Are Aussies Really So Bad?

[Jai Dee]

name='Jai Dee' date='2006-07-25 11:31:44' post='823646'

f) Dropbear?

I recall seeing a comprehensive report about the infamous Dropbear... one of the most dangerous marsupials native only to Australia.

Anyone got a copy of this article? It'd be good to share with potential visitors/tourists to Oz.

Try this one:

http://www.ozemail.com.au/~enigman/dropbear.html

That's the one Axel... thanks mate.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Must be nearly time to give the sheepshaggers a burst and give godsown a well deserved beer break LOL

[Jai Dee]

Two Auckland chicks walk up to a perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.

Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it.

"That's quite nice, don't you fink Trace?"

"Yeah, what's it called?"

"Viens a moi"

"VIENS A MOI, what the <deleted> does that mean?"

At this stage the assistant offers some help.

"Viens a moi, ladies is French for 'come to me'"

Sharon takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracey again, saying,

"That doesn't smell like come to me Trace. Does it smell like come to you?"

[Jai Dee]

Why can't Kiwi blokes take their girlfriends to the Rugby?

They eat all the grass.

[Jai Dee]

Why aren't there any Kiwis on Star Trek?

They don't work in the future either.

[Jai Dee]

Maori Style

A Maori goes into a brothel in Amsterdam one night and finds himself a prostitute.

He asks her, "How much do you charge for the hour?"

$100," she replies.

So he asks, "Okay do you do Maori style?"

She says "No!"

He then asks her, "I'll pay you $200 to do Maori style?"

She again says no, not knowing what Maori style is!

So he then offers her $300.

Again she declines his offer.

So finally he says, "I'll give you $500 to go Maori style with me"

Finally she agrees thinking, "Well I've been in the game for over 10 years now, I've been there and done that, had every kind of request from weirdo's from every corner of the world. How bad could Maori style be?"

So she goes ahead and has sex with the bro, doing it in every kind of way and in every possible position.

Finally, after 8 intense hours of the best nookie she'd ever experienced, the Maori finishes.

Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, "That was wonderful. I've never enjoyed it so much. But I was expecting something perverted and crass. Where does the 'Maori style' come in?"

The Bro replies..............."I'll pay you tomorrow!"

[Jai Dee]

More Maori Style

Everyday, a hen owned by a maori man would lay an egg in his garden which was used his daily breakfast. One day, he looked into his garden only to find that the hen laid her egg next door in the Samoan’s garden.

He was about to go next door when saw the Samoan rush out of the house to pick up the egg for himself. The Maori ran up to the Samoan and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Samoan disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Maori said, “ In Aotearoa we normally solve disputes by the following method. I kick you in the nuts and time how long it takes you to get back up, and then you kick me in the nuts and time how long it takes me to get up. Whoever gets up the quickest wins the egg.

The Samoan thought for a moment and noticed that the Maori was only wearing barefeet. He then looked at his own feet, which boasted a shiny pair of new Nike Basketball boots.

He quickly agreed to resolve the dispute, “Maori Style”.

The Maori took a few steps back and kicked the Samoan in the balls as hard as he could. The Samoan fell to the ground clutching himself and howled in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually, the Samoan stood up and said; “Now it’s my turn to kick you.”

The Maori shrugged his shoulders and said, “Nahh, you can keep the egg!

[Jai Dee]

Q. Why do Kiwis put sheep on a cliff's edge?

A. Cause they pushback harder

Q. Why do Kiwi's wear gumboots?

A. To put the back legs of their sheep into so they don't run away

Q. Why do Kiwi horses run so fast?

A. They have seen what happens to the sheep

Q. Why do Kiwis call the all their sheep Arty?

A. Cum arty cum arty cum arty

[Jai Dee]

The QANTAS-Air New Zealand merger...

[chuchok]

The QANTAS-Air New Zealand merger...

the sheep is prolly a ram........

[dr_Pat_Pong]

The Lord is Merciful,

The Lord is Good

[dr_Pat_Pong]

The QANTAS-Air New Zealand merger...

the sheep is prolly a ram........

Up yours <_<

[Jai Dee]

One more for the road...

Q. What is the difference between a Limousine and a sheep?

A. Not all Kiwis have been in a Limousine

[chuchok]

The QANTAS-Air New Zealand merger...

the sheep is prolly a ram........

Up yours

i think the roo was doing something like that...

[dr_Pat_Pong]

yer all at suxes and sivens

[Jai Dee]

The New Zealand All Blacks in action...

[dr_Pat_Pong]

The New Zealand All Blacks in action...

I always knew that they were a bunch or girlies LOL

[Jai Dee]

No joke - a feral pig shot in outback Australia.

It reportedly took 8 .303 slugs to the body and 10 .303 slugs to the head before it finally died.

[Artisi]

Now - that's a real dinky-di pig - non of this wimpy piglet stuff

[chuchok]

The New Zealand All Blacks in action...

I always knew that they were a bunch or girlies LOL

well then the girlies just wipped your &lt;deleted&gt; in the last two Test matches.

Next.

[Rooo]

Subject: Fw: What it means to be Australian

>>

>>

>>

>>

>> >>Being Australian is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub

for

>> >>A Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or

a

>> >>Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch

>> >>American shows on a Japanese TV.

>> >>

>> >>Oh and...... Only in Australia . can a pizza get to your house

>> >>Faster than an ambulance.

>> >>

>> >>Only in Australia ... do supermarkets make sick people walk all

the

>> >>Way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while

healthy

>> >>People can buy cigarettes at the front.

>> >>

>> >>Only in Australia ... do people order double cheeseburgers, large

>> >>Fries and a DIET coke.

>> >>

>> >>Only in Australia . do banks leave both doors open and chain the

>> >>Pens to the counters.

>> >>

>> >>Only in Australian ... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars

on

>> >>the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

>> >>

>> >>Only in Australia . do we use answering machines to screen calls

>> >>And then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we

>> >>didn't want to talk to in the first place.

>> >>

>> >>Only in Australia ... are there disabled parking places in front

of a

>> >>skating rink.

>> >>

>> >>NOT TO MENTION...

>> >>

>> >>3 Aussies die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their

>> >>tongue.

>> >>142 Aussies were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new

>> >>shirts.

>> >>58 Aussies are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of

>> >>screwdrivers.

>> >>31 Aussies have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree

>> >>While the fairy lights were plugged in.

>> >>8 Aussies had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a

lit

>> >>cigarette in their mouth.

>> >>A massive 543 Aussies were admitted to Emergency in the last two

>> >>Years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

>> >>

>> >>and finally.........

>> >>In 2000 eight Aussies cracked their skull whilst throwing up into

the

>> >>toilet.

>> >>

>> >>IF YOU'RE PROUD TO BE AUSTRALIAN SEND THIS ON!

>> >>

>

[tuky]

31 Aussies have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree

While the fairy lights were plugged in.

This one gave the game away!!!

C'mon Roo admit it, you changed Americans to Aussies didn't you

[Rooo]

Oh OK you got me lol.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Oh OK you got me lol.

Shoot the bugger Tuky

[Jai Dee]

An Aussi bloke went to his mate's fancy dress party wearing nothing but a naked girl on his back.

"So what the hel_l are you supposed to be?" the host asked.

"I'm a snail," the man replied.

"What a load of rubbish!" the host said. "How can you be a snail when all you've got is that naked girl on your back?"

"That's not a naked girl, mate," the bloke replied, "that's Michelle".

OK OK... I can hear the groans already...

[In the Rai!]

Being a proud queenslander, who I might add is very proud to have the state of origin back in our hands knows that there is only one good thing about NSW.

It seperates us from those bloody Victorians

[skippybangkok]

Being a proud queenslander, who I might add is very proud to have the state of origin back in our hands knows that there is only one good thing about NSW.

It seperates us from those bloody Victorians

Must be one of Elite QLD-ers - he can spel !

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Being a proud queenslander, who I might add is very proud to have the state of origin back in our hands knows that there is only one good thing about NSW.

It seperates us from those bloody Victorians

[tuky]

Oh OK you got me lol.

Shoot the bugger Tuky

You reckon I'd make a good roo shooter Doc?

[chuchok]

Oh OK you got me lol.

Shoot the bugger Tuky

You reckon I'd make a good roo shooter Doc?

they were prolly shagged to death...poor buggers.