Did Not "fool Around"

[TAWP]

Emotions cut deeper than sex.

[TAWP]

yep the temptations come fast and furious in thailand no matter where you live.was in a local bar one night being pressured(terrible i know)told them i was married,and was told they dont care and that what they cared about was taking care of me.

So, how much did the bar girls want per whack? I hardly think they were climbing all over you offering sex for free.

Actually, if you are young, look good and know how to talk to a lady without coming off as a creep etc, they will be doing just that. Even if you tell them that you are married and not going to give them anything.

Not everyone here is a washed up punter.

Well, because you aren't a creep means they waive the first payment

Tell them you are poor and you have no money. Watch them run a mile.

Uh...my friend always does and many stay, or even offer to pay for the hotel drinks, hotel etc etc.

As I said, don't judge all the same.

Nor all girls/women.

[meom]

Why the ???? Eek?

Sex and marriage are two different things. I can have short time sex with a girl just to satisfy my sexual urge but it will never take away the bond that 14 years marriage has created between me and Mrs Meom.

[meom]

Having 10 minutes sex (or 3 minutes for you Aussies) with a prostitute hardly qualifies as fooling around in my opinion. Having a mia noi without your wife's knowledge is a different matter though.

Anyway each to their own.

Does that mean the wife can also go visit a male prostitute and it doesn't count as fooling around?

Yes, provided she shares the profit with me

(Knowing her a bit better she will not pay for sex)

She can have a casual fling with anybody.

Edited October 14, 2009 by meom

[PST]

Still to this day cannot understand how any man can get caught playing away from his wife/girlfriend,this is Thailand,opportunities exist for sex everywhere,if you want to do it,get on the bike and drive somewhere different,you won't get seen,she won't know,she dosen't lose face.

Amuses me how some idiots do it on their own doorstep,or close to home,then wonder why they get collared,no need whatsoever.

Also amuses me the amount of farang with ugly Thai women,why?,you've got the pick of literally thousands.

PST.

[StateSix]

That's fair enough Meom.

I just wonder how many of the guys on here who think it's ok to have some short time fun would accept it if their partner did the same.

[eek]

Why the ???? Eek?

Sex and marriage are two different things. I can have short time sex with a girl just to satisfy my sexual urge but it will never take away the bond that 14 years marriage has created between me and Mrs Meom.

Mrs Meom is ok with it? And, you dont mind if Mrs Meom does the same? For in your mind, being just a quicky, it doesnt constitute as cheating. Good for both of you if thats what works..for both of you.

--

The "???" was because i was flabbergasted at what others consider being unfaithful and not being unfaithful. Fine, of course, if those lines are mutually agreed upon. In my own opinion having sexual relations (that includes for me intimately kissing and touching someone)constitutes as being unfaithful (i thought that was the general opinion too, but i could be wrong). As you say, each to their own..but of course, each to their own when mutually agreed upon.

[meom]

Not a lot I guess.

Hurt pride and things like that often stand in the way of open mindedness.

[eek]

Still to this day cannot understand how any man can get caught playing away from his wife/girlfriend,this is Thailand,opportunities exist for sex everywhere,if you want to do it,get on the bike and drive somewhere different,you won't get seen,she won't know,she dosen't lose face. - Women are more intuitive than you give them credit for, and men are a lot less smarter in this department that you give credit to. Women notice subtle changes that men dont even have on a radar. Some women just will not delve further, prefering to shut out and ignore any signs. Btw though, that being the case, it will, most likely, affect your relationship in ways you maybe cant fathom. Such as Wife/gf less loving. Wife/gf preparing to leave you in the future etc. Some Western guys complain here about their girls taking them for all they are worth, well, in some of those cases, you may have brought it on yourselves by your actions.

Amuses me how some idiots do it on their own doorstep,or close to home,then wonder why they get collared,no need whatsoever. (- )

Also amuses me the amount of farang with ugly Thai women,why?,you've got the pick of literally thousands. (- Thats your own opinion. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder mate. Hope you look like Brad Pitt to be slinging mud like that...and even if you do, your heart doesnt seem to be too attractive.)

PST.

[meom]

Why the ???? Eek?

Sex and marriage are two different things. I can have short time sex with a girl just to satisfy my sexual urge but it will never take away the bond that 14 years marriage has created between me and Mrs Meom.

Mrs Meom is ok with it? And, you dont mind if Mrs Meom does the same? For in your mind, being just a quicky, it doesnt constitute as cheating. Good for both of you if thats what works..for both of you.

--

The "???" was because i was flabbergasted at what others consider being unfaithful and not being unfaithful. Fine, of course, if those lines are mutually agreed upon. In my own opinion having sexual relations (that includes for me intimately kissing and touching someone)constitutes as being unfaithful (i thought that was the general opinion too, but i could be wrong). As you say, each to their own..but of course, each to their own when mutually agreed upon.

Yes we're both ok with it.

My wife used to work as a horizontal entertainment provider so maybe that made things easier.

[eek]

Yes we're both ok with it.

My wife used to work as a horizontal entertainment provider so maybe that made things easier.

Well, see, thats fair enough meom. Just that I dont agree with your earlier post about how 10 minute sex doesnt constitute as cheating, its just that its something that works out ok for you and your wife personally. I think it does constitute as cheating, but, if something is agreed upon, its never "cheating". "Cheating" implies a person does something without their partners knowledge or acceptance.

Btw, if you dont mind me asking, would you be ok with your wife doing the same? - edit: oops sorry, i just read you already replied to that question further up.

Edited October 14, 2009 by eek

[britmaveric]

Good on you - if you want to shag everything in sight then be Single.

[bonobo]

 As you say, each to their own..but of course, each to their own when mutually agreed upon.

When "mutually agreed upon" is the key here. If both partners are OK with flings, then it is fine.  If both partners are against them, and both uphold that ban, then that is fine.

The problem is that while most people give lip service to monogamy, most people do not practice it.  Statistics can me manipulated to "prove" many things, but the fact is that a very large majority of both men and women will stray at least once outside the bonds of marriage.

If the OP would have been guilt-ridden for straying, I am glad he resisted.  But I also seem to read that the majority of the posters on TV would never stray.  And that means that only the monogamous people post here, that there is a statistical aberration in the sample of posters, or that many posters are being less than truthful.  

I have no idea on the number of western men or women who stray while here in Thailand, but with the easy access to a younger pool of potential partners, would not be surprised if that percentage is higher than back in Farangland.  

And contrary to some seemingly suppositions often posted here, this is not just an issue concerning western men.  There are significant numbers of western women in dedicated relationships who not only will accept a fling, but who actively seek flings--just as they do back in the West.  Monogamy, infidelity, cheating, flings--they are factors in both men and women, in both Thai and westerners.

[meom]

Btw, if you dont mind me asking, would you be ok with your wife doing the same?

Yes if she feels the urge I won't stop her.

But no need to tell me afterwards how good the other guy was

[eek]

There are significant numbers of western women in dedicated relationships who not only will accept a fling, but who actively seek flings--just as they do back in the West.  Monogamy, infidelity, cheating, flings--they are factors in both men and women, in both Thai and westerners.

Trust is a big issue for me. Intimacy is a big issue for me. Im also clear about that. I believe i am a loving caring fun and intimate partner, but without the security of faithfulness the bubble is burst for me. Thats just how it is for me. Unfaithful = my trust and respect gone, and without those a relationship would be empty for me. I have been tempted in my life, met a few charmers, some very attractive, some very wealthy, some both! But, i believe in commitment. If im not enough for the man in my life, then I dont want him in my life. Would prefer to be on my own. However, maybe if i had kids or had to rely upon a man for financial security i would have to think differently, im not sure. Thankfully I am in a position where i can take care of myself if need be.

[bonobo]

There are significant numbers of western women in dedicated relationships who not only will accept a fling, but who actively seek flings--just as they do back in the West.  Monogamy, infidelity, cheating, flings--they are factors in both men and women, in both Thai and westerners.

Trust is a big issue for me. Intimacy is a big issue for me. Im also clear about that. I believe i am a loving caring fun and intimate partner, but without the security of faithfulness the bubble is burst for me. Thats just how it is for me. Unfaithful = my trust and respect gone, and without those a relationship would be empty for me. I have been tempted in my life, met a few charmers, some very attractive, some very wealthy, some both! But, i believe in commitment. If im not enough for the man in my life, then I dont want him in my life. Would prefer to be on my own. However, maybe if i had kids or had to rely upon a man for financial security i would have to think differently, im not sure. Thankfully I am in a position where i can take care of myself if need be.

Good point about having kids or being otherwise unable to leave a relationship.  I believe many women accept infidelity as they believe they need to stay with their husbands for the sake of their kids or for financial security.  And there are men who feel they cannot leave a relationship for the same or other reasons, so they stick around despite infidelity as well.

And no one should take anything I write as saying there is something wrong with monogamy.  I respect people who feel monogamy is the only way to go, then actually abide by that.  I just have less respect for people who spout monogamy at the drop of the hat yet do not lead monogamous lives.  That reeks of Carrie Nation to me.

[Eric1949]

Many of the male farang I know in LOS either fool around on their wife or have a mia noi. Without going into details, I came very close to fooling around on the good lovely Thai wife. Thank God I came to my senses just in the nick of time. The guilt trip overtook me and I backed out. It was a little Clintonesque perhaps, but there was no actual..well you know. The bottom line is I now know how dangerous it is on many levels( as if I didn't know before ) For one thing, you can have a very lovely, jai dee sexy Thai wife ( I have), but even coming close to fooling around can wreck the sex with your wife, albeit temporarly. I guess it comes down to choice, but I sure made the right decision in avoiding fooling around. I write this to caution others in my position who are tempted..DON'T if you can avoid it, you'll be so happy afterwards. If you can't avoid it, you are probably in the majority, but I hope not.Signed...CLOSE CALL PS..I know the temptation can be really strong, intoxicating, like an almost over-powering drug.The bottom line is if you can resist the temptation, you end up with a degree of self respect and integrity that was almost lost.

I think the bottom line is "why did you come to Thailand", I came innocently, never had the slightest temptation to 'play away', but that does not stop the other 'arf getting jealous..............

[Patsycat]

Why get married if you are both going to be out playing around, as if you were still single?

[bonobo]

Why get married if you are both going to be out playing around, as if you were still single?

Is sex the only reason to get married?  If it is, then I could agree with your post. But as I believe there are many, many reasons to get married, and all marriages are unique, then it is certainly within the realm of possibilities that people have reasons other than sex to get married, and people will seek that outside of the marriage bonds, with or without their partner's approval.

I don't personally condone cheating, but I am not going to get all moralistic on people who do.  I am not in their shoes, and I don't know their situation.

[sbk]

I don't personally condone cheating, but I am not going to get all moralistic on people who do.  I am not in their shoes, and I don't know their situation.

My dad always said, "you never know what's going on in another man's head or another man's bed"

[GarryP]

Your dad was spot on. I would not wish to air my dirty laundry on TV, but there are so many different situations people find themselves in to say one way or another whether it is wrong. It must be considered case by case.

Edited October 14, 2009 by GarryP

[bonobo]

I don't personally condone cheating, but I am not going to get all moralistic on people who do.  I am not in their shoes, and I don't know their situation.

My dad always said, "you never know what's going on in another man's head or another man's bed"

With apologies to your dad, I think I am going to abscond with that saying and use it myself when the opportunity arises!  

[PST]

Eek-looking too deep into the situation,this is Thailand,you've obviously been hurt in the past,and this is confirmed by your critical anaylasis of my post.

I'm happily married and have been for a while,my wife knows full well if i want to do it,which i do now and then,i'm gonna do it well away from prying eyes,and i do.

As for all this womens intuition stuff,and it will affect my relationship,again,i think your describing yourself.

Learn to understand how thai women think,or suffer forever-up to you.

PST.

[IanForbes]

There are significant numbers of western women in dedicated relationships who not only will accept a fling, but who actively seek flings--just as they do back in the West. Monogamy, infidelity, cheating, flings--they are factors in both men and women, in both Thai and westerners.

Trust is a big issue for me. Intimacy is a big issue for me. Im also clear about that. I believe i am a loving caring fun and intimate partner, but without the security of faithfulness the bubble is burst for me. Thats just how it is for me. Unfaithful = my trust and respect gone, and without those a relationship would be empty for me. I have been tempted in my life, met a few charmers, some very attractive, some very wealthy, some both! But, i believe in commitment. If im not enough for the man in my life, then I dont want him in my life. Would prefer to be on my own. However, maybe if i had kids or had to rely upon a man for financial security i would have to think differently, im not sure. Thankfully I am in a position where i can take care of myself if need be.

Very good post, eek. I concure. That is precisely why I now stay single. I already did the marriage thing... twice. And, I never played around despite being tempted a few times by unhappy wives of other men. I always put the family first. Even when my first marriage ended after 20 years I stayed in the house until my children were out of school. My wife had upstairs and I had downstairs.

[DonJuanDemarco]

yep the temptations come fast and furious in thailand no matter where you live.was in a local bar one night being pressured(terrible i know)told them i was married,and was told they dont care and that what they cared about was taking care of me.

So, how much did the bar girls want per whack? I hardly think they were climbing all over you offering sex for free.

Actually, if you are young, look good and know how to talk to a lady without coming off as a creep etc, they will be doing just that. Even if you tell them that you are married and not going to give them anything.

Not everyone here is a washed up punter.

Well, because you aren't a creep means they waive the first payment

Tell them you are poor and you have no money. Watch them run a mile.

I tell them that I am poor but its like women just have some kind of subconscious instincts in this regard and they just know that I am loaded.

[DonJuanDemarco]

Your dad was spot on. I would not wish to air my dirty laundry on TV, but there are so many different situations people find themselves in to say one way or another whether it is wrong. It must be considered case by case.

yes, there are alteast 2 million different rationalizations.

[DonJuanDemarco]

the wife told me I could go for short time when she had mens..but I am quite sure it was just a test..I won't take her up on it..having the permission to go for short time may make it easier to avoid actually doing it..the best things in life are usually difficult ( as opposed to free as Lennon said ), and this was one of them..

You get a "free pass" every month?? That's a new one on me. Other options do exist for her to "take care you", which should suffice (one would hope).

I never married till I was 50, 2 years ago ( wife is mid-thirties) and was used to doing whatever i felt like prior, so perhaps toeing the line in general was more difficult for me than for others. More power to you if you never got the urge..but its a strong attraction for many, including me. The bottom line is I'd rather have self-respect, and in my books once you fool around on the good wife you lose it permanently in many respects. The post is simply to caution others to think twice, thats all. Life is about helping yourself AND others. I do understand your point however

Having 10 minutes sex (or 3 minutes for you Aussies) with a prostitute hardly qualifies as fooling around in my opinion. Having a mia noi without your wife's knowledge is a different matter though.

Anyway each to their own.

So if your wife is getting screwed for 10 minutes only than she is not cheating either?

[Ijustwannateach]

I don't personally condone cheating, but I am not going to get all moralistic on people who do.  I am not in their shoes, and I don't know their situation.

My dad always said, "you never know what's going on in another man's head or another man's bed"

I would if I were sleeping with him!

[eek]

Eek-looking too deep into the situation,this is Thailand,you've obviously been hurt in the past,and this is confirmed by your critical anaylasis of my post.

I'm happily married and have been for a while,my wife knows full well if i want to do it,which i do now and then,i'm gonna do it well away from prying eyes,and i do.

As for all this womens intuition stuff,and it will affect my relationship,again,i think your describing yourself.

Learn to understand how thai women think,or suffer forever-up to you.

PST.

Dont give up your day job PST, pseudo-psychology isnt working for you. For, why lash out making presumptions about my personal life? Defensive much?

Fyi, I have never really done the big dating thing. I guess you could call me a serial monogamist and ive had only a couple of serious relationships in my life, all with wonderful men. Just, we went our different ways. Different ideas of what we want to do with our lives. Being young I wanted to travel and do the career thing etc etc, and they had their own ideas too. I dont regret one moment of time with them, and they not once treated me badly. In fact, I realise just how lucky i am relationship-wise, for, when i compare the alternatives, it makes me all the more grateful. Im thankful for those decent honest men around, they will always have my utmost respect.

Oh..and as for that old adage "this is thailand" ..the "TIT" mantra as an excuse for guys cheating on their gf/wives is a bit much, dontcha think?

[eek]

my wife knows full well if i want to do it,which i do now and then,i'm gonna do it well away from prying eyes,and i do.

/quote]'

Oh..and you accused me of looking too deeply, but, you didnt look deeply enough, for, I said that "cheating" affects peoples relationships. If you had read my other posts you will have noticed that i said many times that a mutual decision between partners is up to them.

However, I think it would make some wonder how much of a mutual decision it really is. But, of course, some may not mind at all what their partners do, and some may just not care.