Caregiving A Parent In Los

[jaideeguy]

For more than 3 yrs, I've been caregiving my [now] 90 yr old father and now have a newfound respect for anyone caregiving....especially a parent [who you were never that close to].

Not exagerating, it's the largest project that I've taken on as well as the least appreciated and we know that it will not have a happy ending........or maybe the ending will be happy for the caregiver and the patient.

It has affected my own family, my finances, my freedom, my sleep, my health [mental and physical] and most aspects of my life.

I was just wondering if there are other expats in LOS that are facing this same challenge and would like to swap experiences and woes and support either on this topic or by PM.

[billzant]

Dear jaideeguy,

Congratulations.

I have the greatest sympathy for you and yours in your difficult situation.

My own caregiving was short, and has left me feeling good as well as with good repute. I won't go into it too much. For many family reasons my parents and I were separated the first half of my adult life apart from Xmas obligations and occasional contact. When I was 42 I left the UK to work as an international school teacher. This meant that I had leave - free return flight to UK by contract, and at first I dreaded it as out of duty I had to return to see my parents. I found that a good relationship with my mother developed, and this was deepened when she found that I was trying to do my best with my father. For just over 10 years these holidays continued deepening the relationship with my mother.

She died when I was working in China, and I decided out of duty (more to her) to return to the UK and look after my father. This was difficult but he appreciated it despite the problems. Not only that but it was appreciated by the wider family, and this would have meant a great deal to my mother.

However it was short-lived as my father died a few months after my mother.

What I want to say is that my caregiving was well worth doing. In the West duty is not something that is spoken of much nowadays but we do have a duty to our parents. And having done it it feels right to have done so. With all the difficulties you are going through, jaideeguy, I can assure you that when it is finished you will feel right that you did it - whatever happens in the meanwhile.

Hope you and your father continue to keep well,

All the Best,

Bill Z