PastEgo Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 i have been with my wife now for about 18 months i love her dearly she does not ask for money for her family does not ask for gold or money for herself and generally i am very happy the problem is i feel i am suffocating she tells me all the time she loves me she does not like it if i cook for myself wants to be with me 24hrs a day i do not have any personal time and as well live in a small house compared to back home there really is not anywhere i can escape to once we went to a funeral of a relative and i was just talking to one of her female cousins and she went balistic because i found someone i could speak to at length thai women are so jelous i would not class her as manipulative she is fairly easy to understand we have a good relationship but sometimes i just want to get away for a bit and at this she goes crazy saying i do not love her and want to find a new woman i have tried explaining i just want a bit of personal space a bit of solitude no chance time and again i have explained i need a bit of space but all i get is her pouting getting jeleous and moody with me i am not asking for advice i am asking if many of you guys have gone through the same thing if this continues for any longer i will just pack my things and go because i hate jelousy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IanForbes Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I don't know how you combat jealousy. My second wife was the jealous type, but not as suffocating as your wife. I did have some time alone to go fishing but I certainly couldn't talk to another woman alone. I loved the lady dearly, but I don't have a jealous bone in my body and can't understand why she would get upset. Most often jealousy is caused by insecurity, but I have no idea how to cure the problem. I doubt if your wife would visit a psychiatrist, and that's the only kind of person who might help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loong Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 It may seem silly, but do you know a monk that you can talk to? I've actually sorted problems in the past by discussing it with a monk and then the monk counsels the woman. It can and does work (sometimes) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdman Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 (edited) Trust is the opposite of jealousy. Looks like it needs time and patience from you to improve things. Keep her occupied with something else, like selling fruit on the market or similar. Working for the community, the local Wat...So that she will not think about you 24/7... Edited July 28, 2009 by Birdman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bojo Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I don't think there is a cure for a woman's jealousy. It seems that no matter how much trust you try to instill in a relationship, the woman is always jealous. I'm generalising of course. I think it's a no win situation if you have a jealous wife/girlfriend. I had one in the UK before I left for Thailand, never gave her any reason to be so. Left her and came here. My Thai wife of 7 years isn't the slightest bit jealous and laughs off any possible scenario that would have had my English ex foaming at the mouth! Regards Bojo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bkkjames Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Dear OP: Jealousy and the fem Thaitel, are a unique creature that are intertwined - seemlingly since birth. But be brave in your journey young skywalker, for many a TV member, the boat in which you currently sail, has sailed these seas many a decade before u set out on your voyage. Soon enough, the waves of jealousy will calm and only a half full glass of sea will be left wherein you will find yourself writing once again, but in a 180 degree vein and train. Gone will be the days when she asks "who you talking to?" and checking your mobile for numbers unrecognizable. So too will the nights when you come home from a tip or two, that she no longer checks to see if you harbour the odours of pooying gigis maximus. Then you will look back at these times and wonder aloud - why does she not pay any attention to me anymore? By that point she will have vanished into a distant jealous - if but borderline - fanatically world where her heart and mind have wandered and wondered 'tis the grass not greener on the side of the fence of a man who loves only me?' At this point the game is up, no need to be bothered by thoughts of suffocation - only neglect and disaffection with fill the void, and you shall be happy no, because this is what you want. ------ends------ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya_girl Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I think she needs a hobby of some sort, so it will give you a breather !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zzaa09 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Trust is the opposite of jealousy. Looks like it needs time and patience from you to improve things. Keep her occupied with something else, like selling fruit on the market or similar. Working for the community, the local Wat...So that she will not think about you 24/7... Yes. The marriage is still young enough to work out such 'newbie' trials. Give it time, it will work itself out as the comfort and security levels mature. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geekfreaklover Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 (edited) Jealous behaviour is a form of abuse. Normally the jeaously is a result of childhood insecurties and difficult to treat even by a good psychiatrist. It can seem very suffocating and it is good the OP has recognized that he is not being treated fairly. I know many men that accept jealous behaviour as the norm and live pathetic lives tip toeing around their wives and making up exuses so they can go out for a beer once every month. Sad. Especially when they are paying the bills, supporting extended family etc. My only advice would be to put your foot down the same way a Thai husband would. Edited July 28, 2009 by Geekfreaklover Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
longstebe Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 When the wife moved to the U.S with me she was very clingy as expected first time in a foreign country. After a while she began to realise that I had no time for playing around.I wanted to spend time with her. I had to let her know that a guy needs some time even if its 30 mins when he comes home from work. Let me shower,let me check the football news,let me pay the bills etc... I agree with PattayGirl,she needs to have something to do. Sit her down and explain it could ruin your relationship if it continues. Good luck me old matey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harcourt Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Jealous behaviour is a form of abuse. Normally the jeaously is a result of childhood insecurties and difficult to treat even by a good psychiatrist. It can seem very suffocating and it is good the OP has recognized that he is not being treated fairly. I know many men that accept jealous behaviour as the norm and live pathetic lives tip toeing around their wives and making up exuses so they can go out for a beer once every month. Sad. Especially when they are paying the bills, supporting extended family etc. My only advice would be to put your foot down the same way a Thai husband would. What has paying the bills got to do with it? You pay the bills so you rule the roost and do what you want, regardless of your partner's feelings? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geekfreaklover Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Jealous behaviour is a form of abuse. Normally the jeaously is a result of childhood insecurties and difficult to treat even by a good psychiatrist. It can seem very suffocating and it is good the OP has recognized that he is not being treated fairly. I know many men that accept jealous behaviour as the norm and live pathetic lives tip toeing around their wives and making up exuses so they can go out for a beer once every month. Sad. Especially when they are paying the bills, supporting extended family etc. My only advice would be to put your foot down the same way a Thai husband would. What has paying the bills got to do with it? You pay the bills so you rule the roost and do what you want, regardless of your partner's feelings? Give and take. Lets turn it around. If you and your extended family were being supported by a rich foreign woman, would you let her out of your sight on occasion? Maybe you would if you knew she loved you. Or, maybe you wouldn't in case some other man took your meal ticket. Paying the bills has a lot to do with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zzaa09 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Jealous behaviour is a form of abuse. Normally the jeaously is a result of childhood insecurties and difficult to treat even by a good psychiatrist. It can seem very suffocating and it is good the OP has recognized that he is not being treated fairly. I know many men that accept jealous behaviour as the norm and live pathetic lives tip toeing around their wives and making up exuses so they can go out for a beer once every month. Sad. Especially when they are paying the bills, supporting extended family etc. My only advice would be to put your foot down the same way a Thai husband would. Difficult to compare a Thai and Farang husband and how such things might be handled. Chances are, this fine lass would not display such jealousy traits if she was hooked up with a Thai beau. The Farang factor has alot to do with it...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simon43 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 This seems to be a common trait amongst Thai woman - 'jealous of nothing', (ie - they actually have nothing to be jealous about because you are a faithful and loving partner). Us farangs do like to spend time alone sometimes, mulling over the issues of the day. Thai people seem to love being in the company of others - 24 hours a day! I took up cycling as a solution. I got fit by the exercise and it gave me an hour or so away from my partner. Initially she was not keen on the idea, but she could see the health benefits. I always invited her to cycle with me, but I also knew that the thought of cycling 30km in the hot sun and getting a browner skin would be like torture to her! So I got time to myself and no problems from my partner.... Simon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastEgo Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 bkkjames can you please post when you are not stoned your post was surreal and weird thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GungaDin Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 This seems to be a common trait amongst Thai woman - 'jealous of nothing', (ie - they actually have nothing to be jealous about because you are a faithful and loving partner).Us farangs do like to spend time alone sometimes, mulling over the issues of the day. Thai people seem to love being in the company of others - 24 hours a day! I took up cycling as a solution. I got fit by the exercise and it gave me an hour or so away from my partner. Initially she was not keen on the idea, but she could see the health benefits. I always invited her to cycle with me, but I also knew that the thought of cycling 30km in the hot sun and getting a browner skin would be like torture to her! So I got time to myself and no problems from my partner.... Simon The Thai foreign minister confirmed that in a speech to young ladies in Buriram recently. The gist of it was Thais are herd animals, foreigners are independent...... A bit like Wildebeast & Eagles, I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geekfreaklover Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 This seems to be a common trait amongst Thai woman - 'jealous of nothing', (ie - they actually have nothing to be jealous about because you are a faithful and loving partner).Us farangs do like to spend time alone sometimes, mulling over the issues of the day. Thai people seem to love being in the company of others - 24 hours a day! I took up cycling as a solution. I got fit by the exercise and it gave me an hour or so away from my partner. Initially she was not keen on the idea, but she could see the health benefits. I always invited her to cycle with me, but I also knew that the thought of cycling 30km in the hot sun and getting a browner skin would be like torture to her! So I got time to myself and no problems from my partner.... Simon The Thai foreign minister confirmed that in a speech to young ladies in Buriram recently. The gist of it was Thais are herd animals, foreigners are independent...... A bit like Wildebeast & Eagles, I guess. Nice analogy. Plus Wildebeasts graze all day long like their Thai counterparts... To the OP, maybe hand your other half that bilingual Thailand Fever book. There is a long section about how farangs need their own time / space in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geriatrickid Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 The Thai foreign minister confirmed that in a speech to young ladies in Buriram recently.The gist of it was Thais are herd animals, foreigners are independent...... A bit like Wildebeast & Eagles, I guess. I should think it would be more like hyena vs. vulture. Hyenas can indeed be solitary and whilst having a bad rep are rather intelligent. Vultures, are, well they are important special creatures that have a place in this world.............. The OP is a lucky man. He has someone to watch over him, to care for him, to worry about him. With time as the hair falls out, the belly grows, the libido is lost, and the ravages of aging appear, he may very well long for the attention of his young bride. Enjoy it while you can. Women can lose that attentiveness very quickly, enough to rip the heart and to leave one empty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zzaa09 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 This seems to be a common trait amongst Thai woman - 'jealous of nothing', (ie - they actually have nothing to be jealous about because you are a faithful and loving partner).Us farangs do like to spend time alone sometimes, mulling over the issues of the day. Thai people seem to love being in the company of others - 24 hours a day! I took up cycling as a solution. I got fit by the exercise and it gave me an hour or so away from my partner. Initially she was not keen on the idea, but she could see the health benefits. I always invited her to cycle with me, but I also knew that the thought of cycling 30km in the hot sun and getting a browner skin would be like torture to her! So I got time to myself and no problems from my partner.... Simon The Thai foreign minister confirmed that in a speech to young ladies in Buriram recently. The gist of it was Thais are herd animals, foreigners are independent...... A bit like Wildebeast & Eagles, I guess. Familial and social extentions vs. self first Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunholidaysun1 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Just put her in the Shed with the other Buffalo's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastEgo Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 as i said before i do not really need advice i just wanted to see if anyone else has had the same experience it strikes me as odd that someone needs to be in the company of another practically all day or even wants that to me a partnership is made up personal time + shared time when you start spending 10+ hours a day with someone every day it gets too much i would think if anyone says to me "but if you love someone" then that sort of love i would class as a severe mental illness i do not think i am putting my self first. i am putting my sanity first i am sorry if i offend anyone i am not trying to do that just get a perspective on a very odd situation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary A Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 A jealous lady at first seems cute but as time goes on it becomes VERY irritating. It's a simple answer. The lady (girl) is too young and immature. Will she get over it? If she does get over it, it will take enough years for her to mature. It all depends whether you can put up with it for that long. I was looking for a wife when I came to Thailand. I wasted ten years looking. I learned that the two main danger signals were gambling and jealousy. I learned slowly but I learned well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastEgo Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 i would not class her as immature on all other matters she is reasonable just the time she spends with me and the fact she hates me being anywhere by my own if a am left to my own devices for a couple of hours say shopping while she goes to some ladies shops with her sister she will call me about 5 times in an a couple hours to see how i am or actually i have not gone off with someone she is also extremly jelous of the ex wife and constantly accuses me of wanting to get back together with her! although she has met the ex and we split up ages ago she thinks i use this forum to pick up girls ! lol i dare not use facebook because half my friends on there are female and i think that would be enough to start her frothing at the mouth about my personal harem or something equally crazy PastEgo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvilDrSomkid Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 It would seem rational to me that not all Thai women are like OPs. I am sorry to hear that you have this problem PE with your wife. I think you should try to explain it to her. Its not healthy to be together 24/7. And if she should go 'ballistic' or start to pout, just let her stew. My wife actually brought this subject up herself. Said that in order for us to be able to stay together a long time, we would need our own time. Just an hour for yourself. See? Then nookie time is better... Just say to her: If we spend some time part then I will miss you and mee arom mak kwa. hehehe Should work. BTW, how old are you two? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackdanielsesq Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Surely she exhibited these tendencies when y'all were courting?! Perhaps you have moved the goal-posts subsequently. If you threaten to leave her because of her jealousy, you clearly dont care for her, ergo dont love her. Which fact she has picked up on - 99% of this type of jealousy is because you have given her pause to. A little, healthy jealousy goes a long way towards keeping both dancers on their toes. It is part of a very natural set of emotions that courses thru our veins. BR>Jack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zzaa09 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Just put her in the Shed with the other Buffalo's. Respect.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastEgo Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 a little jelousy is healthy i agree we are not talking about a little healthy jelousy though with any relationship i am in i try and give it 100% i think i give her the attention and love that i would expect in return no i have not given her reason to be jelous i do not go to bars never been to any of the bkk or pattaya bars do not even go to the bars in town when out shopping do not letch at the ladies and love her very much i know she knows i love her there is a point where you start to wonder if a relationship is healthy this is not something that came to me today or the last week but something that has been on my mind for a long while i have tried talking to her about it but i have never pushed the point nor have i made any crass ultimatums Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surface Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 was she not jealous before you got married? jealousy is something that puts me right off, and thinking that getting married will "solve the problem" is only digging a deeper hole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G54 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Yes, I have been on the receiving end of the jealousy trait. In fact, all the women I have been out with have had a deep vein of jealousy running through them. It boils down to how much they control it within themselves. Today, for example, I went to take a lady friend to get her m/c back from the night club (she had left it there because she'd had too much to drink the previous night). It entailed going to her house, picking her up, going to the club and then me coming back home. I told the g/f I would be one hour. In 30 minutes she was on the phone asking where I was. i could hear the suspicion in her voice. As it was, I took 50 minutes, not 60. And I still got grilled when I got back home. They do say there is no love without some jealousy, but sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming, yet in most cases, as long as it does not lead to violence on their part, the jealous streak dies away. Can you not take up a hobby of some sort yourself and, as others have said, get something for her to do to occupy her mind? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F1fanatic Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Of course she's jealous. She knows very well how many women there are out there desperate to find a farang man, and that they have no scruples about whether he's married or not. You can hardly blame her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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