Continuing To Make Every Possible Mistake.

[perousing]

For me giving some money away is fine if I approve of the end use. Exactly that, and only that.

I happily will donate to a charity of which I approve, but damned if I'll give it out indiscriminately.

Last year I had been giving my wife month each month to handle all of our expenses with the excess being left for her to use as she saw fit. It worked out fairly well, but unfortunately sometimes that was not as I saw fit. For example, it drove me nuts to see her buying a 300 baht phone card every other day so she could yap endlessly with her mother. Or even worse, when she without hesitation returned a one ring phone signal from a friend so we would be paying for the phone call. I go ballistic when that happens. It isn't the small amount which is important (what the hel_l is a few baht?) it is the principle. Undoubtedly my past experiences with my ex-wife has now left me financially super-sensitive but I can't help that.

Since we now are saving every satang for our new land and future house, I've decided pay for everything. I often give my wife a 500 or 1000 note for "mad money" but not when her son was nearby and I suspected some it may be going to the money sucker. Doling out the money as needed has worked for me, but I know my wife isn't thrilled about it. She has a problem saying NO to anybody, being a very giving person by nature. Don't get me wrong, she's great overall but she is not exempt from money management issues as most of us have experienced. I happily add I am the chief beneficiary of her giving ways. And when I croak (probably not many years from now), she'll be the only beneficiary and I feel good about leaving her with what I can.

Can't decide if I am selfish, petty and controlling, or principled and prudent.

Probably a little all of the above. Actually, that is not relevant because I am who I am, complete with imperfections. After regretting much of my past, I now see the importance in being who you are, living life in accordance, and otherwise letting the chips fall where they may.

I think what gets most westerners down in a thai relationship where the thai family are poor,is the constant giving.Back home where we've been most of our lives this concept is alien because our wives/girl friends have a job,decent money and respective families have also,and if they dont they have a generous welfare state.Then one day you hit thailand meet the girl of your dreams and find out she has no money,no employment future and her family etc are piss poor too.The next thing you know you begin to pay for every little problem,at first you think ok,i have the means to do so and i like to help out,but what you dont realise is "its never going to stop" unless you start saying no.Giving money can be habit forming and difficult to stop until one day you sit down and add up all the giving you've done over the years(checked to see how your bank balance has diminished) and think"bloody hel_l"this has got to stop,but how can you,the family have come to expect support for all sorts of things and now you are going to have to pull the rug from under their feet,everyone begins to lose face especially your girlfriend,the money dries up,the phone stops ringing,someone moves out,and its all over,minus a couple of million baht of your own money...............welcome to thailand.

Hey Samui, must say you are a really decent guy. I can tell this by reading a lot of your posts and the fact that you always give out good advice and rarely ever bag on anyone..Its good of you to share the real picture and i hope in your case all those issues mend themselves in time...at least your perception of them.

One thing though,at least you can hold your head high and see that you have made a change and enriched a few peoples lives who are obviously all the more better for your being around.

In any case they have certainly had a far better quality of life in your company than had they shacked up with some bum..be that thai or farang...and after all how many can say this in the west?

Im sure a lot of us can compare the traits of our exes back home...words that come to mind..manipulating,self centred b!tches who are never satified,no matter what you do..and basically make our lives a living hel_l until which time they get a divorce thats often ridiculously in their favour..thats very much!!

A lot of smar8t ars8es on T.V are quick to bag out others and call them silly for their choices,thinking they are smart but its these guys you really have to feel sorry for...while they are bagging you out the point of the advice is totally lost on them and more likely than not they are next runners who will fall even harder in the futrure

SO..In the words of KENNY (SOUTHPARK!!)...Ive just learnt something today..

We're all in LOS having a reasonably good life that we would probably be hard pressed to have back home, so lets listen to each others stories with appreciation...as these lessons are invaluable to all us guys who have it ahead of us.

good luck old mate!

very well answered about the best and most sensible reply i have read here

[PatinBKk]

You can take the girl out of the bar, but you can't take the bar out of the girl.

<deleted> has that got to do with anything, besides that statement is incorrect!!!

[mexxx]

marriage is a contract with enforceable obligations...no matter what else is lawfully happening in the relationship, you will be obliged to comply with the marriage contract.

a lot of men dont see that aspect & find out the expensive way why ignorance is not necessarily bliss...........

[MJP]

marriage is a contract with enforceable obligations...no matter what else is lawfully happening in the relationship, you will be obliged to comply with the marriage contract.

a lot of men dont see that aspect & find out the expensive way why ignorance is not necessarily bliss...........

Don't think you are powerless here as a foreigner. That's the biggest mistake to make if you are stuck in this situation.

I offered the cheating other half serious jail time. The family came to me with the idea! If she's been cheating for a long period of time and taking your cash you can sue in criminal court for deception and adultery. I also used the recent land thing and the money transfer thing (declared?) among others.

Not nice. But neither was she.

[finchy]

You can take the girl out of the bar, but you can't take the bar out of the girl.

I don't think that that tired old cliche really adds anything to this discussion. I'm you can come up with something more intelligent then to say then that bar stool classic.

But it is related to this topic. Everyone here is talking about money being given to the WIFE and family members why do people do this. If you didn't would your WIFE still be with you. In most cases i don't think so as they stay with you for money not love with is understandable when you see the age gap

It's got nothing to do with my situation i !! My wife has lived and worked in the u.k for the last 8 years !! and yes i do believe that (stupidly or not) that we are very much genuinely in love.

I met her in 2000 when she was 18 and i was 22 backpacking around Thailand without a pot to piss in !!

I never paid a dowry and have never sent a penny to her family what she chooses to do with her money is upto her.

Having lived in England for so long and seeing what my family did for us a young married couple i think she now truly realises the meaning of "FAMILY"

[Dave the Dude]

Having lived in England for so long and seeing what my family did for us a young married couple i think she now truly realises the meaning of "FAMILY"

Good luck to you both,mate

Dave