scottiejohn Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Popular Post White Christmas13 Posted May 2, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted May 2, 2017 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Ron19 Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 1 hour ago, White Christmas13 said: Thank god it's not a real Apple. The cat would never get back in! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scottiejohn Posted May 2, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted May 2, 2017 58 minutes ago, Ron19 said: 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Popular Post scottiejohn Posted May 2, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted May 2, 2017 What’s the difference between a bachelor and a married man? Bachelor comes home, checks out what’s in the fridge and goes to bed. Married man comes home, checks out what’s in the bed and goes to the fridge. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 A little boy looks at his mum at a wedding and says: "Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?" His mum answers: "The girls is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life." The boy nods and then says, "OK, and why is the boy all in black?" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 Mother: "Eat your bread". Child: "I don’t like bread. Why do I have to eat the bread". Mother: "So you become big and strong". Child: "Why do I have to become big and strong?" Mother: "So you can provide the daily bread to your family". Child: But I don’t like bread! logic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 A man is running down a country road towards the railway station. He sees a farmer near a field and asks: “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 2:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you might even catch the 1:23 one if he don't catch you first.” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scottiejohn Posted May 2, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted May 2, 2017 Mother, “How was school today, Patrick?” Patrick, “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!” Mother, “Ooh, don't they do very fancy stuff with you these days". What will you do at school tomorrow?” Patrick, “What school?” 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post kickstart Posted May 2, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted May 2, 2017 On a Thai t- shirt I noticed last month , poignant. A woman fakes an orgasm to have a relationship, A man fakes a relationship to have an orgasm. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Minnie the Minx Posted May 2, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted May 2, 2017 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post White Christmas13 Posted May 3, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted May 3, 2017 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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scottiejohn Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 POLITICIAN Late one night a robber wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!" ** "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!" **insert country/politician of choice here 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 MUSIC! I was in an Indian restaurant recently and I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass wind from my nether regions. The music was really great, all my favourite stuff. It was nice and loud, so I timed my reliefs to the beat of the music! After just a few songs I started to feel better. Oh! Bliss, nobody could have heard me under that great sound. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me with handkerchiefs covering their mouths and the sound of coughing and spluttering all around! That was when I remembered I was listening to my iPod. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 WOMEN IN SPACE Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space? To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!" "What is the problem?" "Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scottiejohn Posted May 3, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted May 3, 2017 (edited) BLONDs AND A LADDER Two friends are talking, one says: "OH, I fell off a thirty-foot long ladder yesterday." "Oh no, Betty, are you alright?!" inquires the other one, shocked. "Yeah, I’m OK, I was only on the second rung." "From the top or the bottom - Betty?" Edited May 3, 2017 by scottiejohn Heading edit 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minnie the Minx Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 *snicker* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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