Continuing To Make Every Possible Mistake.

[SIAMBULL]

Well continuing my saga of adventure and mishap in the Land of Smiles:

First idiotically marrying a bargirl, later divorsed... what a mess.

Then my good girl 2nd Thai wife came to the USA and has done well (citizen, Community College etc.) I was convinced that as the folks in Yasothon are my "family" it was a humanitarian ideal to support them and invest and help out. Nice thought.....

Well after buying them more land, paying off the mortgage on Mae's house, supporting and putting in special schools 4 of my 2 sister-in law' s children (who of course live with their Granmother as the sisters are too busy to be raising children), buying cattle and supporting the sister-in-law who was my wife's closest ally every month so she could come home from Bangkok and work the cattle and rice field well--- you geussed it: she got a Thai boyfriend and stole all the money. This class act stole her brother's money for the tractor, my land payments and the funds I had sent her to put her in hair cutting (cosmetology?) school. Walked with all the cash and when asked why: "I have a boyfriend" Nice huh? Forget the family, forget the plans, forget you're own children and parents, take the cash and run with the Thai pimp daddy. Oh I almost forgot: the other sister convinced me to invest in her Bangkok restaurant. Amusingly the payments for the loan have not been forthcoming. Whodothunkit?

What kind of people do this? I understand that poverty and ignorance make honor a meaningless exercise and that ultimately I am seen as a non-human ATM. Thai Rak Thai and take all you can from the stupid Farang... but to steal your children's future and burn you mother and siblings. I'm pretty fed up with Siam. Apparently they smile to cover their secretive coveteness and just don't have the basic brain power to comprehend planning for a better future or acting honorably so as to build and model character. I suppose that's the key: a characterless culture with a take on Buddhism that is basicly Tam Boon for more cash. "Oh Lord Buddha give me lottery numbers."

Anyway I told the family: no more money. Farang ATM closed, out of order, forget the gravy train, sis blew it and it's over.

Now I feel in my gullible Farang heart that I can't leave Mae satangless. Yeah I feel guilty and continue to want to help-- pitiful American Farang that I am.

At least this family produced one fine little human and she is my wife and now a US citizen. She is of course shaken by her sister's evil actions but Thai style immediately wants to forgive her and gloss over the truth. That's Thailand: smile and don't think and everything is JUST FINE! My Pen Rai!

BULL

[473geo]

You have learnt an important but hard lesson......forget big payments.....if you have it in your heart to continue to support your Thai family you must drip feed a small amount on a regular basis......you save for any emergencies as they will probably not.......

Other than that...it is very disappointing.....but at least we can always recover money.....in time

Pleasing that you and your wife are happy, and you will, I hope, not let the actions of her sister taint your relationship

Good luck

[soidog2]

Well continuing my saga of adventure and mishap in the Land of Smiles:

First idiotically marrying a bargirl, later divorsed... what a mess.

Then my good girl 2nd Thai wife came to the USA and has done well (citizen, Community College etc.) I was convinced that as the folks in Yasothon are my "family" it was a humanitarian ideal to support them and invest and help out. Nice thought.....

I am sure you wrote this to get it of your chest and you will get a lot of comments.

Unfortunately there is a lot of truth in what you jut described, I have seen this kind of behavior repeated over and over in a certain level of Thai village society.

It’s nondiscriminatory it’s just as likely to happen to a Thai as to a foreigner.

Thai people are aware of this possibility and are much wearier of trusting anyone!

I have seen grandmothers steal orphans money after parents died! and much more.

I look at it as part of adjusting to Thai culture and I learned the hard way that good people are one in a million !

Best regards

[tattoodrob]

They dont seem to have guilt about doing wrong things like the average person in the rest of the world would have, they all seem more opportunistic when it comes to money and stealing it and dont care that it effects others as long as they have what they want and even though they come from a poor background they seem not to be happy when they get more than the average....you buy them land-they want more....you buy a truck they dont even say thank you and want you to pay for anything it needs therafter including petrol!!

By "they" i mean the bad thai people and not the 1% (it feels like that!) that are normal......im not being racist as most thais i know dont trust other thais so dont give them the opportunity to do bad too much.

[Lopburi99]

You have learnt an important but hard lesson......forget big payments.....if you have it in your heart to continue to support your Thai family you must drip feed a small amount on a regular basis......you save for any emergencies as they will probably not.......

Other than that...it is very disappointing.....but at least we can always recover money.....in time

Pleasing that you and your wife are happy, and you will, I hope, not let the actions of her sister taint your relationship

Good luck

Good advice 473. Drip feed is the way for the OP to proceed given his comments. And be prepared to say NO in the future for any request for money beyond that.

If you are able to move on emotionally from this, and I hope you can, you are a better man than I. It would grind the hel_l out of me until I don't know what would happen....well, actually I do but will refrain from stating the obvious.

Hopefully you are a man of resources and all this wasn't too financially painful overall for you. That could make a big difference if you are able to dust this off and carry on without it affecting your life adversely in one way or another long term.

Good luck to you from this point forward.

BTW, I learned the hard way too, as many many of us have

Edited July 18, 2009 by Lopburi99

[robbo1]

Same same I learnt the hard way or am I still learning no sure yet brother inlaw stole money for house he was suposed to be building about 100 000 baht $4500 australian back hen the dollar was worth f!@#@!all I have never met the man dissapeared when I arrived last year I hope never to meet him as I would be afraid of what I would do to him as OP says family shrug there shoulders pisses me off sometimes but yes have learnt to say no alot easier now

[mailman]

Yeah, it's pretty common to steal and cheat, isn't it? Just have to learn to say no....NO!

I thought this article was pretty interesting and relavent.

Bangkok Post - July 9, 2009

Business » Economics

OUTSIDE THE BOX

EVEN FOR A NATION OF THIEVES, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE

Writer: Sawai Boonma

Published: 9/07/2009 at 12:00 AM

Newspaper section: BusinessLast week, an Abac Poll of 1,228 households in 17 provinces across Thailand found that 84.5% of respondents regarded cheating as a normal business practice and 51.2% said corruption by government officials was acceptable as long as it improved their living conditions. Similar surveys conducted over the past few years reached essentially the same conclusions regardless of respondents' geographical regions. Such findings clearly point out that Thailand is a nation made up largely of thieves who will cheat at every opportunity.

With such a mindset, no further explanation should be needed as to why Thailand has not been able to attain the level of development achieved by other Asian countries such as Japan and South Korea despite having relatively more natural resources. If we raise this issue with fellow Thais, a lot of them would quickly point out that corruption also exists in those countries. They are right. Corruption does indeed exist in those countries and, for that matter, in all countries. But the difference lies in the degree; in more advanced countries corruption is not so high as to stifle development.

A few weeks ago, a former president of South Korea was driven by shame to commit suicide after rumours circulated that he was involved in corruption while in office. In the case of Thailand, a former prime minister apparently feels no shame even after being convicted of corruption. Moreover, a large number of Thais have joined a political movement to clear him, including the current drive to prepare a petition with at least one million signatures to obtain a royal pardon.

Bad as the readiness to cheat may be, it is but one of four Thai characteristics that have been labelled detrimental to development, according to a former prime minister who echoed opinions expressed by some foreigners who know Thais well. The others are laziness, ostentatiousness and jealousy. Many Thais who hear this for the first time may be offended. But they should not be, as evidence can be found everywhere. Government lottery tickets are sold out regularly at premium prices because a lot of Thais wish to attain a high income level without working for it. Young Thai women marry retired foreigners whose pensions provide a road to an easy life. These phenomena may not be laziness as commonly understood but are laziness nonetheless.

Expensive German cars, Swiss watches, and French handbags all sell well in Thailand. Thais buy more luxury German cars than the Japanese, even though the latter have far more upper-income professionals. Personal debt has become a critical problem mainly because most Thais feel a strong need to keep up with their peers. Large debt may be incurred to finance ostentatious ceremonies to marry off daughters or send sons into the monkhood for two weeks.

Jealousy may not be as apparent, yet the co-operative movement in Thailand has never been successful since it was introduced during the reign of Rama VI because Thais cannot work co-operatively for any length of time. Tens of thousands of Buddhist temples have been built, many practically next to each other, because the solution for disagreement among members of the congregation is to build another one. These phenomena indicate a lack of social capital, which is vital for development.

The survey findings and foreigners' opinions are mirrors reflecting the true picture of our society that we have ignored or denied for so long. Our mindset must be changed for Thailand to develop further and grim as the picture may be, it is never too late to do that. While responsibility lies with all of us, the ruling class should take the lead for it has had better opportunities. As for the government, a lot of suggestions can be made but I will make only three, beginning with the easiest: do not approve the current online lottery proposal or make gambling in whatever form more convenient in the future; start revamping the tax base with the ultimate aim of making a progressive consumption tax the main source of revenues; and make sure that its own ranks are not populated by corrupt politicians.

Sawai Boonma served for more than two decades as an economist with the World Bank in Washington DC. He can be reached at [email protected]

[bellagrego]

Well continuing my saga of adventure and mishap in the Land of Smiles:

First idiotically marrying a bargirl, later divorsed... what a mess.

Then my good girl 2nd Thai wife came to the USA and has done well (citizen, Community College etc.) I was convinced that as the folks in Yasothon are my "family" it was a humanitarian ideal to support them and invest and help out. Nice thought.....

Well after buying them more land, paying off the mortgage on Mae's house, supporting and putting in special schools 4 of my 2 sister-in law' s children (who of course live with their Granmother as the sisters are too busy to be raising children), buying cattle and supporting the sister-in-law who was my wife's closest ally every month so she could come home from Bangkok and work the cattle and rice field well--- you geussed it: she got a Thai boyfriend and stole all the money. This class act stole her brother's money for the tractor, my land payments and the funds I had sent her to put her in hair cutting (cosmetology?) school. Walked with all the cash and when asked why: "I have a boyfriend" Nice huh? Forget the family, forget the plans, forget you're own children and parents, take the cash and run with the Thai pimp daddy. Oh I almost forgot: the other sister convinced me to invest in her Bangkok restaurant. Amusingly the payments for the loan have not been forthcoming. Whodothunkit?

What kind of people do this? I understand that poverty and ignorance make honor a meaningless exercise and that ultimately I am seen as a non-human ATM. Thai Rak Thai and take all you can from the stupid Farang... but to steal your children's future and burn you mother and siblings. I'm pretty fed up with Siam. Apparently they smile to cover their secretive coveteness and just don't have the basic brain power to comprehend planning for a better future or acting honorably so as to build and model character. I suppose that's the key: a characterless culture with a take on Buddhism that is basicly Tam Boon for more cash. "Oh Lord Buddha give me lottery numbers."

Anyway I told the family: no more money. Farang ATM closed, out of order, forget the gravy train, sis blew it and it's over.

Now I feel in my gullible Farang heart that I can't leave Mae satangless. Yeah I feel guilty and continue to want to help-- pitiful American Farang that I am.

At least this family produced one fine little human and she is my wife and now a US citizen. She is of course shaken by her sister's evil actions but Thai style immediately wants to forgive her and gloss over the truth. That's Thailand: smile and don't think and everything is JUST FINE! My Pen Rai!

BULL

[bellagrego]

Well continuing my saga of adventure and mishap in the Land of Smiles:

First idiotically marrying a bargirl, later divorsed... what a mess.

Then my good girl 2nd Thai wife came to the USA and has done well (citizen, Community College etc.) I was convinced that as the folks in Yasothon are my "family" it was a humanitarian ideal to support them and invest and help out. Nice thought.....

Well after buying them more land, paying off the mortgage on Mae's house, supporting and putting in special schools 4 of my 2 sister-in law' s children (who of course live with their Granmother as the sisters are too busy to be raising children), buying cattle and supporting the sister-in-law who was my wife's closest ally every month so she could come home from Bangkok and work the cattle and rice field well--- you geussed it: she got a Thai boyfriend and stole all the money. This class act stole her brother's money for the tractor, my land payments and the funds I had sent her to put her in hair cutting (cosmetology?) school. Walked with all the cash and when asked why: "I have a boyfriend" Nice huh? Forget the family, forget the plans, forget you're own children and parents, take the cash and run with the Thai pimp daddy. Oh I almost forgot: the other sister convinced me to invest in her Bangkok restaurant. Amusingly the payments for the loan have not been forthcoming. Whodothunkit?

What kind of people do this? I understand that poverty and ignorance make honor a meaningless exercise and that ultimately I am seen as a non-human ATM. Thai Rak Thai and take all you can from the stupid Farang... but to steal your children's future and burn you mother and siblings. I'm pretty fed up with Siam. Apparently they smile to cover their secretive coveteness and just don't have the basic brain power to comprehend planning for a better future or acting honorably so as to build and model character. I suppose that's the key: a characterless culture with a take on Buddhism that is basicly Tam Boon for more cash. "Oh Lord Buddha give me lottery numbers."

Anyway I told the family: no more money. Farang ATM closed, out of order, forget the gravy train, sis blew it and it's over.

Now I feel in my gullible Farang heart that I can't leave Mae satangless. Yeah I feel guilty and continue to want to help-- pitiful American Farang that I am.

At least this family produced one fine little human and she is my wife and now a US citizen. She is of course shaken by her sister's evil actions but Thai style immediately wants to forgive her and gloss over the truth. That's Thailand: smile and don't think and everything is JUST FINE! My Pen Rai!

BULL

Ah, Grasshopper. It seems as though you are experiencing a little anger and frustration as the result of your poor judgment. It's amazing how that beaver blinds one to good common sense and normal business acumen. I, have experienced many of the same things as have every falang that ever fell off the turnip truck in Thailand. You are obviously a good guy and just wanted to contribute to la familia as we all feel some need to bond with our adopted Thai extended family. Don't dispair over the bad seeds running off with some baht. It is no different in Americs, Briton ot Timbucktoo. I am building a house for my gal in Esaan, why, cause I can. Not cause I should or expect anything in return. At 70, I feel that I am stealing in some fashion, the prime of this late twentys gals life. She can't get that back. she tskes care of me in every way, like family and alln the other bs is just an inconvienence. Enjoy your Thai wife and forget her worthless relatives.

bella

[sibeymai]

You will have a measure of satisfaction after the sister's boyfriend gambles/drinks/whores the sister's money away and then dumps her after which she will come back to the family empty handed and probably with an extra mouth to feed. Offer her work taking care of the buffalo at 5,000 baht a month.

[ronthompson]

It is a sad truth but youru experence with Thai life is all too common. While events such as happened to you are very common in Thailand, The same or close to it happens all over the world.

I too am from America and every day I find it very easy to compare elements of the Thai society with elements of Americam society. Too many want something for nothing and most do not know u must work for it.

Stealing is a way of life for too many and society will end up paying the price, In the States too many are in Jails and yet crime is still present, in Thailand very are in Jail so u will have more stealing from each other. U have it I want want.

Change must start at the top and work it way down but will that ever happen???????

[sukeroku]

You are so lucky that you live in the United States. There you will find Alanon and Co-dependents Anonymous meetings available in most cities. Learning to say no and setting boundaries and dealing with your self-esteem issues will dramatically change your life for the better. It takes courage but the journey is well worth it!

[mca]

Thais buy more luxury German cars than the Japanese, even though the latter have far more upper-income professionals.

I would imagine the Japanese  dealers sell more luxury German cars in a month than the Thais sell in a year. The man who wrote this was an economist for the World Bank?

Edited July 19, 2009 by mca

[ballbreaker]

OP if you still have the heart to help only provide for education of the children. The adult family members made their own bed so let them lie in it because no amount of money will change the bad choices they always make. This is how my Thai wife and I have dealt with the family for 34+ years. Until their passing the mother and father were the only exceptions and that financial help was minimal.

Edited July 19, 2009 by ballbreaker

[bina]

i dont understand really why everyone gets so upset about what people use money for... every once in a while, hubby and i send money to mother in korat; they can do with it as they like. drink it, eat it, save it, spend it or return loans with it. we send it as anon's duty to once and a while send money. we give what we want or can afford. finished.

why do westerners have to feel so responsible for other people? thats not a very thai trait. thais are responsible for themselves only that is a buddhist thing. thai buddhism is not socially responsible buddhism. u are not meant to take care of others (only children to parents). you are meant to take care of your self and get ahead in your individual development. if u do it properly, then others can benefit. thats it really. and like most people in the world, some are able to be responsible and some arent as responsible as we would want them to be. but its their problem. not ours/yours.

as for opportunistic. like raccoons, opportunism is in many cultures; w/o that trait, people dont survive. poor people with opportunism as a trait survive better then those that do everything 'honestly'. in the real world, being honest doesnt always put food on the table.

i have to say, since i live on kibbutz, we have the same types also. there are those that manage to find every loophole, opening in the 'fence', 'sit close to the plate' (know important people on the kibbutz and therefore can ask for favours )and therefore manage to make it on our monthly measly budgets; and there are those like me who feel really really uncomfortable to take something if its not exactly according to the rules and i (used to!!) never ask favours from any of those that i was close to their 'plate'. well, ive learned that when u dont have, u will do a lot to get what u want (everyone has their own limits) and suddenly 'being nice' is dead, and 'taking the oppurtunity' becomes a better choice.

its always the giver who makes the choice as to give or not; the minute u lend money to someone, take it as if u will never get it back. its not an investment. that is an artificial , american (western?) way of thinking. u give money to your kids to go to college because u want to. not because u expect something in return. same same.

care packages with school supplies, clothing that meets the kids needs, and needed items are the best bet. or pay directly to the school to avoid having the money become something else.

bina

israel

[loong]

Sounds to me that you still retain some respect for your wife's parents.

If you still want to help out, then limit your help to them and maybe the children.

Just try to keep it sensible, help out, don't totally support and then some.

[prakhonchai nick]

You've got it all wrong.

Give your wife a fixed monthly allowance within reason. Let her do with it whatever she wants, but keep yourself out of family matters completely. If it's the wifes money they usually have more respect for it!

[chiang mai]

You've got it all wrong.

Give your wife a fixed monthly allowance within reason. Let her do with it whatever she wants, but keep yourself out of family matters completely. If it's the wifes money they usually have more respect for it!

Agreed.

[SIAMBULL]

You've got it all wrong.

Give your wife a fixed monthly allowance within reason. Let her do with it whatever she wants, but keep yourself out of family matters completely. If it's the wifes money they usually have more respect for it!

Yes. Some sound advice. Obviously I have it all wrong. (Nice guys don't have to finish last... they can learn and get on with enjoying their lives!) My perception is molded by my culture/education/ethics (ethics--now there's a concept!). I want to help these jerks-- clearly my problem. My satisfaction achieved by the "family" doing well and gaining face in Isaan is my motive and ya know.... I can give that up pretty easily.

Let the wife deal with the Isaan finances. Now that's a plan. Not my problem, not my pleasure, not my "family".

Thanks for the feedback.

BULL

Maybe Thaksin will give them another 500 baht and they can worship him some more......

[SIAMBULL]

You are so lucky that you live in the United States. There you will find Alanon and Co-dependents Anonymous meetings available in most cities. Learning to say no and setting boundaries and dealing with your self-esteem issues will dramatically change your life for the better. It takes courage but the journey is well worth it!

Condecending trite. Thanks

[Lopburi99]

You've got it all wrong.

Give your wife a fixed monthly allowance within reason. Let her do with it whatever she wants, but keep yourself out of family matters completely. If it's the wifes money they usually have more respect for it!

Excellent advice nick. Glad the OP is "buying" into it.

OP, don't allow yourself to get on this slippery slope again. Good luck!

Edited July 19, 2009 by Lopburi99

[GungaDin]

Yeah, it's pretty common to steal and cheat, isn't it? Just have to learn to say no....NO!

I thought this article was pretty interesting and relavent.

Bangkok Post - July 9, 2009

Business » Economics

OUTSIDE THE BOX

EVEN FOR A NATION OF THIEVES, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE

Thailand is a nation made up largely of thieves who will cheat at every opportunity."

<snip>

Thanks for that piece. Do you have the link?

I'd like to send the link to some Thais & Expats I know.

edit: Found it. http://www.bangkokpost.com/business/econom...-never-too-late

Edited July 19, 2009 by GungaDin

[SoiGirlHunter]

>>>>>>I am building a house for my gal in Esaan, why, cause I can. Not cause I should or expect anything in return. At 70, I feel that I am stealing in some fashion, the prime of this late twentys gals life. She can't get that back. she tskes care of me in every way,

ya wait til that house is finished, then the true stripes will appear

[cdnvic]

i dont understand really why everyone gets so upset about what people use money for... every once in a while, hubby and i send money to mother in korat; they can do with it as they like. drink it, eat it, save it, spend it or return loans with it. we send it as anon's duty to once and a while send money. we give what we want or can afford. finished.

why do westerners have to feel so responsible for other people? thats not a very thai trait. thais are responsible for themselves only that is a buddhist thing. thai buddhism is not socially responsible buddhism. u are not meant to take care of others (only children to parents). you are meant to take care of your self and get ahead in your individual development. if u do it properly, then others can benefit. thats it really. and like most people in the world, some are able to be responsible and some arent as responsible as we would want them to be. but its their problem. not ours/yours.

as for opportunistic. like raccoons, opportunism is in many cultures; w/o that trait, people dont survive. poor people with opportunism as a trait survive better then those that do everything 'honestly'. in the real world, being honest doesnt always put food on the table.

i have to say, since i live on kibbutz, we have the same types also. there are those that manage to find every loophole, opening in the 'fence', 'sit close to the plate' (know important people on the kibbutz and therefore can ask for favours )and therefore manage to make it on our monthly measly budgets; and there are those like me who feel really really uncomfortable to take something if its not exactly according to the rules and i (used to!!) never ask favours from any of those that i was close to their 'plate'. well, ive learned that when u dont have, u will do a lot to get what u want (everyone has their own limits) and suddenly 'being nice' is dead, and 'taking the oppurtunity' becomes a better choice.

its always the giver who makes the choice as to give or not; the minute u lend money to someone, take it as if u will never get it back. its not an investment. that is an artificial , american (western?) way of thinking. u give money to your kids to go to college because u want to. not because u expect something in return. same same.

care packages with school supplies, clothing that meets the kids needs, and needed items are the best bet. or pay directly to the school to avoid having the money become something else.

bina

israel

This should be printed on every arrival card. Nice one Bina.

[torrenova]

I don't agree with all this do gooder nonsense. Why do people go so far to bend over and get shafted again by these people ? Even worse is to have supposedly rational people conjuring up excuses to justify their diabolical actions.

Many guys get into the financial assistance position not because of some altruistic goal but rather because they are still buying their partners. The "debt" extends through their wives to the family and it seems many of these families are little more than harbourers of thieves in one way or another.

You have to understand that you cannot help them because they actually don't want to be helped as you see it. They want money to avoid work, collect material things and get drunk. Many are the epiphany of "born, eat, shag, die" interspersed with bouts of drunkenness. Actually stealing money which was provided by some gullible westerner is far better than stealing money which some Thai had worked for or saved up, though they have no problem with appropriating that either.

There are good ones, many of them. There are even families who don't have a really bad one in the heart of things but there are many who are blights on society in general and the Thai society is much worse for their presence and the glossing over of these actions will never advance their position. Cancers should be cut out, not left to infect the rest of the body.

[Lopburi99]

...Many guys get into the financial assistance position not because of some altruistic goal but rather because they are still buying their partners....

Unfortunately this is true. Some farang husbands worry how the lovely young wife will react once he starts cutting back on the outflow of cash. Many TVers have said just slow down the spending to test sincerity, but some guys are simply afraid/unwilling to go there.

[imaneggspurt]

You will have a measure of satisfaction after the sister's boyfriend gambles/drinks/whores the sister's money away and then dumps her after which she will come back to the family empty handed and probably with an extra mouth to feed. Offer her work taking care of the buffalo at 5,000 baht a month.

How very true, you can give these peasant types a million baht and a month later they will be skint,and back for more..it amazes me they cant add 2+2 bit they are masters at extracting money from supposedly better educated more wordly types,.remember these are gypsies, would you lend money/marry a gypsy at home ?.then theres your answer,......

[imaneggspurt]

You've got it all wrong.

Give your wife a fixed monthly allowance within reason. Let her do with it whatever she wants, but keep yourself out of family matters completely. If it's the wifes money they usually have more respect for it!

Spot on, and if you are asked for more then there in itself is the greed creeping in,....... Edited July 20, 2009 by imaneggspurt

[imaneggspurt]

My neighbor built his inlaws a 3 mill house in issan, they still sleep in hammocks in the trees !,.im not being smart as i made the mistakes when new here, however i have used that experience to say NO, im not interested in changing anyones lifestyle, fortunatly i never get asked, probably beacause i made it clear from the beginning ,.we married because we were in love, not because we were in need of financial assistance,.my advice is just after meeting your potential ask her if her parents will lend you some money, if she runs theres your answer as to whether its true love ! lol,...

[bdenner]

-----

Give your wife a fixed monthly allowance within reason. Let her do with it whatever she wants, but keep yourself out of family matters completely. If it's the wifes money they usually have more respect for it!

Exactly! Works for me with a slight twist. From her allowance she pays for water, power, her daughters needs and private education, bike expenses etc. What she does with the 10000 or so Baht left over is up to her. We have not had a problem with money for over 8 years when the 'ground rules' were laid and this system introduced.