3 Children , 20 Years In Thailand And 16 Years Together

[glowbull]

Hey don't take this the wrong way but maybe you should have gotten married to her. Where I am from to be with someone for so long and have children out of wedlock is frowned upon. Maybe she figured that since you guys weren't married it isn't exactly adultery. Women cheat, so do guys. My question to you is, in the 20 years that you were together (as boyfriend and girlfriend basically) did you even have sex with anyone else. If not then, why didn't you marry her? If so, then you don't deserve any pity.

[needforspeed]

Hey don't take this the wrong way but maybe you should have gotten married to her. Where I am from to be with someone for so long and have children out of wedlock is frowned upon. Maybe she figured that since you guys weren't married it isn't exactly adultery. Women cheat, so do guys. My question to you is, in the 20 years that you were together (as boyfriend and girlfriend basically) did you even have sex with anyone else. If not then, why didn't you marry her? If so, then you don't deserve any pity.

First off all i been 16 years together,

Yes maybe i should married to her, but what extra garantee gives a married couple related to have sex with other people.

" NOTHING "

It is all about your own commitment to the agreements you have made with your partner and married with her 16 years ago would not change her behavior.

[glowbull]

Hey don't take this the wrong way but maybe you should have gotten married to her. Where I am from to be with someone for so long and have children out of wedlock is frowned upon. Maybe she figured that since you guys weren't married it isn't exactly adultery. Women cheat, so do guys. My question to you is, in the 20 years that you were together (as boyfriend and girlfriend basically) did you even have sex with anyone else. If not then, why didn't you marry her? If so, then you don't deserve any pity.

First off all i been 16 years together,

Yes maybe i should married to her, but what extra garantee gives a married couple related to have sex with other people.

" NOTHING "

It is all about your own commitment to the agreements you have made with your partner and married with her 16 years ago would not change her behavior.

Maybe we have a difference of opinion but to me a marriage is a life long commitment to someone you love. It's saying that there is no one else you'd want to be with but that person. It is recognized by law and recorded as public record.

Nothing in life is guaranteed but she is basically single. She could marry the guy that she is writing/receiving letters from tomorrow, who knows maybe that's what she secretly fantasies about. Now I am not implying that you should get married to her after discovering her infidelity but from my experience women want to feel desired and appreciated.

Hey and you never answered my question, did you ever mess around in 16 years?

[Douggie Style]

your in a tough spot but things tend to work themselves out over time, at least you are handling it with some dignity and thought...

as a young single fellow working in remote areas, it shocked me that of all the hard working family guys, fly in fly out, the number of relationships that failed over time was 100%.....yeah 100%

it was completely tragic because undoubtably the guy was a rock solid type who thought only of his family.....from his perspective he was doing 'the right thing'

from this I concluded, rightly or wrongly, women need your time more than your money...they need someone around.....perhaps this is genetic or cultural or whatever

perhaps the fly in fly out is part, or maybe even the only problem here?

have you considered a long holiday with your family as a start? reconnect

i am sure she loves you (3 kids attest to that) but something must be missing from her side of the relationship ...there must be some driver to her actions

(PS non of the above excuses her behaviour but practically you have the relationship with her and the relationship with the whole family (the more important one to my mind and is it not possible to save that?))

good luck!

[Lammbock]

This is such a sad story

[BennyLom]

You need to break up with Ning right away.

[needforspeed]

Hey don't take this the wrong way but maybe you should have gotten married to her. Where I am from to be with someone for so long and have children out of wedlock is frowned upon. Maybe she figured that since you guys weren't married it isn't exactly adultery. Women cheat, so do guys. My question to you is, in the 20 years that you were together (as boyfriend and girlfriend basically) did you even have sex with anyone else. If not then, why didn't you marry her? If so, then you don't deserve any pity.

First off all i been 16 years together,

Yes maybe i should married to her, but what extra garantee gives a married couple related to have sex with other people.

" NOTHING "

It is all about your own commitment to the agreements you have made with your partner and married with her 16 years ago would not change her behavior.

Maybe we have a difference of opinion but to me a marriage is a life long commitment to someone you love. It's saying that there is no one else you'd want to be with but that person. It is recognized by law and recorded as public record.

Nothing in life is guaranteed but she is basically single. She could marry the guy that she is writing/receiving letters from tomorrow, who knows maybe that's what she secretly fantasies about. Now I am not implying that you should get married to her after discovering her infidelity but from my experience women want to feel desired and appreciated.

Hey and you never answered my question, did you ever mess around in 16 years?

Yes i did

[needforspeed]

You need to break up with Ning right away.

Who the F@#$% is Ning.

[TAWP]

You need to break up with Ning right away.

Who the F@#$% is Ning.

Imaginary Issan girl from another [political] thread.

[needforspeed]

You need to break up with Ning right away.

Who the F@#$% is Ning.

Imaginary Issan girl from another [political] thread.

She isnt from Issan

[TAWP]

No, but Ning is: http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Ning-Bangkok...ir-t346632.html

[needforspeed]

No, but Ning is: http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Ning-Bangkok...ir-t346632.html

Ok, but my ex GF story wasn't poor and so sad.

[bino]

Someone above remembered Tippaporn and his incredible story about a Serious And Disturbing Email

I felt for Tip and his situation at the time. A lot in common with your situation now.

[bodypaul]

Any update needforspeed? How are you coping?

[needforspeed]

Any update needforspeed? How are you coping?

To be honest not so bad,

Made a agreement with my GF, we still live together.

When i am home i take care the children for 4 days, send 1 of them to school and get him after school every day (Other 2 going with school bus).

Told her that she can do whatever she want to do the 4 days only requirment is being home before Midnight, same for me.

No sex anymore, no new boyfriend (her) or girlfriend (me)at out condo or home.

No talking with children about other new partners.

No contact between new partner and children.

When i am working she stay home before children go to school and when coming home.

Cheers,

NFS

[getgoin]

Any update needforspeed? How are you coping?

To be honest not so bad,

Made a agreement with my GF, we still live together.

When i am home i take care the children for 4 days, send 1 of them to school and get him after school every day (Other 2 going with school bus).

Told her that she can do whatever she want to do the 4 days only requirment is being home before Midnight, same for me.

No sex anymore, no new boyfriend (her) or girlfriend (me)at out condo or home.

No talking with children about other new partners.

No contact between new partner and children.

When i am working she stay home before children go to school and when coming home.

Cheers,

NFS

Well, I read all 14 pages and was cheering for you in my own cynical way. Hard to believe because there were a lot of places to toss a few stones and I usually like to toss them. I was also surprised that the usual posters were so supportive. It was an uplifting and enlightening story. I wish it could have ended like that.

I wanted to see you come out on top of this. I wanted to see someone who quietly took account of what was going on in their dysfunctional relationship, took the proper and respectful steps and followed through. You did a great job. You kept it together. I couldn't have done that. I would have blabbed it out shortly after finding the letters, which would have ended it in the trash along with the Italian boyfriend. But this isn't about me or any advice that I might be able to give you about your current live in relationship.

It's about living with a woman that has another man, not talking to the children, sneaking around and hiding your real lives. It's about finding a new partner that you will have to hide from not only the ex girlfriend but the kids or risk having an endless parade of suitors through your living room. It's the look from the neighbors and friends and did I mention the kids? Kids are not stupid. It about the worrying, again, while you are away.

Find another apartment close by your home and do the daddy thing. Sorry, you either make up or break up. And there is no shame in making up. But with making up comes new commitment. If both of you can not commit then you might as well call it what it is. Not the end of the parental relationship and responsibility. Just the end of your relationship. Time to move on. Sorry.

[needforspeed]

To be honest not so bad,

Made a agreement with my GF, we still live together.

When i am home i take care the children for 4 days, send 1 of them to school and get him after school every day (Other 2 going with school bus).

Told her that she can do whatever she want to do the 4 days only requirment is being home before Midnight, same for me.

No sex anymore, no new boyfriend (her) or girlfriend (me)at out condo or home.

No talking with children about other new partners.

No contact between new partner and children.

When i am working she stay home before children go to school and when coming home.

Cheers,

NFS

Well, I read all 14 pages and was cheering for you in my own cynical way. Hard to believe because there were a lot of places to toss a few stones and I usually like to toss them. I was also surprised that the usual posters were so supportive. It was an uplifting and enlightening story. I wish it could have ended like that.

I wanted to see you come out on top of this. I wanted to see someone who quietly took account of what was going on in their dysfunctional relationship, took the proper and respectful steps and followed through. You did a great job. You kept it together. I couldn't have done that. I would have blabbed it out shortly after finding the letters, which would have ended it in the trash along with the Italian boyfriend. But this isn't about me or any advice that I might be able to give you about your current live in relationship.

It's about living with a woman that has another man, not talking to the children, sneaking around and hiding your real lives. It's about finding a new partner that you will have to hide from not only the ex girlfriend but the kids or risk having an endless parade of suitors through your living room. It's the look from the neighbors and friends and did I mention the kids? Kids are not stupid. It about the worrying, again, while you are away.

Find another apartment close by your home and do the daddy thing. Sorry, you either make up or break up. And there is no shame in making up. But with making up comes new commitment. If both of you can not commit then you might as well call it what it is. Not the end of the parental relationship and responsibility. Just the end of your relationship. Time to move on. Sorry.

Maybe you are wright, but for me with little time at home to arrange things this was the best way without harming anyone.

And this will maybe change within the coming months.

Any way i have the condo and a loan on our house, so all my dissisions have nothing to do with financial gain, just try to get things organize for my children.

Its all easy to write things on paper but the real thing isn't, and offcourse i going to make mistakes in my desicions, and after try to fix them as good as i can.

Cheers

[ableguy]

I would not get too carried away with instant thoughts of revenge and payback. You have invested a lot of time and love in the relationship and no doubt so has your girlfriend. One wonders how long you are away from Thailand each time and how much time you get to spend with your family. It would appear difficult for a Thai woman with three children (presumably under 16) to start a fresh relationship with another farang while you are not here. Certainly make the appropriate preparations to split with her, protecting as many of your assests as possible and then arrange for the children to be looked after and speak with her calmly and rationally about your accidental discovery of this "other man".

Whilst many would condemn her out of hand, she is only human and depending on the length of time you are away maybe she got lonely and met another guy, one thing led to another and now she corresponds with him.

You do not give any detail as to the contents of the letters or any indication of how recent they are or the amount of them so it is difficult to pass judgement based on the available information.

I would just caution that you do not allow your emotions to take control, do not confront her when under the influence of booze, do not confront her in front of your children and most importantly do not burn your bridges.

I understand that an element of trust has been lost and it will be difficult to rebuild that trust, but at least try and find out what her feelings are towards you. It would seem that when you are here she treats you like a good and loving husband and it seems you love her a lot, so try and work it out and if you are unable to work it out, try and manage any breakup without emotion and with dignity! If you want a continuing relationship with your children it is important to manage things carefully.

I am so sorry o hear about your situation and wish you every success in your endeavours to get to the bottom of the story and negotiate a happy ending. Good luck mate and enjoy a few beers but do not get smashed, none of us make smart decisions when drunk!!

Refreshing to read this advice, concise and none judgemental.

[needforspeed]

Refreshing to read this advice, concise and none judgemental.

Yes agree, but reality isn,t so easy as just writting something on paper.

[dobadoy]

Stopped reading after learning the letters are in Thai and the lover is Italian. Fifteen pages too long for me, and probably by this time the situation is resolved for the best. Hope so. This is why i'm posting, somewhere on p2 orr 3 when I stopped reading we learn that:

Thai girlfriend and Italian boyfriend are conversing by letter in Thai?

And who translated these for you?

Seriously, if you want to know what they say, scan them and PM them to me.

A farang who's invested enough time to be able to read and write Thai is doing the backdoor witha 40 yr old women with three kids and another farang partner. Something is not right about this story. Of course its not impossible, but some thing tells me you've got the wrong end of the stick here.

[needforspeed]

Stopped reading after learning the letters are in Thai and the lover is Italian. Fifteen pages too long for me, and probably by this time the situation is resolved for the best. Hope so. This is why i'm posting, somewhere on p2 orr 3 when I stopped reading we learn that:

Thai girlfriend and Italian boyfriend are conversing by letter in Thai?

And who translated these for you?

Seriously, if you want to know what they say, scan them and PM them to me.

A farang who's invested enough time to be able to read and write Thai is doing the backdoor witha 40 yr old women with three kids and another farang partner. Something is not right about this story. Of course its not impossible, but some thing tells me you've got the wrong end of the stick here.

Better read it all before posting nonsense;

I can read Thai myself so not need you to translate for me, i found out that a internetshop close by translate for her and send by e mail.

I dont understand "somthing is not right. of course its not possible,

So you call me two times a liar, thanks for that.

My ex GF is very good looking also for her age, we whent a few months ago to bamboo bar at the Oriental hotel listening to jazz music,

after a few drinks we sat down at the bar.

A foreigner next to us got a crush on my GF, asked the waiter to open a bottle champagne and 3 glasses.

He told me he just wanted to share a good business deal, we tought why not.

We dronk that evening 2 bottles, after the foreigner invited us in his room, i told him that we are not in for that.

Thanked him and he appoligish for asking, told him no worries.

I just wanted to say also on there 40ish some Thai woman are very atractive, and in the way they dress themselfs many time more atractive than the younger woman.

Edited March 31, 2010 by needforspeed

[mickylonster]

Any update needforspeed? How are you coping?

To be honest not so bad,

Made a agreement with my GF, we still live together.

When i am home i take care the children for 4 days, send 1 of them to school and get him after school every day (Other 2 going with school bus).

Told her that she can do whatever she want to do the 4 days only requirment is being home before Midnight, same for me.

No sex anymore, no new boyfriend (her) or girlfriend (me)at out condo or home.

No talking with children about other new partners.

No contact between new partner and children.

When i am working she stay home before children go to school and when coming home.

Well done , NFS , you seem to have conducted yourself in a dignified manner , time will repair the hurt , I wish you well in the future.

Cheers,

NFS

[mickylonster]

Any update needforspeed? How are you coping?

To be honest not so bad,

Made a agreement with my GF, we still live together.

When i am home i take care the children for 4 days, send 1 of them to school and get him after school every day (Other 2 going with school bus).

Told her that she can do whatever she want to do the 4 days only requirment is being home before Midnight, same for me.

No sex anymore, no new boyfriend (her) or girlfriend (me)at out condo or home.

No talking with children about other new partners.

No contact between new partner and children.

When i am working she stay home before children go to school and when coming home.

Cheers,

NFS

[desi]

needforspeed,

Sounds like you are making the best of a bad situation. Good for you. And while it might not work out in the longrun, it has a chance of getting you and your family over this first hurdle.

[Livinginexile]

Stopped reading after learning the letters are in Thai and the lover is Italian. Fifteen pages too long for me, and probably by this time the situation is resolved for the best. Hope so. This is why i'm posting, somewhere on p2 orr 3 when I stopped reading we learn that:

Thai girlfriend and Italian boyfriend are conversing by letter in Thai?

And who translated these for you?

Seriously, if you want to know what they say, scan them and PM them to me.

A farang who's invested enough time to be able to read and write Thai is doing the backdoor witha 40 yr old women with three kids and another farang partner. Something is not right about this story. Of course its not impossible, but some thing tells me you've got the wrong end of the stick here.

Better read it all before posting nonsense;

I can read Thai myself so not need you to translate for me, i found out that a internetshop close by translate for her and send by e mail.

I dont understand "somthing is not right. of course its not possible,

So you call me two times a liar, thanks for that.

My ex GF is very good looking also for her age, we whent a few months ago to bamboo bar at the Oriental hotel listening to jazz music,

after a few drinks we sat down at the bar.

A foreigner next to us got a crush on my GF, asked the waiter to open a bottle champagne and 3 glasses.

He told me he just wanted to share a good business deal, we tought why not.

We dronk that evening 2 bottles, after the foreigner invited us in his room, i told him that we are not in for that.

Thanked him and he appoligish for asking, told him no worries.

I just wanted to say also on there 40ish some Thai woman are very atractive, and in the way they dress themselfs many time more atractive than the younger woman.

Is this the Italian guy your Mrs has the hots for?

[tw25rw]

I would see it as permission to take on a mia noi or 3.

[saraburioz]

I would see it as permission to take on a mia noi or 3.

no Thai woman ever gives permission to have a ia noe

[hextac]

I would see it as permission to take on a mia noi or 3.

no Thai woman ever gives permission to have a ia noe

No Thai woman gives "permission" for anything until you ask her for your balls back mate.

[needforspeed]

Stopped reading after learning the letters are in Thai and the lover is Italian. Fifteen pages too long for me, and probably by this time the situation is resolved for the best. Hope so. This is why i'm posting, somewhere on p2 orr 3 when I stopped reading we learn that:

Thai girlfriend and Italian boyfriend are conversing by letter in Thai?

And who translated these for you?

Seriously, if you want to know what they say, scan them and PM them to me.

A farang who's invested enough time to be able to read and write Thai is doing the backdoor witha 40 yr old women with three kids and another farang partner. Something is not right about this story. Of course its not impossible, but some thing tells me you've got the wrong end of the stick here.

Better read it all before posting nonsense;

I can read Thai myself so not need you to translate for me, i found out that a internetshop close by translate for her and send by e mail.

I dont understand "somthing is not right. of course its not possible,

So you call me two times a liar, thanks for that.

My ex GF is very good looking also for her age, we whent a few months ago to bamboo bar at the Oriental hotel listening to jazz music,

after a few drinks we sat down at the bar.

A foreigner next to us got a crush on my GF, asked the waiter to open a bottle champagne and 3 glasses.

He told me he just wanted to share a good business deal, we tought why not.

We dronk that evening 2 bottles, after the foreigner invited us in his room, i told him that we are not in for that.

Thanked him and he appoligish for asking, told him no worries.

I just wanted to say also on there 40ish some Thai woman are very atractive, and in the way they dress themselfs many time more atractive than the younger woman.

Is this the Italian guy your Mrs has the hots for?

No he wasnt Italian

[thaibeachlovers]

Any update needforspeed? How are you coping?

To be honest not so bad,

Made a agreement with my GF, we still live together.

When i am home i take care the children for 4 days, send 1 of them to school and get him after school every day (Other 2 going with school bus).

Told her that she can do whatever she want to do the 4 days only requirment is being home before Midnight, same for me.

No sex anymore, no new boyfriend (her) or girlfriend (me)at out condo or home.

No talking with children about other new partners.

No contact between new partner and children.

When i am working she stay home before children go to school and when coming home.

Cheers,

NFS

Must say that I sympathise with your situation, but as I see it making "rules" just isn't going to work. After all, she's not a child, and she doesn't "work" for you.

I presume that the property is in her name, so if you leave her, or she chooses to leave the relationship, you will lose out, not her ( sorry if that's been covered, but way too many pages to read now ).

I have been there myself ( in my own country ), and I chose to leave and lose everything, but in the past 25 years not a day goes by I don't regret leaving, for many reasons, which time does not allow me going into now.

I know it would be hard for you, but I sincerely believe that the best long term solution would be to try and forgive, and resume the relationship, but not commit any more of your money into assets that she could take from you, if it still failed.

If you don't want have sex with her anymore, that shouldn't be a problem in Thailand, provided you don't take the temporary GFs home.

I really believe that if you truly loved her before, and she you, and you both wanted to make it work, it could.

While I don't know why she needed to "see" another man, there are worse things than living in a relationship that includes other people. Try living alone for 25 years if you don't believe me.

If it makes it any easier, just remember that is the situation that many Thai women put up with, while their husbands are away with their Mia Nois, just reversed in your situation.