiful girls that would luv to go with you. if mother does this now wait till you get married. Your life will be over and you will be owned by the family Actually it's not the mother doing it - it's the daughter allowing it. In some ways it's nice - you know daughter has been brought up with respect and all of that can pay off as far as longevity in a marital relationship. On the other hand, if daughter is the type who will always want mom to be her rudder throughout the rest of mom's life, you will not be able to build and enjoy a marriage (if that is your goal) similar to what westerners are accustom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junglejumbo Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 (edited) It's fairly common and is equally so for Thai bf and gf. The lying is kind of accepted and I know my Thai friends gf does it from time to time to get away on a holiday. Often parents working for the government or state agencies are worse. My friends gf is 28 but as one poster also mentioned, in this girls case her family spent about 2m baht on her overseas education which provides her the chance of rising in social circles. Thai girls aren't supposed to lose their virginity easily. In the old days (and also sometimes today amongst the elite) the man's family would have to give a sum of money to the girl's family and in return the girl is supposed to be a virgin. Many Chinese-Thai guys traditionally wouldn't marry a girl who wasn't a virgin. Even in my friends case, he's receiving so much stick from his parents because this girl had one relationship before him and isn't a virgin. My friends gf's father stays up every night until she returns. Depends on how many sisters in the family also. Big families care a lot less. I don't know how they can really check if the girl is still a virgin or not. It takes just a few minutes for a <deleted> not the whole dam night.. Edited March 28, 2009 by Junglejumbo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mahtin Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 One of the early and influential anthropological conceptions of culture: "that complex whole which includes knowledge, belief, art, morals, law, custom, and any other capabilities and habits acquired by man as a member of society." E. B. Tylor ( 2 October 1832 – 2 January 1917) Get your intellectual stimulation here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthropology#cite_note-19 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astral Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 I am sure that the legal answer is at 20, when they start their 21st year. Mother's apron strings are quite another matter and not necessarily Thai related. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TonySoprano Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 maybe all these girls are just using this excuse as a means to get to spend time with another guy behind your back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runner Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Why would she stay with you if she had her own job? Must not get many lays do we? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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