How Well Did You Know Your Thai Partneer After 1, 2 Or 10 Years?

[PeaceBlondie]

I posted this

"To elaborate: in my opinion, most people - even lovers - are strangers in the first year. Foreign country, cultural background, language, etc - much more so. The OP does not say the 'newcomer' was long-married, in country many years, etc. I know farang here who married and divorced Thai women, and they never knew the woman's full name, village reputation, work history, etc. Your mileage differs."'

in another thread http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Knew-Didn-t-...07#entry2817307, as a side comment. It deserves its own thread topic.

Before I married somebody of the same age, socio-cultural level, ethnic background and native language, we dated for a year. We worshiped together, I met her extended family; we had countless long conversations. I had dated one of her friends for a year. After a year of marriage, we knew all about each other. I find that Thai-farang relationships are not the same. Do you agree?

[Soutpeel]

I posted this

"To elaborate: in my opinion, most people - even lovers - are strangers in the first year. Foreign country, cultural background, language, etc - much more so. The OP does not say the 'newcomer' was long-married, in country many years, etc. I know farang here who married and divorced Thai women, and they never knew the woman's full name, village reputation, work history, etc. Your mileage differs."'

in another thread http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Knew-Didn-t-...07#entry2817307, as a side comment. It deserves its own thread topic.

Before I married somebody of the same age, socio-cultural level, ethnic background and native language, we dated for a year. We worshiped together, I met her extended family; we had countless long conversations. I had dated one of her friends for a year. After a year of marriage, we knew all about each other. I find that Thai-farang relationships are not the same. Do you agree?

I agree for the most part Thai-farang relationships are not the same, for the vast majority of TV members, they arrived on a package holiday from somewhere...6 weeks they were married...

[pokerman]

Before I married somebody of the same age, socio-cultural level, ethnic background and native language, we dated for a year. We worshiped together, I met her extended family; we had countless long conversations. I had dated one of her friends for a year. After a year of marriage, we knew all about each other. I find that Thai-farang relationships are not the same. Do you agree?

Not the same as what?

If a relationship is working well, it is nourished and grows

If it's not.it goes to hel_l....

I DONT see any difference.......nomatter which country the partners are from

[surayu]

sometime i still doubt about how well i do know myself, nevermind the thai partner

[garro]

I don't believe that you can ever really know another person because they are constantly changing. Many people don't seem to have much insight into themselves, never mind anybody else.

[peter991]

Interesting thought, PB. Two relationships in Thailand to date (over the last 8 years). Both completely different ends of the spectrum - one with only a primary school education - but street-smart, the other university educated and working in a government job.

Both of them very honest people - and very few surprises. I guess I know them (and they know me) quite well.

Peter

[ThaiPauly]

Anglo-Thai relationships turn the clock back to times when the women stayed up at home and looked after the house and kids, never knew what you earned and stayed together for life. My own parents are testimony to this having being married for 56 years.

It's not like that anymore at least not in the UK.

Women want so much more now , I grew up when the "Burn Your Bra" scenario was playing out and women were being empowered to do more with their lives than stay at home , raise kids and look after their husband.

Nowadays the kids are gowing up more equal back home and it's drummed into the girls that its OK to be "Ladettes" and can have everything that a man can have....which is a good thing,

But when I was growing up the goalposts were being moved.

I ended up having 3 bad marriages there.....not to say I balme my ex-wives for everything, I divorced 2 and 1 divorced me.

I have nothing whatsover against sexual equality, but here the Thai women like it the way it used to be, well I am happily married and have been for 5 years now, sure my Wife does not understand my jokes or sometimes takes things the wrong way, but I have western freinds to socialise with in CM to make up for that.

This all leads to a happily balanced life.

She takes care of me and my needs and I support her and her son financially.

It's a good deal as far as I am concerned.

But the women on the forum might want to have a go at me for posting this.

but I am just being honest.

Edited June 20, 2009 by ThaiPauly

[IanForbes]

Having had two marriages that ended in divorce and hundreds of "Relationships" I can truthfully say there is no one size fits all. Everyone is different and everyone's goals are different. I have three Thai lady friends that dearly would love to be married, but there is no way in hel_l that is ever going to happen with me... and I've told them so. We can be friends and that's it. If they want to find someone else I'd be only too happy to oblige them.

There is no way to fully know what is going on in your partner's head, and that is likely to be more the case in mixed marriages between a Thai and a farang.

[a2396]

I posted this

"To elaborate: in my opinion, most people - even lovers - are strangers in the first year. Foreign country, cultural background, language, etc - much more so. The OP does not say the 'newcomer' was long-married, in country many years, etc. I know farang here who married and divorced Thai women, and they never knew the woman's full name, village reputation, work history, etc. Your mileage differs."'

in another thread http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Knew-Didn-t-...07#entry2817307, as a side comment. It deserves its own thread topic.

Before I married somebody of the same age, socio-cultural level, ethnic background and native language, we dated for a year. We worshiped together, I met her extended family; we had countless long conversations. I had dated one of her friends for a year. After a year of marriage, we knew all about each other. I find that Thai-farang relationships are not the same. Do you agree?

I think your first paragraph is more accurate regarding the nature of marriage here. Many foreign men do not live here and have minimal knowledge of the ladies backgound, etc,etc and that's if she is open to divulge significant information. It seems to me that once a willing Farang man is hooked, the objective is to get him "railroaded" into a marriage as soon as possible, before he changes his mind.

[pontius]

sometime i still doubt about how well i do know myself, nevermind the thai partner

SUPERROFL

Seriously, I've been 7 years with the same girl in Thailand, and she still seems like a complete stranger. We don't fight or hide things from each other, we just think differently.

[Boo]

I lived with my husband for 18 months before we married & in that time got to know the core of his personality. The values & what I considered things worth staying with him for. The subsequent 7 years have given me an opportunity to know him better & better. So after 8 1/2 years I can pretty much predict what he will say, do, react to in any situation but he occasionally throws a curve ball to keep me on my toes. IMO I think living with someone or at least spending a lot of time together for 18 months-2 years before committing to marriage will give you a very good idea of the person.

[G54]

I would at least hope to have a greater understanding of any future partner in my life, but not sure I want to know them fully. I like the idea of learning little things over a long period of time.

I do feel that with a Thai / Farang relationship it is more difficult to learn about each other - especially about the Thai partner as they are more reluctant to talk about their past - so I doubt they will ever be the same.

[mahtin]

After more than 10 years she can still surprise me.

This keeps it fresh.

[krading]

My GF of 6 years got a call from a friend wanting to send us an invitation to a monk making party at her house. GF asked me "Darling, what you name?"

[robbiecia]

If you can speak fluent Thai, or your spouse can speak fluent English, then a relationship here should be much the same as anywhere.

[PeaceBlondie]

I knew my partner's Thai names, but he changed from Bacakaladerong Wasaonchaba, to Aranadopamine Kanchanaboob. His sisters' nicknames are Mom, Mon, Mun and Num. I have no idea what Mother's name is, and on a bad day, neither does she.

[neverdie]

I knew my partner's Thai names, but he changed from Bacakaladerong Wasaonchaba, to Aranadopamine Kanchanaboob. His sisters' nicknames are Mom, Mon, Mun and Num. I have no idea what Mother's name is, and on a bad day, neither does she.

[Jimjim]

I don't agree completely, as the OP oversimplifies everything. Only in that it can be true that language difficulties will cause you not to be able to express everything about your past and vice versa. Also, it will often be a case of a foreigner arriving here and catching the woman after she's already grown up, and thus having little experience of knowing her in school and knowing all of her friends and knowing a lot about her through friends and other people talking about her. Probably most married couples meet at college where it's easier to find out a lot more about someone through friends, etc. But any relationship where you meet the woman or man after college will be the same, Thailand or elsewhere. Biggest difference is language difference and not being able to know as much about the girl through talking with friends as you're the odd one out, a foreigner, and can't communicate with them as well.

[WaiWai]

My GF of 6 years got a call from a friend wanting to send us an invitation to a monk making party at her house. GF asked me "Darling, what you name?"

It's quite true that Thais tend to not much be into the revelations we foreigners regard as part of closeness & intimacy.

One element of this may be something like what Thai Pauly has described -- that is, such information is not regarded as crucial to the arrangement.

Another reason would surely be that Thais don't, on the whole, expect us to understand their thinking or for us to understand theirs, nor do they usually regard us part of their inner circle -- no matter how long the relationship.

[a99az]

I was one of the guys that married my Thai wife not long after landing in C/M Somtimes I think I knew more about her then than now. Every day a new supprise

[WaiWai]

By the way, what exactly is a "monk making party" ?

[rijb]

My Thai wife and I met 37 years ago. We talk about how we've 'grown up' together and how we've changed over the years. We're the same age. It wasn't difficult to learn about our respective backgrounds during the two years before we were married. But, we really didn't get to "know" each other until we went through the up's and down's of marriage, with kids, bills and ills!

[torrenova]

Discounting guys who come to Thailand and get hitched quickly or export their girl back to the west after an equally short period of time, as I believe they know little or nothing about Thais or their partner at all, then in general, you have four basic types of woman split into those who were or are prostitutes and those above and below a certain age.

Above a certain age you get characteristics of a western woman from 50+ years ago. Current or ex prostitute and you have to deal with those issues. Young girls whether hookers or not want a more modern way and do not want the life of their mothers.

Do you know your woman or man ? Yes, you can but how many of these Thais would truly have chosen their partner had their not been some financial or social status incentive ? Not many I guess, when people are honest.

[sbk]

I met my husband and lived with him for 9 months before marriage. We have our 20th anniversary this year. He did not marry me for my money and I didn't marry him for his

How well do I know him? As well as can be expected from two people who have been married for 20 years and spending nearly 24/7 of that time with each other.

But yes, at times he does surprise me, not very often mind, but every once in a great while

[saintofsilence]

The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key

[waza]

Anglo-Thai relationships turn the clock back to times when the women stayed up at home and looked after the house and kids, never knew what you earned and stayed together for life. My own parents are testimony to this having being married for 56 years.

It's not like that anymore at least not in the UK.

Women want so much more now , I grew up when the "Burn Your Bra" scenario was playing out and women were being empowered to do more with their lives than stay at home , raise kids and look after their husband.

Nowadays the kids are gowing up more equal back home and it's drummed into the girls that its OK to be "Ladettes" and can have everything that a man can have....which is a good thing,

I saw an interesting article the other days, the increase in 1 parent and both working parent families, has fractured the family structure and created dysfunctional children who crave attention. Feminism has been blamed for this. Therefore, there is a move back to traditional family values, by women, as you described.

[IanForbes]

I saw an interesting article the other days, the increase in 1 parent and both working parent families, has fractured the family structure and created dysfunctional children who crave attention. Feminism has been blamed for this. Therefore, there is a move back to traditional family values, by women, as you described.

I could not agree more. I have seen hundreds of examples of that. Unfortunately, children from couples who are continually bickering are similarly scarred.

[sbk]

lets not get into a woman-bashing discussion here, as otherwise this thread will be very short lived indeed.

Stick to the topic at hand boys, thanks.

[edgarfriendly]

ive been here 9 years.

3 relationships, and a bunch of timewasters in between....

first girl, year one - awesome, we travelled to so many places.

year two - i had to get a job, she started stealing and lying.

year three - i started to complain about her behaviour, she got violent. then she got dumped!

second girl - knew each other for over a year - i was over cautious, and when we eventually got it together , a stupid misunderstanding caused our relationship to wither, though we remain friends. cos shes lovely. and a professor.

third girl - started relationship REALLY slowly, she got kicked out of her house, ur an adult now, get out. and she'll haave not given me a reason to disown her in 3 years in november....

my point, communication is key!!

if u/they/we/i dont put any effort in, we'll get the same out.

ive met so many women who JUST wanna get married, or JUST want me to buy a car in her name or JUST want me to pay for/buy a bunch of garbage(unnecesary stuff, 6 hats, 4 bags, how many shoes???)(not actual rubbish, yea)

so, i dream of my 2nd girl, just like i dream of waterfalls.

always and never!!

ef

PS- in between somewhere i had a one night stand that got pregnant, AFTER i gave her morning after pills.(as u may have heard) my son turned 2 this month.

3 million baht if i wanna SEE him. while his mum dumped him on her mum on the laos border. so she can do what she does in Bkk.

ef

[473geo]

I think it all stems from the ability of the Thai to quite simply finish a chapter and start a new one.......

If life is good now.....I am good for you....you are good for me....why rake around in the past?

If we are totally honest most have little secrets better left undisturbed.......things perhaps we did that we are not too proud of......

So the Thai close that chapter and live for today..........only when they have absolute trust would I expect them to disclose things experienced in life before you.......it is risk management........perhaps they are very unsure how the farang will react.

If you are happy why dig around.....you might just turn up something that spoils it all......then we are all unhappy.....