Did Not "fool Around"

[IanForbes]

Fyi, I have never really done the big dating thing. I guess you could call me a serial monogamist and ive had only a couple of serious relationships in my life, all with wonderful men. Just, we went our different ways. Different ideas of what we want to do with our lives. Being young I wanted to travel and do the career thing etc etc, and they had their own ideas too. I dont regret one moment of time with them, and they not once treated me badly. In fact, I realise just how lucky i am relationship-wise, for, when i compare the alternatives, it makes me all the more grateful. Im thankful for those decent honest men around, they will always have my utmost respect.

And that explains your rational replies to thaivisa topics. You haven't been hurt so often that you've become bitter towards everyone about everything. People who have chosen the wrong partner for a relationship often become bitter when the eventualty actually happens. I've seen that with both males and females.

[eek]

And that explains your rational replies to thaivisa topics.

Youve obviously missed a lot of my posts But thank you.

I learned what i did and didnt want in my life as an adult from having a difficult childhood Ian. Thats not meant as a sympathy call, or anything, i just mean that I learned from it that even if i will never know exactly what i want out of life, i do know what i dont want out of it. One of those things for me being mind games and distrust etc in a relationship (or in friendships too). Would rather be alone that put up with antics like that. It also makes me grateful and appreciative of the good relationships in my life (and by that i mean friendships also).

edit: but, i hope that even if i get burned like that one day from a man in my life, that i will be able to come through it. I am truly sorry for those on the receiving end of a cheating partner. I certainly cant blame some for turning bitter.

Edited October 14, 2009 by eek

[neverdie]

sex, its definately a grimey business, not matter what way you look at it......no pun intended.

[IanForbes]

sex, its definately a grimey business, not matter what way you look at it......no pun intended.

I can't agree with that statement, neverdie. My ladies and I have showers before, during and after sex.

Any grime there might have been has long since been washed away. And, sex is one of the great wonders of the world. It's also a great motivator and yet the downfall of many.

[neverdie]

sex, its definately a grimey business, not matter what way you look at it......no pun intended.

I can't agree with that statement, neverdie. My ladies and I have showers before, during and after sex.

Any grime there might have been has long since been washed away. And, sex is one of the great wonders of the world. It's also a great motivator and yet the downfall of many.

the funniest part of your post Ian, is the "My ladies" bit.

fortunately for me, I know ur posting history, thus your life and know ur not bragging

grimey old man.......

[eek]

eeK,rumbled by many members tonight,really tried to justify yourself by reverse phschology,but a massive fail,and well you know it.

I rest my case your honour,and mate,put away your spade,your digging yourself a massive hole,at which some point,you will fall into,and not for the first time eh?

Sort your life out,and again,try as hard as you can to understand females in general.

Good luck,but i won't count my..............gai1,2,3,4,5.

PST.

Ok PST. Enjoy your morning.

[cognos]

It's just like stealing. It's real easy... until you get caught... which ALWAYS happens. If you don't value your marriage then play around with whomever you wish. But, be prepared to accept the consequences of your own actions. If you like variety then stay single. It's less expensive and there's more sex with younger and more attractive partners. If you DO value your marriage then work at keeping it the way it was when you first decided to get married.

Ian, you have good common sense..but for many of us..common sense almost goes out the window, luckily not quite though

[lazygourmet]

The Nature of Commitment

I just found this article on my reader, and I thought that it might interest you

[cognos]

Perfect reason why folks shouldn't get wed here.

Most men who come to live in Thailand have failed at relationships all their lives, then think all will be well when they met a Thai lass who fits their sterotype.

When they realise its not all roses, off they go shagging owt that 1000 Baht will get them.

Simple rule. Don't get married.

If you couldn't manage a relationship with someone you had cultural and linguistic ties with in your own country, then it's not going to get any easier with someone you don't share any ties with bar the wallet.

Your over-generalization about "never get married" is very tiresome Professor fart, in fact it smells a little of putrid gas. I think you mean that inveterate butterflies should never get married.

[cognos]

Many of the male farang I know in LOS either fool around on their wife or have a mia noi. Without going into details, I came very close to fooling around on the good lovely Thai wife. Thank God I came to my senses just in the nick of time. The guilt trip overtook me and I backed out. It was a little Clintonesque perhaps, but there was no actual..well you know. The bottom line is I now know how dangerous it is on many levels( as if I didn't know before ) For one thing, you can have a very lovely, jai dee sexy Thai wife ( I have), but even coming close to fooling around can wreck the sex with your wife, albeit temporarly. I guess it comes down to choice, but I sure made the right decision in avoiding fooling around. I write this to caution others in my position who are tempted..DON'T if you can avoid it, you'll be so happy afterwards. If you can't avoid it, you are probably in the majority, but I hope not.Signed...CLOSE CALL PS..I know the temptation can be really strong, intoxicating, like an almost over-powering drug.The bottom line is if you can resist the temptation, you end up with a degree of self respect and integrity that was almost lost.

Are you invoking the Clinton defence that oral isn't cheating? Do you reckon she would see it the same way?

More importantly for those guys who think it isn't cheating, can your wife use the same defence? It was only a bit of oral, we didn't go all the way!!!

I'd rather hang around with Clinton than perfect people like yourself, however point taken. To be honest, whatever happened or not is none of your bees wax, so go crawl back into your moralistic hole

[StateSix]

Many of the male farang I know in LOS either fool around on their wife or have a mia noi. Without going into details, I came very close to fooling around on the good lovely Thai wife. Thank God I came to my senses just in the nick of time. The guilt trip overtook me and I backed out. It was a little Clintonesque perhaps, but there was no actual..well you know. The bottom line is I now know how dangerous it is on many levels( as if I didn't know before ) For one thing, you can have a very lovely, jai dee sexy Thai wife ( I have), but even coming close to fooling around can wreck the sex with your wife, albeit temporarly. I guess it comes down to choice, but I sure made the right decision in avoiding fooling around. I write this to caution others in my position who are tempted..DON'T if you can avoid it, you'll be so happy afterwards. If you can't avoid it, you are probably in the majority, but I hope not.Signed...CLOSE CALL PS..I know the temptation can be really strong, intoxicating, like an almost over-powering drug.The bottom line is if you can resist the temptation, you end up with a degree of self respect and integrity that was almost lost.

Are you invoking the Clinton defence that oral isn't cheating? Do you reckon she would see it the same way?

More importantly for those guys who think it isn't cheating, can your wife use the same defence? It was only a bit of oral, we didn't go all the way!!!

I'd rather hang around with Clinton than perfect people like yourself, however point taken. To be honest, whatever happened or not is none of your bees wax, so go crawl back into your moralistic hole

Never said I was perfect. Just trying to raise a point I though relevant to the discussion.

And if you don't want people asking questions, don't start a topic making out you didn't cheat on your wife, when it suggests you got a blowie at least, and then making some moralising statement at the end as though you're the perfect partner

[meom]

So if your wife is getting screwed for 10 minutes only than she is not cheating either?

10 minutes, 1 hour it don’t really matter. What matters is that she and I have an understanding that a short time every once in a while either by her or me is not the end of the world and it’s definitely not the end of our marriage.

Some might think this means we both go out of our way to shag around but it’s not like that at all. It’s more like if it happens we don’t have to hide it for each other, can talk about it if we want etc.

In the end it’s only sex without love or any emotional strings attached so it’s a bit beyond me why a lot of people get so hung up on it.

[Penefattore]

Many of the male farang I know in LOS either fool around on their wife or have a mia noi.

Call them fools

[Penefattore]

DON'T if you can avoid it, you'll be so happy afterwards.

I think you really need to feel the joy of unhappyness

[tmd5855]

Perfect reason why folks shouldn't get wed here.

Most men who come to live in Thailand have failed at relationships all their lives, then think all will be well when they met a Thai lass who fits their sterotype.

When they realise its not all roses, off they go shagging owt that 1000 Baht will get them.

Simple rule. Don't get married.

Agree some (most maybe) men come here looking for a Thai Lass that fits them. But, there is a lot of us who have been sent out to work by our companies and end up in Thailand. I took an offer to work off Indonesia in 2004. Did not fancy Jakarta, let alone Singapore or KL. My marriage was over when I arrived in Phuket. Tourist numbers plummeted after the Tsunami and I found myself flying to Bangkok to get a flight to Singapore, so moved to Pattaya 2005.

In late 2006 met a Thai woman so some/most ex-pats that come here to work are not the dark socks with leather sandals brigade with a 1000bt note in their sweaty palm (So a mate told me)

Edited October 15, 2009 by tmd5855

[Alpinist]

For me it was the other way around, fell in love with my girlfriend, found out she cheated on me, forgave her, we went on happily ever after, well not really but we started getting closer again, she graduated from university and went back to thailand and I met perhaps one of the most beautiful estonian girls to ever grace this planet, we got close I jumped out of a secound story window in a bid to resist the temptation

**** STUPIDEST **** I HAVE EVER DONE, I should have just done her, sometimes I even dream of the girls I passed up, I regret not****** her and ending that everyday. I found other girls just as beautiful inside and out, and of course I ended up having quite a few side relationships and don't regret a single one because here I am in thailand just having my secound year anaversery and found out my girlfriend is just a ****, but lets just keep this in perspective because if it wasnt for her i wouldnt be hear, and if I wasn't here, I wouldn't have met the most beautiful/ elegant girl I have ever seen! so I am just seeing what will happen.

god I hate/love life

[TAWP]

"Remember son, you'll always regret the chances you never took."

[cognos]

Many of the male farang I know in LOS either fool around on their wife or have a mia noi. Without going into details, I came very close to fooling around on the good lovely Thai wife. Thank God I came to my senses just in the nick of time. The guilt trip overtook me and I backed out. It was a little Clintonesque perhaps, but there was no actual..well you know. The bottom line is I now know how dangerous it is on many levels( as if I didn't know before ) For one thing, you can have a very lovely, jai dee sexy Thai wife ( I have), but even coming close to fooling around can wreck the sex with your wife, albeit temporarly. I guess it comes down to choice, but I sure made the right decision in avoiding fooling around. I write this to caution others in my position who are tempted..DON'T if you can avoid it, you'll be so happy afterwards. If you can't avoid it, you are probably in the majority, but I hope not.Signed...CLOSE CALL PS..I know the temptation can be really strong, intoxicating, like an almost over-powering drug.The bottom line is if you can resist the temptation, you end up with a degree of self respect and integrity that was almost lost.

Are you invoking the Clinton defence that oral isn't cheating? Do you reckon she would see it the same way?

More importantly for those guys who think it isn't cheating, can your wife use the same defence? It was only a bit of oral, we didn't go all the way!!!

I'd rather hang around with Clinton than perfect people like yourself, however point taken. To be honest, whatever happened or not is none of your bees wax, so go crawl back into your moralistic hole

Never said I was perfect. Just trying to raise a point I though relevant to the discussion.

And if you don't want people asking questions, don't start a topic making out you didn't cheat on your wife, when it suggests you got a blowie at least, and then making some moralising statement at the end as though you're the perfect partner

point taken..never said I was the perfect partner..far from it..my point is simple..I refused to go all the way..and it made my day. The reason I take umbrage at your comments is you are what I would never want to be, supremely judgemental..you are in the 90% of meyer briggs folks..question 4 u..when you screw up ( which is probably never), are you as hard on yourself as you are on others? I suspect you forgive yourself readily, which I don't..voila la difference between you and I

[eek]

"Remember son, you'll always regret the chances you never took."

TAWP, ive always questioned that saying..well..the saying "better to regret what you have done, rather than what you havent". Its kind of like the "TIT" one..in the sense that its used as an excuse for doing things that are selfish or irresponsible etc. Im all for living life to the full and taking chances, but that doesnt mean i need to be a b**** when i go about it. Using an expression like that for screwing people over, cheating on someone your supposed to love, etc, would be wrong..in my opinion. (Not that im saying, thats what you meant! I just mean its a saying that some will use as a way of excusing bad behaviour).

[t.s]

hope she isnt on Thai visa.. or its off to the duck farm.

good point, however I'm not sure how you can be in Duck soup for being honest and not doing the deed. I like living on the edge a bit, but will avoid digging a big hole and throwing myself in

It's not the duck SOUP that lurks, it's the duck PEN you wanna avoid.

she still trusts me, with decent reason I guess

i really dont know what you want from us here, but any moral cred you may have gained you lost the moment you felt the need to share. not getting laid is hardly an acheivement.

Edited October 15, 2009 by t.s

[Ijustwannateach]

An off-topic series of posts has been removed.

[phetaroi]

Oh well most of the time is all about money. You get it if you are willing to pay. Even when you find a soul mate at first is probably because you have money. Hopefully that will change if you really find your mate.

Most of the Thai gals I met don't care if you are married if you spend $$ on them. May be not just in Thailand but these days all over

I read this kind of stuff all the time, and when I do I think about the kind of situation those people are in to constantly meet that kind of woman (or man). If you think it's the norm, it's only the norm for your particular environment.

[phetaroi]

Having 10 minutes sex (or 3 minutes for you Aussies) with a prostitute hardly qualifies as fooling around in my opinion. Having a mia noi without your wife's knowledge is a different matter though.

Anyway each to their own.

As long as your consistent, and that you don't mind if your wife (or husband) takes exactly the same liberties, then you are working on principle, rather than expediency. However, from what I've seen over the years, most cheating husbands don't think that what's right for the goose is right for the gander.

[phetaroi]

Many of the male farang I know in LOS either fool around on their wife or have a mia noi. Without going into details, I came very close to fooling around on the good lovely Thai wife. Thank God I came to my senses just in the nick of time. The guilt trip overtook me and I backed out. It was a little Clintonesque perhaps, but there was no actual..well you know. The bottom line is I now know how dangerous it is on many levels( as if I didn't know before ) For one thing, you can have a very lovely, jai dee sexy Thai wife ( I have), but even coming close to fooling around can wreck the sex with your wife, albeit temporarly. I guess it comes down to choice, but I sure made the right decision in avoiding fooling around. I write this to caution others in my position who are tempted..DON'T if you can avoid it, you'll be so happy afterwards. If you can't avoid it, you are probably in the majority, but I hope not.Signed...CLOSE CALL PS..I know the temptation can be really strong, intoxicating, like an almost over-powering drug.The bottom line is if you can resist the temptation, you end up with a degree of self respect and integrity that was almost lost.

Are you invoking the Clinton defence that oral isn't cheating? Do you reckon she would see it the same way?

More importantly for those guys who think it isn't cheating, can your wife use the same defence? It was only a bit of oral, we didn't go all the way!!!

I'd rather hang around with Clinton than perfect people like yourself, however point taken. To be honest, whatever happened or not is none of your bees wax, so go crawl back into your moralistic hole

So let's see cognos.

You're posting information about your personal life on a public website, but it's none of the reader's business.

There is no logic in that at all. This is a discussion forum, and what's posted here is the business of everybody in the world who has a computer.

[cognos]

Many of the male farang I know in LOS either fool around on their wife or have a mia noi. Without going into details, I came very close to fooling around on the good lovely Thai wife. Thank God I came to my senses just in the nick of time. The guilt trip overtook me and I backed out. It was a little Clintonesque perhaps, but there was no actual..well you know. The bottom line is I now know how dangerous it is on many levels( as if I didn't know before ) For one thing, you can have a very lovely, jai dee sexy Thai wife ( I have), but even coming close to fooling around can wreck the sex with your wife, albeit temporarly. I guess it comes down to choice, but I sure made the right decision in avoiding fooling around. I write this to caution others in my position who are tempted..DON'T if you can avoid it, you'll be so happy afterwards. If you can't avoid it, you are probably in the majority, but I hope not.Signed...CLOSE CALL PS..I know the temptation can be really strong, intoxicating, like an almost over-powering drug.The bottom line is if you can resist the temptation, you end up with a degree of self respect and integrity that was almost lost.

Are you invoking the Clinton defence that oral isn't cheating? Do you reckon she would see it the same way?

More importantly for those guys who think it isn't cheating, can your wife use the same defence? It was only a bit of oral, we didn't go all the way!!!

I'd rather hang around with Clinton than perfect people like yourself, however point taken. To be honest, whatever happened or not is none of your bees wax, so go crawl back into your moralistic hole

So let's see cognos.

You're posting information about your personal life on a public website, but it's none of the reader's business.

There is no logic in that at all. This is a discussion forum, and what's posted here is the business of everybody in the world who has a computer.

you know what? I agree with you, and stand corrected..if I get lambasted, so be it, it's my own fault for being honest to a fault, but I'd do it again in a new york minute, my bpen rai.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

It's just like stealing. It's real easy... until you get caught... which ALWAYS happens. If you don't value your marriage then play around with whomever you wish. But, be prepared to accept the consequences of your own actions. If you DO value your marriage then work at keeping it the way it was when you first decided to get married.

That assumes that one or both partners weren't fooling around prior to getting married, shortly after, etc. (And possibly assumes that straying has anything to do with getting bored in marriage; I don't think it does.)

I also thought the comment in the OP was strange on having a negative effect on your married sex life. Huh? If anything you learn some new things I would think? Either way, you can't know this for a fact (or even from personaly experience) because you said you didn't go through with it.

Having 10 minutes sex (or 3 minutes for you Aussies) with a prostitute hardly qualifies as fooling around in my opinion. Having a mia noi without your wife's knowledge is a different matter though.

Anyway each to their own.

Does that mean the wife can also go visit a male prostitute and it doesn't count as fooling around?

Quite obviously it's not the same for women.. It would be great if it was, equality and all that, but the truth is that it just isn't. Women get other perks, though.

[mrtoad]

4 pages of nothing, because the OP felt guilty about getting blown off.

What is the world coming to?

[gvallee2]

i dont see the need to cheat in thailand, first off getting a nice looking girl in a club(tourist or normal thai bar) is way too easy, it takes off the 'need for challenge' and the 'reward' element

then, a vagina is a vagina.. So all you crave is a different face, touching a different body. the feeling on your phallus wont be much different unless you're wife is slack, Then just buy her a cheap(in thailand) vagina rejuvenation or whatever surgery. she'll feel like shes 12.

Just go see girls dancing, get them to give you a lapdance for 300baht.. feel them up.. Why would you need more? you can just close your eyes and think of this while you have sex with your girlfriend, don't need to hurt her by cheating. That's what good people have done forever in the west.

Yes you only have 1 life, then its over.. well when its over you wont regret not fuc_king around since you'll just be dead. Same thing could go for murder so why dont we murder people? Yeah because everyone deserves a chance at an happy life. same goes with cheating.

[TAWP]

Thinking of someone else while having sex with your wife/gf is worse than having sex with a hooker in my opinion...

[LooseCannon]

............

Learn to understand how thai women think,......

PST.

Would you care to elaborate on this statement?

I don't want to second guess what your intent is with this comment but are you suggesting that somehow Thai women are different in their emotional reaction to their husband/boyfriend 'cheating' on them?

Are you suggesting that a Thai women does not feel the same sense of betrayal, the hurt, humiliation & loss of self esteem when her partner 'cheats' as women from other countries do?

How does a Thai women think when she discovers her husband is cheating on her?