My Gf Has Hiv - Shattered

[gburns57au]

Thanks heaps everybody for all the info.

Digger - if by hb you mean hemoglobine yes it is 7.5 - is this something I should be concerned about about given that in your opinion the iron is not going to help?

will take a look at the sites mentioned.

also I agree - it seems hiv is, from what I have been told, very hard for a straight male to contract from a female unless anal sex is involved.

One more bit of trivia for everybody and a lesson learned by myself - the rate of hiv infected locals within asia is exremely high and complacency should be avoided, I would have never imagined she would have hiv but has and this is true with so many asians, do not resist testing just because you think it is not possible that somebody has it - chances are extremely high.

thanks to all for praising my sticking by her - what can I say, if love is real then nothing gets in the way and its a no brainer of a decision - I love her the same as before.

There are many ways HIV can be transmitted....Mainly through IV drug use and unprotected sex. Usually it requires an open sore or broken skin and transference of bodily fluids through that...

Hep B can be transmitted through kissing but you would need to do a lot of it....it takes about a litre of spittle to cause an infection...This is according to the instructors of a Blood Borne Communicable Disease course I did recently.

It doesnt pay to be complacent....

[Digger]

Thanks heaps everybody for all the info.

Digger - if by hb you mean hemoglobine yes it is 7.5 - is this something I should be concerned about about given that in your opinion the iron is not going to help?

will take a look at the sites mentioned.

also I agree - it seems hiv is, from what I have been told, very hard for a straight male to contract from a female unless anal sex is involved.

One more bit of trivia for everybody and a lesson learned by myself - the rate of hiv infected locals within asia is exremely high and complacency should be avoided, I would have never imagined she would have hiv but has and this is true with so many asians, do not resist testing just because you think it is not possible that somebody has it - chances are extremely high.

thanks to all for praising my sticking by her - what can I say, if love is real then nothing gets in the way and its a no brainer of a decision - I love her the same as before.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes Hb is hemogloblin. a low hb count and low cd4 is not going to be making it any easier for your GF. Basically she will feel drained just because of the anemia. Talk to the doctor and ask them about a blood transfussion. They are expensive even in Thailand, at about 5,000 baht a bag (presume its 500 ml but not sure) and she would probably need at least 2. Iron tablets are a really slow solution and with the CD4 where it is I'd be talking to the doctor in no uncertain terms about the need for a transfussion.

[stevenjm]

Thanks heaps everybody for all the info.

Digger - if by hb you mean hemoglobine yes it is 7.5 - is this something I should be concerned about about given that in your opinion the iron is not going to help?

will take a look at the sites mentioned.

also I agree - it seems hiv is, from what I have been told, very hard for a straight male to contract from a female unless anal sex is involved.

One more bit of trivia for everybody and a lesson learned by myself - the rate of hiv infected locals within asia is exremely high and complacency should be avoided, I would have never imagined she would have hiv but has and this is true with so many asians, do not resist testing just because you think it is not possible that somebody has it - chances are extremely high.

thanks to all for praising my sticking by her - what can I say, if love is real then nothing gets in the way and its a no brainer of a decision - I love her the same as before.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes Hb is hemogloblin. a low hb count and low cd4 is not going to be making it any easier for your GF. Basically she will feel drained just because of the anemia. Talk to the doctor and ask them about a blood transfussion. They are expensive even in Thailand, at about 5,000 baht a bag (presume its 500 ml but not sure) and she would probably need at least 2. Iron tablets are a really slow solution and with the CD4 where it is I'd be talking to the doctor in no uncertain terms about the need for a transfussion.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks digger - I guess that could also explain the diziness? I will definately discuss this with the doctor, heading back tomorrow. Maybe I will get lucky and have same blood type to cut costs. The bills certainly hurt when your on a monthly budget.

[Sheryl]

Yes Hb is hemogloblin. a low hb count and low cd4 is not going to be making it any easier for your GF. Basically she will feel drained just because of the anemia. Talk to the doctor and ask them about a blood transfussion. They are expensive even in Thailand, at about 5,000 baht a bag (presume its 500 ml but not sure) and she would probably need at least 2. Iron tablets are a really slow solution and with the CD4 where it is I'd be talking to the doctor in no uncertain terms about the need for a transfussion.

Thanks digger - I guess that could also explain the diziness? I will definately discuss this with the doctor, heading back tomorrow. Maybe I will get lucky and have same blood type to cut costs. The bills certainly hurt when your on a monthly budget.

Steve, Check the PM I sent you. I'm in Phnom Penh now.

In Cambodia hookworm is very prevalent and a frequent contributing cause to anemia, she should be treated for it (albendazole 400 mg daily x 3 days, available any pharmacy) -- don't mess about with stool exams as a negative result doesn't rule it out and the treatment is simple and safe. And yes, she does need blood but ONLY if you can get it from a known source. Although they test the blood supply in Cambodia it's not a sure thing. If your blood type isn't a match, I'm O positive and willing to donate.

[stevenjm]

Yes Hb is hemogloblin. a low hb count and low cd4 is not going to be making it any easier for your GF. Basically she will feel drained just because of the anemia. Talk to the doctor and ask them about a blood transfussion. They are expensive even in Thailand, at about 5,000 baht a bag (presume its 500 ml but not sure) and she would probably need at least 2. Iron tablets are a really slow solution and with the CD4 where it is I'd be talking to the doctor in no uncertain terms about the need for a transfussion.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks digger - I guess that could also explain the diziness? I will definately discuss this with the doctor, heading back tomorrow. Maybe I will get lucky and have same blood type to cut costs. The bills certainly hurt when your on a monthly budget.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Steve, Check the PM I sent you. I'm in Phnom Penh now.

In Cambodia hookworm is very prevalent and a frequent contributing cause to anemia, she should be treated for it (albendazole 400 mg daily x 3 days, available any pharmacy) -- don't mess about with stool exams as a negative result doesn't rule it out and the treatment is simple and safe. And yes, she does need blood but ONLY if you can get it from a known source. Although they test the blood supply in Cambodia it's not a sure thing. If your blood type isn't a match, I'm O positive and willing to donate.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sheryl - Thank you so much for that information and offer, you have no idea how much all this help and advice means to me. I really wish to thank everybody that has commented in this thread.

Have pm'd and emailed you sheryl - having trouble with your phone.

[the scouser]

Hi Steven,

Yes, my wife is hiv positive. I think Digger's got it covered. I'll only add that after the intial shock of finding out, the medical advice we received put us totally at ease with the condition. My wife has been taking medication for 8 months now and her CD4 rate has recovered and her viral load declined. To be honest, in day-to-day terms we've even forgetten that she is carrying the virus.

She is positive (no pun intended) about our future and is busily learning English and learning to drive so she can collect me from the pub when I'm half-pissed. All-in-all she believes life to be rosy and in no way feels handicapped by her illness.

Best of luck,

Scouse.

[sua yai]

I've only just come across this thread and see that it has some sound practical and scientific advice that I can't really add to. However, the following is what has happened to my gf. I trust it will give the OP and his partner hope.

My gf was diagnosed HIV positive 4 years ago. Her first CD4 count was 450. Some time later it had dropped to 40 and she was started off on ARV medication (GPO-vir). 7 months ago, her count was 650 and last month 630. She's fit and healthy and naturally both of us are over the moon with her improvement.

The cost of her medicine - 2 times a day - is 30 Baht for a month. Before the 30 Baht healthcare came in it was costing 3,000 Baht.

So, if the OP's gf sticks to the regimen of the medication and looks after herself, there's no reason why she can't experience the same as above

Good luck.

[slimdog]

I must say it is absolutely terrific to read about the number of people here at Thaivisa who are supporting their loved ones, you have my deepest respect.

To stevenjm:

In one of your earlier posts you mentioned that the doctors have prescribed "Something for that white stuff on her tongue". Generally the doctors here prescribe 2 medications, short term is a mouth wash which is gargled and then swallowed. This is done about 3-4 times a day for a few weeks. Longer term a anti-fungal medicine is prescribed called fluconazole (There is a Thai generic version available manufactured by Siam Pharmaceuticals called flucazole) If your girlfriend is not on this medication then I would suggest you speak to your doctor about it as it is a recommended treatment for hiv.

You also mentioned that your girlfriend was feeling dizzy. Whilst the problem is probably a lack of iron, it can also be a result of the medication she is on. I was informed that when I started on Stocrin it would have a similar effect. The Doctor was right, I felt as though I was drunk for ten minutes after taking it. This passed after a few weeks, but I still jokingly refer to it as yaa baa.

On a positive note..

I was talking to my Doctor a couple of weeks ago, and he said that other than a very few newly diagnosed cases, he has not had to admit a single one of his patients into the hospital (Bumrungrad) for ten years. Every existing patient is treated as an out patient.

[stevenjm]

I must say it is absolutely terrific to read about the number of people here at Thaivisa who are supporting their loved ones, you have my deepest respect.

To stevenjm:

In one of your earlier posts you mentioned that the doctors have prescribed "Something for that white stuff on her tongue". Generally the doctors here prescribe 2 medications, short term is a mouth wash which is gargled and then swallowed. This is done about 3-4 times a day for a few weeks. Longer term a anti-fungal medicine is prescribed called fluconazole (There is a Thai generic version available manufactured by Siam Pharmaceuticals called flucazole) If your girlfriend is not on this medication then I would suggest you speak to your doctor about it as it is a recommended treatment for hiv.

You also mentioned that your girlfriend was feeling dizzy. Whilst the problem is probably a lack of iron, it can also be a result of the medication she is on. I was informed that when I started on Stocrin it would have a similar effect. The Doctor was right, I felt as though I was drunk for ten minutes after taking it. This passed after a few weeks, but I still jokingly refer to it as yaa baa.

On a positive note..

I was talking to my Doctor a couple of weeks ago, and he said that other than a very few newly diagnosed cases, he has not had to admit a single one of his patients into the hospital (Bumrungrad) for ten years. Every existing patient is treated as an out patient.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

hey thanks everybody - these are the sort of optimistic stories I was really hoping for (am generally a pesimist but was hoping for optimism)

BTW - re Sheryl

she came through with that blood transfusion and was as good as her word, one of those people the world should know about but remain unknown because it just comes natural as its in her nature - Thanks Sheryl.

[Totster]

I must say it is absolutely terrific to read about the number of people here at Thaivisa who are supporting their loved ones, you have my deepest respect.

To stevenjm:

In one of your earlier posts you mentioned that the doctors have prescribed "Something for that white stuff on her tongue". Generally the doctors here prescribe 2 medications, short term is a mouth wash which is gargled and then swallowed. This is done about 3-4 times a day for a few weeks. Longer term a anti-fungal medicine is prescribed called fluconazole (There is a Thai generic version available manufactured by Siam Pharmaceuticals called flucazole) If your girlfriend is not on this medication then I would suggest you speak to your doctor about it as it is a recommended treatment for hiv.

You also mentioned that your girlfriend was feeling dizzy. Whilst the problem is probably a lack of iron, it can also be a result of the medication she is on. I was informed that when I started on Stocrin it would have a similar effect. The Doctor was right, I felt as though I was drunk for ten minutes after taking it. This passed after a few weeks, but I still jokingly refer to it as yaa baa.

On a positive note..

I was talking to my Doctor a couple of weeks ago, and he said that other than a very few newly diagnosed cases, he has not had to admit a single one of his patients into the hospital (Bumrungrad) for ten years. Every existing patient is treated as an out patient.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

hey thanks everybody - these are the sort of optimistic stories I was really hoping for (am generally a pesimist but was hoping for optimism)

BTW - re Sheryl

she came through with that blood transfusion and was as good as her word, one of those people the world should know about but remain unknown because it just comes natural as its in her nature - Thanks Sheryl.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Just read the whole thread.... Excellent replies from everyone, really good to see...really is a credit to

And Sheryl... you must be one of those SPECIAL people in the world, well done...

stevenjm... I would like to offer my best wishes to you and your loved one... good luck

totster

[Suzy]

actually its not that easy to catch .

its the publics perception of the syndrome and the expense of providing a lifetimes treatment that scares the governments.

until the drug companies make the drugs cheaper and people become more accepting of the condition then emigration / immigration will always be difficult for the hiv+

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I wont get into a debate here as it is not the place.....suffice to say I disagree Tax. It is easier to catch than most people realise.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I was also under the impression that it was harder to catch than what people thought, I was told this in hospital when i had blood tests.

I have a friend who worked in pattaya in a very well known gogo that has it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

One of the reasons so many people have it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If you have sex, you run the risk of catching HIV. That's all there is to it. A blood test may prove negative today and positive tomorrow. Any healthy person who participates in sex, especially not monogomous, should be taking blood tests on a regular basis. (2-4 times a year).

[stevenjm]

Hey everybody, just figured it could be of benefit to update on the post "my gf has hiv - shattered, what to do?"

This could be an extremely large post so will just stick to basics. Recapping for those who did not read the post, my gf had hiv and with the help and advice of posters here, one special person even giving blood, we managed to get her treatment and back on the road to recovery.

Well being a man of my word I married her a short time later, my family all came over from Australia for the wedding , and things were great, we went on trips together, laughed, talked, cried and smiled together. This was a very trying time but we came through it not too badly and I built us a house which pretty well wiped out my finances. And the continued trauma left me with a morphine tablet abuse problem which was barely under control. I started to travel to aus every few months or so for a week with my parents as my father has cancer

her cd4 levels rose and she responded well to the medication. About nine months ago her personality started to change and she started to act like a spoilt brat, demanding money all the time and threatening to leave if she did not get her way with things. This period of her personality decline coincided with a "family friend" who was visiting more and more often. I tried to turn a blind eye to a lot of this because I had made assumptions in the past and been wrong.

anyway, last trip to aus I stayed in aus for around 3 months as I was hospitalised for parasitic infection. I anticipated a stay of this length as I needed time with my father and needed some time to regain some weight and get the morph tablets out of my system which I succeeded in doing. Before I left for aus I made sure all bills were paid and gave her money every fortnight via a keycard. I was giving her more than usual in case of any drama arising and her needing help. Anyway after my first 2 weeks in aus I started to get phone calls for extra money with which there always seemed a legitimate reason such as water pump blowing up, generator being stolen etc. etc. She was in touch by phone and not a single call was to see how I was doing it was always for money. The final straw was that I noticed she had developed a bad cough that persisted and she called me again saying she had to pawn my motorbike because her sister was having a baby and she needed the money desperately for the hospital for her sister. I gave in and sent the money again and decided it was time to head back to Phnom Penh to find out what was happening.

I have dedicated myself entirely to Naka both through medical and emotional and financial support and she was kind and loving in return ( I would never had married her otherwise) but I must admit the marriage was partly to get her mind of the hiv and not feel like a leper and that people can see beyond those type of things and love is from the heart and illness does not alter that.

anyway I arrived at Phnom Penh airport and telephoned to ask if she could come pick me up on the motorbike and that I had a few nice presents for her, her response was that the motorbike was in the shop again and I should get a hotel as she had no way of picking me up. I may be a little slow but I am not stupid and realised at this point that something was badly wrong. I got a moto taxi home and when I saw her there was no emotion or usual greeting and she looked like skin and bones and was coughing continuously. I questioned her as to what had been happened and that I am no fool, as there was no new water pump or generator etc. and she was flat broke despite all the money I was also sending her fortnightly, also the last 2 electricity bills were not paid and I had to pay back loans she had made all over the place. finally she said with a grin, as is getting satisfaction through telling me, that she has been smoking ice ever since that family friend prick had showed on the scene.

Next day I promptly went to Phnom Penh, paid another 350 to get the moto back again and then took her to the doctors to find out why she had such a bad cough and then got X-rays and sputum tests and she was diagnosed with t.b. or tuberculosis. So now it was time to get her medication sorted out. I made an appointment at a close-by clinic for her and said I needed the motorbike as I had to try and borrow some money from Australia as all these bills had left me with nothing. Well stupid me, mentioning I had cash problems. around 12 I phoned her to see how she was going and she turned off the phone.

She returned 8 days later without the motorbike and said it was in the shop again. I forgot to mention also that for the last 6-9 months she had treated me like shit and barely spoken to me but I thought we would get through it after she realised how much I had done for her and perhaps it was just her way of dealing with the stigma of having hiv, not only that but I had made a commitment by marrying her and was going to try and work through whatever the problem was. Anyway she was aware that I would have cash in a few days and just pretended like the moto incident was no big deal. I then informed her that it was a big deal and it was the final straw because I hard warned her over and over I was having cash problems and now could not afford to get the moto back again - she had treated me like shit after all I had done for and it was obvious she had changed and no longer loved me. I said that we would have to sell the house and I would give her half the money and then return to Australia a broken man.

Her response to this was no we will not sell the home as the land titles were in her name and despite the fact I had purchased the land she had hidden the papers. The only paper which she missed was one in English, because a foreigner cannot own land in Cambodia but can own property I wrote up a land lease for seventy years saying that the land was mine to do with what I want under lease for seventy years and I wrote a Khmer version and English version and I wrote on the English and Khmer versions that in event of dispute with the lease that the English version would prevail and take precedence over the Khmer version. The copy I have is finger printed by her, myself and the commune chief and officially stamped.

I am now so devastated and at a loss what to do legally I have started taking morphine tablets again in order to prevent myself from committing suicide and try to not accept this as all being real.

Basically I have committed the past four years treating her like a queen and getting her through hiv and now t.b. and taken her on trips and done whatever I could to make her happy and she has now just totally stabbed me in the heart as gratitude and has taken everything I own to the point I am now at the age of 44, penniless through trying to help and loving somebody and have to start a new life with nothing.

Once again people, any advice, besides you idiot. I am now scared to stop taking the morphine tablets as I am scared of what will happen when I have to face all this without a crutch. No I am not some sort of drug addict I am just trying to get through this emotional hel_l and remain alive. Legal advice would be very helpful if anybody is familiar with leases and Cambodian law. It is a very basic lease contract but covers the important aspects

How can such a sweet, innocent, loving person be so cruel to another human being after all I have willingly lost for her until now I have nothing?

I am now still living in the house temporally and supporting her while I try to figure a way out of this and the only way I can think is get a one way ticket back to aus and start a life in a country where I have lost all ties with friends and am 44 and broke.

Meanwhile she emotionally blackmails me and will not take her t.b. medication if I do not give her money , this is the most dangerous game you can play because if the t.b. antibiotics are not taken religiously a super t.b. strain develops which is incurable by conventional t.b. treatments, it is a sickening death and the number one cause of death among people who are hiv positive.

I am a hel_l of a professional dedicated web developer and search engine specialist with experience in banking software sales if anybody is looking for a dedicated man of his word in any country and would be a dedicated asset I am certainly in the position to be available as go's for any position in I.T .(or anything at all). My health is good, I do not have hiv or any other illness and am a dedicated worker and am generally emotionally very stable.

Once again, thanks for all your help before and especially you Sheryl.

regards Steve.

The moral of this whole thing ............ I will let you know when I figure it out. (maybe it could be - drugs are bad!, or pessimism is based on fact and insight while optimism is based on fantasy and luck)

footnote: I am not trying to seek attention by mentioning suicide, truth be known, in my normal frame of mind, I would not ever even consider that type of thing. But what I am saying is that I am scared that perhaps after all these events that in the future maybe in a different frame of mind this could become something I could possibly consider and that scares me because I am not and have never been that type of person.

To lose everything but save naka and make her happy I could have dealt with, but to lose everything, still have her dying and also despise me and take advantage of me after giving her everything is so painful I cannot possibly put it into words.

any advice ( due to the fact I am so desperate and only have 1 month left on visa, also have been warned if I do not leave soon my life could be in danger)

can pm'd or post here

What makes me really sick is that in a couple of months the whole family will be sitting in my lounge-room laughing about Naka managed to destroy and take all the worldly possessions off the man who loved her, saved her life and married her and was so generous to her is still wearing the same clothes he had four years ago because he spent everything helping her and could not afford to buy even the smallest of things for himself because he loved and pitied her so much that it felt good to see her smile when he bought her things. Well, where is Buddha now? And, why, you may ask did I do all this? Because it seemed the morally correct thing to do and without me she would have died. Would I do it all again if faced with the same situation? Yes, but I would hope I were a better judge of character.

Sorry for rambling - I took a valium( sleeping tablet) earlier and still cannot sleep .

[taxexile]

you seem to have done all that you possibly can for this girl , and now your health and sanity have become compromised.

from what you have said it seems impossible that this relationship can continue on any level.

there is only one thing you can do , and that is put yourself first for once , and walk away.

of course , its easy for me to say , because i am not emotionally involved in your situation , but you have to step back for a minute and realise that by descending down a spiral of self recrimination , substance abuse and false hope you are destroying yourself.

Edited July 22, 2007 by taxexile

[Naam]

there is only one thing you can do , and that is put yourself first for once , and walk away.

i strongly suggest that he RUNS!

[lopburi3]

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