Finding A Girlfriend In Cm

[WinnieTheKhwai]

I've been living in Thailand for over thirty years and never had trouble finding good honest Thai ladies – at least in the early years. I feel sorry for guys who are relatively new to this country (15 years or less)

YAY! I'm still in the newbie group!!!

( I'm not sure if I look forward to or dread graduating into your group next year.. )

as unfortunately we (us farang) have developed a reputation for being uncouth drunken slobs more interested in associating with prostitutes and young boys to the extent that many decent Thai's are too embarrassed to be seen associating with a farang.

You make it sound like it's easy to keep that up for 14 years straight.

So Old Mike, I'm one of many farang happily married to a loving well adjusted Thai lady for the last 29 years, so it is possible!!

So, you were a newbie too when you got married, jumping in after just one year here?

Edited November 10, 2009 by WinnieTheKhwai

[wolf5370]

Looking respectful certainly helps. I'm happily married, but will chat with anyone (almost). If I have rushed out, maybe to pick the kids up or something, and am in my 'TV watching clothes' - singlet and Lanna shorts usually (fisherman's trousers) then I am treated completel differently than when I am in a suit after work say. In a suit I am waied to by people all the time; I have converstaions with people while waiting for the school to turn out or watching a video through the DVD shop's window ( ) etc - in my 'TV gear' I get funny looks and am compeltely ignored.

Indeed, if I sit on a bench with other people (try this as an experiment!) in the 'TV gear' they shift along or move their bags to the other side of them etc, in a suit they smile at me and maybe even we chat a little.

Today I was in an office and I chatted with a girl around thirty while I waited for the guy I was there to see and also was waied by a stream of college kids (mostly girls) when I walked to my car which was parked near a college. I was in a suit. I can guarantee I would not have had the same response looking like a Kee Nok tourist. I am in my 30's FYI in case this is of import.

[amexpat]

That's it then. I'll be wearing suits from now on.

I just hope I score before the cool season is over.

[heybruce]

That's it then. I'll be wearing suits from now on.

I just hope I score before the cool season is over.

Suits are overkill, but if you're one of those guys well past the half-way point in life and dressing like a backpacker/bum, you're not going to impress anyone.

[heybruce]

I've been in CM for 4 years now and still don't have a Thai girlfriend (no, i'm not gay). I guess at 48 years old, i'm not the eligible bachelor i like to think i am over here Being clean, fit and healthy, and living in quite a nice condo, in quite a nice part of town, obviously doesn't cut it with the under 50's

Hmm! Maybe i should get a car. that might help I live well but i'm far from flush since the economic crash some 18 months ago, and i make a point of telling this to any new dates. Maybe if i acted as if i were more 'cash-happy' then a long term relationship might last longer than a weekend

Hey, maybe i'm just plain ugly in the eyes of a Thai, and the attractive gals might not like to be branded as Beauty & the beast by the locals ha ha lol

Aitch

Ok, you have the accessories. What are you doing to meet women?

[IanForbes]

Wolf has a point about wearing suits. Or, at least semi-business wear. Men wearing suits are usually given more respect. But, it still comes down to being able to meet and greet Thais on a friendly, social level. There are many women who have small businesses, or work in restaurants and hotels. If they are not already married, or in a serious relationship, most would like to meet someone nice. But, there IS a stigma attached when a young, Thai woman is seen with an older farang man. The gossipy crowd always wants to think the worst. Some people can handle that and others can not. Thai women in their fourties have usually gotten over that problem.

If I actually WANTED a steady girl friend I have no doubt I could find one. Thailand is full of them... from street hookers to doctors and dentists.

[jaideeguy]

I looked all over CM for a couple of years and only found snobbish white northern girls, then decided to go to 'the factory' in Issan where us white guys are a novelty and cruised the region until I found exactly what I was looking for. Been together for 10 yrs now and altho it's not perfect [what relationship is?] it works and she is appreciative [mostly]. And they don't have an 'attitude' like the northern girls do

Those brown skinned beauties of Issan seem more at ease with us than the northern girls do and there is something to be said about having some distance from family.

[Donnyboy]

note thy self, while in nz, dryclean suit and bring back to LOS

[ChiangMaiFun]

How do you know when it's morphed into something better? Maybe they are just good actresses and still only interested in money.

Because I have been here 20 years and seen some girls stick with their husbands through thick and thin.

One friend who is about 75 married a 20 year old girl and set her up in a business which became very succesful. She has a lot of her own money and a lot of opportunities, but she has chosen to stay with him.

With respect -although that's great 'love story' you will know (and your friend will know) deep down that if there was a choice (financial circumstances being equal) and a guy of only 10 years older was available and your friend is 55 years older that he would have been second in a choice of two!

I not meaning to be disrespectful - but 55 years ain't about she loves him is it?

[Ulysses G.]

Actually, there were lots of young and middle aged guys after her - because her English was so good - and she chose an old guy without a pension or lots of money (which she knew).

She worked for me for a while and we would talk about the age difference openly. She said that no one had ever had such faith and confidence in her and that he made her feel that she could accomplish anything that she wanted. Later on she became involved in two successful businesses and now she runs her own English language school.

Yes, I think that she does love him and it ain't about money.

[ChiangMaiFun]

Actually, there were lots of young and middle aged guys after her - because her English was so good - and she chose an old guy without a pension or lots of money (which she knew).

She worked for me for a while and we would talk about the age difference openly. She said that no one had ever had such faith and confidence in her and that he made her feel that she could accomplish anything that she wanted. Later on she became involved in two successful businesses and now she runs her own English language school.

Yes, I think that she does love him and it ain't about money.

Well... ok... but I don't buy it... if her circumstances were different - or she had more confidence... or...or...or... and why would a guy of 75 want a 20 year old anyway? apart from the obvious - but anyway we are going off-topic. Interesting discussion though - and I am not meaning to be antagonising on purpose - I'm probably just cynical - good luck to him anyway!

[Ulysses G.]

In most cases you would be right, but in this particular case, this young girl chose a man old enough to be her grandfather and has stuck by him even when her luck changed for the better.

As to why he would want her, she is young and pretty and full of energy. What man wouldn't want her?

(PS. He is very well educated and has the energy of a young man and is always clean and very well dressed. These things never hurt).

Edited November 11, 2009 by Ulysses G.

[ChiangMaiFun]

In most cases you would be right, but in this particular case, this young girl chose a man old enough to be her grandfather and has stuck by him even when her luck changed for the better.

As to why he would want her, she is young and pretty and full of energy. What man wouldn't want her?

(PS. He is very well educated and has the energy of a young man and is always clean and very well dressed. These things never hurt).

I guess I've lost the 'belief' good luck to him - if it works.. it works

chaimai?

[IanForbes]

In most cases you would be right, but in this particular case, this young girl chose a man old enough to be her grandfather and has stuck by him even when her luck changed for the better.

As to why he would want her, she is young and pretty and full of energy. What man wouldn't want her?

(PS. He is very well educated and has the energy of a young man and is always clean and very well dressed. These things never hurt).

Nice story, Ulysses. I also know it can happen. Once people are with each other for a while the love can either grow or fade. I've seen many couples long past their due date who are still very much in love with each other, and they over look each other's obvious physical short comings. Who knows what attracts people together. The relationships that last the longest are usually the ones where a friendship bond has been started first. After a while the difference in age and physical beauty become less important.

I have a couple of young lovers who I KNOW like me for who I am and how I treat them. It's obvious in the way they act towards me. We have a sort of father, mentor, lover, big brother relationship. We are very frank with each other and often spend time just talking. We all know it could never be a long term permanent basis, but we'll accept it for what it is... good friends spending time together.

[ChiangMaiFun]

In most cases you would be right, but in this particular case, this young girl chose a man old enough to be her grandfather and has stuck by him even when her luck changed for the better.

As to why he would want her, she is young and pretty and full of energy. What man wouldn't want her?

(PS. He is very well educated and has the energy of a young man and is always clean and very well dressed. These things never hurt).

Nice story, Ulysses. I also know it can happen. Once people are with each other for a while the love can either grow or fade. I've seen many couples long past their due date who are still very much in love with each other, and they over look each other's obvious physical short comings. Who knows what attracts people together. The relationships that last the longest are usually the ones where a friendship bond has been started first. After a while the difference in age and physical beauty become less important.

I have a couple of young lovers who I KNOW like me for who I am and how I treat them. It's obvious in the way they act towards me. We have a sort of father, mentor, lover, big brother relationship. We are very frank with each other and often spend time just talking. We all know it could never be a long term permanent basis, but we'll accept it for what it is... good friends spending time together.

I have the same... not sure I'd call it 'love' but I guess it is in a 'short-term' way - the trouble I have is they get too attached to me and then getting them into the departure lounge ready for take-off can be very tricky - especially as I try very, very hard not to hurt - it's not an easy path to travel even though things are made very clear at the begining - this is very interesting but I fear we veer off-topic alas...

[IanForbes]

I have the same... not sure I'd call it 'love' but I guess it is in a 'short-term' way - the trouble I have is they get too attached to me and then getting them into the departure lounge ready for take-off can be very tricky - especially as I try very, very hard not to hurt - it's not an easy path to travel even though things are made very clear at the begining - this is very interesting but I fear we veer off-topic alas...

Yes, there IS a problem in ending relationships in a friendly manner. I don't like hurting anybody's feelings and some women get VERY clingy. I believe it's because many of them have never been treated very well, or listened to. When they actually meet someone who treats them with respect and interest then they don't want to lose that person. Most know all too well about the OTHER type of men... the ones who treat them like objects instead of people.

[balo]

My advice to OP is to stay single in CM for at least 2 years and try to learn Thai .

When you know how to speak basic Thai you will gain more confidence and it will be much easier to communicate wth the locals , the good girls not working in bars.

[IanForbes]

My advice to OP is to stay single in CM for at least 2 years and try to learn Thai .

When you know how to speak basic Thai you will gain more confidence and it will be much easier to communicate wth the locals , the good girls not working in bars.

Good advice. Otherwise a person is just floundering around in the dark. Not being able to communicate is a disaster waiting to happen for any newbie in Thailand.

[villagefarang]

I have the same... not sure I'd call it 'love' but I guess it is in a 'short-term' way - the trouble I have is they get too attached to me and then getting them into the departure lounge ready for take-off can be very tricky - especially as I try very, very hard not to hurt - it's not an easy path to travel even though things are made very clear at the beginning - this is very interesting but I fear we veer off-topic alas...

Yes, there IS a problem in ending relationships in a friendly manner. I don't like hurting anybody's feelings and some women get VERY clingy. I believe it's because many of them have never been treated very well, or listened to. When they actually meet someone who treats them with respect and interest then they don't want to lose that person. Most know all too well about the OTHER type of men... the ones who treat them like objects instead of people.

I'm sure that in actuality you understand that there are a myriad of reasons for a young girl to become clingy. Many of them having nothing to do with how wonderful we are.

[Ulysses G.]

I concur!

[ChiangMaiFun]

I have the same... not sure I'd call it 'love' but I guess it is in a 'short-term' way - the trouble I have is they get too attached to me and then getting them into the departure lounge ready for take-off can be very tricky - especially as I try very, very hard not to hurt - it's not an easy path to travel even though things are made very clear at the beginning - this is very interesting but I fear we veer off-topic alas...

Yes, there IS a problem in ending relationships in a friendly manner. I don't like hurting anybody's feelings and some women get VERY clingy. I believe it's because many of them have never been treated very well, or listened to. When they actually meet someone who treats them with respect and interest then they don't want to lose that person. Most know all too well about the OTHER type of men... the ones who treat them like objects instead of people.

I'm sure that in actuality you understand that there are a myriad of reasons for a young girl to become clingy. Many of them having nothing to do with how wonderful we are.

Really? not how wonderful? dam_n it...

[pjclark1]

My advice to OP is to stay single in CM for at least 2 years and try to learn Thai .

When you know how to speak basic Thai you will gain more confidence and it will be much easier to communicate wth the locals , the good girls not working in bars.

I'm convinced these 'good girls' don't exist in ChiangMai (and maybe not anywhere), all the girls living here are only here for one purpose. Although their are many 'buffaloes' who delude themselves into thinking they do.

But you can still have a long term relationship with a fairly bad girl if you can keep a little bit of self control (and don't buy them a house, motorcycle or car).

I would also advise you not to buy them gold, this is soon sold off or 'lost' once you are out of sight. If you must buy jewellery then get them silver, they actually seem to keep that.

[elektrified]

My advice to OP is to stay single in CM for at least 2 years and try to learn Thai .

When you know how to speak basic Thai you will gain more confidence and it will be much easier to communicate wth the locals , the good girls not working in bars.

I'm convinced these 'good girls' don't exist in ChiangMai (and maybe not anywhere), all the girls living here are only here for one purpose. Although their are many 'buffaloes' who delude themselves into thinking they do.

But you can still have a long term relationship with a fairly bad girl if you can keep a little bit of self control (and don't buy them a house, motorcycle or car).

I would also advise you not to buy them gold, this is soon sold off or 'lost' once you are out of sight. If you must buy jewellery then get them silver, they actually seem to keep that.

Wow, what a bad attitude! Or should I say negative attitude. Maybe you've been burned too many times or something? There are literally tens if not hundreds of thousands of nice girls all over Thailand who aren't after only money. Chiang Mai is no different. You need to open your eyes wider.

[Sparkles]

My advice to OP is to stay single in CM for at least 2 years and try to learn Thai .

When you know how to speak basic Thai you will gain more confidence and it will be much easier to communicate wth the locals , the good girls not working in bars.

Good advice. Otherwise a person is just floundering around in the dark. Not being able to communicate is a disaster waiting to happen for any newbie in Thailand.

Well in that case I have been floundering around in the dark for nigh on 5 years. When I first met my wife, in Bangkok, she spoke virtually no English but we both instinctively knew there was something "there" and neither of us were in "desperate" mode,far from it. For convemience lets call it chemistry. Courting was incomplete without our talking dictionary which created quite a few laughs as well as helping cement our growing relationship.

5 years later, and living, in CM her English has improved to the point that now she can converse very well .My Thai unfortuantly has not kept pace with her efforts.

The point I am making is put love and respect for each other ahead of language Because without the first 2 the last is somewhat irrelevent. There are also a large number of local Chiang Mai girls/ladies who speak English quite well, you may not realise it ,as they are shy to converse, but when encouraged blossom.

Learn Thai by all means, I wish I found it easier ,but the character and desire of your partner,if the feeling is mutual , will see you through the "darkness" believe me !

[figo88]

My advice to OP is to stay single in CM for at least 2 years and try to learn Thai .

When you know how to speak basic Thai you will gain more confidence and it will be much easier to communicate wth the locals , the good girls not working in bars.

Good advice. Otherwise a person is just floundering around in the dark. Not being able to communicate is a disaster waiting to happen for any newbie in Thailand.

Well in that case I have been floundering around in the dark for nigh on 5 years. When I first met my wife, in Bangkok, she spoke virtually no English but we both instinctively knew there was something "there" and neither of us were in "desperate" mode,far from it. For convemience lets call it chemistry. Courting was incomplete without our talking dictionary which created quite a few laughs as well as helping cement our growing relationship.

5 years later, and living, in CM her English has improved to the point that now she can converse very well .My Thai unfortuantly has not kept pace with her efforts.

The point I am making is put love and respect for each other ahead of language Because without the first 2 the last is somewhat irrelevent. There are also a large number of local Chiang Mai girls/ladies who speak English quite well, you may not realise it ,as they are shy to converse, but when encouraged blossom.

Learn Thai by all means, I wish I found it easier ,but the character and desire of your partner,if the feeling is mutual , will see you through the "darkness" believe me !

yes, good people don't wan't to spent too much time with crap people.

so the crap people tend to meet crap people.... and think the whole world is what?

CRAP.

[ChangMaiSausage]

I'd like to know how easy it is to meet educated girls from good families

It's called Facebook.

(And Hi5, TeeNee, etc, etc, etc. The educated ones are all on Facebook though, Hi5 is for sluttier girls, the ones with orange hair and blue contact lenses, staring too closely and at an angle into the web cam for their profile picture like some #&)@(* goldfish. Avoid those.)

Hahahha love it I just sent your post to the wife, she joined Facebook and was happy then one friend sent her a Hi5 invite....