Worst Joke Ever

[Thaddeus]

''knock knock''

''who's there?''

''the interrupting cow''

''the interrupting......''

MOOOO

[Stan42]

I used to date a dyslexic woman.

I took her home and she ended up cooking my sock.

[Stan42]

Man who walk through doorway sideways, is going to Bangkok.

[Bangkokhatter]

Called the boss today and said " sorry boss can't come in today i'm sick "

Boss asks " well how sick are you " ?

" well i'm in bed with me sister "

[nikmar]

a duck goes into a job centre and tells the guy at the desk that he is in need of work.

"y.y.y.y your a talking duck"

"i know. so do you have any jobs?"

getting over his shock. " errr yes , i could get you a job in a circus. you ll make a fortune and travel the world."

"but im an engineer!!!"

[mca]

Called the boss today and said " sorry boss can't come in today i'm sick "

Boss asks " well how sick are you " ?

" well i'm in bed with me sister "

[mca]

Quasimodo broke his arm so had to resort to sounding the chimes at Notre Dame by headbutting the Emmanuel on the hour. After receiving a rather draining "nooner" from Esmeralda he took his usual position in the tower at midday but due to his weakened state his legs were a tad on the wobbly side so he slipped and plummeted to the cobbles on the street below.

Mortally wounded he cried out for help to two noblemen strolling past.

" I say, do you know who that rather repulsive looking fellow is?" exclaims the first.

" No I don't" replies the second, " but the face rings a bell"

[silver sea]

The Tale Of The Two-Legged Pig

Once upon a time, there was a two-legged pig. It was so clever that one night, it saved the lives of the farmer and all his family.

A fire had broken out in the old barn next to the farmhouse. The fire spread quickly to the thatch roof of the house. This pig was woken by the smell of smoke and began to kick and squeal. He leapt over the fence and knocked the door open to let the family out.

But old granddad was stuck in his room. The pig rushed out and down the lane to the phone box. It used its trotter to call the fire brigade. The firemen climbed up their ladders and rescued granddad.

So thanks to that clever, brave pig, the fire had soon been put out, and everyone had been saved. Hooray! Well done, Mr Pig.

Now I know what youre thinking: How did that pig lose two of its legs?

Well, as you can appreciate, with a pig like that, you dont eat it all at once!

Edited April 21, 2015 by silver sea

[laislica]

[laislica]

[laislica]

[laislica]

[ozsamurai]

A young girl from Isan leaves home to find work in the bright lights of Bangkok. She comes home 6 months later and steps out of a taxi wearing a full-length leather coat. "Wow, Nit," says her mother. "That is a lovely coat your wearin' an' it looks so expensive. Where did you get that?" Nit replies, " I won it on the black lotto. Don't they have wonderful prizes in Bangkok?" When the weekend's over, Nit returns to the bright lights, but she's back to visit her mom a few months later. This time, when she steps out of the taxi, she's wearing a beautiful gold wristwatch and a large diamond ring. Same exchange with Mom...same "Won it on the lotto!" Nit returns to the bright lights again. A few months later, she's back. This time she's sporting a beautiful emerald and diamond necklace with matching bracelet and earrings. She hands her mother 100,000 baht and explains that she won it all on the lottery. Then she asks Mom to run her a bath as she needs to freshen up. When Nit gets to the washroom, there's only a quarter inch of hot water in the bathtub. Nit, a wee bit peeved at her Mom being so cheap with the hot water after being handed 100,000 baht, calls out to her, "Mom! didn't I ask you to run me a bath? There's only a quarter inch of water in the tub!" "Indeed there is, honey!" replies her Mom. " we don't want you getting your lottery ticket wet now, do we?"

[silver sea]

A foursome of men is waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tee.

The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet. Then she

goes over and whiffs it completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet and finally hacks it another five feet.

She looks up at the waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess all those f...ing lessons I took over the winter

didn't help me."

One of the men immediately says: "You're right there, lady. You should have had golfing lessons instead!"

[WitawatWatawit]

A dwarf with a lisp goes to an agricultural show to buy a mare. He wanders around until he comes across a beautiful mare inside a small enclosure with a farmer standing at the gate.

He goes up to the farmer and says, Excthuth me, can I have a look at your horth?

Sure, says the farmer,come on in.

The dwarf wanders round and round the mare and then stops, says to the farmer Her eyeth, her eyeth, I want to see her eyeth.

The farmer has to bend down and pick up the dwarf to show him the mares eyes.

Nith eyeth, nith eyeth, I like thith horth, I like thith horth, I think I want to buy thith horth.

Once again the dwarf wanders around the horse, in turn asking the farmer to pick him up and show him the mares ears and exclaiming, Nith earth, nith earth, I like thith horth, I like thith horth, I think I want to buy thith horth.

The farmer is starting to get pissed off by this stage because the dwarf is quite heavy.

Suddenly the dwarf stops in his tracks and says, Her twatt. her twatt, I want to see her twatt!

The farmer, infuriated, pick up the dwarf and drives him head first into the mares backside.

He leaves the dwarfs little legs kicking and wanders off to talk to his mates for a couple of minutes. He then comes back and extracts the dwarf from his predicament, SCHLOOOOP!

The dwarf wipes himself down and says. I think I better wephrase thatId like to thee her gallop!

Edited May 5, 2015 by WitawatWatawit

[laislica]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sInhzdAmrWk

[riceyummm]

That's COLD!

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

[laislica]

[strikingsunset]

Ive not read through these pages but.............

A guy goes into a pet shop and says to the owner,I want to buy a wasp.

The owner says,dont be a T--t we dont sell wasps............

Well there was one in the window a minute ago...........

[WitawatWatawit]

^^^ You do realise this thread is for appallingly bad jokes, don't you?

Sadly, you'll fit in nicely. Keep up the bad work.

[riceyummm]

Porn stars at AVN porn Influential celebs at MET gala.

awards.

[laislica]

[Gulfsailor]

How do you get down from an elephant?

.

.

.

.

.

.

You can't. You can only take down from a duck or goose.

[laislica]

A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. 'Who are you?' he asked him.

'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.

'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked.

'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.

'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards! '

[laislica]

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: 'Nothing . . . ? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'

[laislica]

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.


'What was that for?' the man asked.


The wife replied, 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Betty on it that I found in your trouser pocket.’


The man then said 'When I was at the races last week, Betty was the name of the horse I bet on.'


The wife apologized and went on with the housework.


Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.


Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.


Wife replied, 'Your horse phoned!'

[laislica]

And it's not just the Thai's who are money oriantanted!

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be sayin’ a mass for the poor creature?'

Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'

Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'

Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya’ tell me the dog was Catholic?