Breaking Up...

[Yimmy]

Well, sometimes people just aren't suited to spend the rest of their lives together no matter how much they try... and we've tried. Over 2 years now (the longest either of us have been with someone... I'm 29, she's 26.)... To cut a long story short, I'm a good enough guy, She's a good enough girl... but just the last few months I've seen resentfullness creap into her... I'm not rich, have no assets, she's only ever asked for me to help send some baht home after a year or so together... she works in a Salon earning 8K baht a month, I earn around 40K+ so I started sending 3,500K a month to her family as they are helping to raise a young child and also have pretty much FA.

Anyway, recently some cousins of hers have snagged farangs who've bought them 2 houses, a village supermarket and a Hilux in one case... another a 500K sinsod after knowing eachother a month... She's (and I via a loan) helped her father buy a plough and she's broke for the next year because of it. And whenever the cousins are brought up I see resentfulness because I can't do what they're doing... and it's gotten to the point that it's time for a chat of, she has to look inside herself and decide if I, as I am, with what I have, am the person she wants to be with, and can be content with that...

Other reasons too, but we might split up and being alone after living in eachothers pockets for 2 years would devestate me, and probably bring on a severe bout of depression, which I'm fearful of happening... but it might be for the best.

Has anybody here gone through such a period in their life and have any advice of how to beat the hurt, lonliness and depression of suddenly being alone after breaking from a person whom you truly love??

[runner]

40k a month is pretty lame. Even a Thai food stall vendor can make almost as much. I figure 100k a month should qualify you for 95% of the women here in Thailand. Try to earn some more. At least 70k.

[girlx]

she has to look inside herself and decide if I, as I am, with what I have, am the person she wants to be with, and can be content with that...

heh? what about you? why would you want to be with someone who is judging your relationship based so much on your financial worth? sounds like you have given as much as you could so far.

thailand is an easy place to break up with someone, because there are plenty more fish in this sea. and some of them don't care about your money! as for the hurt, it only takes time to get over, but get over it you will, and you will look back and think "<deleted> was i thinking?". take care of yourself, you will feel better soon. does sound like getting away from the situation would be good for you. and i agree that you should look for a better job too.

[Moonrakers]

40k a month is pretty lame. Even a Thai food stall vendor can make almost as much. I figure 100k a month should qualify you for 95% of the women here in Thailand. Try to earn some more. At least 70k.

Ignorance really is quite blissful for some, isn't it?

Edited March 24, 2009 by Moonrakers

[Yimmy]

I figure 100k a month should qualify you for 95% of the women here in Thailand. Try to earn some more.

Sorry, I don't enter relationships that are based on money.

Edited March 24, 2009 by Yimmy

[richard_smith237]

There is no right way to deal with this. If as you say you love her truly then breaking up is one thing you might always regret doing, but you might regret staying with her even more…

It sounds like you are making the right choice and that you have the nous to avoid becoming one of those statistics. Her cousins are taking some guys to the cleaners and the $ signs are shining brightly in her eyes. Her financial horizons may have changed while yours are firmly routed to terra-firma

Only you know how you can get through the depression of a break up. I’ve heard people comment that a broken heart lasts a couple of yards in Thailand, but it’s not true. The hurt and doubt can last a long time.

Best advice I have heard of, is change your numbers, move to a different apartment and do not be tempted in times of weakness (especially after a night out on the sauce !) – With time and good judgement you will meet someone who is interested in you and not your wallet.

[JimmyConway]

Has anybody here gone through such a period in their life and have any advice of how to beat the hurt, lonliness and depression of suddenly being alone after breaking from a person whom you truly love??

They probably wont admit it but most of the men here have probably been through it, be it here of wherever county they've come from.

My advice is to park her up and move on. Once the green eyed monster sets in there's no turning back. She will become more and more resentful of your relationship. It reads to me like you have no self worth, some girls are good at doing that to you don't let them! Your better then that, and remember that!

Money can buy you alot of things but it don't buy you happiness that's for sure. Ive met some really well off fellas here that splash money about on women like there's no tomorrow. Its all a front covering something else from inside, maybe lack of being able to have women in there lives with out spending big money, insecure, just plain idiots in my opinion. None of them are happy, going from one girl to the next once they realize their being fleeced, its ridiculous. I wouldn't do it in my own country I wont be doing it here.

Im a great believer of 'if you do something to help me i will help you' If im in a relationship here with ANY woman and she helps me i will help her, simple. If shes only on the take take take, there's the door, bye! Or judges me from what I give compared to what her mates get. I really don't give a toss what they got, it sometimes sickens me to the stomach seeing the blatant greed and disregard of peoples feelings when all they are doing is rinsing them dry of whatever they can get. That's not love, is it <deleted>#k!

You seem like a nice fella but i don't see why you should of been sending 3,500K a month to her family. OK they're poor that's not your problem is it? Why o why do people here assume we should send money back to the family? If however there is an emergency I will help out but not to be expected to pay a salary each month. Its hard enough looking after yourself and your girlfriend let alone helping the whole family!

And last thing that grabbed my attention is this

after living in each others pockets for 2 years would devastate me.

Big big mistake mate, you should NEVER EVER give anyone 100% always keep a little bit back for yourself 'just in case" I had to learn that the hard way to, I gave someone 100% once, when we finished after 10 years i dint know what way to turn next, i wont be doing that again!

Good luck fella hope it all works out for ya and keep your chin up there are thousands of girls here, every Soi, every shop, everywhere you look girls girls girls. I wouldn't be to down about it mate!

[lingnoi34]

Most of those stories are often exagerated and when they're not the men in question are way older and in effect paying for the priviledge of having a wife 20-30 years their junior.

You are only 29 years young, just 3 years older than your girlfriend. What she doesnt realize is the downsides of these relationships that these other women have to contend with. When my thai wife occasionally tells me these stories I laugh and tell her to find herself some old git. Hmmm, so far she's still around.

Don't sweat it. Tell your girl to find her happiness and if it comes in the shape of an old toothless, white haired prince then so be it!

L

Edited March 24, 2009 by lingnoi34

[loong]

........ Over 2 years now (the longest either of us have been with someone... I'm 29, she's 26.)... To cut a long story short, I'm a good enough guy, She's a good enough girl... but just the last few months I've seen resentfullness creap into her... I'm not rich, have no assets, she's only ever asked for me to help send some baht home after a year or so together........................................................................

............... some cousins of hers have snagged farangs who've bought them 2 houses, a village supermarket and a Hilux in one case... another a 500K sinsod after knowing eachother a month.....................

It sounds like you were happy together, so I'm sorry to hear about your current situation. If she was happy to stay with you before, it's likely that the family is putting pressure on her for more money. Every idiot Farang that comes to Thailand and throws money at a girl they've known for 5 minutes raises expectations. There are poor, well off and rich Thais, but for some reason all Farang are perceived as rich. Many Thais think that because some Farang are so stupid to give away millions of Baht, we all can. And if we can't we are considered either stingy or a lowlife.

Your girlfriend is probably stuck in the middle, her family on one side pressuring her for more money and you on the other without the means to provide more.

Probably, where your gf comes from, 10,000 Baht is a fairly high Family income with 2 wage earners. You'd think that a joint income of 5 times that would be make these girls happy and it seems that your gf was happy enough with it for a while, but she's had other people whispering in her ear.

I hope that things work out for the best.

40k a month is pretty lame. Even a Thai food stall vendor can make almost as much. I figure 100k a month should qualify you for 95% of the women here in Thailand. Try to earn some more. At least 70k.

So you judge people by how much they earn.

"Try to earn some more" - what a ridiculous thing to say. 100k a month? a lot of people don't earn that much in the Uk, so not easy here unless you work in a specialised field.

One of your posts in another topic

I suppose it doesn't matter. The hel_l with your debts if you're not coming back. Heheh. Doing it myself.

From this I have to assume that you were incapable of earning enough money in your own country to pay your debts, not only that you seem to be proud of the fact

Why didn't you "Try to earn some more" and pay your debts.

[Sabum]

I understand what you are feeling, I have broken up with a 7 year relationship and a 5 year relationship woman, even though I still loved them I knew they were bad for me, it hurt like hel_l but you do get over it (eventually) and it IS for the best. Get rid of this girl, she is looking at you as a source of money and that has nothing to do with love, she's not good enough for you, ditch her.

[Maizefarmer]

Resentfulness because you are not able to satisfy the comparably extravagent lifstyle her sisters have managed to bag themselves .......... that says everything you need to know, doesn't it.

Well, look at like this: chances are pretty strong the relationships the sisters are in are not going to last more than a few years at best either (500k after only knowing the girl for one month - thats good decision taking?) - let go and move on, and if what I have said regards the other sisters comes to pass, you'll be able to grin and be glad it wasn't one of them you landed up with and that you didn't come out 500k poorer.

Wish you all the best.

[rott]

I figure 100k a month should qualify you for 95% of the women here in Thailand. Try to earn some more.

Sorry, I don't enter relationships that are based on money.

You've just been in a relationship that was based on money, you just didn't realise it.

You are a farang and like it or not there is a 99% chance that any/every relationship you have with a thai will be based on money,1t's not simply that they are mercenary but their "culture" if you like is to evaluate a farang by his wealth. If you have another relationship and there is a nearby farang splashing more money than you, it's 99% likely that you will be judged and found wanting.

It's just the way things are.

[DP25]

Young dude like you shouldn't be paying money to a chick. You're sending roughly 10% of your income to her parents, and I'm gonna assume you're paying the rent and food for her as well. Now that's not enough?

[oevna]

I figure 100k a month should qualify you for 95% of the women here in Thailand. Try to earn some more.

Sorry, I don't enter relationships that are based on money.

You've just been in a relationship that was based on money, you just didn't realise it.

You are a farang and like it or not there is a 99% chance that any/every relationship you have with a thai will be based on money,1t's not simply that they are mercenary but their "culture" if you like is to evaluate a farang by his wealth. If you have another relationship and there is a nearby farang splashing more money than you, it's 99% likely that you will be judged and found wanting.

It's just the way things are.

He obviously didn't intend to be in a relationship with a woman who cares more about his earning potential than about him. I think he is responding to the suggestion that he try to find a higher-paying job just for the purpose of finding a Thai woman.

[spongeman]

So the guys splashed out 500k after only one month?? What a peach.

Glad you have doubts and you are expressing them.

Follow those doubts through and run for the hills.

[GrahamF]

Some good advice here. I will only add that the best piece of advice I got after a breakup of a three year relationship was, my friend said, "You're going to be really sad the next two months or so and you're going to remember all the good things from the relationship. Then you're going to start to think about getting her back, before doing anything, think about why you broke up in the first place!!"

[GungaDin]

........ Over 2 years now (the longest either of us have been with someone... I'm 29, she's 26.)... To cut a long story short, I'm a good enough guy, She's a good enough girl... but just the last few months I've seen resentfullness creap into her... I'm not rich, have no assets, she's only ever asked for me to help send some baht home after a year or so together........................................................................

............... some cousins of hers have snagged farangs who've bought them 2 houses, a village supermarket and a Hilux in one case... another a 500K sinsod after knowing eachother a month.....................

It sounds like you were happy together, so I'm sorry to hear about your current situation. If she was happy to stay with you before, it's likely that the family is putting pressure on her for more money. Every idiot Farang that comes to Thailand and throws money at a girl they've known for 5 minutes raises expectations. There are poor, well off and rich Thais, but for some reason all Farang are perceived as rich. Many Thais think that because some Farang are so stupid to give away millions of Baht, we all can. And if we can't we are considered either stingy or a lowlife.

Your girlfriend is probably stuck in the middle, her family on one side pressuring her for more money and you on the other without the means to provide more.

Probably, where your gf comes from, 10,000 Baht is a fairly high Family income with 2 wage earners. You'd think that a joint income of 5 times that would be make these girls happy and it seems that your gf was happy enough with it for a while, but she's had other people whispering in her ear.

I hope that things work out for the best.

40k a month is pretty lame. Even a Thai food stall vendor can make almost as much. I figure 100k a month should qualify you for 95% of the women here in Thailand. Try to earn some more. At least 70k.

So you judge people by how much they earn.

"Try to earn some more" - what a ridiculous thing to say. 100k a month? a lot of people don't earn that much in the Uk, so not easy here unless you work in a specialised field.

One of your posts in another topic

I suppose it doesn't matter. The hel_l with your debts if you're not coming back. Heheh. Doing it myself.

From this I have to assume that you were incapable of earning enough money in your own country to pay your debts, not only that you seem to be proud of the fact

Why didn't you "Try to earn some more" and pay your debts.

Spot on!

Yimmy, you're only 29, you don't know how lucky you are. You will get over the breakup & find a better girl.

[BigSnake]

Wants, needs and Greed is the key note for your lady and believe it or not quite a few farang's wives, I like other farangs have walked in your shoes, it not easy after done so much for your lady, then getting kick in the face by Greed and her need/wants to get up with her cousins. It will be a shock and pain in the short run, but long term things will be better for you. I guess in the bliss of happiness and joy with the Thai lady many forget the main reason they are with farangs are for a better life, i.e., not easy single 23 year old mom, unskill, nice looking, uneducated with two kids to feed but it is a fact. We have four young Thai Ladies in our village just finish four years at a major university and have not been able to find work for the past six months. We know what your lady want but what she need is to be happy with what she has got while working with you for what she want.

[daoyai]

The OP also asked how not to get depressed when alone, after the split. So here goes, decide if you want a good life in the future, if yes, then resist the temptation to drown your sorrows in a bar and go whoring. Exercise and eat healthy to counteract the stress of the split. Don't try to replace her right away, enjoy your freedom. Be very happy that you are only 29, have a job that pays enough to live comfortably AND you live in Thailand! Most of all, enjoy that freedom because it wont last long!

[sheff_mick]

I figure 100k a month should qualify you for 95% of the women here in Thailand. Try to earn some more.

Sorry, I don't enter relationships that are based on money.

If you are based in the land of money trees and ATM over use, you sadly have to live in isolation regarding the providing of funds required to start and keep a relationship happy.

No slight on the ladies by he way, our cultures relating to love are different Western vs Thai

Seems to me going on the OP you,ve done more than enough to support your affections and sadly as i and many others have experienced, it is time to move out and move on.

( In my case 3 And i was fool enough to think each was different )

( Based on your income and also providing a monthly income for the family ect that has produced F.A. for your efforts )

It hurts that,s for sure, but she will never be satisfied and will always be chasing the BBD`S

Your self esteem will be taking a hefty blow at the present time, i hope it can regain some strength in the not to distant future.

Many guys have been lucky to find the woman of their dreams and all the worthwhile pluses that go with it.

Go forward with caution my friend, the next time around and keep your pecker up.

Thank you

Edited March 25, 2009 by sheff_mick

[rott]

I figure 100k a month should qualify you for 95% of the women here in Thailand. Try to earn some more.

Sorry, I don't enter relationships that are based on money.

You've just been in a relationship that was based on money, you just didn't realise it.

You are a farang and like it or not there is a 99% chance that any/every relationship you have with a thai will be based on money,1t's not simply that they are mercenary but their "culture" if you like is to evaluate a farang by his wealth. If you have another relationship and there is a nearby farang splashing more money than you, it's 99% likely that you will be judged and found wanting.

It's just the way things are.

He obviously didn't intend to be in a relationship with a woman who cares more about his earning potential than about him. I think he is responding to the suggestion that he try to find a higher-paying job just for the purpose of finding a Thai woman.

That was my point, in at least 99% of thai/farang relationships the Thai is more impressed with the earning/spending than the farang, in fact they are really seen as indivisible.

The OP is hoping for one of the remaining 1%, and in fact is making the correct move by posting on TV as it is glaringly obvious to all that the overwhelming majority of TV'ers (you know who you are) have executive, hi-so or at least middle class thai wives who are financially self-sufficient and need no help from their spouses in that department thank you very much.

[sanook2me]

Take your biatch back home (UK?) and get her working immediately at Tesco's stacking shelves or a cr@ppy nursing home wiping bottoms for geriatrics.

The if she wants to send money home she can.

PS

MY first break up after 2 years with a Thai girl was due to the pressure of funding her family - i couldnt see an end to it and I wasnt in a position to earn more money. My advice above is based on my experience and what i should have done if i really wanted to stay in the relationship

But then i woke up and smelt the roses after a few months of sadness - there are a plethoria of girls out there and many more who do not need to support a family

You need to be a bit more selective about girls and find out family history and their education majority of uni grads do not have to send money back - if they do its normally from choice and not a survival thing

[desi]

I'm not going to get into the money conversation because this is not Kansas...

Here's hoping that you'll have that serious talk to get it all out in the open, making a break up unnecessary or even smoothing the way for a less painful separation. Besides, oftentimes it's the rough times that make a relationship better, so there is a good side to this all.

Has anybody here gone through such a period in their life and have any advice of how to beat the hurt, lonliness and depression of suddenly being alone after breaking from a person whom you truly love??

Advice: Get right back out there; don't give yourself too much time living in your head. It's normal for the hurt to take a long time to heal but it's far worse if it is just you and the hurt.

Fill your new free time. Take up a hobby (maybe even something you were iffy about before). Acquire a new skill that will take a lot of time and effort to pull off, etc.

Good luck.

[rickthailand]

I figure 100k a month should qualify you for 95% of the women here in Thailand. Try to earn some more.

Sorry, I don't enter relationships that are based on money.

well said

[Heng]

Been through a couple of similar situations (without too much detail: the Piano, paid apartment, bills/shopping/drugs, RCA/Ekkamai 6 nights a week, for about 6 months, and again a few years later for about 8 months... just change the girl and the locale: the Piano for University of the Thai Chamber of Commerce or "Whore Karn Kar"). All in my early to mid 20's, thank god. My masters and doctorate respectively. Now I just have fun.

You just need to go cold turkey. In the end, people need more similar interests than having fun, similar foods and beverages, and sex. Here you need (IMO should have) compatible families and backgrounds as well. While not the most important thing per se, that will likely also equate to having similar income levels all around - which while you may not want to admit it, seems to be one of the major problems for you at the moment.

Edited March 25, 2009 by Heng

[wanderer9020]

Wow, the replies are superb, I learned a lot.

On my 2 cents>

I can relate coz Im married to a Thai, but the diffirence is I dont support her family, because they have enough and my wife is earning enough )and she dont give,lol)..

But as with another Asian culture, being a good husband ( I learned), is to support your wife in everything , especially on financial needs. Culturally speaking , I can relate because Im Asian, which I believe something unusual against Western culture.Girls in the west are more independent, while Asians are not, you should know this.I married my wife, and so I accept, that I married her family, and waht her family problem is also my problem and thats waht Asian culture again is all about.

Having said that, if you feel, that its time for you to move on against this girl, then by all means follow what your minds says even if its against your heart. It's your life,dont based your happiness on the idea of others.

For the pain??? just buy painkillers at Thai pharmacy, lol.It will subside ...guaranteed...

[robblok]

That was my point, in at least 99% of thai/farang relationships the Thai is more impressed with the earning/spending than the farang, in fact they are really seen as indivisible.

The OP is hoping for one of the remaining 1%, and in fact is making the correct move by posting on TV as it is glaringly obvious to all that the overwhelming majority of TV'ers (you know who you are) have executive, hi-so or at least middle class thai wives who are financially self-sufficient and need no help from their spouses in that department thank you very much.

I know for a fact my wife is self sufficient, she doesnt make tons of money but its ok for a Thai to live off 20k a month. But beeing with me makes more things possible. It always does when you have a joint income. I believe there are plenty nice girls out there that will share and not live off the farang. The probem is more that most older farangs want a young good looking gf while they are older and fat or older and ugly. Then you have to pay for it but if you stay in your own age group and outside of the bar zone there are enough girls to be found. I know of many in my wifes circle who see sharing in cost as normal.

But they would not pair up with a guy old enough to be their dad or with ugly guys. So many farangs like to kid themselves and pay a girl of raising expectatoins of everyone who dates a farang. There were some when i married my wife.. i made them clear i dont put money in their family only in ours (my wife and me) That does not mean i will never help if there are problems. But if you start handing out money too easy they will depend on you and think you will bail them out of everything.

To the op, i know its hard to break up i have had it a few times too.. but it cant hurt forever and you will find a new girl. The fact is its easier for a farang to find a thai girl then the other way around.

[robblok]

Wow, the replies are superb, I learned a lot.

On my 2 cents>

I can relate coz Im married to a Thai, but the diffirence is I dont support her family, because they have enough and my wife is earning enough )and she dont give,lol)..

But as with another Asian culture, being a good husband ( I learned), is to support your wife in everything , especially on financial needs. Culturally speaking , I can relate because Im Asian, which I believe something unusual against Western culture.Girls in the west are more independent, while Asians are not, you should know this.I married my wife, and so I accept, that I married her family, and waht her family problem is also my problem and thats waht Asian culture again is all about.

Having said that, if you feel, that its time for you to move on against this girl, then by all means follow what your minds says even if its against your heart. It's your life,dont based your happiness on the idea of others.

For the pain??? just buy painkillers at Thai pharmacy, lol.It will subside ...guaranteed...

Wanderer ? why is it a one way street.. she is married to a farang and has to accept our culture too.

[BigSnake]

I figure 100k a month should qualify you for 95% of the women here in Thailand. Try to earn some more.

Sorry, I don't enter relationships that are based on money.

Khun Yimmy I understand and believe YOU don't enter a relationship base on MONEY, but I'm to say most of them do. Sad My friend but I think this is a fact of life, i.e., if you have no means(money, a job etc) of taking care of her than she might as will find work and be single happy and free, love takes a backseat when it comes to support and physical well being.

[Geekfreaklover]

My gfs family are helping to support us with money at the moment as work is crap due to this credit crunch thing. And I feel really quite bad about it. Hopefully we can return the favour at some point.

Not all thai girls and their family are after money from their daughters.

It's the very rich and the very poor families that are after money from their daughters IMHO.

As for the OP. I read somewhere that it takes approx half of the time you stayed with someone in a relationship to get over it. So the sooner you leave the better.