loong Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 I was in a restaurant and ordered spaghetti I thought "This doesn't taste right" Turned out it was an impasta. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loong Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 10 people only had one small umbrella between them and it was really p*ssing down. How is it that they all managed to stay dry? They were all indoors Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Teacher: John, where on the map is The United States?John: It is there. Teacher: Correct. Now Amanda, who discovered The United States? Amanda: John. Yup, true stories are best LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanAunuum Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 i have just got my dyson hoover from out of the attic and sold it on E bay well it was only collecting dust 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loong Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 i have just got my dyson hoover from out of the attic and sold it on E bay well it was only collecting dust Being pedantic on purpose, dyson and hoover are both trade names for manufacturers of vacuum cleaners. It's like saying that you drive a Toyota Ford. Anyway, in the USA an opinion poll, the overwhelming opinion was that hoover vacuum cleaners suck. In the month following the results of the poll, sales of hoover vacuum cleaners increased by 2 million. Coincidentally A&E were also overwhelmed by 2 million lonely men seeking treatment. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlanAunuum Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 oh then i should have said dyson vacuum cleaner (in the UK we call them hoovers) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarryP Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 i have just got my dyson hoover from out of the attic and sold it on E bay well it was only collecting dust Being pedantic on purpose, dyson and hoover are both trade names for manufacturers of vacuum cleaners. It's like saying that you drive a Toyota Ford. Anyway, in the USA an opinion poll, the overwhelming opinion was that hoover vacuum cleaners suck. In the month following the results of the poll, sales of hoover vacuum cleaners increased by 2 million. Coincidentally A&E were also overwhelmed by 2 million lonely men seeking treatment. Loong You have lost me on this one. Really!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post silver sea Posted August 23, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2014 My vacuum cleaner tried to kill me , but I managed to fight it off. Talk about Dyson with death! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silver sea Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 i have just got my dyson hoover from out of the attic and sold it on E bay well it was only collecting dustBeing pedantic on purpose, dyson and hoover are both trade names for manufacturers of vacuum cleaners.It's like saying that you drive a Toyota Ford. Anyway, in the USA an opinion poll, the overwhelming opinion was that hoover vacuum cleaners suck. In the month following the results of the poll, sales of hoover vacuum cleaners increased by 2 million. Coincidentally A&E were also overwhelmed by 2 million lonely men seeking treatment. Perhaps they should have tried the Dyson Ball Cleaner. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silver sea Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 Knock, knock. Whos there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in its hot out here. Knock, knock. Whos there? Lettuce. Lettuce? Yes, lettuce us alone, we are newly weds! Knock, knock. Whos there? Lettuce. Lettuce? Yes, lettuce us pray. (I´m a priest!) Q: What do you call the study of jokes about lettuce? A: Dunno, but it's not rocket science. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post loong Posted August 23, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2014 Q: What do you call the study of jokes about lettuce?A: Dunno, but it's not rocket science. Sorry, but that is too clever to qualify as a worst ever joke 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loong Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 i have just got my dyson hoover from out of the attic and sold it on E bay well it was only collecting dust Being pedantic on purpose, dyson and hoover are both trade names for manufacturers of vacuum cleaners. It's like saying that you drive a Toyota Ford. Anyway, in the USA an opinion poll, the overwhelming opinion was that hoover vacuum cleaners suck. In the month following the results of the poll, sales of hoover vacuum cleaners increased by 2 million. Coincidentally A&E were also overwhelmed by 2 million lonely men seeking treatment. Loong You have lost me on this one. Really!!! Don't worry If you don't understand then it just means that your mind is not in the gutter 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WitawatWatawit Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 What do you call a vegetarian DJ with a rash? Spin-itch (if that's too obscure, I shall refrain from making up any more) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loong Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 What do you call a vegetarian mechanic with a rusty vehicle? Car-rot 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loong Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Thomas the cat was biting his master's feet and got carried away Tom-ate-toe 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loong Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 (edited) The manager of the greengrocers received his bonus in vegetables and he gets a pretty good celery already. Edited August 24, 2014 by loong 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loong Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Why do they call a small spicy pepper that burns your mouth a chilly?? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loong Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Went out to the garden this morning and most of the lettuces were on their sides and jerking. "Oh God", I thought, "we'll be eating seizure salads for a month now!" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loong Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 How do you circumcise a redneck Kick his sister in the jaw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loong Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 (edited) What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. Edited August 24, 2014 by loong 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loong Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Pattaya police investigated the death of a Farang. They found that he had been shot 27 times, his throat had been cut, he had suffered extensive burns after being doused in petrol and fallen 15 floors from his balcony to the street below. Apparently, he only fell because the rope around his neck had snapped. The Pattaya police spokesman stated that this is the worst case of suicide that they have ever seen. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post loong Posted August 24, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted August 24, 2014 Why do women have Orgasms So they can moan even when they are enjoying it ! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WitawatWatawit Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Should CP Group be listed on the SET as chicken stock? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silver sea Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post silver sea Posted August 25, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted August 25, 2014 A certain Scandinavian airline lost my friend's luggage, so he said to their representative: "Are you telling me that it's vanished into Fin Air?" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moojar Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 A very young man had been on a date the night before, and his father is quizzing him about it. "So son, how was the date hmmm?" "It was great dad, I lost my virginity!" "Oh, I am so proud of you! You're a man now! Tell me all about it!" "Well dad, after dinner we drove up to Kissing Point and parked. Things got a bit steamy and, well, one thing led to another and we ended up making love in the back seat. :-) " "Woo hoo, good on you son! So, when are you going to do it again?" "Not for a while I think dad, my arse is a bit sore." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moojar Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 A blind man walking past the fish shop: "Mornin' ladies." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post moojar Posted August 27, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted August 27, 2014 The prostitute says: "Faster, faster!" The mistress says: "Harder, harder!" The wife says: "Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 (edited) Should CP Group be listed on the SET as chicken stock? Insider joke? Please explain. I used to work for Reuters and we had tla's for everything, I got sick of them. Plain English please LOL Tla's = three letter acronyms The Brit Navy had even 5 letters HOVPU, they had not learned to combine tla's LOL Which is of course a helicopter operator's voice processing unit, (could be found on an aircraft carrier). The ACC became the TDC or through deck cruiser, when the Gov said there would be no more ACC's because they were too expensive! (OK, I'll get my coat) (Don't blame me, you started it) Edited August 27, 2014 by laislica 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post moojar Posted August 29, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted August 29, 2014 Three Indians walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of Sikh joke?" 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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