Did I Make Her Lose Face?

[DegenFarang]

Tonight me and my girlfriend had planned to go to Queen Sirikit park for Loy Kratong. We had planned to go at 8:00 but then at 8:00 her sister called and said she wanted to eat with her. My girlfriend asked me to go, I declined and told them to call me when they were done, and I said I didn't mind if her sister came with us to Queen Sirikit Park. So I get a call at about 8:40 that they are done eating and I go and meet them. We then walk to their apartment so her sister could change and then walk to her sisters work (none of this planned but whatever). We are standing around forever waiting outside her sisters work and finally 6 Thai girls come out and my girlfriend and joins them and motions for me to come over. They then all start talking in Thai and saying up to you up to you, they are trying to figure out where to go as only Thai's can do. They finally decide upon Suan Lum Night Bizaare, a place I have no particular affection for and can't see the point of visiting on Loy Kratong. So they all start piling into taxi's and I make sure most of them are gone before I tell my girlfriend I'd rather go home and work - I said I wanted her to have fun with her friends and it would be odd for me to be the lone guy with 8 girls. She seemed upset about this and tried to resist getting in the taxi but I told her to go and come back to my place when she was finished. A secondary reason for me not going was that I'm sure I would have been expected to pick up the tab for whatever drinking they did - something I don't mind for 2 or 3 people but 9 is a bit much. However I wouldn't have minded if there were at least one or two other guys there.

So my question is, is she going to lose face with her friends when they all arrive at Suan Lum and I'm not there? Was I a dick for doing this or would other guys have done the same thing?

[mrtoad]

I'm guessing that you just saved yourself the entertainment bill for the night.

[Moonrakers]

1) Loy Kratong is a big thing for most Thai's, you might want to bear that in mind when it come to a western event that you want to celebrate.

2) If you are expected to pay the bill for 9 people, then you and your girlfriend have other issues to deal with.

Edited November 2, 2009 by Moonrakers

[Geekfreaklover]

You did the right thing.

You planned to go with your girlfriend to Loy Kratong as a couple. She decides to swerve your date and have you bankroll her girls night out instead. Who is taking the Michael here?

Maybe your girlfriend lost face because she promised all her mates a freebie. But if she or they EXPECT you to pick up the bill, and you did, then you would be on a slippery slope to mugville. Even if they were paying for you, she has broken the original arrangement of just her and yourself. So the money is a side issue.

You did well to stand your ground. Makes sure you continue to do so. Remember the average Thai man would have done the same thing, execpt he may of adminsitered a severe 'telling off' to boot.

Edited November 2, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[baboon]

I'm guessing that you just saved yourself the entertainment bill for the night.

Iam guessing you have hit the nail on the head. OP,one likes to be hospitable but ask yourself this: Will any of them pay for you to have a good p!!s up on your Birthday? Thought not.

[DegenFarang]

Please don't make this a discussion of me picking up the tab. I have never once been expected to pay for more than her and one other friend/sister and thats only when we go to expensive places of my choosing. I'm sure all of them would have pulled out their wallets when the bill came but it isn't my style to not pay the bill knowing that all of them make 10-20,000 baht a month. I would have paid it.

I just want to know if she lost face by her boyfriend ditching her on the way to celebrate Loy Kratong (a holiday I don't know much about)

Edited November 2, 2009 by DegenFarang

[baboon]

Please don't make this a discussion of me picking up the tab. I have never once been expected to pay for more than her and one other friend/sister and thats only when we go to expensive places of my choosing. I'm sure all of them would have pulled out their wallets when the bill came but it isn't my style to not pay the bill knowing that all of them make 10-20,000 baht a month. I would have paid it.

I just want to know if she lost face by her boyfriend ditching her on the way to celebrate Loy Kratong (a holiday I don't know much about)

How long have you been in Thailand if you dont mind?

[lovelomsak]

Just reading between the lines here, but my quess the girls already planned to celebrate together that night and she expeccted you to just come along, as planned by them.

Seems odd to me sister calls just when your planned eveninng is to begin. I personally would be miffed that our LoyKrathong evening was disrupted. The woman I loyed with tonight explained it to me that loying our krathongs together brought us closer together as a couple. My feeling are your gf lost face for you.by not going and loying with you and going partying instead. I would question her priorities.

[mrtoad]

Please don't make this a discussion of me picking up the tab. I have never once been expected to pay for more than her and one other friend/sister and thats only when we go to expensive places of my choosing. I'm sure all of them would have pulled out their wallets when the bill came but it isn't my style to not pay the bill knowing that all of them make 10-20,000 baht a month. I would have paid it.

I just want to know if she lost face by her boyfriend ditching her on the way to celebrate Loy Kratong (a holiday I don't know much about)

I think this will turn into a debate about paying the bill, as you bought it up in your first post -which suggests to me that you have doubts about it.

As for not knowing what Loy Kratong is, I would guess you must be new to Thailand.

[Moonrakers]

Please don't make this a discussion of me picking up the tab. I have never once been expected to pay for more than her and one other friend/sister and thats only when we go to expensive places of my choosing. I'm sure all of them would have pulled out their wallets when the bill came but it isn't my style to not pay the bill knowing that all of them make 10-20,000 baht a month. I would have paid it.

I just want to know if she lost face by her boyfriend ditching her on the way to celebrate Loy Kratong (a holiday I don't know much about)

So she invites her mates along (8-9 of them), it is likely that you will have to pay the bill yet she does not even ask you first.......

Oh, but of course you picking up the tab has nothing to do with it does it. 

[baboon]

Just reading between the lines here, but my quess the girls already planned to celebrate together that night and she expeccted you to just come along, as planned by them.

Seems odd to me sister calls just when your planned eveninng is to begin. I personally would be miffed that our LoyKrathong evening was disrupted. The woman I loyed with tonight explained it to me that loying our krathongs together brought us closer together as a couple. My feeling are your gf lost face for you.by not going and loying with you and going partying instead. I would question her priorities.

Yes. Indeed. Sounds like a familiar MO.

[mrtoad]

Please don't make this a discussion of me picking up the tab. I have never once been expected to pay for more than her and one other friend/sister and thats only when we go to expensive places of my choosing. I'm sure all of them would have pulled out their wallets when the bill came but it isn't my style to not pay the bill knowing that all of them make 10-20,000 baht a month. I would have paid it.

I just want to know if she lost face by her boyfriend ditching her on the way to celebrate Loy Kratong (a holiday I don't know much about)

So she invites her mates along (8-9 of them), it is likely that you will have to pay the bill yet she does not even ask you first.......

Oh, but of course you picking up the tab has nothing to do with it does it. 

Only if you live in Dreamworld.

[pattaya_girl]

She should have spent Loy Kratong with you.

[Moonrakers]

She should have spent Loy Kratong with you.

With me?

[Geekfreaklover]

Maybe she did

[Moonrakers]

Does she have a tattoo on her back. Maybe GFL knows her.

[kudroz]

She lost face, but I would have done the same thing you did. I would have been upset that we end up going to a different location and with people I didn't know - without me being involved in the process of deciding this.

Sounds like you had plans with your girlfriend and those plans got tossed out without you even realizing it.

[mrtoad]

Does she have a tattoo on her back. Maybe GFL knows her.

Maybe it was a works evening out.

[Geekfreaklover]

Does she have a tattoo on her back. Maybe GFL knows her.

Maybe it was a works evening out.

Could have missed the night of his life !!

[kudroz]

I imagine the conversation when you tried to explain her what's up:

Guy> Honey, you go ahead and have fun with your friends. I'll go home and meet you later ok?

TG> Why you do this - what you say? I want go with you, why you do that?

Guy> Don't feel like hanging out with all those people, I wanted to spend time with you at Queen Sirikit park.

TG> You no like my friend? They no good for you? What you say?

Guy> It's not that, but I just wish you had asked me before changing plans.

TG> You come we have fun, I take care you ok?

Guy> Nah really, I'll go home. You go ahead and have fun!

--- insert drama here ---

Edited November 2, 2009 by kudroz

[Moonrakers]

Does she have a tattoo on her back. Maybe GFL knows her.

Maybe it was a works evening out.

Could have missed the night of his life !!

I bet Zorro didn't miss it though, no doubt he had a great night in the park tonight.

[Rumfoord]

Was I a dick for doing this or would other guys have done the same thing?

my guess is that the board and its members need pictures of the 8 girls to answer that question.

[mrtoad]

I bet Zorro didn't miss it though, no doubt he had a great night in the park tonight.

I'm sure he would have made sure that she had plenty to digest.

[Moonrakers]

Was I a dick for doing this or would other guys have done the same thing?

my guess is that the board and its members need pictures of the 8 girls to answer that question.

The man speaketh sense.

[mrtoad]

Was I a dick for doing this or would other guys have done the same thing?

my guess is that the board and its members need pictures of the 8 girls to answer that question.

Agreed!!

[Moonrakers]

Woooaah.

Just to add some brevity to this discussion, below is a recent post from the OP:

Luckily, and honestly, I don't know for certain that I ever have had sex with a ladyboy. But in four years I've easily had sex with 100 whores - from a purely mathematical standpoint it seems nearly impossible that one of them wasn't a ladyboy. Anybody who has had a similar sexual history in Thailand is in the same boat as me, whether they want to admit it to themselves or not.

(Check his profile).

[DegenFarang]

Please don't make this a discussion of me picking up the tab. I have never once been expected to pay for more than her and one other friend/sister and thats only when we go to expensive places of my choosing. I'm sure all of them would have pulled out their wallets when the bill came but it isn't my style to not pay the bill knowing that all of them make 10-20,000 baht a month. I would have paid it.

I just want to know if she lost face by her boyfriend ditching her on the way to celebrate Loy Kratong (a holiday I don't know much about)

How long have you been in Thailand if you dont mind?

Four years. I've never given this girl a single baht. Did not meet her in a go-go bar etc. etc. etc.

[wolf5370]

Tonight me and my girlfriend had planned to go to Queen Sirikit park for Loy Kratong. We had planned to go at 8:00 but then at 8:00 her sister called and said she wanted to eat with her. My girlfriend asked me to go, I declined and told them to call me when they were done, and I said I didn't mind if her sister came with us to Queen Sirikit Park. So I get a call at about 8:40 that they are done eating and I go and meet them. We then walk to their apartment so her sister could change and then walk to her sisters work (none of this planned but whatever). We are standing around forever waiting outside her sisters work and finally 6 Thai girls come out and my girlfriend and joins them and motions for me to come over. They then all start talking in Thai and saying up to you up to you, they are trying to figure out where to go as only Thai's can do. They finally decide upon Suan Lum Night Bizaare, a place I have no particular affection for and can't see the point of visiting on Loy Kratong. So they all start piling into taxi's and I make sure most of them are gone before I tell my girlfriend I'd rather go home and work - I said I wanted her to have fun with her friends and it would be odd for me to be the lone guy with 8 girls. She seemed upset about this and tried to resist getting in the taxi but I told her to go and come back to my place when she was finished. A secondary reason for me not going was that I'm sure I would have been expected to pick up the tab for whatever drinking they did - something I don't mind for 2 or 3 people but 9 is a bit much. However I wouldn't have minded if there were at least one or two other guys there.

So my question is, is she going to lose face with her friends when they all arrive at Suan Lum and I'm not there? Was I a dick for doing this or would other guys have done the same thing?

Did you make her loose face - possibly, but also possibly not. She may have felt compelled to go with her sister and friends, but didn't want to upset you, so wanted to try and not offend anyone by merging the two. When you showed your displeasure at this by pulling out (I know you hadn't agreed to it, but bear with me) she was left between the devil and the deep blue sea. Krung Jai plays a big part with Thais (generalisation I know - but not knowing the girl personally its all I have) and she may have thought she had the solution to keep everyone happy to some degree - but it failed. Maybe it was guilt or disappointment at her failure that you saw reflected in her reluctance to go once you pulled out.

If it was me, I would appologise with a cuddle when she comes an and say I wanted it to be special night for the two of us, and then suggest some romantic alternative - whether its a cosy night in, the movies or a dinner out tomorrow night instead. Even if you believe you were in the right, it may be that she feel guilty now and with you acting like the bad guy for her could make that make-up all the better.

Just an alternative perspective. Good luck - and happy Loy Kratong

[Moonrakers]

Four years. I've never given this girl a single baht. Did not meet her in a go-go bar etc. etc. etc.

Are you sure that she/he isn't a ladyboy?

[Geekfreaklover]

Are you sure the sister is really her sister?