scottiejohn Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 It's time for the Halloween Cr*p!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 Ghoulish Chat up Lines? I'll be your trick if you'll be my treat. Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you out? Pardon me for drooling, but without my jaw, I can't help myself. What's a nice ghoul like you doing in a crypt like this? Hey there, mind if I take a bite? Cause your decomposing in ALL the right places. I want to ask you out, but I've got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots. And... Is that a bat in your pocket, or does my costume excite you? Please, Lady, come home with me. You never know what sort of blood sucker I'll turn into, at midnight! I don't want your candy, what I really want is your number; I hope it’s 666. Pardon me. I hate to interrupt, but you've captured my eye. Could I have it back? It's the only one I've got, to fall in love with you at first sight. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day What's a monsters favourite desert? I-Scream! What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood How do you get to write a book about Halloween? A ghostwriter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 On 28/10/2017 at 9:32 AM, scottiejohn said: On 28/10/2017 at 2:04 AM, Crossy said: Think fruit which can help with bowel related (non)issues. On 28/10/2017 at 8:36 AM, wayned said: If it was meant to be a prune why did you label it a fig? I used the "prune" as it has the same bowel related function as a Fig. I assume you have looked at the Fig.1/Fig.2 meme posted earlier as you will find I did not do the Fig meme or do the labeling, I just commented on it and now wish I hadn't. lets get back to Ha ha ha I got it straight away. All diagrams are called Fig Figure? I thought it was too good for this forum.... Go Figure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 7 hours ago, laislica said: I thought it was too good for this forum.... Go Figure! By "drawing" on your own experience you were proved right. Mind you most things are too good for this forum! I am still trying to figure out why I post here at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CantSpell Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 14 hours ago, laislica said: Go Figure! Fig 1 and Fig 2 do look like Figs, go Fig... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 (edited) 1 hour ago, CantSpell said: Fig 1 and Fig 2 do look like Figs, go Fig... I am so "figged out" that I am now unable to give a sh*t anymore! Maybe I can chill out and get a (re)laxative tomorrow and see what figures or works out! PS; anymore Halloween jokes folks? Edited October 30, 2017 by scottiejohn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crossy Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 30 minutes ago, scottiejohn said: PS; anymore Halloween jokes folks? Two figs walked into a bar on Halloween ... 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daffy D Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 36 minutes ago, Crossy said: Two figs walked into a bar on Halloween ... Errm! Can't figure that out 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kickstart Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Alledgedly wrote on condom machines. Buy one and stop one. Worst chewing gum I have ever brought . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post CantSpell Posted October 31, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted October 31, 2017 17 hours ago, Crossy said: Two figs walked into a bar on Halloween ... No prune intended? 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 2 hours ago, CantSpell said: No prune intended? I don't figging know and don't give a fig, but then I am totally relaxed and free flowing with the whole situation! Meanwhile back to Halloween! PS; DISCLAIMER; This post is not connected in any with any low flying topics currently running in the CM Forum! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank. Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scottiejohn Posted October 31, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted October 31, 2017 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad? Because they were trans-parents! What part of the street do vampires live on? The dead end. What do you get if you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo. Why do mummies have no friends? Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves! What did the ghost say when the skeleton lied to him? I can see right through you." Why don’t ghosts like rain on Halloween? It dampens their spirits! Why are vampires so easy to ool? Because they’re suckers. Edited October 31, 2017 by scottiejohn 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?" The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 How do Pirate vampires get around on Halloween? In blood a vessel with the skull & bones flying. Why the walking Corpse’s chat up line failed with a blink of on eye! He said "Hey babe. Rigour mortis has set in…if you know what I mean - wink wink" as his eyeball falls out! What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Witches’ Halloween party? Nothing; They couldn't stir without her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) PS; and ripping me apart! Edited October 31, 2017 by scottiejohn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post laislica Posted October 31, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) Thanks Lee A man was sitting on the edge of the bed watching his wife looking at herself in the mirror. As her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like for a present. "I'd like to be twelve again", she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her Birthday, he got up early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops and took her to Alton Towers. He put her on every ride in the park; The Death Slide, the Corkscrew, The Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to Mc Donald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn, a huge Cola, and her favourite sweets......M&M's.. At last they staggered home together and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being twelve again?" Her eyes slowly opened and she replied, "I meant my dress size, you Tw<deleted>at!" The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is still going to get it wrong. Edited October 31, 2017 by laislica 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 19 hours ago, kickstart said: Alledgedly wrote on condom machines. Buy one and stop one. Worst chewing gum I have ever brought . Was there any come back with the management when you chewed the problem over or were you just bucking for a refund and got stopped in your tracks with nothing to show for your efforts. Just be thankful that the little ba*stard who worked in the condom factory didn't have a grudge with the company and used a needle to prick all the ends! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) 20 hours ago, kickstart said: Alledgedly wrote on condom machines. Buy one and stop one. Worst chewing gum I have ever brought . Is there a connection with slot machines here? (go on - figure it out - I promise not to prune my output - despite any potential blockages!) Edited October 31, 2017 by scottiejohn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post laislica Posted November 2, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted November 2, 2017 Could this be a winner? 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted November 2, 2017 Share Posted November 2, 2017 Normally, my local Immigration office uses 4 counters. Unless it's really busy then they use 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted November 2, 2017 Share Posted November 2, 2017 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted November 2, 2017 Share Posted November 2, 2017 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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