Worst Joke Ever

[scottiejohn]

5 hours ago, radiochaser said:

So says you.  But from the angle, it looks he is pointing to my wife who is up stairs.  

 

Does that reply mean you are offended by my posts.  If so it worked, if not we didn't get the point((ed) finger)!

????

 

 

[chickenslegs]

[chickenslegs]

Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says "Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you $100."

 

The one says to the other, "should we do it?" The other says "NO!! Are you crazy?"

 

The first guy replies "Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars... I'm gonna do it."

 

So he walks in to the church, and little while later, he walks back out.

 

The friend says "Well, did you get the money?"

 

He replies "Holy Jesus, Mary, Mother of God, that's all you people think about, isn't it?"

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

Religious Jokes (continued)

 

A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar. 
The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?" 

Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter? 
A: Eve, because she made Adams banana stand. 

 

Q: Why did the sponge go to church? 

A: Because it was holy and wanted to soak up the spirits and atmosphere!

 

Q: Why was Noah the best businessman in the Bible? 
A: He floated his stock while everybody else was being liquidated. 

 

Q: What do you call a sleepwalking and/or gypsy nun? 
A: A roamin' Catholic! 

 

Q: What do you call holy bread? 
A: Jesus Crust!

 

Q: What happened when Moses had a headache? 
A: God gave him some tablets.

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

Escape 
A kangaroo keeps escaping from his enclosure at a zoo. 
The blonde zookeeper decides to add a metre to the wall of the enclosure. But it doesn't work, the kangaroo escapes again.

So the zookeeper adds 3 metres to the wall.

Still the kangaroo escapes again.

The zookeeper adds 5 metres to the wall. But the kangaroo escapes again and again.

When the kangaroo has just been brought back for the umpteenth time, his friend the elephant asks him, "When are you going to stop escaping they really are getting hopping mad?"

The kangaroo answers him:

 

"When they close the door of my enclosure." 
 

[scottiejohn]

[chickenslegs]

6 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

OK, I give up. Please explain.

 

 

Please explain the joke.

[ozsamurai]

Im back

 

[ozsamurai]

On 10/26/2018 at 1:36 AM, owl sees all said:

When warfie started this thread he wanted jokes that made you laugh and cringe at the same time. Most of the jokes posted are just too funny.

  Warfie, RIP, already declared a winner many times if you have been with this post since the start you'd know that.  The problem was the jokes just kept getting worse.  ????

 

Cheers

 

Oz

[Daffy D]

7 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

OK, I give up. Please explain.

 

 

Please explain the joke.

Yea! Me Too 

[GarryP]

4 minutes ago, Daffy D said:

Yea! Me Too 

"Sleeping Bootie" perhaps. Just a guess.

[Daffy D]

2 minutes ago, GarryP said:

"Sleeping Bootie" perhaps. Just a guess.

OK! Kinda get that but where is the joke part?

 

Perhaps it's so bad that there isn't an actual joke. That would then certainly make it the winner of the Best Worst Joke thread 

[scottiejohn]

1 hour ago, GarryP said:

"Sleeping Bootie" perhaps. Just a guess.

The caption/punchline went AWOL but I am glad you worked it out anyway.

I shall give myself a "boot up the backside" and not loose too much sleep for my error.

 

[scottiejohn]

1 hour ago, Daffy D said:

OK! Kinda get that but where is the joke part?

 

Perhaps it's so bad that there isn't an actual joke. That would then certainly make it the winner of the Best Worst Joke thread 

Dam it!  I should have kept quiet.

[bluesofa]

7 hours ago, ozsamurai said:

Im back

 

Oh God, that was offal. Lettuce pray.

[bluesofa]

9 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

OK, I give up. Please explain.

Please explain the joke.

Leg's gone to sleep?

[CantSpell]

3 hours ago, GarryP said:

"Sleeping Bootie" perhaps. Just a guess.

Would have got it the first it if there was a booty there. ???? 

 

[owl sees all]

He got 'dead leg'.

[owl sees all]

Fatima, my second wife was hairy; very hairy in those special places.

 

I arrived home from the pub and went into the bedroom. The wife was listening to her favourite music and in the half-light I could just see she was naked. I quickly stripped off and lay on the bed. My hand moved over and I started to stroke.

 

"You are getting so hairy down there Fatima. Very soft and furry."

 

My hand began to wander.

 

"You are very tight Fats. But a little dry."

 

I started to gently rub. Fatima said sleepily;

 

"That's the cat. I'm further over." 

 

 

Fatima also loved phone sex. She would put the phone on vibrate and get all her friends to call. I came home and Fats was chatting to someone on her mobile. I went over and kissed her on the cheek.

 

"Great! Fish for dinner tonight!"

 

"That's my mobile; were having salad."

 

+++

 

Fatima! If by any chance you are on TVForum and are reading this; I miss you. And, if you are still with that German surgeon, tell him it was me that blunted all his scalpels. I was jealous! Sorry!

[CantSpell]

[CantSpell]

34 minutes ago, CantSpell said:

Would have got it the first it if there was a booty there. ???? 

 

And then they could do another version of this cartoon, with the "booty and the beast", though it may need some PG or just go straight to RP18..

 

 

[scottiejohn]

1 hour ago, CantSpell said:

But only after you have logged on to the local branch down Elm Street.

I thought he was very plane at first but I see he is a chip off the old block with finely chiselled features, or does he just go against the grain and become barking mad when you leave him to get catty with the TV members.

[CantSpell]

[CantSpell]

[CantSpell]

[CantSpell]

[CantSpell]

[chickenslegs]

9 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

But only after you have logged on to the local branch down Elm Street.

I thought he was very plane at first but I see he is a chip off the old block with finely chiselled features, or does he just go against the grain and become barking mad when you leave him to get catty with the TV members.

After that little lot, poplar opinion is that yew should be birched, or made to walk the plank.

I should really seek-a-more useful way to spend my time.