guavagirl Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I have snooped around on here for a few years and have had many good laughs but have not had reason to post myself.....Until now. So I am wondering if any other ladies with thai men deal with this. Not sure if it is cultural or just him. Recently my boyfriend has been accusing me almost daily of cheating on him. We have been together for over a year and I have never done anything that would make him think this. In fact I never hide anything from him. But he just doesnt stop. I am beginning to think that maybe he has cheated and is pointing the finger at me to hide his own guilt. I know that sometimes thai men like to try and make you jealous to see if you really care for them, but this is a bit much. After this long together he should know if I didnt want to be with him I wouldnt be. So is it a thai thing or just him? Any thoughts would be appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mssabai Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 That would definitely be my first reaction too.... whoever smelt it dealt it and all that....especially if it came out of the blue. If this isn't the case though and he is just jealous, you really have to address it now. I have had friends in relationships where jealousy is a major issue and they are one of the most destructive relationships to be in I think. Both sides end up getting jealous and accusatory and both sides usually end up not knowing what is real and what isn't. As for the Thai thing - have a look back on past conversations for how long these kinds of debates run. Some will say yes, some will say no. But really, what is the point in asking that anyway? Does hat make it more acceptable? You are not seeing all Thai men, only one, so just try and look at any behaviour in him as individual and unique to him, because it is. And the trying to make you jealous thing - pah! Immature, ridiculous...and an excuse used to cover their own behinds I would say. You need to try and get out of your bf what has unsettled him, and try to address it. Or you need to be doing some serious snooping! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Don't really have much to say on whether this is a thai thing or not as I don't really do jealousy & fortunately neither does Mr Boo but I will say that if it i pissing you off, stomp on it right now before it gets out of control. Sit him down & quite strongly tell him straight that you aren't cheating, it isn't your style so he needs to back off but if he keeps going on about it then it might just put the idea in your head as you don't need a bf who doesn't trust you. I would then also ask the question whether he has ever cheated & it is best to tell you now so that you can deal with it rather than possibly finding out about it far down the line which will be much much worse for him. Thats just me though, I see no point in putting up with nonsense, I don't really subscribe to the "oh it's thai style" school of thought. Being annoying, doing something out of order whatever, are personality traits to me & can be adjusted or at least compromised to a mutual agreement. Life is too short to deal with this kind of thing & trust me, if you don't adress it in the very early stages then it will be a problem for the whole of your relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 omg, jut read mssabai post & spookily the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IanForbes Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I agree with Boo's advice. The guy needs a straight forward, honest discussion on the topic. If he refuses then it's time to pack your bags. No need to drag out the misery any longer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cpofc Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Jealousy, that big green monster is not just native to Thailand. Another theory. Maybe one, or even a few, of his jealous mates are spreading gossip and malicious rumours, or just planting seeds in his head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guavagirl Posted December 17, 2009 Author Share Posted December 17, 2009 Thank you for your advice and comments. As far as I know he has never cheated on me but you can never be 100% sure. And I have asked him what happened and has someone said something to him but he says no. Maybe he is just making stuff up in his head and it is getting worse. But something has planted the seed. In the past he has been cheated on so I know he doesnt trust very well. But we have been together for over a year so I can't understand why it is now coming up and causing problems. But I do agree with you. Jealousy is a very destructive thing and something I don't tolerate very well. I have told him it is difficult for me to be with someone who doesnt trust me and who would think I would do that. I guess I just have to wait and see if it gets any worse or continues. But I do know I can not be with someone who is going to accuse me of something I have not done. Especially concidering this is not a new relationship, although some may say a year is still quite new. I will keep you ladies updated and again any thoughts are appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goldenglow Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Thank you for your advice and comments.As far as I know he has never cheated on me but you can never be 100% sure. And I have asked him what happened and has someone said something to him but he says no. Maybe he is just making stuff up in his head and it is getting worse. But something has planted the seed. In the past he has been cheated on so I know he doesnt trust very well. But we have been together for over a year so I can't understand why it is now coming up and causing problems. But I do agree with you. Jealousy is a very destructive thing and something I don't tolerate very well. I have told him it is difficult for me to be with someone who doesnt trust me and who would think I would do that. I guess I just have to wait and see if it gets any worse or continues. But I do know I can not be with someone who is going to accuse me of something I have not done. Especially concidering this is not a new relationship, although some may say a year is still quite new. I will keep you ladies updated and again any thoughts are appreciated. Thai men are jealous, that I must say. I had just started dating this thai guy and I had no thoughts of being all serious with him. So, I thought it was no problem for me to go out for a drink, or to the movies with my male colleagues. But it was an issue for him. I didn't do anything with these colleagues, just went out or so, but he accused me of cheating, and asked me if some of them was my bf, and so on.. I told him many times, that I was dating only him, and these colleagues were just my friends. But he was sooo jealous! Many times after, he accused me of cheating, if he didnt know where I was, for example. Well, we got pass that, and got serious. After that, he was just making jokes about me having some other man. Sometimes I got angry because of those jokes, because I never did anything! But sometimes I just laughed with him. Anyway, When we were seriously together, we used to talk about those trust issues. We promised each other, that if we wanted to have a new bf/gf, we would tell each other. Because we knew it would be more painfull to hear about it later. So every once in a while, we asked if we wanted to stay together, or if there was anyone he or I would rather be. That worked out well. So, my advice, you should be open with each other, and talk.. Ask him, is he happy with you, how do you see your future, and so on. I hope he will open up to you and talk! Because if you just think things through in your head, it doesn't help anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted December 20, 2009 Share Posted December 20, 2009 Mine isn't jealous, but then he is more westernized than alot of Thai men and aware that western women can have friendships with guys without there being anything else there. Its not so common in Thailand (esp the more rural parts) for women to be friends with men outside of their relationship with their partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjclark1 Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 If I may add a male POV My Thai gf also accuses me on a regular basis, now I just reply 'so what, it's the Thai way, you always tell me to learn the Thai way'. The 'so what' answer seems to stump whatever intention is behind this sort of accusation. I believe the easy availability of partners for casual sex out here makes this sort of accusation a normal part of everyday life. A Thai male pal of mine pointed out going to the soapy massage coffee shops (where you hire a room and a girl for 90 minutes) don't count as being unfaithful as you don't have any relationship with her. Different culture, different ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mssabai Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 My bf isn't jealous either. Some Thai men are, some aren't. There is a more macho culture here, where I think perhaps men are steered into thinking they should be jealous and possesive, therefore perhaps more are here. Also I would say that I have noticed many Thai relationships tend not to end, but rather overlap with the next one, therefore maybe there is more reason to be jealous, but still every individual is different. I could never be with a jealous man and have had two Thai boyfriends, neither of whom were jealous. In fact I sometimes joke with my current bf that he doesn't love me enough because he is never jealous of me. Instead he gets an ego trip if I get eyed up - he takes it as a personal compliment to his taste and own attractiveness! One thing I have noticed, both here and at home, is that jealous people tend to end up with jealous people. Whether one makes the other like that, or they were both attracted to similar personalities I don't know. But all jealousy reveals is a person's own insecurities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mssabai Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 A Thai male pal of mine pointed out going to the soapy massage coffee shops (where you hire a room and a girl for 90 minutes) don't count as being unfaithful as you don't have any relationship with her. Different culture, different ways. I would LOVE to get his wife's comments on that!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eek Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 A Thai male pal of mine pointed out going to the soapy massage coffee shops (where you hire a room and a girl for 90 minutes) don't count as being unfaithful as you don't have any relationship with her. Different culture, different ways. I would LOVE to get his wife's comments on that!!! Bahaha! ME too!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAJIC Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Guava Girl You know the answer already,those that do not trust their partners do not trust themselves. As the old adage went "Trust and be Trusted" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goinghomesoon Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 GG I think if this is a new behaviour then you need to ask him about it. It would seem strange for this to change for no reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guavagirl Posted January 6, 2010 Author Share Posted January 6, 2010 Well is seems to have come to a hault, thankfully! We had a long chat and I told him that after being together as long as we have if he still doesn't trust me than he shouldn't be with me. He admitted that someone was putting thoughts in his head. By someone I am assuming this is one of his friends who is jealous of what we have. But that is another topic! Regardless, it has stopped and lets hope it stays that way. Thank you all for your input. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eek Posted January 6, 2010 Share Posted January 6, 2010 best of luck guavagirl. Hope things stay on track now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now