Are You Taller Than Your Thai Partner?

[Boo]

but not so good for a girl unless she likes basketball or tennis, and other sports where height is an advantage.

I can't agree with that tbh Ianforbes, I love being tall & you couldn't pay me to be short. And I don't play sport Different strokes I suppose. Also my husband (and all my past bf's too) loves my height but then he likes tall women. if you were into shorties then I am not the gal for you

[IanForbes]

I luv tall ladies, the taller the better, long legs mmmmm

i find most of the tall ladies here in thailand have really deep voices

yah mean like this?

Edited May 27, 2009 by IanForbes

[IanForbes]

but not so good for a girl unless she likes basketball or tennis, and other sports where height is an advantage.

I can't agree with that tbh Ianforbes, I love being tall & you couldn't pay me to be short. And I don't play sport Different strokes I suppose. Also my husband (and all my past bf's too) loves my height but then he likes tall women. if you were into shorties then I am not the gal for you

I'm glad you like being tall, Boo, and I know many other tall women who do, but I've also known several tall girls in school who used to slump down to look smaller, and eventually they had rounded shoulders because of it. I think even one of the gals on this thread said that she didn't like being taller than the boys or men around her. It also goes for some gals who are much smaller than their companions. They wear ridiculously high heels to compensate. Of course it is much worse for men/boys who are much smaller than their contemporaries. They often try to over compensate in other ways. It's called the small man syndrome.

But, as we grow older, most of us just accept ourselves as we are and don't let our failings bother us. I'm an artist and I'm somewhat colour blind. It is a REAL pain not to be able to see colours as others see them. But, I just compensate in other ways.

[tulipgirl]

Oops. I am very sorry to have offended a few people. I didn't try to sound racist and I had no intention to engage in Thai-bashing. I have been living in Thailand for nearly 3 years and lived in Asia for 10, so if I were a racist, I would not live in this part of the world. I based my words on conversations with many Thai and western friends as well as my personal observations and experiences. I live in Thailand because I really enjoy living here and I do so voluntarily. I enjoy my friendships with Thais, and I will probably live here for many years to come. Perhaps my ideas have been coloured by the many negative stories of people I have spoken to, and I have some sad and disappointing experiences as well. I wasn't aware that my words would create such an emotional response, and I apologise for that. I am a positive person but also realistic.

I have been dating a very nice Thai man and I was very happy. He spoke of getting married and having children and he introduced me to his family. He had more money than I have and drove a big car, but then he asked me to give him quite a large amount of money. I told him in a nice way that I was unable to do so. He knew I didn't have that much money in the first place. That was the last time I had heard of him. A few weeks later I started dating another very nice Thai man. After many "I love you's" he asked me to give him 30,000 baht. I didn't and that was the last time I heard of him. Over the past years I have spoken to many Thai girls and they just told me: Why would you want to have a Thai husband? We prefer farang. So it's not me who thinks bad about Thai, but many Thais that I have been talking to.

I do have very nice Thai friends who never ask me for money, but they are platonic friends and most of them are gay anyway. So please don't criticise me for being honest about my personal experiences.

[Boo]

We prefer farang

Is that the royal "we"

[lioness]

I am 5' 9" the better half is 5' 6", not a problem, still wear my high heels, the difference in height doesn't bother either of us.

[CFIT]

Oops. I am very sorry to have offended a few people. I didn't try to sound racist and I had no intention to engage in Thai-bashing. I have been living in Thailand for nearly 3 years

No worries, Thais are not a race ( though many seem to believe they are ) and isn't perfectly acceptable to find fault with a nationality, look at how people bash Americans?

[IanForbes]

I would think living in Pattaya could turn anyone cynical

You said a mouthful there and I have to agree. Pattaya was a sleepy village that turned into a city based on sex. It was developed as a place for military servicemen to go on shore leave. It is now trying to change its tawdry image but unlikey to ever do so. And, for many of us who visit there I hope it never does. It's just a crazy, wild place totally unlike anywhere else in the world, but hardly where I would choose to live for a normal life.

I believe tulipgirl's message was heartfelt and sincere. I hopes she eventually finds what she wants. But, after seeing so many problem between couples I sometimes think that very few people can live together for a long time without some very real problems occurirng. Like the book says... Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars. After having two marriages end in divorce I know all the ins and outs of living with someone. My first marriage lasted 20 years and my second marriage lasted 7 years. I call both of them a success because for the most part they were good. But, if I were to live with someone again I'd pick another man. There wouldn't be any sex of course, but we would have far more in common.

I enjoy reading the women's forum because they deal in real issues between people. It seems to me that the womens forum has far less bickering and knocking of other people's posts. The mods can correct me if I'm wrong, but I would guess that there are far fewer deleted posts here on the women's forum than on the open forums where so many people jump all over anyone who posts something the slightest bit controversial. Controversy is a good thing and helps all of us learn and understand. That is why I enjoy eek's posts. They are well thought out and never nasty.

[sbk]

Cheers Ian. We tend to weed out the trolls but try to keep discussions honest.

As for marriages/long term relationships. Well, lets be honest. Is there any long term relationship you have had with anyone that has been trouble free?

The whole thing about a long-term relationship is the willingness to put in the effort to make it work. Sure, people change over time (they should anyway!) but hopefully both partners can adjust to that change and work their differences out.

As I said earlier, the Thai women grab up the good ones early on. Most of the really lovely Thai men I know (and I know quite a few) are all happily married and have been married since their very early 20's.

[Shotime]

Deep down, I, honestly, hope you bought that black dress.

[tulipgirl]

Thanks everybody for your comments regarding my scribbles. Indeed, I am over 29 and I have learned by now that Thai men tend to get married when they are younger, at least the majority. I am not unhappy, as one of you suggested. Being in a relationship for more than three months often give more cause to grief than being single for a considerable time. I also understand that Pattaya is a sex-orientated city, which has its advantages haha. Interesting to read that men in the south tend to be taller. In Europe it’s the opposite. When I lived in Bangkok I was able to make more quality friends, but the air quality and noise made me move to a quiet place outside Pattaya. I thought it was a good choice as I still desire to travel to Bangkok frequently. From Pattaya it isn’t a very long drive.

Also, I don’t speak a lot of Thai and whenever I visit other places, nobody tends to speak English or French or Hindi or Spanish. What cities do you girls (and boys) think are good for living? I work at home so I do not rely on finding an outside job, just a nice place to live.

[sbk]

I'd vote for Chiang Mai myself. i know girlx stayed there quite awhile and is seriously considering moving there permanently. It seems to have a normal social life as well.

[IanForbes]

Cheers Ian. We tend to weed out the trolls but try to keep discussions honest.

As for marriages/long term relationships. Well, lets be honest. Is there any long term relationship you have had with anyone that has been trouble free?

The whole thing about a long-term relationship is the willingness to put in the effort to make it work. Sure, people change over time (they should anyway!) but hopefully both partners can adjust to that change and work their differences out.

As I said earlier, the Thai women grab up the good ones early on. Most of the really lovely Thai men I know (and I know quite a few) are all happily married and have been married since their very early 20's.

I don't think it's just Thai women that grab up the good guys early. It's the same the world over. I see many happily married couples who have been together for over 30 years. Those are the ones where BOTH spouses work at solving the problems. But, the facts remain that over 50% of western culture marriages fail. I don't have figures for Asia so I can't comment. All I have to go on is what Thai women have told me about their dealings with partners. And, I'm not just referring to bar gals. I know lots of Thai ladies who have never worked in the night life scene.

There isn't much one spouse can do if the other is unwilling to compromise or change to accommodate a more evenly balanced marriage. I would still be married to my first wife if she hadn't decided to play musical beds with her acting group who were all playing around on their spouses. On her behalf I have to say I was never really in love with the lady so maybe I didn't make her feel wanted enough. My second marriage ended when her grown son (22 years old) turned into a druggie and stayed with us for 10 months. She couldn't take the strain and took off and left him with me. Just because you might be physically attracted to someone does not mean you can live with that person.

When I analyze things and study the people who have long term happy marriages it is usually a couple where BOTH spouses are personally happy with themselves and don't NEED someone else to make them happy. When one of the spouses is a needy person it usually kills the relationship over a long term. I think that some people are just better off being alone and having friends rather than a spouse.

[sbk]

Deep down, I, honestly, hope you bought that black dress.

I did

[eek]

I'd vote for Chiang Mai myself. i know girlx stayed there quite awhile and is seriously considering moving there permanently. It seems to have a normal social life as well.

I dont have much to compare it to, but i have to agree that Chiang Mai is pretty good place to be.

You say you like to be close to Bangkok, which of course Chiang Mai cannot compare to. But, as Thailands second largest city, it doesnt do too badly. If its just mainly the shopping, then we have a lot here too. I find it a much friendlier and chilled out place to be than Bangkok.

If you can work anywhere tulipgirl, why not take a short trip up to see what you think.

[Boo]

When I analyze things and study the people who have long term happy marriages it is usually a couple where BOTH spouses are personally happy with themselves and don't NEED someone else to make them happy. When one of the spouses is a needy person it usually kills the relationship over a long term. I think that some people are just better off being alone and having friends rather than a spouse.

100% agree. If you are happy alone & then meet someone who adds to that then it works & well. I tend to find that to many people are looking for too much in a partner. As if another person can fix all the wrongs in their life & when they don't & can't meet all the (quite frankly ridiculously extensive & unattainable) criteria, they blame their partner & move on instead of looking at themselves first. Rinse & repeat.

[HakimKlunker]

Also, I don't speak a lot of Thai and whenever I visit other places, nobody tends to speak English or French or Hindi or Spanish. What cities do you girls (and boys) think are good for living? I work at home so I do not rely on finding an outside job, just a nice place to live.

Good places for living? If you think about cultivated, intelligent, interesting, etc. people: Better leave Thailand. I met not even ten of them up to now and 9 1/2 of them were foreigners.

I will run as soon as my work life is over here and then I return to civilisation! Until then, internet will help me not to forget proper grammar, spelling and complete sentences.

[tulipgirl]

Also, I don't speak a lot of Thai and whenever I visit other places, nobody tends to speak English or French or Hindi or Spanish. What cities do you girls (and boys) think are good for living? I work at home so I do not rely on finding an outside job, just a nice place to live.

Good places for living? If you think about cultivated, intelligent, interesting, etc. people: Better leave Thailand. I met not even ten of them up to now and 9 1/2 of them were foreigners.

I will run as soon as my work life is over here and then I return to civilisation! Until then, internet will help me not to forget proper grammar, spelling and complete sentences.

Now this is a direct answer I like. I must say, after living here for 2.5 years I never had an intelligent conversation, including with academically trained people. Pattaya is definitely not the place for me, but I will join the Ladies Club and see if that gives me some pleasure. I have been to Chiang Mai with Loi Krathong, but thought it was a bit quiet after that. Before I moved to Thailand I lived in the Himalayas in India. After that, Thailand is disappointing in many ways, though I had the impression I would get better food here. There wasn't much of it where I lived in India. Perhaps I should finish my project in Thailand and move to another Asian country. I am not sure of going back to India. Have any of you lived in other Asian countries? Which one ranks best? I intend to stay in this part of the world.

[IanForbes]

You seem to have an itch that you can not scratch, tulipgirl. And you are searching for something that seldom exists. Unless you can fluently speak the language in a foreign country it is next to impossible to have an in depth discussion with the locals. There are a lot of educated men and women in Thailand, but meeting them and creating long term friendships is more difficult if you don't speak the language and don't have the right connections. I don't know if you speak the language or not, but I've met a few lovely women in Thailand where I can discuss many things of interest to both of us. I truly hope you can some day find what you are searching for.

[neverdie]

I luv tall ladies, the taller the better, long legs mmmmm

i find most of the tall ladies here in thailand have really deep voices

yah mean like this?

Yeah yeah Ian, those look like some of them tall gals .

Hey Boo, do you look like this?

[sbk]

No, neverdie, Boo just looks like a very tall, attractivewoman.

[popmybubble]

Good places for living? If you think about cultivated, intelligent, interesting, etc. people: Better leave Thailand. I met not even ten of them up to now and 9 1/2 of them were foreigners.

I will run as soon as my work life is over here and then I return to civilisation! Until then, internet will help me not to forget proper grammar, spelling and complete sentences.

after living here for 2.5 years I never had an intelligent conversation, including with academically trained people.

Wow, wasn't really expecting all of this when I raised the height question

I agree with what IanForbes has said about language being a bit of a barrier, but what do you mean by 'intelligent conversation'? I would think that would differ from person to person anyway. Personally I'm more interested in enjoying someone's company, having a laugh, talking about anything, not necessarily something intelligent but including a variety of topics- politics, crime, world news etc etc which are all things I talk about with my thai bf on a daily basis. And in reference to Hakim, my bf can complete sentences well, spelling is a lot better than some western people and grammar is so-so. I sometimes forget how hard the English Language is for non-native speakers and if it's not 'perfect' why should it matter?

I know everyone's personality is different but I don't really understand when people have lived here for so long yet fail to find a connection with anyone local. Admittedly I haven't spent prolonged periods of time here, so maybe I'm lucky.

[IanForbes]

Wow, wasn't really expecting all of this when I raised the height question

It is all interrelated, popmybubble. There are good reasons why ANY couple gets together. Most often there is initially a sexual attraction, but after that it has to be more substantial than just sex. Most of us like to be liked. When someone shows any of us some special attention we are normally flattered and often respond in kind. After that it takes mutual interests to keep the friendship going. If there are a lot of mutual interests then the couple begins to over look the physical and concentrate more on the mental. I've seen cases where loving couples didn't even notice when their partner changed their appearance. The woman would have her hair cut or the guy would shave his beard and the spouse would hardly know what it was that was different. That's because they were more in tune with the mental part of their spouse rather than the physical appearance. I've seen lots of short jockies married to tall, lovely looking gals who adored their husband for who he was and not just what he looked like.

[tulipgirl]

You seem to have an itch that you can not scratch, tulipgirl. And you are searching for something that seldom exists. Unless you can fluently speak the language in a foreign country it is next to impossible to have an in depth discussion with the locals. There are a lot of educated men and women in Thailand, but meeting them and creating long term friendships is more difficult if you don't speak the language and don't have the right connections. I don't know if you speak the language or not, but I've met a few lovely women in Thailand where I can discuss many things of interest to both of us. I truly hope you can some day find what you are searching for.

Fortunately I am not as desperate as I may appear to be. I have 67 Thai friends in Bangkok who are fluent in English and I have intelligent conversations with them. I just moved to Pattaya so I need some time to find new friends here. Regarding itches that I cannot scratch... well, Pattaya is the place to have them scratched for you... haha. I love Prachuapkhirikhan and I think of moving there as soon as I can speak some basic Thai. I can already count to a million.

[Goinghomesoon]

I also don't see farang women with Thai men.

Is it fair to say that it is practically impossible for a Caucasian woman to find a nice Thai man who is seriously seeking a relationship (despite the fact that the Thais are obsessed with white skin). I often read that Thai men aren't the best spouses in the world anyway. So girls, how many of you have found real love in Thailand (with short or tall men) and are not supporting your Thai men and their families financially?

Actually Tulipgirl I originally thought there weren't many foreign woman/Thai man partnerships out there either. But in the course of of my work now I come across couples regularly. And mostly they are long-term-married-with-kids so they are not 19 year old bar boy/backpacker couples. They are out there, living their lives in the suburbs like everyone else.

I'm one who found a fabulous, mid-30s, single Thai man & we are now happily married. I don't send money to his parents but do occasionally pay for things. I also occasionally send money to my own mother back home. Why should anyone begrudge me the right to spend my salary as I see fit?

Oh...and he's taller than me by a smidge

Edited May 29, 2009 by Goinghomesoon

[bina]

im taller then anon slightly but both of us are short, and he's gotten a lot pudgier on his pita/humous and olives diet ) but then, my 40+ age just caught up with my waist line also, and he never even noticed... its not that he doesnt look at me, its that he doesnt see me physically so much as mentally. i could dye my hair purple and it wouldnt phase him -- and yes we are physically attracted to each other but its more based on scent and touch then physical shape i suspect (its the pheromones, testosterone etc). i forgot to add, he has broken teeth, i dont even notice anymore. and intelligent conversation? maybe people mean intellectual conversations, cause intelligence and conversing on an ADL basis (active daily living ) is different then sitting down and having an intellectual discussion with friends... i was never looking to sharpen my wits on my partner, but rather looking for a harmonious relationship where we intuitively understand eachother's needs and feelings. other friends are for sharpening my tongue and brain .

and who counts friends in numbers? 67 friends? dont u

(I have 67 Thai friends in Bangkok who are fluent in English and I have intelligent conversations with them) tulip says

mean acquaintances? colleages? i really only have about three true friends and a few others that are in the enlarged circle of friends, some cyber friends, one of whom i met in bangkok, and lots of peole that i know.

we dont support the family, although while visiting we did pull our weight plus some when it came to hospital care unexpectedly; and its anon's salary, he consults with me when he wants to send money, and i usually agree, or we come to a compromise.

just a funny anecdote. anon's youngest married sister was bugging us to have her come and visit (yes she would love to exchange present husband for 'handsum farang' but she is a good person, funny, intelligent but a bit lazy, but a caring mother for 7 kids (4 from two other working members of the family who want their kids in the extended family unit in sung soong). i told her, when she can afford the plane ticket, i will foot the rest of the bill... the family laughed and said, not without a bit of respect, 'phuut toong toong' -- i speak straight to the point!!

bye for now

bina

israel

[tulipgirl]

I also don't see farang women with Thai men.

Is it fair to say that it is practically impossible for a Caucasian woman to find a nice Thai man who is seriously seeking a relationship (despite the fact that the Thais are obsessed with white skin). I often read that Thai men aren't the best spouses in the world anyway. So girls, how many of you have found real love in Thailand (with short or tall men) and are not supporting your Thai men and their families financially?

Actually Tulipgirl I originally thought there weren't many foreign woman/Thai man partnerships out there either. But in the course of of my work now I come across couples regularly. And mostly they are long-term-married-with-kids so they are not 19 year old bar boy/backpacker couples. They are out there, living their lives in the suburbs like everyone else.

I'm one who found a fabulous, mid-30s, single Thai man & we are now happily married. I don't send money to his parents but do occasionally pay for things. I also occasionally send money to my own mother back home. Why should anyone begrudge me the right to spend my salary as I see fit?

Oh...and he's taller than me by a smidge

Thanks. That's nice to hear. Congratulations. May your love last long.

And Bina, acquaintances might be a better word. Considering true friends, I would say I have only 4, as I can call them and ask them to come over in case I need help. However, many of my 67 acquaintences are close to me and we do spend much time together, often in sub-groups. Most of them know each other as well. I have no colleagues BTW.

[Shotime]

'phuut toong toong'

I miss Thailand. We were playing golf one day, and I turned to my caddie and asked her if the putt (!) was toong toong. She said nit-noi. All day, we were saying nit-noi straight.

[IanForbes]

'phuut toong toong'

I miss Thailand. We were playing golf one day, and I turned to my caddie and asked her if the putt (!) was toong toong. She said nit-noi. All day, we were saying nit-noi straight.

Don't laugh, I do that here in Canada all the time without thinking. I get some strange looks when someone asks me if I want more coffee and I say "Nit-noi"

[Beachbunny]

Thanks everybody for your comments regarding my scribbles. Indeed, I am over 29 and I have learned by now that Thai men tend to get married when they are younger, at least the majority. I am not unhappy, as one of you suggested. Being in a relationship for more than three months often give more cause to grief than being single for a considerable time. I also understand that Pattaya is a sex-orientated city, which has its advantages haha. Interesting to read that men in the south tend to be taller. In Europe it’s the opposite. When I lived in Bangkok I was able to make more quality friends, but the air quality and noise made me move to a quiet place outside Pattaya. I thought it was a good choice as I still desire to travel to Bangkok frequently. From Pattaya it isn’t a very long drive.

Also, I don’t speak a lot of Thai and whenever I visit other places, nobody tends to speak English or French or Hindi or Spanish. What cities do you girls (and boys) think are good for living? I work at home so I do not rely on finding an outside job, just a nice place to live.

If you are looking for someone around your age and single, I'd say Bangkok or at least where a big university is located....someone doing post graduate work. It has been my experience that thais, men & women, marry later than most in the west. I asked my husband about that and he said generally they marry late 20s or later, but that may be just his family and his experience also....most of the ones we know wanted to or want to get all their education out of the way before getting married. My husband was 36 when we got married....his brothers younger, but not by much.....all from Bangkok though.

Good luck!

Beachbunny