Inside every older lady is a younger lady -- wondering what the ###### happened.

-Cora Harvey Armstrong-

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

-Helen Hayes (at 73)-

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.

-Janette Barber-

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

-Lily Tomlin-

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

-Carrie Snow-

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.

-Laurie Kuslansky-

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

-Erma Bombeck-

Old age ain't no place for sissies.

-Bette Davis-

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.

-Rhonda Hansome-

The phrase "working mother" is redundant.

-Jane Sellman-

Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.

-Jennifer Unlimited-

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

-Charlotte Whitton-

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

-Caryn Leschen-

I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.

-Jennifer Unlimited-

If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

-Catherine-

When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!

-Kathy Buckley-

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde.

-Dolly Parton-

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.

-Sue Grafton-

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

-Roseanne Barr-

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country..

-Elayne Boosler-

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

-Maryon Pearson-

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.

-Margaret Thatcher-

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.

-Gloria Steinem-

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.

-Zsa Zsa Gabor-

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.

-Eleanor Roosevelt-

I especially like the one about depressed women eating or shopping (that's me!) and depressed men invading another country.

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky.

A woman already knows.

-- Frederick Ryder

Women need a reason to have sex -- men just need a place.

-- Billy Crystal.

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers

after four kisses.

-- H.L. Mencken (American writer, 1888-1956)

When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men

hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.

-- Warren Farrell (American Psychologist)

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her

think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

-- Lyndon B. Johnson

God made man before woman to give him time to think of an answer for her

first question.

-- Anonymous

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces --Judith Viorst

Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty. Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant. And it always feels good. --Lora Brody

What you see before you, my friend, is the result of a lifetime of chocolate.

--Katharine Hepburn

Mmmm Chocolate quotes!