What Contribution To Farangs Make To Thai Child Welfare?

[GuestHouse]

Almost all the foreigners I know in Thailand who are married to a Thai person are raising children from their Thai partner's ealier marriage/relationship. Also, as I pointed out some time ago, when I myself was single in Thailand, I got a lot of 'introductions' from well meaning Thai people I know to Thai women who were divorced, serparated but always who had children from these earlier relationships.

It gets me thinking, how many expats are raising children on behalf of absent Thai fathers/mothers - on my own observation this seems to be pretty common and probably a significant contribution to the welfare of Thai children.

I would argue a rather positive contribution -

[wintermute]

It's positive if there is no potential abuse going on in the household. It's hard to say what the family dynamic is like and there are no equivalent social services or any other statistics in Thailand to figure stuff like this out. Plus, I imagine a lot of unhappiness from expat marriages is probably under reported because the women are "lo-so" to begin with and don't understand the outlets available to them and don't want to lose face.

So, the net positives or negatives are largely unknown.

[slapout]

I taught my wife's nephew to fart when I pulled his finger, is that positive enough? Seriously GH any social, financial, education would probably be on a more positive note than they would have gotten otherwise. The single parent mothers I know may get a little monetary help, for school, but the bulk of the household expenditures seem to come from their work

[Huey]

I personally couldn't see raising someone else's kid. There are just too many single, childless, women here IMHO.

However, for those that do, and do so with compassion and love, treating them as if they were your blood... My hat is off to you. It's no easy job, and it's a special kind of person who can do that. I was not so lucky as a child, my folks where divorced, and mom remarried a right bastard. however I was blessed to find my 2nd wife who is everything to my son that my "step dad" was not.

[GuestHouse]

I agree with you Huey, it takes a special kind of guy to make a real go of raising someone else's child - hence my question really.

I don't think the contribution foreigners make to the welfare of Thai children gets anywhere near the recognition it deserves.

Plenty of 'What do Farangs Contribute to the economy' etc but there must be thousands of Foreigners raising children who were deserted by one parent of both and yet this contribution almost never gets a mention.

[Huey]

Tell me about it Guesthouse. I know one guy who is raising two that aren't his, sending them to good schools, Tae kwon do lessons and good discipline. I have no idea what they would do if not for him.

You don't see that with foreigners coming to the US.

[khundon]

I wonder how many Farang are raising kids that are not their own but don't yet know it?

[RakJungTorlae]

I wonder how many Farang are raising kids that are not their own but don't yet know it?

I know!! I still dont have the heart to tell this guy i know that the kid hes raising with hes gf is mine

[Huey]

Hehe, my Grandad looked at these kinda situations and said "Momma's baby, dadda's Maybe!"

[barky]

I think any man, or woman for that matter (albeit to a far lesser extent), who takes care of (financially or otherwise) another man's/woman's child is someone to be respected.

Thai men just wouldn't do it.

Many western men do it because (a) they have a different attitude towards it ( Single Thai women with children are plentiful because Thai men won't touch them (these women are seen as shop soiled, not only by Thai men, but by the Thai community as a whole). The vast majority of Thais see these women only good for alien demand.

Consequently, there is an enormous number of single Thai mothers looking for a westener to provide a good life for her and her child/children. Whereas there are far fewer single Thai childless women available to westeners on the market.

[lannarebirth]

I think any man, or woman for that matter (albeit to a far lesser extent), who takes care of (financially or otherwise) another man's/woman's child is someone to be respected.

Thai men just wouldn't do it.

Many western men do it because (a) they have a different attitude towards it ( Single Thai women with children are plentiful because Thai men won't touch them (these women are seen as shop soiled, not only by Thai men, but by the Thai community as a whole). The vast majority of Thais see these women only good for alien demand.

Consequently, there is an enormous number of single Thai mothers looking for a westener to provide a good life for her and her child/children. Whereas there are far fewer single Thai childless women available to westeners on the market.

I don't claim to know every type of Thai man, but the ones I do know are very good and supportive of their families. My own personal experience is that I pay to support the children of a deadbeat Australian. Go figure.

[barky]

I think any man, or woman for that matter (albeit to a far lesser extent), who takes care of (financially or otherwise) another man's/woman's child is someone to be respected.

Thai men just wouldn't do it.

Many western men do it because (a) they have a different attitude towards it ( Single Thai women with children are plentiful because Thai men won't touch them (these women are seen as shop soiled, not only by Thai men, but by the Thai community as a whole). The vast majority of Thais see these women only good for alien demand.

Consequently, there is an enormous number of single Thai mothers looking for a westener to provide a good life for her and her child/children. Whereas there are far fewer single Thai childless women available to westeners on the market.

I don't claim to know every type of Thai man, but the ones I do know are very good and supportive of their families. My own personal experience is that I pay to support the children of a deadbeat Australian. Go figure.

Are you talking about their own biological children?????

What I'm talking about, and what the topic IS about is the children of their spouse that are NOT biologically related.

[LooseCannon]

....

Thai men just wouldn't do it.

Many western men do it because (a) they have a different attitude towards it ( Single Thai women with children are plentiful because Thai men won't touch them (these women are seen as shop soiled, not only by Thai men, but by the Thai community as a whole). The vast majority of Thais see these women only good for alien demand.

Consequently, there is an enormous number of single Thai mothers looking for a westener to provide a good life for her and her child/children. Whereas there are far fewer single Thai childless women available to westeners on the market.

Does this sort of shit come naturally to you or do have to think about it?

[lannarebirth]

I think any man, or woman for that matter (albeit to a far lesser extent), who takes care of (financially or otherwise) another man's/woman's child is someone to be respected.

Thai men just wouldn't do it.

Many western men do it because (a) they have a different attitude towards it ( Single Thai women with children are plentiful because Thai men won't touch them (these women are seen as shop soiled, not only by Thai men, but by the Thai community as a whole). The vast majority of Thais see these women only good for alien demand.

Consequently, there is an enormous number of single Thai mothers looking for a westener to provide a good life for her and her child/children. Whereas there are far fewer single Thai childless women available to westeners on the market.

I don't claim to know every type of Thai man, but the ones I do know are very good and supportive of their families. My own personal experience is that I pay to support the children of a deadbeat Australian. Go figure.

Are you talking about their own biological children?????

What I'm talking about, and what the topic IS about is the children of their spouse that are NOT biologically related.

I am talking about a farang previously married to a Thai who does not pay child support of his f/t children. I don't know any Thais like that, though I'm sure they exist.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Another good poll option would be "Thai wife/husband has children from earlier relationship, but I'm not raising the kids" (Either the ex partner is or her parents)

[slapout]

Not enough options Winnie. Aunts, Grandparent/grandparents (his or hers), the way family claims are made in this country where there is no blood relation, it could a large list of options.

[docholiday123]

there must be thousands of Foreigners raising children who were deserted by one parent of both and yet this contribution almost never gets a mention.

I wonder how many of these guys abandoned their own children in their home country.

[docholiday123]

I wonder how many Farang are raising kids that are not their own but don't yet know it?

I know!! I still dont have the heart to tell this guy i know that the kid hes raising with hes gf is mine

The sunglasses mean that you think this makes you cool?

Wow, pathetic. Then again, the child is probably better off without you in their life.

[fletchsmile]

Well so far GH, the results suggest the circle of foreigners you know in Thailand is somewhat limited

Poll says 65% of Thai spouses DIDN'T have children from a previous marriage compared to "ALMOST ALL foreigners" you know.

Conclusion: Think you need to get out more or widen your social venues

Unfortunately as the first part of your stereotyping doesn't hold water, the second part of the poll becomes a bit meaningless. I think most decent parents would do their best to have a positive impact on their children's welfare regardless of whether they were the biological parent or not.

Edited December 18, 2009 by fletchsmile

[docholiday123]

Conclusion: Think you need to get out more or widen your social venues

He probably conducted the poll from a bar stool.

[GuestHouse]

With over 400 visits to this thread and less than 4 votes, I'm not sure that the vote is entirely representative.

However, let's not get distracted from the general positive observation regarding the contribution foreigners are making to the raising of other people's children in Thailand.

[Boo]

neither of u had kids when we met, I don't do baggage & know myself well enough to admit it. My thai husbands ex gf, a nurse at the local hospital had a daughter when they met & dated for a couple of years, a disabled child at that. So there in goes the theory that all thai men wouldn't touch thai women with previous kids with a barge pole. They tend to not touch the ones who bring nothing positive to the relationship except extra baggage & don't contribute so maybe that's what is meant?

He does have a niece though who's own mum (his adopted sister) abandoned her pretty much from birth only rocking up when her latest relationship turns sour & he has effectively supported her & her education for her whole life & as he is technically now a farang, being in possession of a British passport, then I can say that yes, he has made a positive contribution to a thai kids life.

[Unfaithful]

34 votes - the vast majority have no children from previovious marriage. At least one has a deadbeat FARANG dad.

[fletchsmile]

With over 400 visits to this thread and less than 4 votes, I'm not sure that the vote is entirely representative.

However, let's not get distracted from the general positive observation regarding the contribution foreigners are making to the raising of other people's children in Thailand.

I think you mean less than 40 votes not 4 - but I guess you'd prefer not to introduce actual statistics into your theories

For poll threads you'll probably find the visit vs vote ratio is less than 10:1 as it matures. One key reason being a person can visit a thread several times but is only allowed to vote once, plus there are other people who visit a poll then ignore it as being not worth a vote.

My experience would be the ball park of less than 1 in 3 foreigners married to a Thai is supporting kids from their Thai spouses previous marriage, as reflected in the votes per your own poll, is much more realistic than your claim of "almost all". Hence if you think it's "almost all" then the population and social circles you're drawing from seems limited, and more to fit with your stereotypes or own circumstances than draw any meaningful conclusions.

Any decent parent supporting a child whether biological parent or not will usualy be making a contribution to the child's welfare. That goes without saying. Given 99% of kids in Thailand will be supported by Thai only parent(s), and given that less than one in 3 of the remainder truly fit your profile rather than what you'd like to believe, I'd say you need to broaden your horizons and knowledge of Thai people....

Edited December 19, 2009 by fletchsmile

[barky]

....

Thai men just wouldn't do it.

Many western men do it because (a) they have a different attitude towards it ( Single Thai women with children are plentiful because Thai men won't touch them (these women are seen as shop soiled, not only by Thai men, but by the Thai community as a whole). The vast majority of Thais see these women only good for alien demand.

Consequently, there is an enormous number of single Thai mothers looking for a westener to provide a good life for her and her child/children. Whereas there are far fewer single Thai childless women available to westeners on the market.

Does this sort of shit come naturally to you or do have to think about it?

Married a bar girl did you??? 5555

[barky]

....

Thai men just wouldn't do it.

Many western men do it because (a) they have a different attitude towards it ( Single Thai women with children are plentiful because Thai men won't touch them (these women are seen as shop soiled, not only by Thai men, but by the Thai community as a whole). The vast majority of Thais see these women only good for alien demand.

Consequently, there is an enormous number of single Thai mothers looking for a westener to provide a good life for her and her child/children. Whereas there are far fewer single Thai childless women available to westeners on the market.

Does this sort of shit come naturally to you or do have to think about it?

Married a bar girl did you??? 5555

[way2muchcoffee]

I agree with you Huey, it takes a special kind of guy to make a real go of raising someone else's child - hence my question really.

I don't agree here. I don't believe that it takes a 'special kind of guy' at all. It simply takes a normal man to fall in love with a normal woman who has one or more children. There's nothing really special about it IMO.

My wife doesn't have any children from a previous relationship, but it wouldn't have stopped me dating her in the early days. Sure, it would have given me pause to consider all the ramifications, but I don't think it would have been a deal breaker.

Edited December 19, 2009 by way2muchcoffee

[473geo]

I agree with you Huey, it takes a special kind of guy to make a real go of raising someone else's child - hence my question really.

I don't agree here. I don't believe that it takes a 'special kind of guy' at all. It simply takes a normal man to fall in love with a normal woman who has one or more children. There's nothing really special about it IMO.

My wife doesn't have any children from a previous relationship, but it wouldn't have stopped me dating her in the early days. Sure, it would have given me pause to consider all the ramifications, but I don't think it would have been a deal breaker.

You have no experience......none what so ever....of taking care of a step daughter/son......and making them feel like one of your own.........

And yet you feel you are qualified to make a comment like that!!!!............

[way2muchcoffee]

I agree with you Huey, it takes a special kind of guy to make a real go of raising someone else's child - hence my question really.

I don't agree here. I don't believe that it takes a 'special kind of guy' at all. It simply takes a normal man to fall in love with a normal woman who has one or more children. There's nothing really special about it IMO.

My wife doesn't have any children from a previous relationship, but it wouldn't have stopped me dating her in the early days. Sure, it would have given me pause to consider all the ramifications, but I don't think it would have been a deal breaker.

You have no experience......none what so ever....of taking care of a step daughter/son......and making them feel like one of your own.........

And yet you feel you are qualified to make a comment like that!!!!............

Actually yes. I do believe I am qualified to make a comment like that. I was raised by three different men over the course of my childhood, had a stepfather and stepbrother for several years, and had a relationship or two with single mothers over the years. My wife and I assist in the raising of my sister-in-law's 3-year old daughter. We have taken in and helped straighten the path of my wife's errant young half-brother, now turning into a decent young man.

But all that is neither here nor there. Regardless of direct experience, the things that qualify anyone to make a comment like that are self-knowledge, maturity, and personal values. There are hundreds of millions of single mothers all over the world. It is not all that uncommon for a man to help raise a child that does not share his DNA.

Edited December 19, 2009 by way2muchcoffee

[473geo]

It is not uncommon for a person to run a 26 mile marathon - that does not make the feat any less laudible.

I not surprised by your comment after reading your potted history.......although you have done well to assist your family relatives......you clearly do not quite understand that helping out a relative is a totally different experience to developing the unconditional love,respect, and trust of a child of which you are not the biological father.......and if you do understand this and you feel the task is just as simple as marrying the woman anyway.....then you are a far far better man than I - because on a daily basis I am aware I cannot afford to give out any signal that would betray the trust which has been placed in me simply by being called Papa.........now I'll go play with the children......you can sit here and belittle my efforts.......