Does Anyone Have A Thai Male Friend?

[kurnell]

I've lived and worked in Thailand for 14 years, am married to a Thai, have 2 kids meet many Thai males through work and socially but have never had a friendship with a Thai male. I have or have had friends from Australia, England, France, New Zealand, USA, Sweden, India, Germany, Philippines, Singapore, Canada, West Indies, Chile, Italy, Greece, China, Equador, Poland, Fiji, Japan, Norway, Russia, Serbia, South Africa, Ireland, Wales, Scotland, Zimbabwe etc and probably more. In addition I don't think that any of my expat friends have Thai male friends either. The closest I have to a Thai friend is a half English bloke, who is very Thai but we haven't so much as had a beer in 10 years. If I meet Thai blokes I find that I don't have anything in common at all.

I bought a house in a mooban that is 97% Thai and while I have friendships with the Thai women, I do not get along with the males at all. In fact, when I go for a walk I get smiles etc. from the women and hostile suspicious stares from the men. I don't have parties, play loud music, my place is tidy and I am respectful to neighbors.

In conclusion, I can only assume that I am committing some major cultural no-no or that Thai men are almost an entirely different species to every other race on earth.

I am sure that some of the TV members have Thai male friends, but I bet that most don't.

[sbk]

I don't know about members here, but my husband is Thai and his closest friend is an English man. I suspect its because he is married to me, he can relate to foreigners better than most Thais.

But let me ask you this question, do you go out of your way to try and make friendships with total strangers with whom you have nothing in common? Why would a Thai be any different?

Also, just curious, have you ever made an effort to be friendly to the neighborhood men? Why do you assume the looks are hostile? Could be, they are just watching you walk your dog and thinking of something entirely different than you. It seems to me that so many foreigners in Thailand come here with some kind of notion that either everyone is their friend or everyone is out to get them when the fact is that most Thai people are living their lives and minding their own business and pay you no mind.

It was interesting to me once I learned to understand the conversations around me how very very few of them had anything to do with me and how generally unimportant I was in the general scheme of people's lives.

[Neeranam]

Yes, I have many close Thai male friends

[pnustedt]

I have a number of Thai male friends, a couple who just drink with me and some who work with me on the farm. A western friend of mine goes fishing a lot and he is accompanied almost entirely by Thai men.

I also live in a mooban and am quite friendly with the neighbours - sometimes sharing a beer with them and get together for parties (new year etc).

[Jungian]

The majority of my friends (male) are Thai and Chinese, I have one 80 year old friend (twice my age) from Germany that comes to my place of employment just to chat but we do not really socialize outside.

[kurnell]

I don't know about members here, but my husband is Thai and his closest friend is an English man. I suspect its because he is married to me, he can relate to foreigners better than most Thais.

But let me ask you this question, do you go out of your way to try and make friendships with total strangers with whom you have nothing in common? Why would a Thai be any different?

That's a curious question as everyone. Everyone goes out of their way to make friends. It's called socialising.

Also, just curious, have you ever made an effort to be friendly to the neighborhood men? Why do you assume the looks are hostile? Could be, they are just watching you walk your dog and thinking of something entirely different than you. It seems to me that so many foreigners in Thailand come here with some kind of notion that either everyone is their friend or everyone is out to get them when the fact is that most Thai people are living their lives and minding their own business and pay you no mind.

Definately. I delivered gifts when we moved in, tried to discuss cable TV, building projects, our kids etc. Again, no problem talking to the female neighbors.

A hostile stare is pretty evident when I am walking with my daughter and the neighboring female is smiling at my child and the male is staring like we are from another planet. Maybe he had a hangover?

Again, read my thread, I din't just arrive here.

It was interesting to me once I learned to understand the conversations around me how very very few of them had anything to do with me and how generally unimportant I was in the general scheme of people's lives.

[GuestHouse]

My two closest friends in Thailand are Thai while I would only count one of the foreigners I know in Thailand a real friend.

Acquaintances and colleagues not necessarily being friends – often quite the contrary.

[joskydive]

Nearly all my friends are Thai. Both male and female. Married and unmarried. I play with their kids and show them how to make new cartoons, games, etc., go to the markets with them and can't pass them in the street without them offering me either food or drink, whichever they are indulging in at the time. They have accepted me the same as I have accepted them in the community.

The only hostility I have ever recieved is from Foreign Men but that is maybe because I live in Pattaya and we all know what they are there for anyway and even then, the Thai's will come and protect me or take me away from the hostility in question.

[dave_boo]

I haven't been on the receiving end of any hostile stares, and in fact usually have to make up some excuse as to why I can't join them. If I didn't I think I'd be perpetually drunk. I've a fairly close friend just down the dirt track who's over all the time and spoke just a splash of English when we first met, but has picked up quite a bit since then. Perhaps he's just using me to learn English? One of the biggest problems I have is going to the Amphur. Seems like 1/4 of the guys in there speak at least a little English and want to use it on me, in fact I get more attention from the men than I do the ladies, at least at that one spot!

However, I live out in Nakhon Nowhere (when in Thailand) and always make sure I'm dressed, while not excessively so, nicely. I attend Wat when required and make sure I don't run over anybody's chickens. Every chance I get I use my meager Thai, and have busted out my projector on occasion to have a big screen Muay Thai/Movie night.

Perhaps it's the novelty of having their own farang in the mooban and the fact that I look quite a bit like an albino Winnie the Pooh that has won them over....

[krading]

I thought I had one in my (sort of ) brother in law until he asked me to finance an illegal casino he wanted to set up in the next village. He'd ran one before I came on the scene but went bust taking bets on football. I have lent (read: given) him smaller amounts before which I never expected to see again and to date have not been disappointed. This time I had to refuse his request blaming Wall St, exchange rate, living on super, famine, flood etc etc all of which went in one ear and out the other. Then they started working on my GF behind my back but she actually stood up for me against the family pressure. Upshot is neither him or GF's older sister talk to me anymore. As the saying goes ' a friend in need is a pest' As for the rest of the village, when I go for a walk I always get someone calling out ไปไหน and the local girls (and boys) are always asking me to translate and send their 'sick buffalo' emails. Hmm. Could be a "business" opportunity here.

[robblok]

I got a Thai friend i go fishing with him i even went to the gym with him. I alternate between my Thai friend and his friends and my western friends when i go fishing. They just don't mix well it is the language barrier.

I don't say that i speak good Thai but when im alone with them i converse more with them then when im in a mixed group. Its a pitty because it would be fun to fish with all of them.

When im fishing and alone i also speak (or try to) speak with other Thai males most of them are real friendly i don't see them as different from the girls.

[sbk]

Definately. I delivered gifts when we moved in, tried to discuss cable TV, building projects, our kids etc. Again, no problem talking to the female neighbors.

A hostile stare is pretty evident when I am walking with my daughter and the neighboring female is smiling at my child and the male is staring like we are from another planet. Maybe he had a hangover?

Again, read my thread, I din't just arrive here.

It was interesting to me once I learned to understand the conversations around me how very very few of them had anything to do with me and how generally unimportant I was in the general scheme of people's lives.

Yes, I did read yours perhaps you should re-read mine. As I said, could be he was just watching you and thinking of something else, or nothing at all. A lack of a smile doesn't indicate hostility in my book.

[G54]

A couple of Thai male friends and quite a few more who greet me in a very friendly way and are usually happy to see me and tend to drag me over to their tables if I see them in a pub / club / restaurant. Usually starts off with where you from and they take it from there in the initial stage. The men can be a lot of fun when out for a night and often have a warped sense of humour.

[soundman]

Really depends on how you define friend.

I can count my "real" friends on one hand, none Thai.

Casual friendships, drinking buddies, dudes that hang out, business associates - quite a few Thai males.

Come to think of it, I don't know many Thai blokes who have more than a handful of "real" friends outside their family networks.

[Heng]

Yeah, friend is a pretty strong word (for me anyway). I'd count maybe 5-6 total over the course of a lifetime. Dozens of "close" aquaintences of all nationalities. Hundreds of plain jane acquaintences of all nationalites.

Family trumps just about any friendship though.

[Neeranam]

Family trumps just about any friendship though.

Not if you have them staying with you for three weeks.

[eek]

The person I am closest to in Thailand and who i consider my best friend, is a Thai male. Then again, he is my bf too. Also, he has many western friends that he knew well before I met him. One in particular who he is very close to. Best buddies. Uncommon or not, i have no idea. But certainly does happen.

[keestha]

My impression is that the concept of "friendship" as it is in the West, doesn't exist in Thai culture. People seem to be very close with neighbours and colleagues, but out of sight out of mind. Often the person moving or quitting won't even bother to say goodbyes.

There seems to be hardly any such thing as long time friends staying in touch no matter where they move. I know that higher class Thais often stay in touch after graduating from university, but this is mainly because networking is good for the career or the business.

I get along very well with male relatives of my wife, but this I wouldn't call friendship, it's just that fate brought us together.

Also my relationships with Thai men I am doing business with are cordial enough, chatting together about the tourist business, but also this wouldn't qualify as "frienship" in the Western sense of the word.

Often Thai staff was amazed seeing me talking for hours with some farang friend visiting my place. Two Thai "friends" meeting would just finish a small bottle of whisky, and than go looking for ladies.

Oh well, probably lots of people will chip in who have loads of real Thai friends. They might even point out that after having lived here for 18 years, apparently my level of understanding Thai culture is still zero, and my integration level likewise zilch.

[WaiWai]

They might even point out that after having lived here for 18 years, apparently my level of understanding Thai culture is still zero, and my integration level likewise zilch.

Not at all -- yours was a generally very accurate picture, in my view.

The lines between the inner and outer circles are firmly drawn in many Asian (& other societies).

There will be allegiance to classmates from school/university/military training, as you noted, plus possibly people from the same village and other such groups. It is not quite the same relationship as "friendship" , though.

The bonds to family, of course, mostly override all others.

P.S. Foreigners, on the whole, are just in an entirely different category. Relationships with us can exist outside the rules, so to speak, which is why the staff at the Amphur may behave in ways they would not do with Thais, for instance, as well as being why we may have experiences of exclusion, at the other extreme.

Edited March 15, 2009 by WaiWai

[noahvail]

A comment on women smiling and men throwing eye-daggers at farange men. After I was here a few months, I made the same observation to my wife. She said that Thai women usually prefer farange men because they usually are polite, have a sense of humour, and are willing to spend time with them. The men throw the daggers because you're a threat - they know the women prefer farange...

Right next to us are a group of 'cronies' - sit around at night together, drink together, talk together, laugh together. At Christmas I bought the top guy a bottle of pretty expensive single malt; he was quite taken back. The next day he came up to me and my wife, gave me three Buddhist amulets out of his own collection, and invited me for a drink. Got introduced to everybody. My Thai is pretty atrocious still, but some of them have a little English and everything gets translated. Now these same guys who used to throw daggers are over at my house for tea, English lessons, and the odd drink or three. Making a good overture seems to have worked.

[Texpat]

I agree with the OP.

Thai males I've met are outwardly unfriendly and I have none as friends.

[Moonrakers]

I have a very close male Thai friend whom has helped me out in ways that I shall not repeat here. I even have a personal loan from him of 200k baht and he has been very reasonable over the fact that re-payment is way over due (I just don't have the money).

Unfortunately I don't get to see him often as he lives in Pattaya, but anytime I need help with something he does so without question. A true gent and friend and my wife and I are very lucky to have met him.

[BFD]

I have pretty much the same experience as the OP regarding Thai males. I was actually talking about this with my (Thai) girlfriend the other day, and she admonished me for even considering befriending a Thai man. "Thai men are very bad men," said she, "If you make your silly jokes around them, they will cut you." I don't really know what silly jokes she's talking about, but I sure don't want to get cut.

Now, I can't believe her characterization as accurate, but she certainly felt it to be so. I guess I have to either believe her or assume that I have such an unpleasant countenance that Thai males immediately discount me as a potential friend. Tough choice.

[patklang]

Nearly all my friends are Thai. Both male and female. Married and unmarried. I play with their kids and show them how to make new cartoons, games, etc., go to the markets with them and can't pass them in the street without them offering me either food or drink, whichever they are indulging in at the time. They have accepted me the same as I have accepted them in the community.

The only hostility I have ever recieved is from Foreign Men but that is maybe because I live in Pattaya and we all know what they are there for anyway and even then, the Thai's will come and protect me or take me away from the hostility in question.

wow thats some heavy reading.where do you hang out that you have to be rescued from hostilaty from FOREIGN men,THE OK CORRAL,DODGE CITY.

Are these hostile foreign men english,arabs,indians,pakistanis,israelis????

we all know whta they are there for???

yes,to get thai ladies not european.

[sbk]

Well, I was going to compose a long reply about how I wasn't attacking anyone personally or how Thai men are generally not jealous of you stealing their women and that they probably are not staring daggers at you but rather thinking about how they need to change their engine oil but then thought better of it. I mean, what would be the point? You already have it well cemented in your mind so, think whatever you wish.

On to the friendship among Thais. I asked my husband about this once because he really only has one close Thai friend (not a relative) and they have been friends since childhood. He said that is pretty normal, most Thai people cement the bonds of very close friendships at a young age. He said that it is difficult to create real friendships with adults because most people are the same and they are uninterested in creating new friendships with total strangers. For him the trust factor is a big issue, it is difficult to trust someone you have just met and do not know their history.

So, while passing friendly acquaintances is quite normal, true friendship is difficult and I think the main reason my husband was open to friendships with foreigners (as I said, one of his closest friends is English) is because 1. he has known this man a long time and he has proven he can be trusted and 2. he is more aware of cultural behavior and more open to accepting differences due to his marriage to me.

[patklang]

To reply to the thread now.

I have 4 fairly good thai friends but i dont drink with them because they are all butterflys and i will not be led astray,and one is a cop

[sbk]

I have pretty much the same experience as the OP regarding Thai males. I was actually talking about this with my (Thai) girlfriend the other day, and she admonished me for even considering befriending a Thai man. "Thai men are very bad men," said she, "If you make your silly jokes around them, they will cut you." I don't really know what silly jokes she's talking about, but I sure don't want to get cut.

Now, I can't believe her characterization as accurate, but she certainly felt it to be so. I guess I have to either believe her or assume that I have such an unpleasant countenance that Thai males immediately discount me as a potential friend. Tough choice.

Yes, this is very common from women married to foreign men. I am not sure if its because they had bad experiences and therefore assume all Thai men are bad or if they are merely telling you this to feed your ego. But the fact is, I know many many Thai women with Thai husbands and they do not think all Thai men are bad. They think bad men are bad men.

[BigSnake]

Yes I have many Thai Male friends, for me at first it was the language but as my time roll along I met manyThai men that spoke English, we have became good friends, three are bankers, one Insurance Agent, two doctors, four teachers, one lawyer, two food/fruit vendors, a Tailor, two nurses and even a policemen, two Pharmacist(brothers). Just last evening the wife and I were out to dinner and my friend the lawyer stop for a moment on his way out to say hi to us.

[teacup]

A comment on women smiling and men throwing eye-daggers at farange men. After I was here a few months, I made the same observation to my wife. She said that Thai women usually prefer farange men because they usually are polite, have a sense of humour, and are willing to spend time with them. The men throw the daggers because you're a threat - they know the women prefer farange...

Hate to pop your bubble here..........Your wife was problably speaking for herself and her circle of friends

My experiences and my circle of thai female friends told me the opposite,

and that there is little to be desired in farang men, based on the existing farangpool in thailand---for a lifetime partner that is

Edited March 15, 2009 by teacup

[ajarnmark]

Definately. I delivered gifts when we moved in, tried to discuss cable TV, building projects, our kids etc. Again, no problem talking to the female neighbors.

A hostile stare is pretty evident when I am walking with my daughter and the neighboring female is smiling at my child and the male is staring like we are from another planet. Maybe he had a hangover?

Again, read my thread, I din't just arrive here.

It was interesting to me once I learned to understand the conversations around me how very very few of them had anything to do with me and how generally unimportant I was in the general scheme of people's lives.

Why do you think that you should be important to them? Is this color or being foreigner, you will be placed above their own race?

As far as staring farangs with any young girl (or boy) makes pretty much sense to some of them and even to some of the foreigners (not just farangs) as well. If you dont know what I mean goto any tourist area and you can see an 80 years old farang guy with a 20 years old thai girl (well age difference may be that much in reality) being so romantically involved. (no offence inteded)

What if a Thai (or any other nationality) person moves to your home country and having a very basic language compatibility with you, will you ever hang around with such guy? I dont think so.

I just dont understand why do we think that we are the center of the universe? (including myself)