chuchok Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Why do the sea gulls fly upside down over Austouyliabecause it is not worth s&*ting on When asked about the immigration of Kiwis to Aussie in the mid 80s, Muldoon replied 'New Zealanders immigrating to Australia raise the IQ of both countries' Who ate all the pies Who ate all the pies ah the memories....how are those Ashes this year me Aussie cobbers? All in good fun; congrats on the Seedney Hobart in ya copy boat. well down wild oats... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Do you have the foggiest idea how many Ozmates are Mods here? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> how do you think you roo rooter lot became mods.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Some of cricket's greatest sledges... 1. Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?" 2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne: As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted. 3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes): "Hey Eddo, why are you so F***ing Fat?" Eddo Brandes: "Because everytime I F*** your wife, she throws me a biscuit" 4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes: During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't f***ing bat". Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f***ing bat & you can't f***ing bowl." 5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad: During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman. 6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards: During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f*** off." 7. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c***!!!" 8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh....... MW : "F*** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England" JO : "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family" 9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's d*** taste like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it): "If you ever f***ing mention my wife again, I'll F***ing rip your F***ing throat out." 10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were s**t then, you're f***ing useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c***". 11. Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up,"Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it." 12. Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall : "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?" 13. Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" he replied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuchok Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Adam Parore and Daryll Cullinan. Because Cullinan is well known for being Warne's bunny, New Zealand keeper Parore greeted the South African, carefully playing the first ball from kiwi Chris Harris, with a cry of: "Bowled Warnie!" In one of the tour matches in South Africa, Australia played Hansie Cronje's province. Cronje was at the non strikers end, there was a short chubby batsman on strike. Ian Healy yelled to Warne, (I think) "Bowl a Mars Bar half way down...We'll get him stumped" The Aussies and Cronje were all in hysterics. the batsman's retort: "Nah, Boonie fielding at short leg will be onto it before I can move." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 "Nah, Boonie fielding at short leg will be onto it before I can move." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Some of cricket's greatest sledges...1. Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?" 2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne: As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted. 3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes): "Hey Eddo, why are you so F***ing Fat?" Eddo Brandes: "Because everytime I F*** your wife, she throws me a biscuit" 4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes: During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't f***ing bat". Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f***ing bat & you can't f***ing bowl." 5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad: During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman. 6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards: During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f*** off." 7. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c***!!!" 8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh....... MW : "F*** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England" JO : "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family" 9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's d*** taste like?" Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath (losing it): "If you ever f***ing mention my wife again, I'll F***ing rip your F***ing throat out." 10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were s**t then, you're f***ing useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c***". 11. Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up,"Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it." 12. Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall : "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?" 13. Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" he replied. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 An Aussi plumber at the cricket... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khall64au Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Modern day bank robber? be afraid........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Don't forget Australia Day... January 26th. Meanwhile here's why we love our lamb chops on Australia Day. No Chuchock... not that kind of love... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuchok Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Don't forget Australia Day... January 26th.Meanwhile here's why we love our lamb chops on Australia Day. No Chuchock... not that kind of love... Wouldn't dream of it mate...Baaaaaaaaaa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Don't forget Australia Day... January 26th.Meanwhile here's why we love our lamb chops on Australia Day. No Chuchock... not that kind of love... No Kiwi's allowed at the Oz day barbie ( for obvious reasons ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elsie Posted January 26, 2006 Share Posted January 26, 2006 Don't get too excited boys... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Axel Posted January 26, 2006 Author Share Posted January 26, 2006 Surprised, that this thread is still around after one year. Have a nice AUSTRALIA - DAY. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Surprised, that this thread is still around after one year. Have a nice AUSTRALIA - DAY. Thanks Axel. We did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Surprised, that this thread is still around after one year. Have a nice AUSTRALIA - DAY. Thanks Axel. We did. Ken Oath we did. Cheers Axel. I reckon this thread must be the second longest running thread on TV... after rain of course. Thanks for starting it mate... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artisi Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Bloody beauty - can't wait for the next one - Actually, if you're a dinky-di, every day is Australia day - or does it just feel like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Bloody beauty - can't wait for the next one -Actually, if you're a dinky-di, every day is Australia day - or does it just feel like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuchok Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 THE FOSTERS AD DURING THE OLYMPICS I don't have a kangaroo for a pet I don't wrestle with crocodiles And I don't wear a cork hat I fight wars but never start wars I would rather make peace I can wear my country's flag with pride I am a rock I am the ocean I am the island continent My neighbours are the Smiths, the Wilson's, the Santerellis, the De Costis, the Wong's and the Jakamarras I play football without a helmet I like beetroot on my hamburger I ride in the front seat of the taxi I believe it's a prawn not a shrimp I believe the world is round and down under is on top I believe Australia is the best address on Earth And Australians brew the best beer. now..... THE REAL AUSSIE I ate my pet Kangaroo I am shit scared of crocodiles And I wear a baseball cap I love star wars And the wookie is my favourite I would rather get pissed And watch someone else carry the country's flag with pride I like to rock to Billy Ocean I am blind to my incompetence My neighbours are the Smith's, the Wilson's, the <deleted>, the Lebs, the Chinks and the Abo's I watch football with a tinnie I take the beetroot off my hamburgers... And throw Macca's pickles on windows I do runners from taxis I believe the world is flat And Australia is f******* miles away from anywhere I believe Australia is the best address on earth And Australians brew the best beer And that's why we never touch Fosters... We export that s***. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
udon Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 'ken brilliant. Where did you find that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stumonster Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 $45k eBay bid for Aussie blokesJanuary 30, 2006 SNAGS, good conversation, and a hel_l of a lot of laughs with four Aussie blokes - some would call it priceless. But four boys from inner-Sydney's Balmain, and a bidder named manic_macka beg to differ, and $45,000 is the going rate. And there's still four-and-a-half days left to bid. Marketing reps Corey, Mark, Zac and law student Lachie have put themselves up for auction at online marketplace eBay, welcoming bids for a weekend with four blokes in Sydney. "Couldn't be bothered making the effort finding new friends at the pub?" the offer reads. "Don't have friends who are up for a couple of beers, a few snags and a hel_l of a good time? Or just bored with your current friends and their obsession with nerd stuff?" "What you need is a weekend with four fun blokes in inner Sydney." The boys won't fly the successful bidder to Sydney or pay for their bus fare, but are promising to wine and dine true Aussie style - with a few tinnies and a barbie. They also allude to the possibility of an "international guest" from the UK, "making it five blokes for the price of four". "It's easier than chatting to randoms in a pub and you know we'll be your friend from the moment you arrive til the moment you leave. That's our promise to you!" the offer says. The highest bid - from manic_macka - comes in at a cool $45,000, with the site so swamped with questions (more than 200) the boys have been forced to issue a statement reminding bidders "this offer is for you and one guest only". "Provided, of course, they are prepared to enjoy some beer, some snags, some good conversation and a hel_l of a lot of laughs." http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/commo...55E1702,00.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlyingDutchman Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 This Australian truck driver is looking for a long distance driving job in Adelaide. He gets offered a job driving a load of bowling balls to Darwin. He's not too keen on this , but he needs the money and so takes off. A while along the highway he sees two Aborigines with a bike, in the middle of nowhere. So he stops and asks if they would like a lift. They say OK. The truck driver says, "All right, hop in, but you'll have to ride in the back." A 100 km down the road he stops at a truck stop, which amongst other things, involves a load inspection by the local cops. He is asked where he is off to and he says "Darwin". The cops go round the back, open the doors, slam them shut quickly and rush round desperately to the driver saying, "For Chrissake get going to Darwin straight away and don't stop - - two of your eggs have already hatched , and one of them has already stolen a bike" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuchok Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 'ken brilliant. Where did you find that? A secret place that I use for these special occasions... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Croc Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 $45k eBay bid for Aussie blokesJanuary 30, 2006 SNAGS, good conversation, and a hel_l of a lot of laughs with four Aussie blokes - some would call it priceless. But four boys from inner-Sydney's Balmain, and a bidder named manic_macka beg to differ, and $45,000 is the going rate. And there's still four-and-a-half days left to bid. Marketing reps Corey, Mark, Zac and law student Lachie have put themselves up for auction at online marketplace eBay, welcoming bids for a weekend with four blokes in Sydney. "Couldn't be bothered making the effort finding new friends at the pub?" the offer reads. "Don't have friends who are up for a couple of beers, a few snags and a hel_l of a good time? Or just bored with your current friends and their obsession with nerd stuff?" "What you need is a weekend with four fun blokes in inner Sydney." The boys won't fly the successful bidder to Sydney or pay for their bus fare, but are promising to wine and dine true Aussie style - with a few tinnies and a barbie. They also allude to the possibility of an "international guest" from the UK, "making it five blokes for the price of four". "It's easier than chatting to randoms in a pub and you know we'll be your friend from the moment you arrive til the moment you leave. That's our promise to you!" the offer says. The highest bid - from manic_macka - comes in at a cool $45,000, with the site so swamped with questions (more than 200) the boys have been forced to issue a statement reminding bidders "this offer is for you and one guest only". "Provided, of course, they are prepared to enjoy some beer, some snags, some good conversation and a hel_l of a lot of laughs." http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/commo...55E1702,00.html The bidding for this BBQ is now up to $85,000!!! A frenchman made the latest bid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surin Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 'ken brilliant. Where did you find that? A secret place that I use for these special occasions... Probably an Auckland newspaper!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huangy Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 (edited) The song below bubbled up from the murky depths of my mind recently. I'm still not sure if it's a piss take or what. I'd like to think it was a piss take on Aussie nationalism. Please! Oh, and what's with the sudden sacredness of the Aussie flag? Anyone else note those clods surrounding themselves with the flag as they beat up the lebs and others in Cronulla? And what about this nonesense? Huangy Exhibit seizure leaves democracy flagging: gallery By David MarrJanuary 30, 2006 A RAGGED Australian flag that was hung outside a Melbourne art gallery has been seized by Victorian police. The artwork was removed in a surprise raid some days ago, although police remain unsure if its display outside the Trocadero Art Space, in suburban Footscray, was breaking any laws. For some months the Trocadero has hung works on a billboard outside its first-floor window on Hopkins Street. The burnt flag, by the artist Azlan McLennan, was titled Proudly UnAustralian and first appeared 12 days ago. The gallery's director, Michael Brenner, said he had received no complaints. But two days later, when the gallery was unattended, Senior Constable Jay McDonald, of the Footscray police, climbed out the window of the India Impex internet cafe next door and removed the flag. Convict Streak By Dave Warner Maybe it's because of our Convict Streak We wanna fight everyone we meet Anzac Day is our day of the year We march our march, we drink our beer We don't like Slopes, we don't like Yanks I'd personally like to blow up every Commie tank We're only few but we fought in 'Nam Packed our guns alongside Uncle Sam Ask any of us, it were no sin The only crime was that we didn't win (chorus) And ... The Poms are weak as piss The French are queer The Germans are ######s, but they make good beer Don't criticise what you don't understand If you think I'm talking shit you don't belong in this land I'm Australian, we all are We watch the telly and we drive our car But don't you ever SAY WE'RE WEAK Or you'll learn all about our Convict Streak The world began with Adam and Eve But Australia started at Gallipolli Our fathers put the Desert into Desert Rats Their uncles slipped the boot in, up in Lambing Flats Don't criticise what you don't understand It's not that we're behind the times, we're in a different land We might be slobs but WE'RE NOT WEAK Maybe it's because of our Convict Streak (chorus) I'm Australian, so are you It doesn't matter if you're Ding or Jew Just remember, while you're here You march our march and you drink our beer Edited January 31, 2006 by Huangy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 The song below bubbled up from the murky depths of my mind recently. I'm still not sure if it's a piss take or what. I'd like to think it was a piss take on Aussie nationalism. Please! Oh, and what's with the sudden sacredness of the Aussie flag? Anyone else note those clods surrounding themselves with the flag as they beat up the lebs and others in Cronulla? And what about this nonesense? Huangy Exhibit seizure leaves democracy flagging: gallery By David MarrJanuary 30, 2006 A RAGGED Australian flag that was hung outside a Melbourne art gallery has been seized by Victorian police. The artwork was removed in a surprise raid some days ago, although police remain unsure if its display outside the Trocadero Art Space, in suburban Footscray, was breaking any laws. For some months the Trocadero has hung works on a billboard outside its first-floor window on Hopkins Street. The burnt flag, by the artist Azlan McLennan, was titled Proudly UnAustralian and first appeared 12 days ago. The gallery's director, Michael Brenner, said he had received no complaints. But two days later, when the gallery was unattended, Senior Constable Jay McDonald, of the Footscray police, climbed out the window of the India Impex internet cafe next door and removed the flag. Convict Streak By Dave Warner Maybe it's because of our Convict Streak We wanna fight everyone we meet Anzac Day is our day of the year We march our march, we drink our beer We don't like Slopes, we don't like Yanks I'd personally like to blow up every Commie tank We're only few but we fought in 'Nam Packed our guns alongside Uncle Sam Ask any of us, it were no sin The only crime was that we didn't win (chorus) And ... The Poms are weak as piss The French are queer The Germans are ######s, but they make good beer Don't criticise what you don't understand If you think I'm talking shit you don't belong in this land I'm Australian, we all are We watch the telly and we drive our car But don't you ever SAY WE'RE WEAK Or you'll learn all about our Convict Streak The world began with Adam and Eve But Australia started at Gallipolli Our fathers put the Desert into Desert Rats Their uncles slipped the boot in, up in Lambing Flats Don't criticise what you don't understand It's not that we're behind the times, we're in a different land We might be slobs but WE'RE NOT WEAK Maybe it's because of our Convict Streak (chorus) I'm Australian, so are you It doesn't matter if you're Ding or Jew Just remember, while you're here You march our march and you drink our beer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveromagnino Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 More sledging comments please... the best thing to come out of cricket.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stumonster Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite >> chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts." She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start." This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second." "That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long? The husband sighed. "IT'S STARTED" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa28 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 The husband sighed. "IT'S STARTED" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 On the side of the road in a country WA town... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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