Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Posted

Ghoulish Chat up Lines?

 

I'll be your trick if you'll be my treat.

 

Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you out?

 

Pardon me for drooling, but without my jaw, I can't help myself.

 

What's a nice ghoul like you doing in a crypt like this?

 

Hey there, mind if I take a bite? Cause your decomposing in ALL the right places.

 

I want to ask you out, but I've got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots. And...

 

Is that a bat in your pocket, or does my costume excite you?

 

Please, Lady, come home with me. You never know what sort of blood sucker I'll turn into, at midnight!

 

I don't want your candy, what I really want is your number; I hope it’s 666.

 

Pardon me. I hate to interrupt, but you've captured my eye. Could I have it back? It's the only one I've got, to fall in love with you at first sight.

  • Like 1
Posted

When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims?            On Fry Day

 

What's a monsters favourite desert?                                 I-Scream!

 

What do you call a Halloween boner?                                Petrified wood

 

How do you get to write a book about Halloween?         A ghostwriter.

Posted
On 28/10/2017 at 9:32 AM, scottiejohn said:
On 28/10/2017 at 2:04 AM, Crossy said:

Think fruit which can help with bowel related (non)issues.

 

 

On 28/10/2017 at 8:36 AM, wayned said:

If it was meant to be a prune why did you label it a fig?

I used the "prune" as it has the same bowel related function as a Fig.  I assume you have looked at the Fig.1/Fig.2 meme posted earlier as you will find I did not do the Fig meme or do the labeling, I just commented on it and now wish I hadn't.

 

lets get back to :partytime2:

 

 

 

Ha ha ha

I got it straight away.

All diagrams are called Fig

Figure?

I thought it was too good for this forum....

 

Go Figure!

 

Posted
7 hours ago, laislica said:

I thought it was too good for this forum....

 

Go Figure!

By "drawing" on your own experience you were proved right.  Mind you most things are too good for this forum!

I am still trying to figure out why I post here at all.

Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, CantSpell said:

 

Fig 1 and Fig 2 do look like Figs, go Fig... 

I am so "figged out"  that I am now unable to give a sh*t anymore!

Maybe I can chill out and get a (re)laxative tomorrow and see what figures or works out!

 

PS; anymore Halloween jokes folks?

Edited by scottiejohn
Posted
30 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

PS; anymore Halloween jokes folks?

Two figs walked into a bar on Halloween ...

 

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Posted
2 hours ago, CantSpell said:

No prune intended? :whistling:

I don't figging know and don't give a fig, but then I am totally relaxed and free flowing with the whole situation!

 

Meanwhile back to Halloween!

 

texting.jpg.4fcf50005f33a1bd1c582e49e7086e86.jpg

 

PS; DISCLAIMER; This post is not connected in any with any low flying topics currently running in the CM Forum!

  • Like 1
Posted

A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween.

The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot.

The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral to the story:

 

The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.

Posted (edited)

 

Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad? Because they were trans-parents!

 

What part of the street do vampires live on?            The dead end.

 

What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost?   Bamboo.

 

Why do mummies have no friends?

 Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves!

 

What did the ghost say when the skeleton lied to him? I can see right through you."

 

Why don’t ghosts like rain on Halloween?  It dampens their spirits!

 

Why are vampires so easy to ool? Because they’re suckers.

Edited by scottiejohn
  • Like 1
Posted

Two monsters went to a Halloween party.

Suddenly one said to the other,

"A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"

The other monster replied,

 

"Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."

Posted

How do Pirate vampires get around on Halloween?

In blood a vessel with the skull & bones flying.

 

Why the walking Corpse’s chat up line failed with a blink of on eye!

He said "Hey babe. Rigour mortis has set in…if you know what I mean - wink wink"

as his eyeball falls out!

 

What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Witches’ Halloween party?

Nothing; They couldn't stir without her.

Posted
19 hours ago, kickstart said:

Alledgedly wrote on  condom  machines.

 

Buy one and stop one.

Worst chewing gum I have ever brought .

 

Was there any come back with the management when you chewed the problem over or were you just bucking for a refund and got stopped in your tracks with nothing to show for your efforts.

Just be thankful that the little ba*stard who worked in the condom factory didn't have a grudge with the company and used a needle to prick all the ends!

Posted (edited)
20 hours ago, kickstart said:

Alledgedly wrote on  condom  machines.

 

Buy one and stop one.

Worst chewing gum I have ever brought .

 

Is there a connection with slot machines here?

(go on - figure it out - I promise not to prune my output - despite any potential blockages!)

 

Edited by scottiejohn
Posted

Normally, my local Immigration office uses 4 counters.

 


Unless it's really busy then they use 1

  • Like 2
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.




×
×
  • Create New...