How Happy Are You In The Uk With Your Thai Wife ?

[venturalaw]

What did you do to your ex wife over 27 years that turned her to a piece of dead western driftwood?

I learned long ago never to take responsibility for the choices that others make. If she was a piece of driftwood (his opinion) then it was her choice.

[zorro1]

What did you do to your ex wife over 27 years that turned her to a piece of dead western driftwood?

I learned long ago never to take responsibility for the choices that others make. If she was a piece of driftwood (his opinion) then it was her choice.

What an increadably arragant attitude. This would make you correct 100% of the time. People like your self end up becoming followers and not leaders. A true leader would take a look at themsleves first and try to see why people around them have negative attitudes. I was told the totall opposite. When I was running a large sales team the werent producing I decided to fire a few. The director called me into his office and asked me what am I doing that's causing my sales staff to fail. He also said it takes zero talent to fire someone. Turning a poor situation into a good one does take a lot of talent. He asked me to have a long hard look at myself first. This theory applies in relationships as well. Buy putting up with 27 years of dead driftwood the OP showed how much of a loser he was. His wife certainly didn't see him as a leader or winner

[changnaam]

Maybe in my next life, I'll be born a perfect Thai woman and not a piece of dead Western driftwood!! Can't wait...

Why tar yourself with the same brush ? I was talking about MY ex ok

Actually, OP, you did come across as beating up on western women. At least that is what I got from your OP, I suggest you go back and read your post and you might see what most everyone else does.

Now, so we can all learn from your wonderful situation, please let us know some details:

1) How old are you and how old is your wife?

2) Where and under what circumstances did you meet the lovely Jan?

3) How long had you known her before you got married?

4) How soon did you bring her back to the UK?

5) Any other details you may care to share with us?

I ask these questions seriously, as you seem to be so happy and I think it might be helpful to some of us out there to know the secret of your success! Thanks in advance!

No probs

1) I am 72 my wife is 16

2) I met her in Pattaya , the circumstances I dont remember because me head was full of beer.

3) I knew her a good 3 weeks before.

4) As soon as I had saved up enuf incapacity beneifit to bring her over ( 2 months )

5) She promised to love me long time.

YOU PRATT !!!!!!!!!!

You seem to have turned your own post into a complete joke, try looking in the mirror next time you say PRATT

Some constructive comments came back to you, and supportive of your new life. Better let go of the past mate or you will never really be happy in your "new life"

[venturalaw]

What did you do to your ex wife over 27 years that turned her to a piece of dead western driftwood?

I learned long ago never to take responsibility for the choices that others make. If she was a piece of driftwood (his opinion) then it was her choice.

What an increadably arragant attitude. This would make you correct 100% of the time. People like your self end up becoming followers and not leaders. A true leader would take a look at themsleves first and try to see why people around them have negative attitudes. I was told the totall opposite. When I was running a large sales team the werent producing I decided to fire a few. The director called me into his office and asked me what am I doing that's causing my sales staff to fail. He also said it takes zero talent to fire someone. Turning a poor situation into a good one does take a lot of talent. He asked me to have a long hard look at myself first. This theory applies in relationships as well. Buy putting up with 27 years of dead driftwood the OP showed how much of a loser he was. His wife certainly didn't see him as a leader or winner

I do not feel that I am so important that I am responsible for the choices that others make. I also do not name call when I am faced with a different perspective, but then again, I am not insecure. You are comparing the OP's relationship with his ex-wife to your relationship with personnel that you supervise. Very very different, unless you consider a spouse an employee.

We do not know whether the OP's wife, as he said, was or was not like a piece of driftwood. For instance, he could have become depressed as a result of his former marital 'predicament' and become a depressed couch potato. Instead, he decided to go out and find another life. I'm not saying that was the right choice, but it's what he chose to do instead of blaming her for his misery and doing nothing. We in the free world are responsible for our own situations. That's not arrogance. As your superior pointed out to you, take a look at yourself. The OP's wife should perhaps take a look at herself. However, she may be very happy with who she is, and that she is rid of him. Who knows? You don't, and neither do I.

Edited August 16, 2009 by venturalaw

[zorro1]

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. I if you believe that you have no control over how people react to you then you simply go with the flow and as you stated that would certainly make you an Unimportant person. Thats okay if your happy with that. I prefer to feel important enough to look at myself weather its my work scenario situation or a relationship situation (could you not read between the lines in my last post ?) Perhaps my behavior needs modifying and I certainly feel important enough to make improvements "if" it is indeed me that's causing the failure of my marriage. You don't feel that's important? up to you

Tell me how would you know you were at fault in a situation if you refuse to accept responsibility for your actions or the reactions you cause in others? Arrogance is the only word that comes to mind

Edited August 16, 2009 by zorro1

[venturalaw]

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. I if you believe that you have no control over how people react to you then you simply go with the flow and as you stated that would certainly make you an Unimportant person. Thats okay if your happy with that. I prefer to feel important enough to look at myself weather its my work scenario situation or a relationship situation (could you not read between the lines in my last post ?) Perhaps my behavior needs modifying and I certainly feel important enough to make improvements "if" it is indeed me that's causing the failure of my marriage. You don't feel that's important? up to you

You really do insult often and therefore it is easy to understand why it would be a challenge for you to get along in your 'relationships'. I don't have those problems. I always do the best that I can to encourage those with whom I am close to to be the best that THEY can be. But, and this is where you are missing the point (not between the lines) each individual is ultimately responsible for themselves.

[zorro1]

""I learned long ago never to take responsibility for the choices that others make""

That still makes you 100% correct all the time. The word you use is never. We surely can not take responsibility for all choices however if your wife treated you like dead driftwood for 27 whole years , it would probably have a lot to do with never accepting responsibility. Certainly not a role I would play as husband and definitely not as a father role model. If my kids had no friends I wouldn't be saying hey don't worry about it your not responsible for not being liked .

But were all different

[mahtin]

My wife is off to a hen party at the Munich temple, belated clebration of HM Queen.

Just to get back on topic.

[venturalaw]

""I learned long ago never to take responsibility for the choices that others make""

That still makes you 100% correct all the time. The word you use is never. We surely can not take responsibility for all choices however if your wife treated you like dead driftwood for 27 whole years , it would probably have a lot to do with never accepting responsibility. Certainly not a role I would play as husband and definitely not as a father role model. If my kids had no friends I wouldn't be saying hey don't worry about it your not responsible for not being liked .

But were all different

Ah, you are correct. I was talking about not taking responsibility for the choices adults make. Not children. We are responsible for our children.

I am not following you when you keep saying that makes me correct 100% of the time. Correct about what? I am not correct 100% of the time. No one is.

I'll explain it another way. You mentioned your sales team and that your boss pretty much put it on you to help them be the best that they could be. He was right. But, let's say you were then successful and all of your sales team became the best in the company. Should your boss then take the credit? Should you? Or should the individual members of the sales team? It depends upon one's perspective, doesn't it? Ultimately, it was up to each member of your sales team to be the best that he/she could be. It is up to me as a husband to be the best that I can be, up to my wife to be the best that she can be. Has nothing at all to do with being "100% correct all the time." It has to do with responsibility to oneself to be the best that one can be and not placing the blame for one's failure on someone else.

[kitiya1980]

Maybe the Question should be How happy is your Thai wife with you , living in your Country.

yes i totally agree and i am going to set this topic........how happy are you in Thailand with your thai sweetheart?

[zorro1]

Its natural for one to say I have done my best therefore its up to them now. The reality is we all have different perceptions what our best is. Just ask any marriage councilor. Both the wife and husband will be saying I'm doing the best i can, therefore why is the marriage failing. Doing your best is not enough if you don't understand that we are all molded by our belief systems, just ask any Muslim/christian and so you may have to step up to a new level of best which your not aware of but only if start taking some responsibilty

An example

wife says" he never tells me he loves me, I always tell him "

husband says " I give her lots of hugs and always send flowers on important days " whats her problem

Answer she needs to hear it and that's her strongest sense. He likes to feel things and will often pick up an item holding before buying where she will buy from the internet because someone "told her" it was a good buy. Neither is right or wrong but you can see how easy it is to do what you think is best and totally get it wrong and then not accept responsibility only compounds the problem. Eg How could you have bought that without seeing/ feeling it first you silly woman???

yes it can be that simple. Doings one best is subjective to ones belief system. If thats how your dad acted thats probably how you will, after all he did his best right? The mental giant will modify his behavior to suit the environment he is in short term. and work on it long term but only if he is able to accept some responsibility for the decisions people important to him make I was not building enough rapport with my staff and was constantly telling them what they must do. Thought I was doing my best. I had to accept responsibility for their actions which in turn rewarded us all.

WAY off topic now Im out of here!

[venturalaw]

Its natural for one to say I have done my best therefore its up to them now. The reality is we all have different perceptions what our best is. Just ask any marriage councilor. Both the wife and husband will be saying I'm doing the best i can, therefore why is the marriage failing. Doing your best is not enough if you don't understand that we are all molded by our belief systems, just ask any Muslim/christian and so you may have to step up to a new level of best which your not aware of but only if start taking some responsibilty

An example

wife says" he never tells me he loves me, I always tell him "

husband says " I give her lots of hugs and always send flowers on important days " whats her problem

Answer she needs to hear it and that's her strongest sense. He likes to feel things and will often pick up an item holding before buying where she will buy from the internet because someone "told her" it was a good buy. Neither is right or wrong but you can see how easy it is to do what you think is best and totally get it wrong and then not accept responsibility only compounds the problem. Eg How could you have bought that without seeing/ feeling it first you silly woman???

yes it can be that simple. Doings one best is subjective to ones belief system. If thats how your dad acted thats probably how you will, after all he did his best right? The mental giant will modify his behavior to suit the environment he is in short term. and work on it long term but only if he is able to accept some responsibility for the decisions people important to him make I was not building enough rapport with my staff and was constantly telling them what they must do. Thought I was doing my best. I had to accept responsibility for their actions which in turn rewarded us all.

WAY off topic now Im out of here!

And only you are in control of what you can do, therefore, only you are responsible for yourself.

I'm out of here too.

[donmac]

Maybe in my next life, I'll be born a perfect Thai woman and not a piece of dead Western driftwood!! Can't wait...

Why tar yourself with the same brush ? I was talking about MY ex ok

Actually, OP, you did come across as beating up on western women. At least that is what I got from your OP, I suggest you go back and read your post and you might see what most everyone else does.

Now, so we can all learn from your wonderful situation, please let us know some details:

1) How old are you and how old is your wife?

2) Where and under what circumstances did you meet the lovely Jan?

3) How long had you known her before you got married?

4) How soon did you bring her back to the UK?

5) Any other details you may care to share with us?

I ask these questions seriously, as you seem to be so happy and I think it might be helpful to some of us out there to know the secret of your success! Thanks in advance!

No probs

1) I am 72 my wife is 16

2) I met her in Pattaya , the circumstances I dont remember because me head was full of beer.

3) I knew her a good 3 weeks before.

4) As soon as I had saved up enuf incapacity beneifit to bring her over ( 2 months )

5) She promised to love me long time.

YOU PRATT !!!!!!!!!!

he thought you wife was..............