Yeah, Another Sin Sot Thread....but Not A Painful One

[skybluestu]

To deserve the right to live in Thailand, westerners need to respect Thai culture and tradition

Ah and there is the answer to your statement....most Westerners dont have the right to live in Thailand, they are "perpetual tourists" whether married or not and on the whim of a goverment offical could be ejected from chosen country

In my experience respect is earned not demanded and seeing as we are dicussing cross cultural marriages, which are suppose to be partnerships, by the same token that the Westerner's should respect Thai culture and tradition, the Thai spouse should respect the Westerners culture and traditions.

In most Western cultures the brides father springs for the cost of the wedding, In Thai culture, Sin Sot applicable...therefore for an inter-cultural marriage the middle ground/compromise needs to be determined.

I wouldnt go so far as to say Sin Sot (which I didnt pay either incidently) is a scam, but it is sure as h*ll played on by Thai familes in cases of Westerners marrying Thai spouses to their finiancial benefit..

I agree, I know of a couple of guys who said they were happy to pay the Sin Sot when they married here but that their family also wanted a wedding in the UK and that the brides family would be expected to pay for that. As the average wedding in the UK is now around 15k GBP the Sin Sot was soon forgotten.

[Maizefarmer]

Latindancer - theres no right or wrong, yes or no about Sin Sot - every case is different and you do what you think is right.

100k is not much - I would have thought if they were out to abuse your good faith you would have been given a substantialy higher figure, and in any case paid in Sin Sot or not, 100k will quickly creep up on you one way or the other in most marrige scenario's.

Good luck

[Travelmate]

If only a 100g. Pay it and get on with it.

Unless you are poor and cannot afford it.

Then you should cancel yourself out of eligibility.

[richard_smith237]

So many different Scenarios...

A friend is getting married next year.

His GF is from a socially and economically well off family. She's a Tammarsat Masters Grad, her Father is Wealthy business man and has fingers in high up the Chain in Thai Politics - Without naming names couple of known politicians will go to his wedding. As will a handful of Thai pop stars and TV personalities you see daily on Thai TV.

Originally he was prepared to offer 1MB, but he was not sure he would get it all back and believes that money should be for his and his wife’s future.

As such B400k sin-sod has been agreed- He's not sure if he'll get all, half or any of it back.

Her family has / will give them 10 MB worth of land nearby on which to build a house (of course he cannot own this).

For all those who say sin-sod is a scam for westerners… In the bar girl scene maybe. But amongst normal middle to upper class families it’s simply seen as a tradition, nothing more and nothing less.

[kurnell]

There are a lot of bitter, ill-informed people on this site. 100k or $A3,300 is bugger all. You ain't a Thai so you can't compare. I paid sin sod 150k + gold, recieved gold back when my daughter was born and together with the missus we have put together enough money for me to retire in 5 years with our own house in Bangkok as we both work full time and make a fair living.

[skeech33]

you need to reexamine this part where you say you a poor guy.

if you plan to live with the villagers you need to pay for the privilege.

THOSE WHO SAY THEY DONT PAY ARE FULL OF IT!

[skeech33]

If only a 100g. Pay it and get on with it.

Unless you are poor and cannot afford it.

Then you should cancel yourself out of eligibility.

no fun living in the village when you have the income of a villager!

[MikeyIdea]

To deserve the right to live in Thailand, westerners need to respect Thai culture and tradition

In my experience respect is earned not demanded and seeing as we are dicussing cross cultural marriages, which are suppose to be partnerships, by the same token that the Westerner's should respect Thai culture and tradition, the Thai spouse should respect the Westerners culture and traditions.

Then we both agree, right?

Westerners have to respect Thai tradition as long as they are in Thailand and Thais respect the culture and tradition in the country they move to

[givenall]

You should not pay. At any case you are not the one who is negotiating with the family. Your GF is the one negotiating. So just stay firm and do not pay the any, and also to make sure you talk to the GF that you will not become a routine ATM for her or her family.

If she has a degree then she can contribute to the expenses and also she can send her money to the family if she wants and not you

[JUDAS]

The last Thai guy that I can think of that got married paid 40k Baht and 4 or 5 Baht of gold when it was around 10k B per Baht. Let's say around 85k in total for a guy that was earning 8k a month, or 10.5 times his monthly salary. OP, take your normal monthly income, multiply by 10.5 and let us know if it comes to less than a 100k then divide by 2 if you think your Gf's previous marriage plays a roll.

[skeech33]

You should not pay. At any case you are not the one who is negotiating with the family. Your GF is the one negotiating. So just stay firm and do not pay the any, and also to make sure you talk to the GF that you will not become a routine ATM for her or her family.

If she has a degree then she can contribute to the expenses and also she can send her money to the family if she wants and not you

THEY ALL BECOME ATMS, SOME JUST DONT WANT TO ADMIT IT!

[Orac]

One thing I would suggest is that the OP takes the time to visit his future wifes parents and village before he marries as this might give him a better insight into why the money is being asked for.

When I married a couple of years ago to a girl from a village about 15 mins from Sang Khom, where I now live, my future wife initially said that her parents didn't want any money from me. A year later they changed their mind and my g/f, very sheepishly, asked for 100k baht. Since I could afford this and to save rocking the boat i agreed to it without question - my thinking on this was that if such a small amount was more important to me than my g/f and the rest of our lives together then why was I getting married in the first place.

On the day of our wedding, the pink envelopes were collected from the guests and after the evening party in a hotel in Nong Khai (and a number of bizarre photos on our wedding bed) I was left with my wifes family to count the money that had been collected. I was appaulled at the time by the greed and avarice on their faces as all the notes were counted - since a number of my friends and family from England had attended there were quite a few large notes in there. When the money had been counted, and it came to more than the sinsot, my wife asked what I was going to do with it with her family drooling in front of me it was clear what was expected. For the sake not ruining my wedding day and bearing in mind I could afford to, I told my wife she could give it to her family if she wanted which she did - I went to the bar and joined our guests for a drink thinking how I had been ripped off but not telling anyone what had actually happenned.

A couple of years down the line now and having bought a small house in the village I have got to know her family a lot better. The sinsot is still held in a seperate account by my MIL which will be used for our daughter if/when she needs it. The other money was used to by some land for growing chillis on. I found her family to be very poor with one brother living with wife, three children and his MIL/FIL (FIL is blind MIL disabled and neither have Thai ID) in what was little more that a shed without a decent roof or walls - you can see right through it.

I now feel fairly guilty about how I felt on my wedding day - the greed I saw was little more than shock at never having seen money like that before - and I cannot believe how selfish I felt about an amount of money that meant relatively nothing to me but everything to them.

I have since helped them build a proper house opposite mine in the village (cost me 29k baht!) and feel I can now hold my head up slightly higher when my parents visit from England next year and I introduce them to the rest of MY family.

I don't know if the above is of any help to the OP but it is important to remember that your future wifes family will always be very important to her and, if you really care for her, should have some importance to you.

[neverdie]

Here is my brother in law's sinsodt. I was the only non-Thai at his wedding. It's not always a means to milk a farang!

That's 600K and pile of gold.

The above post really confused me. First he shows the pots of gold and pile of cash his brother had to part with to marry.....then he makes the golden statement, "It's not always a means to milk a farang" and then goes on to clarify that its 600k cash and a PILE OF GOLD!

Priceless

[MiG16]

neverdie,

what I understood from Curt's post is that the wedding was between Thais

ie. brother in law is a Thai man, who paid 600K in sinsod to this Thai wife. ie. the custom of sinsod is practiced amongst thais, not something that was invented with the sole purpose of trying to get money off farang husbands/sons in law.

thats what I read from that post

[Curt1591]

neverdie,

what I understood from Curt's post is that the wedding was between Thais

ie. brother in law is a Thai man, who paid 600K in sinsod to this Thai wife. ie. the custom of sinsod is practiced amongst thais, not something that was invented with the sole purpose of trying to get money off farang husbands/sons in law.

thats what I read from that post

Yes, it wasn't difficult.

[h90]

second hand.....no payment

[MiG16]

h90

thats a person you are talking about

some sensitivity/respect would be appreciated

I leave the decision/advice on whether to pay or not up to individual judgement, but referring to a person as an object is not a very nice thing.

[mca]

One of my sister in laws married for the second time (both Thai-Thai weddings) and her second husband paid a token sinsod.

Speaking frankly if the sinsod is 100k baht then that's not out of the way to be perfectly honest. Quite a few Thai blokes on relatively low salaries would be expected to shell out that sort of dosh.

[Soutpeel]

To deserve the right to live in Thailand, westerners need to respect Thai culture and tradition

In my experience respect is earned not demanded and seeing as we are dicussing cross cultural marriages, which are suppose to be partnerships, by the same token that the Westerner's should respect Thai culture and tradition, the Thai spouse should respect the Westerners culture and traditions.

Then we both agree, right?

Westerners have to respect Thai tradition as long as they are in Thailand and Thais respect the culture and tradition in the country they move to

No we dont agree..its about compromise/determining the middle ground of a Thai/Western relationship irrespective of where the parties live, in this sort of relationship, one parties cultures or traditions should not be allowed to overide or overshadow the other parties.

[zzaa09]

It's my understanding that as she has been Married before then sin-sod it not the norm amongst Thai-Thai marriages. In that case it shouldn't be for yours.

Paying for the wedding by yourself should be enough.

It might be helpful for your decision to establish what the norm is for your circumstances. i.e. IF she was marrying a Thai fella, what would happen then?

There is no norm. Every situation is different from the next. What we do know, though - the way that sin sot is viewed: Thai-Thai as compared to Thai-Farang.

[fletchsmile]

One thing I would suggest is that the OP takes the time to visit his future wifes parents and village before he marries as this might give him a better insight into why the money is being asked for.

When I married a couple of years ago to a girl from a village about 15 mins from Sang Khom, where I now live, my future wife initially said that her parents didn't want any money from me. A year later they changed their mind and my g/f, very sheepishly, asked for 100k baht. Since I could afford this and to save rocking the boat i agreed to it without question - my thinking on this was that if such a small amount was more important to me than my g/f and the rest of our lives together then why was I getting married in the first place.

On the day of our wedding, the pink envelopes were collected from the guests and after the evening party in a hotel in Nong Khai (and a number of bizarre photos on our wedding bed) I was left with my wifes family to count the money that had been collected. I was appaulled at the time by the greed and avarice on their faces as all the notes were counted - since a number of my friends and family from England had attended there were quite a few large notes in there. When the money had been counted, and it came to more than the sinsot, my wife asked what I was going to do with it with her family drooling in front of me it was clear what was expected. For the sake not ruining my wedding day and bearing in mind I could afford to, I told my wife she could give it to her family if she wanted which she did - I went to the bar and joined our guests for a drink thinking how I had been ripped off but not telling anyone what had actually happenned.

A couple of years down the line now and having bought a small house in the village I have got to know her family a lot better. The sinsot is still held in a seperate account by my MIL which will be used for our daughter if/when she needs it. The other money was used to by some land for growing chillis on. I found her family to be very poor with one brother living with wife, three children and his MIL/FIL (FIL is blind MIL disabled and neither have Thai ID) in what was little more that a shed without a decent roof or walls - you can see right through it.

I now feel fairly guilty about how I felt on my wedding day - the greed I saw was little more than shock at never having seen money like that before - and I cannot believe how selfish I felt about an amount of money that meant relatively nothing to me but everything to them.

I have since helped them build a proper house opposite mine in the village (cost me 29k baht!) and feel I can now hold my head up slightly higher when my parents visit from England next year and I introduce them to the rest of MY family.

I don't know if the above is of any help to the OP but it is important to remember that your future wifes family will always be very important to her and, if you really care for her, should have some importance to you.

Nice post. Thanks for sharing it.

[neverdie]

neverdie,

what I understood from Curt's post is that the wedding was between Thais

ie. brother in law is a Thai man, who paid 600K in sinsod to this Thai wife. ie. the custom of sinsod is practiced amongst thais, not something that was invented with the sole purpose of trying to get money off farang husbands/sons in law.

thats what I read from that post

Sorry Mig, I actually replied to this a couple of hours ago and the internet connection cut out around the same time I hit the 'add reply'button....i wasnt sure if it went or not.

What I basically said is, I shouldnt talk in circles so much and irregardless of whether or not the marriage was between thais or whatever, it would seem that sin sot is a great way of milking people of money and it would seem the more you have the more likely it is that your gonna be touched for a bigger payment.

[F1fanatic]

One thing I would suggest is that the OP takes the time to visit his future wifes parents and village before he marries as this might give him a better insight into why the money is being asked for.

When I married a couple of years ago to a girl from a village about 15 mins from Sang Khom, where I now live, my future wife initially said that her parents didn't want any money from me. A year later they changed their mind and my g/f, very sheepishly, asked for 100k baht. Since I could afford this and to save rocking the boat i agreed to it without question - my thinking on this was that if such a small amount was more important to me than my g/f and the rest of our lives together then why was I getting married in the first place.

On the day of our wedding, the pink envelopes were collected from the guests and after the evening party in a hotel in Nong Khai (and a number of bizarre photos on our wedding bed) I was left with my wifes family to count the money that had been collected. I was appaulled at the time by the greed and avarice on their faces as all the notes were counted - since a number of my friends and family from England had attended there were quite a few large notes in there. When the money had been counted, and it came to more than the sinsot, my wife asked what I was going to do with it with her family drooling in front of me it was clear what was expected. For the sake not ruining my wedding day and bearing in mind I could afford to, I told my wife she could give it to her family if she wanted which she did - I went to the bar and joined our guests for a drink thinking how I had been ripped off but not telling anyone what had actually happenned.

A couple of years down the line now and having bought a small house in the village I have got to know her family a lot better. The sinsot is still held in a seperate account by my MIL which will be used for our daughter if/when she needs it. The other money was used to by some land for growing chillis on. I found her family to be very poor with one brother living with wife, three children and his MIL/FIL (FIL is blind MIL disabled and neither have Thai ID) in what was little more that a shed without a decent roof or walls - you can see right through it.

I now feel fairly guilty about how I felt on my wedding day - the greed I saw was little more than shock at never having seen money like that before - and I cannot believe how selfish I felt about an amount of money that meant relatively nothing to me but everything to them.

I have since helped them build a proper house opposite mine in the village (cost me 29k baht!) and feel I can now hold my head up slightly higher when my parents visit from England next year and I introduce them to the rest of MY family.

I don't know if the above is of any help to the OP but it is important to remember that your future wifes family will always be very important to her and, if you really care for her, should have some importance to you.

Nice post. Thanks for sharing it.

Its a lovely story. So the account with the money is in your daughter's name?

[Orac]

One thing I would suggest is that the OP takes the time to visit his future wifes parents and village before he marries as this might give him a better insight into why the money is being asked for.

When I married a couple of years ago to a girl from a village about 15 mins from Sang Khom, where I now live, my future wife initially said that her parents didn't want any money from me. A year later they changed their mind and my g/f, very sheepishly, asked for 100k baht. Since I could afford this and to save rocking the boat i agreed to it without question - my thinking on this was that if such a small amount was more important to me than my g/f and the rest of our lives together then why was I getting married in the first place.

On the day of our wedding, the pink envelopes were collected from the guests and after the evening party in a hotel in Nong Khai (and a number of bizarre photos on our wedding bed) I was left with my wifes family to count the money that had been collected. I was appaulled at the time by the greed and avarice on their faces as all the notes were counted - since a number of my friends and family from England had attended there were quite a few large notes in there. When the money had been counted, and it came to more than the sinsot, my wife asked what I was going to do with it with her family drooling in front of me it was clear what was expected. For the sake not ruining my wedding day and bearing in mind I could afford to, I told my wife she could give it to her family if she wanted which she did - I went to the bar and joined our guests for a drink thinking how I had been ripped off but not telling anyone what had actually happenned.

A couple of years down the line now and having bought a small house in the village I have got to know her family a lot better. The sinsot is still held in a seperate account by my MIL which will be used for our daughter if/when she needs it. The other money was used to by some land for growing chillis on. I found her family to be very poor with one brother living with wife, three children and his MIL/FIL (FIL is blind MIL disabled and neither have Thai ID) in what was little more that a shed without a decent roof or walls - you can see right through it.

I now feel fairly guilty about how I felt on my wedding day - the greed I saw was little more than shock at never having seen money like that before - and I cannot believe how selfish I felt about an amount of money that meant relatively nothing to me but everything to them.

I have since helped them build a proper house opposite mine in the village (cost me 29k baht!) and feel I can now hold my head up slightly higher when my parents visit from England next year and I introduce them to the rest of MY family.

I don't know if the above is of any help to the OP but it is important to remember that your future wifes family will always be very important to her and, if you really care for her, should have some importance to you.

Nice post. Thanks for sharing it.

Its a lovely story. So the account with the money is in your daughter's name?

Don't be daft - I already told you my MIL has it. I am only told it is there but, to be honest, I am not really bothered.

[F1fanatic]

OK. So don't bother with the 'lovely' story. Its just a story.

[Orac]

OK. So don't bother with the 'lovely' story. Its just a story.

Can't see your point here - it is a true story and, as I said originally, the money is being held by my MIL supposedly. What I was trying to get over was that what to me is an amount of money that is less than a good week in Phuket/Pattaya has a totally different meaning to someone who has nothing.

[F1fanatic]

OK. So don't bother with the 'lovely' story. Its just a story.

Can't see your point here - it is a true story and, as I said originally, the money is being held by my MIL supposedly. What I was trying to get over was that what to me is an amount of money that is less than a good week in Phuket/Pattaya has a totally different meaning to someone who has nothing.

You can't see the point?!

To spell it out, it means the whole story means NOTHING!! Your wife's family took everything, told you "they would give it to your daughter", but put it in their own name.....

The fact that the money means nothing to you is precisely why the cycle continues.... Let's rip off the farang - he's too stupid to realise.

[zzaa09]

OK. So don't bother with the 'lovely' story. Its just a story.

Can't see your point here - it is a true story and, as I said originally, the money is being held by my MIL supposedly. What I was trying to get over was that what to me is an amount of money that is less than a good week in Phuket/Pattaya has a totally different meaning to someone who has nothing.

You can't see the point?!

To spell it out, it means the whole story means NOTHING!! Your wife's family took everything, told you "they would give it to your daughter", but put it in their own name.....

The fact that the money means nothing to you is precisely why the cycle continues.... Let's rip off the farang - he's too stupid to realise.

Love is blinding....

[sassienie]

The sin-sod is not a main part of Thai culture and these days it has become mostly regarded as a scam.

What a ridiculous and ill informed post. You obviously know little of Thai culture.

There were 2 weddings in my village earlier this year and one of the girls was previously married, she was given Sin Sodt (albeit not very much). I have not been to a single Thai wedding in Bangkok or the country where sin sodt wasn't paid. These were all Thai/Thai weddings.

I can assure you that I know more about Thai cultrue than you.

I am married to a Thai and I have many Farang friends, here and in England that are married to Thais.

Not one of us has ever been asked or paid any monies to Thai families for the hand of a daughter.

If anyone is that desperate for a young long term bit of hot totty, than go ahead and keep giving the money.

There is one born every minute.

Your a mug, mate.

For that amount of money, I would rather invest it in a new car.

It will go further without headaches and tiring, and in the long term is cheaper to maintain and run.

Edited November 17, 2009 by sassienie

[Orac]

OK. So don't bother with the 'lovely' story. Its just a story.

Can't see your point here - it is a true story and, as I said originally, the money is being held by my MIL supposedly. What I was trying to get over was that what to me is an amount of money that is less than a good week in Phuket/Pattaya has a totally different meaning to someone who has nothing.

You can't see the point?!

To spell it out, it means the whole story means NOTHING!! Your wife's family took everything, told you "they would give it to your daughter", but put it in their own name.....

The fact that the money means nothing to you is precisely why the cycle continues.... Let's rip off the farang - he's too stupid to realise.

Fortunately I am very happy at the moment with my life and family so I am not too concerned if you feel I have been ripped off or that I am stupid. I could of course have walked away as soon as my wife to be suggested I pay sinsot for her (the situation that the OP is in now) for what I see as a relatively trivial sum of money and not experienced the happiness I have over the past couple of years including missing out on having a daughter, who incidentally didn't exist at the time of my marriage hence the sinsot not going into an account in her name.

To be honest I would rather be gullible, stupid and happy than being cynical and worrying that somebody is trying to rip me off at every turn but, there again, each to his own. None of us know what the future brings but I know what I have now and am happy with that.