Popular Post scottiejohn Posted October 5, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted October 5, 2018 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Andrew Dwyer Posted October 5, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted October 5, 2018 Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle ?Because dogs can’t whistle ???? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 21 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said: Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle ? Because dogs can’t whistle ???? You must be barking mad to post that one as I did not hear that coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scottiejohn Posted October 5, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted October 5, 2018 (edited) Edited October 5, 2018 by scottiejohn 4 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CantSpell Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Dwyer Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 I think not !! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Dwyer Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Dwyer Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Dwyer Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 7, 2018 Share Posted October 7, 2018 On 10/6/2018 at 8:08 AM, Andrew Dwyer said: I think not !! So is sh*t! and no it is not a coincidence. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scottiejohn Posted October 7, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted October 7, 2018 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 7, 2018 Share Posted October 7, 2018 A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG ROAD HOG!!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a very pig in the middle of the road and dies immediately. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scottiejohn Posted October 7, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted October 7, 2018 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 7, 2018 Share Posted October 7, 2018 What's the difference between a woman and Bigfoot? One is covered with matted hair and smells awful. The other has big feet. What does a woman call true love? An erection. Why is a fat woman like a moped? They're both fun to ride until your friends see you with one. What's the difference between a woman and a parrot? You can teach a parrot to talk nicely. What's the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital? At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out. What is six inches long, two inches wide and make women act like fools? Money. What's the most effective birth control device for women. Their manners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 7, 2018 Share Posted October 7, 2018 Quote 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CantSpell Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CantSpell Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 Time to get back to the oldies; ‘What do you call a flirty philosopher? Socra-tease.’ ‘At work we’ve got a printer we’ve nicknamed Bob Marley. Cause it’s always jammin’ ‘I’ve just burned my Hawaiian pizza. I should have put it on aloha setting.’ ‘How do you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake.’ ‘Whenever anyone asks to share my KitKat, I give them two fingers,’ You’re never more than two feet away from a pair of shoes.’ ‘I tried the tinnitus helpline but it’s no good. It just keeps ringing.’ the retired general confessed he hadn’t kissed a woman since 1956. On hearing his friend’s commiserations, he replied: ‘Mind you, it’s only 2030 hours now.’ What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance? Nina Nina 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 I used to have a job at a calendar factory. I got the sack because I took a couple of days off. Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind — it’s tearable. What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory. Where do you learn to make ice cream at the weekends? Sundae school. I wouldn’t buy anything with Velcro. It’s a complete rip-off. You know what’s funny? A good joke. (this is not one of them) Why did the hairdresser win the race? He knew a short cut. My wife suggested I wash the car with our son. I told her a sponge would be better. What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved. Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted. What do you call a male ant? An uncle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post CantSpell Posted October 10, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted October 10, 2018 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiochaser Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 On 9/28/2018 at 2:39 AM, riceyummm said: That should not be funny. Yet, I laugh! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiochaser Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 On 9/27/2018 at 5:54 AM, scottiejohn said: Ah, my cousin was north bound on State Highway 101 in San Jose, California, when that picture was taken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post superal Posted October 11, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted October 11, 2018 A Scottish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson Scottiejohn who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell." "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? ......... "What . . . . You're coming empty handed?" 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post superal Posted October 11, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted October 11, 2018 Wise Italian Grandfather Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family. An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?" "You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos." "Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "? 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post superal Posted October 11, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted October 11, 2018 Irish Blonde... An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." MORAL OF THE STORY Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, .... but all men...are men! 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottiejohn Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 6 minutes ago, superal said: A Scottish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson Scottiejohn who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell." "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? ......... "What . . . . You're coming empty handed?" But Granny you told me at my Bar mitzvah to uphold all aspects of my Scottish/Jewish faith and never insult someone by bearing unasked for gifts, it makes them feel like paupers you said! PS; I do have a blank will form for you to sign. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scottiejohn Posted October 11, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted October 11, 2018 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.png.3b3332cc2256ad0edbc2fe9404feeef0.png)
Recommended Posts