How To Deal With A Tom?

[Huey]

My wife's cousin hubby has flown in from Switzerland last couple of days. So, off to the airport, pick him up, then off to a food establishment (loath to call it a restaraunt, thats poetic license gone too far). So we are sitting there and this Tom goes up to my wife's cousin, touches her on the inner thigh, kisses her and hands her her (too many her's?) telephone number on a piece of paper.

The swiss bloke is totally at ease with this, just calm, but when they get home you can hear lots of shouting from their home. According to the wife, cousin was a bit bi (understatement) in her younger days and the Tom (Net) was her old fling, they'd rekindled the relationship several times over the years.

Hubby had made her get rid of her old sim card, so thats why the telephone number, although the Tom new where she lived she'd never been so silly as to try and visit. Now there are huge problems because all the family are angry with the wife's cousin as her hubby is such a nice bloke, always polite, speaks fluent thai and has really taken care of her.

So what is the proper response ? I don't really know what the rules are over here as thankfully I've never had to deal with this. From what the wife says quite a few girls explore their sexuality whilst at school and many Toms have what are now (apparently) 100% straight females.

If it was me and I was in the UK, I'd treat a Tom like another guy but I reckon this is unnaceptable in Thai society.

Personally, I would not be threatened by a woman.

I would;

1) Talk to my wife about being honest with me about these things and assure her that being Bi is perfectly ok with me. And that she should never hide things from me.

2) Let her know that while her being Bi is ok, that she needs to keep too 3 simple conditions, one, that she have NO OTHER MAN Than I & Two that we share. And 3 That her desire for a woman is 100% sexual not emotional as this can F up a marragie more than sex. This also keeps the family together and it becomes more of a healthy marital exercise than her just finding sexual pleasure from someone else OUTSIDE of our relationship.

3) Meet the girlfriend, and let the fun begin, hey mabey after a lil while we could go out together and wifey could pick up girls for us both..Horray!

[Scott]

Sounds like the hubby just got screwed by 2 'girls'.

[ernest1966]

A tom is a die hard lesbian usually.

They aren't into blokes. Lesbians are not into blokes.

Bi-sexual women are into blokes thats why they are called bisexual.

Any man who lets his wife go of with a Tom in the wet dream scenario that he will get to be invited to play is a fool.

Toms can be incredibly beautiful. My wife's cousin is in her late teens, she always dresses down, laddish etc. Wife's sis got married recently. The Tom cousin got made up all "ladylike" to say the girl was stunning is a sever understatement, but she won't even spit at a boy at school, and she is herself incredibly possesive of her g/f's and won't allow any guy near them.

[lazygourmet]

I ddunno, call me a sick bastard I guess but if this was to happen to my wife I would be delighted

First thing on my mind would be; threesome on the cards?

At worst I would be making a compromise with them to just watch

Your friend could have a nice little thing going if he played his cars right.

Don't be so confident that the tom would let you watch.

[lazygourmet]

Madame Jojo, Soho, London.

Back to the end of the eighties.

Does anyone remember?

They were taking hormones to have facial hairs (mustache & beard!).

Nice blokes actually unless you messed up with their gig.

[MSingh]

This Forum is getting more like " Dear Deidre " by the day..

[Huey]

A tom is a die hard lesbian usually.

They aren't into blokes. Lesbians are not into blokes.

Bi-sexual women are into blokes thats why they are called bisexual.

Any man who lets his wife go of with a Tom in the wet dream scenario that he will get to be invited to play is a fool.

Toms can be incredibly beautiful. My wife's cousin is in her late teens, she always dresses down, laddish etc. Wife's sis got married recently. The Tom cousin got made up all "ladylike" to say the girl was stunning is a sever understatement, but she won't even spit at a boy at school, and she is herself incredibly possesive of her g/f's and won't allow any guy near them.

Then if she or the Tom isn't going to share then you treat it like you wold if the tom was a distasteful friend. Me personally I would restrict my wife from seeing her and encourage her to look for a new girlfriend we could share. Still not intimidated by a woman, no matter how badly she wants what I have.

[ernest1966]

Re-read the original post, its not me, I aint swiss!

[Huey]

Oops, but yeah, the Swiss guy then. I think if he Mans up a lil bit he can turn it in to something good down the line. But either way, silly man hating lesbians gotta go if he is to keep his family together.

[BKK2509]

Tom = butch

I've got lots of Thai Tom mates (as I'm Thai)

In Thailand you hardly see tom with tom, there is only one type of lesbian there (not like in the UK) which is Tom with Dee (lady). Tom acts like a boy and never wants to have anything to do with men (threesome) If you think that it's ok for ya wife to have Tom and you can watch or join in , think again.

Why girls like Tom, cos they look after them and understand them better than men do. Sex is better than with men. Hmmmm believe me.

If your wife fancies Tom, you got to stop it. Cos girl with girl relationship is stronger than hettie relationship, believe me!

In my experience when my married friends go out with Toms or Butches and they never come back to their hubbies. You guys might think. .. woh woh who can be better than a real man. I would say..... Butches do. .... hee hee. Sue, London

[BWFC]

Tell him to get the number from his wife and phone the Tom up and invite "it" round for a threesome, 3 possible results as I see it

1. He gets done with a strap on

2. He gets done with a machettie

3. He gains "face" as the Tom thinks "what the <deleted>" and stays clear

Alternately he grows a pair of balls and tells his wife how its going to be and if she is not sure what she wants kick her out and send her to the Tom.