Thai Girl Dillema - Please Help Me Out With This

[dubwise]

Ok - forgive me I have long been a reader of this site but this is my first post. Basically I have been living here for 3 months now, had a couple of liasons with bar-girls here, simply because I have friends here and that is their 'scene', although not mine. I am fully aware of the differences between BGs and 'real' thai girls, and the last 2 weeks I have begun courting a girl who is most definitely 'real' (forgive me - im not implying BGs aren't real, but you know what I mean). I am 27 and she is 24. Now tonight an 'issue' has arisen - I attempted to kiss her, and she refused my kiss - she told me 'no- you can never kiss me - this is very rude in Thailand'. Now I have the upmost respect for Thai culture and I know you are not allowedd to touch peoples heads, but the problem where I come from (England) is that we SHOW AFFECTION by kissing. This girl really likes me, and vice versa - I want to have a relationship with her -however, I cannot possibly contemplate never, ever, being able to kiss her. I mean its not only that, if I introduced her to my parents/family friends, the first thing they would do is kiss her!!! What have others done in this situation? All I can think about is the thought of kissing her - its the way my brain works. Do you think I would be able to eventually convince her that its ok for us to kiss?

[Boo]

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=27457

you are not alone

[Vit42]

Sorry for the last message, I meant to post to the other email about the thai step-daughter!!! -- Vit

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Vit, I deleted the mistaken post. You can now post it in the thread you intended.

cv/mod

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Edited February 19, 2005 by cdnvic

[smacko]

dude, just get useto it...

your living in thailand now, so you gotta go things the thai way.

[cdnvic]

If its any help to you, that first kiss takes forever, but once it happens everything else accelerates quite nicely.

cv

[udon]

No kissing... Not unusual in Thailand, wierd innit, but it's their culture.

[Jai Dee]

I mean its not only that, if I introduced her to my parents/family friends, the first thing they would do is kiss her!!!

I think you guys need to sit together and have a long discussion about your respective cultures, and what are the expected actions and responses.

If she really likes you has she ever "sniff-kissed" you?

Has she tried to explain to you that you should wai her parents, if you are introduced?

Have you tried to explain to her that your parents will want to kiss her, if she is introduced?

You guys have so much to learn.....

Take your time... learn... communicate... and enjoy!

[Savage]

I think while you're here in Thailand you'll have to repect not being able to kiss in public. But if you were to take her to the UK to meet your folks then she'll just ###### well have to get used to that way of doing things, my wife did. Compromise

[Boon Mee]

No kissing... Not unusual in Thailand, wierd innit, but it's their culture.

Not just Thailand. I've found that kissing in public is very "verboten" in all Asian countries.

Different story behind closed doors!

[Backpack_thailand]

Take your time... learn... communicate... and enjoy!

Sound advice Jai Dee. Just go with the flow, it'll all come good in the end!

Compromise as well, your GF will have to realise that a small, inoffensive welcome kiss from family and friends is a part of YOUR culture, and refusal would be as offensive as you not Waiing her parents!

Don't panic dubwise, if she's as great as you say, she'll be worth the wait! Most of us here have been through this....

Good luck, when you get your first kiss, the beers are on you!

[rainman]

If its any help to you, that first kiss takes forever, but once it happens everything else accelerates quite nicely. 

cv

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Agreed.

[_Echinochloa_]

If its any help to you, that first kiss takes forever, but once it happens everything else accelerates quite nicely. 

cv

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Agreed.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

He's back!!!

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and...... gone again

silly image deleted by mod

Edited February 19, 2005 by cdnvic

[dr_Pat_Pong]

I mean its not only that, if I introduced her to my parents/family friends, the first thing they would do is kiss her!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think you guys need to sit together and have a long discussion about your respective cultures, and what are the expected actions and responses.

If she really likes you has she ever "sniff-kissed" you?

Has she tried to explain to you that you should wai her parents, if you are introduced?

Have you tried to explain to her that your parents will want to kiss her, if she is introduced?

You guys have so much to learn.....

Take your time... learn... communicate... and enjoy!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Great advice Jai Dee ( the nickname is apt )

[Ken]

What's that song? "A kiss is just a kiss, a smile is just a smile.....". You'll get there but may take some time. Are you in a hurry.

Edited: Whoops. Did a google search and guess I better change that "smile" to "sight". Anyway, nice song and still applies.

"As Time Goes By" Carol Sloane

now, remember this a kiss is just a kiss

a sight is just a sight

the fundamental things apply

as time goes by

and when two lovers woo they still say I love you

on that you can rely

the world will always welcome lovers

as time goes by

**moonlight and lovers never out of date

hearts full of passion jealousy and hate

woman needs man and man must have his mate

that nobody can deny

is still the same old story

a fight for love and glory

a case of do or die

the world will always welcome lover

as time goes by

**Repeat from here

Edited February 19, 2005 by Ken

[~G~]

I cannot possibly contemplate never, ever, being able to kiss her.... Do you think I would be able to eventually convince her that its ok for us to kiss?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Of course, just not in public.

[meom]

Take your time... learn... communicate... and enjoy!

Sound advice Jai Dee. Just go with the flow, it'll all come good in the end!

Good luck, when you get your first kiss, the beers are on you!

Not to mention giving head; that'll be worth a few cases.

[dubwise]

Thanks for your advise on this guys my head was feeling a bit messed up last night from this but I feel a bit better now!

Ok so now I know that kissing in public is a definite no-no but how do Thai couples, in private, express affection for each other then? Do they just wai each other all day or what?

[Shola]

Thanks for your advise on this guys my head was feeling a bit messed up last night from this but I feel a bit better now! 

Ok so now I know that kissing in public is a definite no-no but how do Thai couples, in private, express affection for each other then? Do they just wai each other all day or what?   

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

LOL!

I think your'll find after some time things will be a whole lot different in private .

I remember when I first met my hubby, even in private he would always sit opposite me and not next to me!

It sounds like you've met a very nice traditional gal here.

[sriracha john]

All I can think about is the thought of kissing her - its the way my brain works. Do you think I would be able to eventually convince her that its ok for us to kiss?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

yes... after you get married. Seriously... for many a "real" Thai woman, that is when they kiss the first time. It is upon YOU to adopt to their culture...not the other way around. Welcome to Thailand.

[Backpack_thailand]

Take your time... learn... communicate... and enjoy!

Sound advice Jai Dee. Just go with the flow, it'll all come good in the end!

Good luck, when you get your first kiss, the beers are on you!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Not to mention giving head; that'll be worth a few cases.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The tone lowered nicely...!

Did have a slight chuckle though....

[DaMan]

(Assuming you are on the level and not trolling)

Did you ever consider that she just does not like you? Just like in the west, girls usually do not kiss guys they do not like. Maybe she likes you, but only as a friend. Maybe she is playing innocent and has 3 giks on the side (I know it hard to believe "real" thai girls actually do that!?). Maybe she is just shy. Who the ###### knows? I do find it strange that after knowing her for 2 whole weeks, you are already thinking about bringing her to england. Also when a woman says "you can never kiss me", this does not inspire confidence in further relations......

[dubwise]

(Assuming you are on the level and not trolling)

                            Did you ever consider that she just does not like you? Just like in the west, girls usually do not kiss guys they do not like. Maybe she likes you, but only as a friend. Maybe she is playing innocent and has 3 giks on the side (I know it hard to believe "real" thai girls actually do that!?). Maybe she is just shy. Who the ###### knows? I do find it strange that after knowing her for 2 whole weeks, you are already thinking about bringing her to england. Also when a woman says "you can never kiss me", this does not inspire confidence in further relations......

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well a. im pretty sure she does like me

b. I wasnt thinking about takng her to England that was purely a hypothetical scenario

and c. i dont think she exactly said 'you can never kiss me', just 'dont kiss me its rude in thailand'

as for the post about not being able to kiss her until I marry her, well frankly if in the long term she had continued to be 'offended' by my desire to kiss her then I would be the one starting to be offended. And what happens if I marry her, and then it turns out she STILL wont kiss me???? Sure, this is Thailand and like I said I have the upmost respect for Thai culture, but there are TWO people in a relationship, and whilst I accept that if I am to be with her I need to adapt to her culture, likewise if she wants to be with me (and it really does seem like she does), im afraid she also needs to adapt somewhat to mine.

Edited February 19, 2005 by dubwise

[DJ Pat]

Why not go for something else first? Like a grope or feel of a leg....I'm now used to only kissin gals when havin sex.

[DJ Pat]

Do they just wai each other all day or what?   

Almost!

[booma]

Isn't this more to do with showing affection in public?

[surin]

(Assuming you are on the level and not trolling)

                            Did you ever consider that she just does not like you? Just like in the west, girls usually do not kiss guys they do not like. Maybe she likes you, but only as a friend. Maybe she is playing innocent and has 3 giks on the side (I know it hard to believe "real" thai girls actually do that!?). Maybe she is just shy. Who the ###### knows? I do find it strange that after knowing her for 2 whole weeks, you are already thinking about bringing her to england. Also when a woman says "you can never kiss me", this does not inspire confidence in further relations......

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well a. im pretty sure she does like me

b. I wasnt thinking about takng her to England that was purely a hypothetical scenario

and c. i dont think she exactly said 'you can never kiss me', just 'dont kiss me its rude in thailand'

as for the post about not being able to kiss her until I marry her, well frankly if in the long term she had continued to be 'offended' by my desire to kiss her then I would be the one starting to be offended. And what happens if I marry her, and then it turns out she STILL wont kiss me???? Sure, this is Thailand and like I said I have the upmost respect for Thai culture, but there are TWO people in a relationship, and whilst I accept that if I am to be with her I need to adapt to her culture, likewise if she wants to be with me (and it really does seem like she does), im afraid she also needs to adapt somewhat to mine.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Your breath probably stinks to her...My wife even brushes her tongue and dry reaches doing it. Thai women are sensitive about odours...BUT, can eat and sleep next to cattle yarded a few metres away!!

[sriracha john]

  as for the post about not being able to kiss her until I marry her, well frankly if in the long term she had continued to be 'offended' by my desire to kiss her then I would be the one starting to be offended.

depends on how much you want to be with her versus your own perception of what is normal for you... it's her culture...and her country... and if you feel offended by her wishes, perhaps you shouldn't be here with her?

And what happens if I marry her, and then it turns out she STILL wont kiss me????

not likely... although she may not particularly go for what YOUR idea of kissing may be... most Thai women aren't into deep French-style kissing... even after marriage... they aren't raised to recognize that as something very desireable.

Sure, this is Thailand and like I said I have the upmost respect for Thai culture,

if so, stop trying to pressure her to adapt to YOUR culture of easy kissing

but there are TWO people in a relationship, and whilst I accept that if I am to be with her I need to adapt to her culture, likewise if she wants to be with me (and it really does seem like she does), im afraid she also needs to adapt somewhat to mine.

then what is her meeting you "half-way" in your mind and vice versa?

[dubwise]

it's her culture...and her country...

well when we get behind closed doors there are just 2 of us - and unfortunately that equals the cultures of 2 people, and 2 countries. Im not demanding I be able to plant kisses all over her like some demented rapist, I would just occasionally like to show her my affection with a kiss, thats all!

Edited February 19, 2005 by dubwise

[chuchok]

it's her culture...and her country...

well when we get behind closed doors there are just 2 of us - and unfortunately that equals the cultures of 2 people, and 2 countries. Im not demanding I be able to plant kisses all over her like some demented rapist, I would just occasionally like to show her my affection with a kiss, thats all!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I agree with that.There are TWO cultures involved.To favour one or the other is just wrong if both people want to be in a relationship.

Respect for both cultures!

[kreon]

as you can see in thai soapies they always fade away when it comes to kissing

as i do have young gf's, when they are my place most inhibtians seem to disappear, must say thai gals were never the best kissers anyway

for that you have to go to parisian gals, now we talking about kissers