3 Children , 20 Years In Thailand And 16 Years Together

[expatdreamer]

she just want more than i been able to give.

and that makes me very sad

I feel your pain. It is difficult to get the answers you want as sometimes it is incomprehensible.

A farrang neighbour is in the same situation as you. He has a well paid job, built 2 houses for her (one for her dad) bought lots of ground with teak trees for their retirement, a car, a pickup and the list goes on. The moment he leaves, she has a Thai man in his home shagging her. This guy has no money and is far from handsome. It beggers belief. Her husband is a tall,strong handsome fellow. Sometimes its best just to assume its in them. You can take the girl from the country but ....... springs to mind.

Maybe, the letters are old and she just keeps them around. Maybe she is a little insecure and wants to know she could get another man if she wanted one. Maybe its just an outlet for her, similar when you would have an on line 'friend' but would never think of actually meeting up with her.

As other posters have said, get your ducks in a row first and plan an exit strategy as regards bank accounts etc and then just ask her.

You are gonna want to know the reasons anyway. Otherwise you wont be able to move on.

Good luck to you and I hope it works out well for you no matter what answes you get. :jap:

Sadly near every farang l have known is being treated in the same way as your story. For some unknown reason the ladies like to boast to other women of their antics and my mrs tells me what's going on. I have a list of stories that beggar belief.

For those of us that might be contemplating a Thai wife in the future, please share with us your stories.

[expatdreamer]

need4speed

The way I see it, you:

a) are likely still on a very good income, presumably as a fly in/fly out off shore or oil rig worker

b did not get crippled financially by a divorce or defacto break up settlement as you would have in the Western world

c) are not paying 60% of your net income to your ex wife for your three children as you would have in the Western world

d) are still sharing a good relationship with your children, and are amicable with the ex wife

e) living in probably the best country in the world to get over something like this, with the myriad of readily available options to you.

So the choice is yours now - stick to short times in the P4P scene or elsewhere, or look for a new wife (probably someone much younger than your current one as ludditeman said to me if you want some sweet revenge)

Edited October 23, 2011 by expatdreamer

[meom]

Life is as normal besides that there is no sex involved anymore and I have to say that we don’t have any difficulties with this as for this needs I just pay for it, I made a mistake in this to get a Girlfriend for a few months but that did not work out.

Why is there no sex involved anymore?

Maybe I misunderstand but the way I read it she had a fling and you had a fling so if you don't have anymore difficulties together why not start a fling with each other?

Edited October 23, 2011 by meom

[transam]

she just want more than i been able to give.

and that makes me very sad

I feel your pain. It is difficult to get the answers you want as sometimes it is incomprehensible.

A farrang neighbour is in the same situation as you. He has a well paid job, built 2 houses for her (one for her dad) bought lots of ground with teak trees for their retirement, a car, a pickup and the list goes on. The moment he leaves, she has a Thai man in his home shagging her. This guy has no money and is far from handsome. It beggers belief. Her husband is a tall,strong handsome fellow. Sometimes its best just to assume its in them. You can take the girl from the country but ....... springs to mind.

Maybe, the letters are old and she just keeps them around. Maybe she is a little insecure and wants to know she could get another man if she wanted one. Maybe its just an outlet for her, similar when you would have an on line 'friend' but would never think of actually meeting up with her.

As other posters have said, get your ducks in a row first and plan an exit strategy as regards bank accounts etc and then just ask her.

You are gonna want to know the reasons anyway. Otherwise you wont be able to move on.

Good luck to you and I hope it works out well for you no matter what answes you get. :jap:

Sadly near every farang l have known is being treated in the same way as your story. For some unknown reason the ladies like to boast to other women of their antics and my mrs tells me what's going on. I have a list of stories that beggar belief.

For those of us that might be contemplating a Thai wife in the future, please share with us your stories.

Folk l know in LOS read this forum, soooooooo hmmmmmmm. But l will say most farangs ''I'' know are being or have been fleeced. Sad l know but it is true. Some know and carry on in the hope it will go away, but it won't.

Me, angry at stuff, ladies pulled from the floor of sex bars, given lives, and shaft the saviour.

[marstons]

found my self in similar situation after 9 years recently for me it was done finsihed, mine was through stupid womens lack of knowledge of facebook and her privacy settings. i went straight to a lawyer, least cost option for a divorce which was 0 baht as she wanted quickie divorce to remarry. no children so thats diffilcult espcially if your away. i would try and get them away, if possible. if she hits hard times no knowing where they will end up. tough to take when it comes straight out the blue, good luck, for me it would be sod the time together get ther kids sorted and away, they are seen by many thai mothers as a commodiity.

[transam]

found my self in similar situation after 9 years recently for me it was done finsihed, mine was through stupid womens lack of knowledge of facebook and her privacy settings. i went straight to a lawyer, least cost option for a divorce which was 0 baht as she wanted quickie divorce to remarry. no children so thats diffilcult espcially if your away. i would try and get them away, if possible. if she hits hard times no knowing where they will end up. tough to take when it comes straight out the blue, good luck, for me it would be sod the time together get ther kids sorted and away, they are seen by many thai mothers as a commodiity.

How very true, l can back that up with stuff l have witnessed, even more cash is required for playing cards and the lottery, more important.

[letitbe]

she just want more than i been able to give.

and that makes me very sad

I feel your pain. It is difficult to get the answers you want as sometimes it is incomprehensible.

A farrang neighbour is in the same situation as you. He has a well paid job, built 2 houses for her (one for her dad) bought lots of ground with teak trees for their retirement, a car, a pickup and the list goes on. The moment he leaves, she has a Thai man in his home shagging her. This guy has no money and is far from handsome. It beggers belief. Her husband is a tall,strong handsome fellow. Sometimes its best just to assume its in them. You can take the girl from the country but ....... springs to mind.

Maybe, the letters are old and she just keeps them around. Maybe she is a little insecure and wants to know she could get another man if she wanted one. Maybe its just an outlet for her, similar when you would have an on line 'friend' but would never think of actually meeting up with her.

As other posters have said, get your ducks in a row first and plan an exit strategy as regards bank accounts etc and then just ask her.

You are gonna want to know the reasons anyway. Otherwise you wont be able to move on.

Good luck to you and I hope it works out well for you no matter what answes you get. :jap:

Sadly near every farang l have known is being treated in the same way as your story. For some unknown reason the ladies like to boast to other women of their antics and my mrs tells me what's going on. I have a list of stories that beggar belief.

My pal that died here, his wife had a Thai guy driving her around in her husbands motor the next day, turned out she was shagging this bloke and feeding him cash for years. Told by village folk. She brought him to our house as if it was OK. and accepted.

and you let him in

[janverbeem]

Folk l know in LOS read this forum, soooooooo hmmmmmmm. But l will say most farangs ''I'' know are being or have been fleeced. Sad l know but it is true. Some know and carry on in the hope it will go away, but it won't.

Me, angry at stuff, ladies pulled from the floor of sex bars, given lives, and shaft the saviour.

If that is the case then you must be lucky to be the only one who escaped this ordeal.

[needforspeed]

Life is as normal besides that there is no sex involved anymore and I have to say that we don’t have any difficulties with this as for this needs I just pay for it, I made a mistake in this to get a Girlfriend for a few months but that did not work out.

Why is there no sex involved anymore?

Maybe I misunderstand but the way I read it she had a fling and you had a fling so if you don't have anymore difficulties together why not start a fling with each other?

Good question,

We not sleeping in the bed anymore, not that that is needed to have sex but just to explain the situation at the moment. For me it just feels strange to make any approach.

Can’t give you a better answer as i don’t know myself.

Maybe get the George Micheal cd out of the drawer even as the candles, strawberries and champagne and give it a try .

[Pacificperson]

Life is as normal besides that there is no sex involved anymore and I have to say that we don't have any difficulties with this as for this needs I just pay for it, I made a mistake in this to get a Girlfriend for a few months but that did not work out.

Why is there no sex involved anymore?

Maybe I misunderstand but the way I read it she had a fling and you had a fling so if you don't have anymore difficulties together why not start a fling with each other?

Good question,

We not sleeping in the bed anymore, not that that is needed to have sex but just to explain the situation at the moment. For me it just feels strange to make any approach.

Can't give you a better answer as i don't know myself.

Maybe get the George Micheal cd out of the drawer even as the candles, strawberries and champagne and give it a try .

Its a bit strange, but give it a try. Its the best idea I've seen here.

[needforspeed]

Life is as normal besides that there is no sex involved anymore and I have to say that we don't have any difficulties with this as for this needs I just pay for it, I made a mistake in this to get a Girlfriend for a few months but that did not work out.

Why is there no sex involved anymore?

Maybe I misunderstand but the way I read it she had a fling and you had a fling so if you don't have anymore difficulties together why not start a fling with each other?

Good question,

We not sleeping in the bed anymore, not that that is needed to have sex but just to explain the situation at the moment. For me it just feels strange to make any approach.

Can't give you a better answer as i don't know myself.

Maybe get the George Micheal cd out of the drawer even as the candles, strawberries and champagne and give it a try .

Its a bit strange, but give it a try. Its the best idea I've seen here.

"give it a try" was just a joke, at the moment i cant do it.

[MEGALITHIC]

Life is as normal besides that there is no sex involved anymore and I have to say that we don't have any difficulties with this as for this needs I just pay for it, I made a mistake in this to get a Girlfriend for a few months but that did not work out.

Why is there no sex involved anymore?

Maybe I misunderstand but the way I read it she had a fling and you had a fling so if you don't have anymore difficulties together why not start a fling with each other?

Good question,

We not sleeping in the bed anymore, not that that is needed to have sex but just to explain the situation at the moment. For me it just feels strange to make any approach.

Can't give you a better answer as i don't know myself.

Maybe get the George Micheal cd out of the drawer even as the candles, strawberries and champagne and give it a try .

Its a bit strange, but give it a try. Its the best idea I've seen here.

No it's not. What is it about westerners trying to apply a logic that's based on generosity, integrity and decency to a situation where you perceive, wrongly, that the logic of the person, that's shown you complete and utter disrespect for the above listed qualities, in some way matches yours? It doesn't. The very fact that she's done what she's done obviates the opposite. Don't you guys get it? You are dealing with a hunter/gatherer mindset. I'm sorry if that upsets some people on here but that's what it is; a survival at all costs, no matter what it takes mindset. What she's really thinking is this; he is weak, his heart is soft and I've got away with what I've done to embarass him. I'll put up with him because I'm still being afforded a very nice life style. She was boffing some other guy in a long ongoing situation. Ask yourself this; do you think she actually respects you? All this talk about love and making up is twaddle. If there's no respect or integrity then there's no love. How can there be? You are now just going through the motions for the sake of the kids and you should be congratulated and respected for that. However you are, mistakenly, rewarding her for her deceit. You are trying to paper over the cracks with trinkets and baubels; expensive holidays, gifts and dinners. But what you are still seeing, every time you look at her, is a person that has no respect for you and what you are feeling inside, sorry to say, is low self esteem because of this. Your way of dealing with this is through alcohol. Ask youself this; how would a Thai man have dealt with this situation? Well, we know what the answer to that is and it's not very nice to think about is it? This situation won't improve and do you know why? Because all you are doing is trying to please someone else at your own expense. Life is short my friend; how long will you go on being miserable just to make someone else happy?

[Bizz]

I'V read mabye 75% to get the gist i quess you are working 1 on one off 28 on 28 0ff which in my case at times ment 2 days travel each way.

It is hard when one is away esp offshore. you know when you substitute the fillet steak for a fried egg. Well you know what i mean.

i have not twiged on your nationality yet ,Thinking mabye Italian.

You seem like a caring father who supports his kids well and that for any man in this age is highly commendable.

With your wife's infidelity have you asked your GF is or have you noticed she may be going through the change Asian woman do so sooner i am told. "don't knock me for this"

In my experience life is so so very short, to find happiness in any form is not to be lauded at it is to be commended if to find this happiness in times of strife and unfaithfulness is in short a miracle for you now live this miracle.

Your GF has i assume by know learned the error of her ways and is willing to move on with your relationship. This is also in your hands.

What life brings life will bring and in that so small time you will see the joy,s of rearing and the satisfaction of seeing your children grow into your dreams.

The best of luck and you seem to have most already.

[aneliane]

Hello

I read your first post and some of the following posts, but not everything (sorry).

I understand you have several issues here in the equation : Emotional : Your MC & your children, Health: your alcohol & stress / depression. So yes I think you need professional help too. But where to in Thailand ? Frankly, in Buddhist world, issues are swept under the carpet quickly, I don't think you'll get anything good here ...

I totally understand that you have no one else to talk to, as this the way our society works nowadays.

You say your not having sex with the MC (Mother of your Children). In a relation where none of the partner is asexual , this is a huge red flag.

You need to get to the bottom of this.

Some relationships don't actually need sex or too much of it to work, but this is definitely not your case.

After some years, many couples drifts away, out of pure negligence, or lack of communication.

Tell her without accusing her that you need to know how she feels about you, and that you are ready to take whatever she want to throw at you.

Be ready to hear what she has to say about it even if you think that's irrelevant/unfair/wrong...

May be you're not looking as good as she think you should. It's not just ladies, Men also need to make efforts in the look department.

May be she resent you for something you did - you taking a GF might not have been the best idea - yes even if she said it was fine (and for me it would just be the end of it)

Or may be it's just the job situation (you being away so often) that just drove you guys apart.

These 3 points alone are more than enough to spoil it all for most couples but It could be a million of different things.

It's important that you know what's going on, because you will know what to deal with.

Once you know, you can assess the situation much better, have a good look in the mirror and decide if you need / want to make necessary adjustment or not, if you still want to make it work or not. It might not be possible to save your relationship, but at least you will feel less helpless and more empowered.

Good luck and all the best

[transam]

Folk l know in LOS read this forum, soooooooo hmmmmmmm. But l will say most farangs ''I'' know are being or have been fleeced. Sad l know but it is true. Some know and carry on in the hope it will go away, but it won't.

Me, angry at stuff, ladies pulled from the floor of sex bars, given lives, and shaft the saviour.

If that is the case then you must be lucky to be the only one who escaped this ordeal.

Who knows what my future holds .

[meom]

No it's not. What is it about westerners trying to apply a logic that's based on generosity, integrity and decency to a situation where you perceive, wrongly, that the logic of the person, that's shown you complete and utter disrespect for the above listed qualities, in some way matches yours? It doesn't. The very fact that she's done what she's done obviates the opposite. Don't you guys get it? You are dealing with a hunter/gatherer mindset. I'm sorry if that upsets some people on here but that's what it is; a survival at all costs, no matter what it takes mindset. What she's really thinking is this; he is weak, his heart is soft and I've got away with what I've done to embarass him. I'll put up with him because I'm still being afforded a very nice life style. She was boffing some other guy in a long ongoing situation. Ask yourself this; do you think she actually respects you? All this talk about love and making up is twaddle. If there's no respect or integrity then there's no love. How can there be? You are now just going through the motions for the sake of the kids and you should be congratulated and respected for that. However you are, mistakenly, rewarding her for her deceit. You are trying to paper over the cracks with trinkets and baubels; expensive holidays, gifts and dinners. But what you are still seeing, every time you look at her, is a person that has no respect for you and what you are feeling inside, sorry to say, is low self esteem because of this. Your way of dealing with this is through alcohol. Ask youself this; how would a Thai man have dealt with this situation? Well, we know what the answer to that is and it's not very nice to think about is it? This situation won't improve and do you know why? Because all you are doing is trying to please someone else at your own expense. Life is short my friend; how long will you go on being miserable just to make someone else happy?

We're talking about sex.

With your western logic you probably assume sex, love and making up goes hand in hand and sometimes it does but in this case there's nothing wrong with the OP having a romp with somebody he used to love just for the sake of sex. It might sound shallow but it beats having to pay for it and old jeans never wear out.

[needforspeed]

No it's not. What is it about westerners trying to apply a logic that's based on generosity, integrity and decency to a situation where you perceive, wrongly, that the logic of the person, that's shown you complete and utter disrespect for the above listed qualities, in some way matches yours? It doesn't. The very fact that she's done what she's done obviates the opposite. Don't you guys get it? You are dealing with a hunter/gatherer mindset. I'm sorry if that upsets some people on here but that's what it is; a survival at all costs, no matter what it takes mindset. What she's really thinking is this; he is weak, his heart is soft and I've got away with what I've done to embarass him. I'll put up with him because I'm still being afforded a very nice life style. She was boffing some other guy in a long ongoing situation. Ask yourself this; do you think she actually respects you? All this talk about love and making up is twaddle. If there's no respect or integrity then there's no love. How can there be? You are now just going through the motions for the sake of the kids and you should be congratulated and respected for that. However you are, mistakenly, rewarding her for her deceit. You are trying to paper over the cracks with trinkets and baubels; expensive holidays, gifts and dinners. But what you are still seeing, every time you look at her, is a person that has no respect for you and what you are feeling inside, sorry to say, is low self esteem because of this. Your way of dealing with this is through alcohol. Ask youself this; how would a Thai man have dealt with this situation? Well, we know what the answer to that is and it's not very nice to think about is it? This situation won't improve and do you know why? Because all you are doing is trying to please someone else at your own expense. Life is short my friend; how long will you go on being miserable just to make someone else happy?

We're talking about sex.

With your western logic you probably assume sex, love and making up goes hand in hand and sometimes it does but in this case there's nothing wrong with the OP having a romp with somebody he used to love just for the sake of sex. It might sound shallow but it beats having to pay for it and old jeans never wear out.

Survival at all costs, I made the choice to live my life for the children and if that means a life together with my children’s mother so be it. The message from me to her was very clear; our sexual relationship is damage and maybe in-repairable damage, the only reasons I stayed where was 1)the children and 2)her performance as a mother for the children. Off course I can’t look into the future and have no idea what that is going to bring us, especially after the problems it seems like we just started a new fragile and unstable relationship. I get so much good things from my children that it is fine with me to make some concessions, but not at all costs I agree with you on this.

If she Respect me, can’t give you a answer on that question as I don’t know. As long as she is a good mother, take care of me (except my sexual needs what isn’t a problem to get that outside the door), let me feel that she respect me for being a father for the children. At this point i don’t ask for more and this is enough for me to continue with her. I asked myself the question “is it important for me if she respects me for real or by good acting” sometime it is better not to spoiled a good lie by knowing the trued, special as she isn’t so important for me anymore as my heart stopped crying few months ago and i am looking at this with less feeling and emotion.

And yes maybe I was and are wrong with the decision I made and going to make.

[Livinginexile]

No it's not. What is it about westerners trying to apply a logic that's based on generosity, integrity and decency to a situation where you perceive, wrongly, that the logic of the person, that's shown you complete and utter disrespect for the above listed qualities, in some way matches yours? It doesn't. The very fact that she's done what she's done obviates the opposite. Don't you guys get it? You are dealing with a hunter/gatherer mindset. I'm sorry if that upsets some people on here but that's what it is; a survival at all costs, no matter what it takes mindset. What she's really thinking is this; he is weak, his heart is soft and I've got away with what I've done to embarass him. I'll put up with him because I'm still being afforded a very nice life style. She was boffing some other guy in a long ongoing situation. Ask yourself this; do you think she actually respects you? All this talk about love and making up is twaddle. If there's no respect or integrity then there's no love. How can there be? You are now just going through the motions for the sake of the kids and you should be congratulated and respected for that. However you are, mistakenly, rewarding her for her deceit. You are trying to paper over the cracks with trinkets and baubels; expensive holidays, gifts and dinners. But what you are still seeing, every time you look at her, is a person that has no respect for you and what you are feeling inside, sorry to say, is low self esteem because of this. Your way of dealing with this is through alcohol. Ask youself this; how would a Thai man have dealt with this situation? Well, we know what the answer to that is and it's not very nice to think about is it? This situation won't improve and do you know why? Because all you are doing is trying to please someone else at your own expense. Life is short my friend; how long will you go on being miserable just to make someone else happy?

We're talking about sex.

With your western logic you probably assume sex, love and making up goes hand in hand and sometimes it does but in this case there's nothing wrong with the OP having a romp with somebody he used to love just for the sake of sex. It might sound shallow but it beats having to pay for it and old jeans never wear out.

Survival at all costs, I made the choice to live my life for the children and if that means a life together with my children’s mother so be it. The message from me to her was very clear; our sexual relationship is damage and maybe in-repairable damage, the only reasons I stayed where was 1)the children and 2)her performance as a mother for the children. Off course I can’t look into the future and have no idea what that is going to bring us, especially after the problems it seems like we just started a new fragile and unstable relationship. I get so much good things from my children that it is fine with me to make some concessions, but not at all costs I agree with you on this.

If she Respect me, can’t give you a answer on that question as I don’t know. As long as she is a good mother, take care of me (except my sexual needs what isn’t a problem to get that outside the door), let me feel that she respect me for being a father for the children. At this point i don’t ask for more and this is enough for me to continue with her. I asked myself the question “is it important for me if she respects me for real or by good acting” sometime it is better not to spoiled a good lie by knowing the trued, special as she isn’t so important for me anymore as my heart stopped crying few months ago and i am looking at this with less feeling and emotion.

And yes maybe I was and are wrong with the decision I made and going to make.

My goodness, what a sad miserable situation to be in!

You say it's for the children but in actual fact you would be helping the children no end if you took control and started a new life.

The children would suffer far more having to grow up in a loveless, unfaithful and disfunctional household. At the end of the day, they will resent and hate you for putting yourself before their needs and welfare.

You are enduring this situation for purely selfish reasons and not doing this for the sake of your children.

How very sad

Edited October 24, 2011 by Livinginexile

[anon7867763]

Thanks for your response:

Few thinks letters are from a 6 months period, seems to me that they see each other for about 3 times when i am gone, he knows about our children and she told him that i am her husband(why i dont know).

Yes do a medical as well.

You mentioned before that you saw in a letter that they needed each other to live ? If they only see each other 3 times a month I don't think that is so unless he is a travelling type aswell.Also if she tells him you are her hudsband she is maybe making a statement that she doesn't want to loose / leave you or she is saving face as Thais want to husband/wife

Thanks

[KeyserSoze01]

No it's not. What is it about westerners trying to apply a logic that's based on generosity, integrity and decency to a situation where you perceive, wrongly, that the logic of the person, that's shown you complete and utter disrespect for the above listed qualities, in some way matches yours? It doesn't. The very fact that she's done what she's done obviates the opposite. Don't you guys get it? You are dealing with a hunter/gatherer mindset. I'm sorry if that upsets some people on here but that's what it is; a survival at all costs, no matter what it takes mindset. What she's really thinking is this; he is weak, his heart is soft and I've got away with what I've done to embarass him. I'll put up with him because I'm still being afforded a very nice life style. She was boffing some other guy in a long ongoing situation. Ask yourself this; do you think she actually respects you? All this talk about love and making up is twaddle. If there's no respect or integrity then there's no love. How can there be? You are now just going through the motions for the sake of the kids and you should be congratulated and respected for that. However you are, mistakenly, rewarding her for her deceit. You are trying to paper over the cracks with trinkets and baubels; expensive holidays, gifts and dinners. But what you are still seeing, every time you look at her, is a person that has no respect for you and what you are feeling inside, sorry to say, is low self esteem because of this. Your way of dealing with this is through alcohol. Ask youself this; how would a Thai man have dealt with this situation? Well, we know what the answer to that is and it's not very nice to think about is it? This situation won't improve and do you know why? Because all you are doing is trying to please someone else at your own expense. Life is short my friend; how long will you go on being miserable just to make someone else happy?

We're talking about sex.

With your western logic you probably assume sex, love and making up goes hand in hand and sometimes it does but in this case there's nothing wrong with the OP having a romp with somebody he used to love just for the sake of sex. It might sound shallow but it beats having to pay for it and old jeans never wear out.

Survival at all costs, I made the choice to live my life for the children and if that means a life together with my children’s mother so be it. The message from me to her was very clear; our sexual relationship is damage and maybe in-repairable damage, the only reasons I stayed where was 1)the children and 2)her performance as a mother for the children. Off course I can’t look into the future and have no idea what that is going to bring us, especially after the problems it seems like we just started a new fragile and unstable relationship. I get so much good things from my children that it is fine with me to make some concessions, but not at all costs I agree with you on this.

If she Respect me, can’t give you a answer on that question as I don’t know. As long as she is a good mother, take care of me (except my sexual needs what isn’t a problem to get that outside the door), let me feel that she respect me for being a father for the children. At this point i don’t ask for more and this is enough for me to continue with her. I asked myself the question “is it important for me if she respects me for real or by good acting” sometime it is better not to spoiled a good lie by knowing the trued, special as she isn’t so important for me anymore as my heart stopped crying few months ago and i am looking at this with less feeling and emotion.

And yes maybe I was and are wrong with the decision I made and going to make.

My goodness, what a sad miserable situation to be in!

You say it's for the children but in actual fact you would be helping the children no end if you took control and started a new life.

The children would suffer far more having to grow up in a loveless, unfaithful and disfunctional household. At the end of the day, they will resent and hate you for putting yourself before their needs and welfare.

You are enduring this situation for purely selfish reasons and not doing this for the sake of your children.

How very sad

Why is it sad? This is a similar situation to most married couples that have been together for many years. The couple stays together for the sake of the children and a variety of other reasons which they justify among themselves. As long as everyone's needs are being met, both on and out of the bedroom and the children are happy and well balanced, then I say no harm, no foul. He plays away and she does too, as long as it doesn't cause anyone a loss of face. Who are we to judge the OP or his situation?

[MEGALITHIC]

No it's not. What is it about westerners trying to apply a logic that's based on generosity, integrity and decency to a situation where you perceive, wrongly, that the logic of the person, that's shown you complete and utter disrespect for the above listed qualities, in some way matches yours? It doesn't. The very fact that she's done what she's done obviates the opposite. Don't you guys get it? You are dealing with a hunter/gatherer mindset. I'm sorry if that upsets some people on here but that's what it is; a survival at all costs, no matter what it takes mindset. What she's really thinking is this; he is weak, his heart is soft and I've got away with what I've done to embarass him. I'll put up with him because I'm still being afforded a very nice life style. She was boffing some other guy in a long ongoing situation. Ask yourself this; do you think she actually respects you? All this talk about love and making up is twaddle. If there's no respect or integrity then there's no love. How can there be? You are now just going through the motions for the sake of the kids and you should be congratulated and respected for that. However you are, mistakenly, rewarding her for her deceit. You are trying to paper over the cracks with trinkets and baubels; expensive holidays, gifts and dinners. But what you are still seeing, every time you look at her, is a person that has no respect for you and what you are feeling inside, sorry to say, is low self esteem because of this. Your way of dealing with this is through alcohol. Ask youself this; how would a Thai man have dealt with this situation? Well, we know what the answer to that is and it's not very nice to think about is it? This situation won't improve and do you know why? Because all you are doing is trying to please someone else at your own expense. Life is short my friend; how long will you go on being miserable just to make someone else happy?

We're talking about sex.

With your western logic you probably assume sex, love and making up goes hand in hand and sometimes it does but in this case there's nothing wrong with the OP having a romp with somebody he used to love just for the sake of sex. It might sound shallow but it beats having to pay for it and old jeans never wear out.

You might be talking about sex but I certainly wasn't. What I was talking about is the guys self respect and not weakening his position. And, no, I don't think that love and sex go hand in hand; that is a rather naive concept. I also believe that most people who think they are in love are only in love with the idea of being love. What he's doing now is exactly the right thing to do; having a romp with her will undermine his position and allow her to think that she hasn't really done anything wrong (This is not about the fact that she was bonking some other guy while he was overseas working, it's about the lack of loyalty and respect for what he was doing for her to improve her life). So, what do you do? Allow someone to spit in your face at your hard earned effort? Because that's what it is if you allow your emotions to take control of the situation; you will weaken and give in. As soon as you start having sex with a woman she starts getting the idea that you owe her something because she's allowed you access to her property (body). It's the age old psychological war of the sexes at work; you don't get something for nothing. That's what a relationship is all about; a man wants a stable situation with a regular partner with sex on tap and a woman wants security ie; food, clothing and shelter. That's how it's been for centuries and nothing's changed. And if any man in this country is naive enough to think that it's anything else other than this then you better make sure you've got a very healthy bank account. Yes, needforepeed is in a tough situation and it's not going to get any easier for him but, at the end of the day, it's the path he's chosen for himself. If he plans to continue on that path I think he'd be much better off sitting down with her and giving it to her straight between the eyes so there's no grey areas: 1. He's only staying on for the childrens benefit. 2. He can forgive her for what she's done but he's not interested in restarting a real relationship with her. 3. If he wants sex he'll go outside to get it. 4. If she wants sex she can go and see her boyfriend.

[theblether]

There have been about 450 replies to you topic and I believe it's been ongoing for over a year. I haven't had time to read the whole topic but I believe the gist of it is that you are an offshore worker, and your wife has been unfaithful.

The most recent replies indicate that you are in a sexless marriage and that you are struggling with various problems such as depression and over indulgence in alcohol.

It also seems to be the case that you are putting the needs of your children to the fore and that is very laudable...............assuming that I have the gist of the story correct my advice to you is........

You need to make time for yourself.......I can imagine how difficult it is for you to head offshore knowing that your wife has a history of infidelity, even if she is no longer messing around it will still mess with your head when your out on the rigs. When you are at home I believe you will be very tense. It seems to me you are living a life of constant mental torture.

Every child desires a strong, confident Dad, I get the impression that you have been that kind of Dad for a long time, but by your own admission you have been a little bit shaky recently ( understandably so ).

You need time to yourself......the next time you come off the rigs delay going home by a couple of days, and go do something you enjoy. That may be fishing, golfing, whatever. ( some guys may suggest go chasing women but that can bring other problems, but up to you ). Marriage is not meant to be a prison sentence but I get the impression that is what you are enduring at the moment. A lot more men than you could ever believe will recognize the phrase " mental torture " in connection with the end of their marriages, and the subsequent divorce.

You seem determined to try to save your marriage, that is commendable, however you need to strengthen yourself and your own self worth. You will feel better for it, your kids will be better for it, and you will see the true state of things more clearly. I am not suggesting in any way shape of form that you look to end your marriage, that is a most private decision and not one that should be induced by a stranger on the internet as I am. However I am suggesting that you need to become happier in yourself, and stronger in yourself. Take a little bit of time out for yourself every month.

If I have misread your situation I apologize, however I wish you all the best.

[needforspeed]

There have been about 450 replies to you topic and I believe it's been ongoing for over a year. I haven't had time to read the whole topic but I believe the gist of it is that you are an offshore worker, and your wife has been unfaithful.

The most recent replies indicate that you are in a sexless marriage and that you are struggling with various problems such as depression and over indulgence in alcohol.

It also seems to be the case that you are putting the needs of your children to the fore and that is very laudable...............assuming that I have the gist of the story correct my advice to you is........

You need to make time for yourself.......I can imagine how difficult it is for you to head offshore knowing that your wife has a history of infidelity, even if she is no longer messing around it will still mess with your head when your out on the rigs. When you are at home I believe you will be very tense. It seems to me you are living a life of constant mental torture.

Every child desires a strong, confident Dad, I get the impression that you have been that kind of Dad for a long time, but by your own admission you have been a little bit shaky recently ( understandably so ).

You need time to yourself......the next time you come off the rigs delay going home by a couple of days, and go do something you enjoy. That may be fishing, golfing, whatever. ( some guys may suggest go chasing women but that can bring other problems, but up to you ). Marriage is not meant to be a prison sentence but I get the impression that is what you are enduring at the moment. A lot more men than you could ever believe will recognize the phrase " mental torture " in connection with the end of their marriages, and the subsequent divorce.

You seem determined to try to save your marriage, that is commendable, however you need to strengthen yourself and your own self worth. You will feel better for it, your kids will be better for it, and you will see the true state of things more clearly. I am not suggesting in any way shape of form that you look to end your marriage, that is a most private decision and not one that should be induced by a stranger on the internet as I am. However I am suggesting that you need to become happier in yourself, and stronger in yourself. Take a little bit of time out for yourself every month.

If I have misread your situation I apologize, however I wish you all the best.

Thanks a lot TB

Been taken some time for myself from the day i finish my alcohol abuse, playing more golf, walking in the park and in town, play some darts and following a language course.

Again thanks for this helpful advice.

[needforspeed]

We married

[NeverSure]

They are not legaly married so it would be kidnapping seems to me a very high risk thing to do, better sort things out and work out something with the GF.

Who knows the letters are not even her?

Never think about kidnapping as she takes care my children very well and they love her, letters are from her as i know her Thai hand writing

You have letters she wrote in her handwriting. Did she not send them, then, or did she keep copies or... ??

Do you have letters from him?

Are you able to read and copy her emails?

[NeverSure]

NFS, I've been reading this thread a few days now but haven't been able to post since I was banned on TV for 3 days after posting something that we are not allowed to talk about in politics.

But anyway, now that I'm back I would like you to know that I feel your pain.

First of all, I'm very sorry for you about your situation. I myself is working outside Thailand and only comes home every 3 months or so. I cannot imagine if such thing will happen to me, I think I will fall apart and I admire you because you can actually handle it.

Until now, I haven't got any reason to suspect on my wife. She stays home with my mother in law and 2 kids and she is busy of her business which is also home based but of course things like what happened to you can also happen to anyone. This thread has made me aware althought this is not happening to me, well at least not now, but I have learned from your experience that things like this do happen.

Don't worry time will heal the wounds and it will only get better for you now. For the sake of the kids keep your self intact.

Good luck to you and thank you for sharing your experience. I'm sure that many members here in TV will learn from it.

Welcome back.

I was at first shocked, but now accept, that in a Thai village, at least in Isaan, infidelity seems to be accepted. The woman will do it. Everyone in the village will know it. Even the "victim" may know it, unless it's an absent ATM machine and then he won't know it.

It just seems to be accepted, especially against a farang.

The OP, if able to dig deeply enough, might find out that this is the tip of the iceberg. Of course I don't know this particular situation, but infidelity is rampant with both male and female.

This could be good or bad for the OP. The gal may love him, but just screw around. Or she may love only his ATM card. TIT.

[rene123]

I just realized that this is a 2 year old topic, but the story continues. My only observation is that nothing lasts forever, except possibly love for your children. Try to look at the bright side of the problem. You DO have 3 children that you love and would not have had if you hadn't married this woman. What happened to you has happened to untold numbers of people all over the world. The North American divorce rate is around 50 percent, and of the remaining 50 percent still together, only a much smaller percentage are truly happy. You can have a heart to heart talk with your children when they are old enough to understand. And, they WILL understand that you can love them and not love your wife or ex-wife.

And, there is lots more fruit on the tree. Men are lucky that they can still choose young women as a partner. Women understand that they have a limited time period while they are still attractive to the opposite sex.

As others have already suggested, get your financial affairs in order and slowly start cutting off supplies to anything other than the children. Surprisingly enough you CAN start learning to love your independence and being single.

[smokie36]

We married

Congratulations!

[StreetCowboy]

We married

Congratulations!

Great to hear. Very best wishes fotr a long and happy future together

SC

[diddums]

We married

Congratulations!

Great to hear. Very best wishes fotr a long and happy future together

SC

Part II

Whom was best man ?