Jealous Versus Suspicious

[vreemd13]

My LDR (for 3years now) tells me honestly he meets farang friends in BangKok. How would you feel?

Any informative suggestions how to approach this "honest" disclosure?

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Well, I am not a jealous type of gay, but I am just very suspicious about everything what is going on in BangKok city (or Thai-Farang relationship).

He shows a lot of his jealousy towards me all the time, by doing strange/stupid - talk/actions (according to me). And, for sure open-minded (I hope), I make no secret about my thoughts about him or to his strange actions towards me (I try to consider two-sides of the story). Neither does he keep quiet about his ("good" and "bad") thoughts about me (talking on telephone for hours, I appreciate his open response). He questions me about everything, f.e. what I am capable to do (wrong to him), while I am away in my home-country or even when I visit Thailand (just my solely purpuse to meet him). He has stayed at my home for 3months last year, so he has experienced how I am living and what I do for a daily life in my country. My LDR admits he is jealous and therefore he shows anger by talk.

And yes! No value of news to me, a LDR between cultures is difficult. So please, stop any suggestion to quit this relationship asap (so easy to write), without proper explanation of you.

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-1- Ouch! Maybe, just a case of: "how can we trust each other", while living apart/together (to inform you this is 60%/40%)

-2- Ouch! Maybe, just a case of: "taking advantage of each other", while (this is already extensively discussed between us):

-a- is it just for fun?

versus

-b- create a better future?

-3- Ouch! Maybe, just a case of: "sincere relationship with many difficulties" (we both are stubborn and have traits: this we agree, however without constructive solutions yet)

P.S. We still didn't get an agreement with each other among options: -2.a- versus -2.b- and -3-

[PeaceBlondie]

The opening post confuses me. Vreemd13 is European, living in Europe most of the year. Boyfriend is jealous Thai in Bangkok. The comments at end of post are from third parties commenting on the LTR (long term relationship). Did I get it right so far?

What is the agreement: can either man have sex with somebody else during the year? Is vreemd13 jealous?

[Ijustwannateach]

Very, very few long distance 'relationships' between people who don't live in Thailand and people who do are very honest or real. If they were, the parties involved would recognise that meeting only a few times a year for brief unreal vacation periods does not stand in place of taking care of emotional, physical, and social needs all year long; the only honest thing to do is take care of those needs in the absence of the long-term 'partner'- not to do so is self-abusive, and not to admit it is dishonest.

Unfortunately for the OP, a stay of 3 months by his 'partner' in his own country almost certainly indicates that the 'partner' has no regular employment and is being supported financially by him and/or other persons. It is not a very hard thing to work out. I suggest that OP either accept the reality that he only has a pseudo-relationship with the 'partner' or else find someone in his local environment who is available year-round and mature enough to be his own source of financial support. With such a person a real, sustainable, growth-oriented, and financially equitable relationship might become possible.

[vreemd13]

The opening post confuses me. Vreemd13 is European, living in Europe most of the year. Boyfriend is jealous Thai in Bangkok. The comments at end of post are from third parties commenting on the LTR (long term relationship). Did I get it right so far?

What is the agreement: can either man have sex with somebody else during the year? Is vreemd13 jealous?

He expects 100% loyalty from me towards him, but does he return his loyalty to me (when apart)? That was, my concern and my confusion, written down in my words.

[vreemd13]

Thanks IJWT for your help (again) and clear response:

Very, very few long distance 'relationships' between people who don't live in Thailand and people who do are very honest or real. If they were, the parties involved would recognise that meeting only a few times a year for brief unreal vacation periods does not stand in place of taking care of emotional, physical, and social needs all year long; the only honest thing to do is take care of those needs in the absence of the long-term 'partner'- not to do so is self-abusive, and not to admit it is dishonest.

Unfortunately for the OP, a stay of 3 months by his 'partner' in his own country almost certainly indicates that the 'partner' has no regular employment and is being supported financially by him and/or other persons. It is not a very hard thing to work out. I suggest that OP either accept the reality that he only has a pseudo-relationship with the 'partner' or else find someone in his local environment who is available year-round and mature enough to be his own source of financial support. With such a person a real, sustainable, growth-oriented, and financially equitable relationship might become possible.

True, I have accepted this thai

"pseudo-relationship" as surreality, before I started this post (even though, I couldn't elaborate by my words as you have done). I just wanted to make sure and you confirmed, if I did make a correct decision of detachment.

BTW:

I am not the one who condemn a person at first sight, because he is only temporarily employed. Some people just have not got the environmental luck to have a good steady employment (this made the 3months holiday possible, nothing to lose). I have witnessed this (un)employment unluckiness in the west many times, and still they can be good persons.

Note:

- To be honest, I gave some financial support, but only at a few irregular occasions

- As mentioned, it (was) isn't just a 2-3weeks holiday/year relation