Need Advice Regarding Custody Of My Daughter

[bread]

I can see your plight the same as I get its the lies that have no foundation or substance that I can't stand c411um.

I don't understand why they have to do it.

Along the lines of the phone story I have had broken electronic dictionaries, broken phones, broken computers all of which on further inspection work. I have had sick Children, sick parents, sick sister stories at least once a month so much so I can already predict the out come of some stories before they all ready get told eg. the phone call from Thailand the tears/not wanting to talk "whats wrong darling" I would say and then inevitably out would come the bull sh*t.

Also all I get is "when I go all you want is to look hoy look noum" "why you butterfly" e.t.c

c411um you know why I think you are a good bloke is Even now you are trying to help her with the DVD's just shows why f****ing bother it really makes my blood boil.

bread

[anon345535]

i think it just makes them feel better bread. they know what they have done/are doing is wrong, my ex even admitted she was now a bad person and mother but never took any steps to change that. now i just tell her what she seemingly wants to hear but when i say she has had sex with more people in 3 weeks than i have in 5 years and she has been out drinking more times in 3 weeks than i have in 2 years that seems to shut her up every time. it's just a class issue i think.

i will get phone calls from her on the house phone. when i answer she will hang up. she only does it to see if i am at home. sometimes she doesn't hang up and strangely asks me where i am? lol. she is a lost cause.

8 days until mediation. a huge part of my problems can be solved on that day. considering she has no money to pay a lawyer she would be extremely stupid not to attend.

[bread]

You see I am not sure they do know or have the foresight to see what they are doing is wrong.

I wonder after telling my wife repeatedly that her behaviour is inconsiderate and selfish and that if she still does the same things again and again I will leave her she still does it.

I think stupidity is defined from not learning from ones actions and this seems to be the case.

bread

[MikeyIdea]

Monday is the day isn't it? Don't soften up C411um, always talk in terms of the child, what is best for the child, be short, be matter-of-fact and be tough, don't give in easily and ask your lawyer for advice if you feel you need. Good Luck

I thought I opened up a thread about that my daughters mother hadn't come home yet when I was going to go to work in the morning. This happened on Friday last week and I had to take Idea to Central World of all places - Right where the red shirt protests are. Can't find it now... Did I forget to click post? Was it deleted?

Anyway, I was appalled by the lack of responsibility and wasn't in the mood for being tactical for several days, I had some help by a relative of the mother, and would you believe it, I now sit with a paper in my hand that state that I have sole custody of Idea

Wow…

[MikeyIdea]

And here comes the tears but never mind, they are of happiness

[Boo]

Great news for you mikey. I'll look for your post but doubt it was deleted just could be that you either didn't press post or it got lost in the cyber-ether.

[Boo]

nope, nothing in the posting history & nothing in trash. Just got lost I think. Congratluations again & good luck to C411um for Monday

[cdmtdm]

i think it just makes them feel better bread. they know what they have done/are doing is wrong, my ex even admitted she was now a bad person and mother but never took any steps to change that. now i just tell her what she seemingly wants to hear but when i say she has had sex with more people in 3 weeks than i have in 5 years and she has been out drinking more times in 3 weeks than i have in 2 years that seems to shut her up every time. it's just a class issue i think.

i will get phone calls from her on the house phone. when i answer she will hang up. she only does it to see if i am at home. sometimes she doesn't hang up and strangely asks me where i am? lol. she is a lost cause.

8 days until mediation. a huge part of my problems can be solved on that day. considering she has no money to pay a lawyer she would be extremely stupid not to attend.

Your a good man c4 ..... good luck and all the best on Monday mate ...

Cheers CdM

[SantiSuk]

Just in case anyone is using the material in the earlier part of the posting as a template, I don't think that you need to get a child's Thai birth certificate legalised (the Chaeng Wattana Ministry of Finance bit) after its translation into English when applying for a British passport (maybe you did need it for other purposes though). The translation agency might tell you that you do, but the British Embassy told me not and accepted our application last week without such.

The translation agency also told me I would need to get my own birth certificate legalised after they had translated it for purposes of a Tabien Bann Luang. The Amphur told me not necessary (but I know Amphurs differ on their requirements for this document). This one has not stood the proof of the pudding test yet though!

Sorry to interrupt a gripping saga. We are all with you mate - specially those of us with young Thai daughters who may be thinking therefore but the grace of God...

[anon345535]

21st mikey...

it's mediation but if she turns up it could be all over. she is in korat atm...

i am pleased you are now the one that has sole custody of your daughter. can i ask mikey, is that now the end for you and your gf/wife?

[anon345535]

Well, to my surprise she did attend mediation today albeit nearly two hour late. It would of all finished today as we came to an agreement but the judge needed to sign it decided it should go to a hearing. My lawyer has said it won't change anything that has been signed and agreed by all concerned.

I will go into more detail when I have a better keyboard at my disposal and I am not so tired.

What did we agree on? I take care of my daughter from Sunday night - Saturday morning paying all expenses and her mother has Saturday morning - Sunday night

RESULT!!

EDIT* 100th post in this topic. milestone

[makescents]

Congratulations mate, well done.

[Boo]

well done & yet more proof that western fathers can get fair treatment as long as they keep their head & follow the process

[anon345535]

went to court today for the final time. we was the second case to be heard. as i took the witness stand my ex still hadn't arrived. after i was sworn in she arrived 90 minutes late.

the final outcome was agreed (begrudgingly on my part) that i collect my daughter after school on monday and take care of her until her mother collects her after school on friday. my ex said she wanted this as she didn't want to see me or speak to me any more. bitterness aside we have a daughter together, personally i think it's very important that we can talk when needed. i'm not overly happy with the result but will persevere. leaving the country with my daughter by whatever means seems to be the likely outcome of all this, but that is months/years away.

on friday it was my daughters birthday, i had problems getting her the cake she wanted due to the curfew and shops closing early. i eventually succeeded. after arriving home from central with my daughter, lots of wrapped presents and her cake we opened her presents and played with them for a while. she was desperate to light the candles on her birthday cake and i had arranged for a couple of the neighbours to bring their children over to sing happy birthday to her and blow out her candles. i quickly went upstairs for a shower and when i came down i asked my daughter if she wanted to get her mum so she could sing happy birthday as well (even though she never called or came to see her). she didn't want to but i quickly talked her into it saying it would only take ten minutes. when we got there she wasn't home but arrived shortly after (2 minutes). i told her to bring our daughter to the house now as the candles were ready to be lit on the cake. i got home expecting them in 5 minutes, i never saw my daughter for 4 days. she got straight in the car and drove to Korat.

i didn't even think about it till a little later but i just drove off without saying goodbye as i didn't think i needed to and the look on my daughters face will stay with me for a long time i think. she was desperate to blow out the candles on her cake and she must of said it to her mum many times over the next few hours. i feel really sorry for her that she'll have to spend much of her childhood being passed from pillar to post, spending 50% of her time with complete idiots that use her as a trophy. she always comes back sick as her mum lets anyone and everyone touch her even though my daughter hates this. she now says "don't touch me please!" whenever she's with me and i enforce that people don't touch her.

anyway, after court my ex said she wanted my daughter to stay with her for another week as my daughter was sick. legally there was nothing i could do, but i told her to phone her sister and tell her i am coming to get my daughter and she will be leaving with me. when i arrived she had a really sad look on her face as she was dressed in school uniform, but how could i send her to school today? i asked her before we got in the car if she wanted to stay there with her mum and cousins (both of a similar age) "no, i want to go home with daddy!". it makes me laugh as yesterday was her first day back at school but she wasn't there as i went to check, it was far more important to sit on the floor in korat being molested by everyone and watching thai pantomime tv but they have the cheek to imply i send her to school immediately after picking her up after everything we've been through in the last few months?

we went home a played instead!

to be continued.....

p.s

a big thank you to everyone for all the help and advice and for basically reading my ramblings over the last 5-6 months. it would have been a far more difficult task without you all and it's very much appreciated!!

c411um & jamie:

[sarahsbloke]

I think you expectations are unrealistic.

The court says she gets the kid Friday afternoon until Monday afternoon.

So why did you expect to have an evening birthday party on a Friday?

Don't try to see your daughter in the ex-wifes times and the ex won't get to play all the games.

Have her birthday party in your alloted time or be prepared to be upset. Same with all other activities, move the dates to fit your custody dates.

[anon345535]

I think you expectations are unrealistic.

The court says she gets the kid Friday afternoon until Monday afternoon.

So why did you expect to have an evening birthday party on a Friday?

Don't try to see your daughter in the ex-wifes times and the ex won't get to play all the games.

Have her birthday party in your alloted time or be prepared to be upset. Same with all other activities, move the dates to fit your custody dates.

thanks for the advice. you'll notice that i went to court TODAY which is TUESDAY. whereas my daughters birthday was on FRIDAY. if you read back to my previous post where i stated we agreed i had sunday night to saturday morning, so that's why i expected to have a party for my daughter as FRIDAY fell within my period of custody.

do you really think i would organise a party for my daughter when it fell into her mothers custody period?

[MikeyIdea]

Hi Proud Daddy,

Formally a daddy, congratulations

So the mother pulled out a trick and got more… Friday afternoon until Monday afternoon but how much was agreed money wise? You pay school and hospital fees and how much per month? 3,100, 4000?

I still expect this; The mother loves Jamie but if you are hard on school and timeliness and most of all, money, then the mother will sooner rather than later not be able to keep up. She doesn’t have the discipline. Give her no freebees whatsoever and I think she will lose interest.

There are some things you do not have to accept now. You are the father! Remember my friends custody case I wrote about in January? The 6 year old daughter told the father that the mother let the 2 children sleep with someone else sometimes. The father confronted the mother – If the mother cannot take care of the children, then she is to hand them over to the father. The father does not allow the children to sleep with someone else, full stop. No, that applies to relatives of the mother too, full stop. The father now has the children from Thursday afternoon instead of the original Saturday morning until Sunday evening. It is slipping… As I expect that it will also in your case if you are hard.

You pay the school, talk to them. Tell them the rules you as legal father have (and show the court papers to prove your status). The father or the mother and NO ONE else is allowed to fetch the child on Fridays. If someone else tries to fetch the child without your consent then the school is to refuse that person and call you and you will come and fetch (I only live 10 minutes away…). I did that at my daughters school and, as they wanted my money, they accepted – Actually, I told them I didn’t allow the mother to fetch the child and they accepted that too. I expect the school Jamie goes to will do the same, they want your money. Also request that the school take note of who leaves the child on Monday morning and important, at what time. Make them a small form to fill in perhaps.

You can demand that your daughter is sent to school every day (that she is not sick). But the mother probably doesn’t have the discipline to keep it up, get it down on paper so that you have evidence. The father in my friends custody case checks that the 2 children are sent to school in time every day and he calls and demands explanation for every day the children did not go to school. The mother therefore takes them to school everyday now… And in time…

I am not saying that you go on being this strict forever, but the strictness doesn’t suit the personality of the mother I think; I give the mother max 3 months before she will start to slip, bored with the Fridays and the Mondays

Wasn’t it the mothers sister or other relative who lived close by? Jamie should only be sleeping there if the mother is also sleeping there. If the mother is out on her honourable night time job making money and doesn’t come back until the morning, then Jamie should sleep with you. Be hard and the mother will start to slip.

I have encouraged my daughters mother a lot and sometimes I wish I hadn’t. I think my recommendation to you is to just make the very best you can as a father and sod what the mother does. Let the mother make Jamie disappointed, it doesn’t matter as long as you are good. You are her primary role model. Jamie will show more and more that she doesn’t want to be with the mother and that’s a bad feeling for any mother, she will get bored and will start to slip

Just keep up being the best father you can and the mother will never be able to keep up

[anon345535]

hi mikey,

i don't have to pay any money p/m as she never asked for any... doh! of course i pay educational fees and medical expenses. it's funny (well not really) that she wanted to do it this way (collecting her from school on friday, dropping her off on monday) as she said "i don't want to see or speak to you anymore". the very next day she called me and asked me to buy her a new phone. when i refused she said that if i don',she won't answer my calls anymore. she has been sending me lots of silly texts recently about how she loves me and she wants to live as a family again. she is living with her sister, has no job and probably has made no attempt to find a job either which is no doubt why i have been getting these texts as she has no money. either way it doesn't matter to me, i have no feelings for the woman whatsoever.

when i spoke to her at the beginning of the week i mentioned a friend of mine was coming to bkk this weekend for the world cup. the very next day she called and said she wouldn't be able to take jamie this weekend as she "had to do something". so probably either had a new boyfriend to entertain or was just trying to be awkward and mess my weekend up probably thinking i was meeting a new woman. well unbeknown to her i would rather look after my daughter and know where she is/what she is doing than go out in bkk and get drunk watching football surrounded by men. today she called and told me it wasn't necessary to look after jamie this weekend as "the football is starting and you won't be able to take care of jamie properly" lol

in regards to what you have also mentioned mikey, i was planning on doing something like that but was thinking of how to go about it. i have the judgement in writing now so i will arrange to speak to the head teacher on tuesday and ask that only her mother collects her from school and i'll draw up a little form for them so they can fill in who takes her to school on monday's and at what time. where she is staying atm (with her sister) is just on the otherside of the school wall, a casual 5 minute stroll at most. of course her sister drives there every day:)

[MikeyIdea]

Hi,

You have an agreement that outlines the possession of the child and NO money to the mother? That's unusual, please confirm that. As good as it is, I think that is a little stupid pride coupled with not a little "I want to make up again" from the mothers side. She knew that she had lost (since long actually, she said that she would have no chance against you a long time ago) and the apology means a lot in Thailand, she hoped that you would pick up on it and help her. I think her impression of you is that you are a kind person. She missed the part where she taught you to be harder maybe, like my wife… The mother loves Jamie too, she deserves no help of course but if she tries to and can use her visitation rights on some of the weekends, then good I think. Jamie will easily choose you as role model anyway.

Picking up Jamie That's just pride, she's a child. She has no weapons left and she throws what she has blindly hoping to get or force to get something in return. Being a woman, jealousy and revenge will influence her actions pretty often… I feel sorry for her, she's been an absolute bitch and even worse, she's been bad for Jamie too but she is now thoroughly down on her knees. She's not going to learn too much from what has happened though and not change much either so no use to patch things up of course. She's done what she's done and she'll have to take the consequences. Just wait until you get a new girlfriend Now that will set her on fire, beware of flying objects…

You can force only mother fetches the child at school, the mother can fetch her at your place when she comes home if she can't do it at school, you can and should force that Jamie only sleeps at the sisters place if the mother also sleeps there, I expect the mother will try that and I think you should be hard on not allowing it.

Looking Good! Let's see how long it takes before the mother starts to slip

Congratulations

[anon345535]

No money whatsoever goes to the mother. Of course that still means as far as my daughter is concerned i will be paying for everything. I don't know if that's unusual, i'll take your word for that. Maybe her saying in court that she doesn't want to see me or speak to me ever again didn't help her cause:)

I will help her out from time to time when i feel she deserves it but not when she demands it. The lawyer said give her money 1/10 times she asks for it, write it down and get her to sign for it:)

[MikeyIdea]

I don't think that Juvenile Court has any problems whatsoever to ensure that a needing and good mother gets paid the legal minimum. And advice her of it if she doesn't know. If that is what they want to do... What happened here I think was that all parties were very aware of who was the better parent for the child (except the mother) and since the mother didn't ask for it, nothing was said or written about it. The judges don't like childish mothers and mothers who don't understand that the parents have to work together for the best of the child. I often advice: Don't say anything that isn't in the best interest of the child. Well, she did...

The mother has been an absolute idiot. But she loves Jamie too. Occasionally, very occasionally, give her a small amount of money - but only when she is to have Jamie, money is strictly for the mother to be able to visit Jamie. You're a good guy Cal.

Enjoy life with Jamie, treasure every minute, times flies by so quickly and you can't turn back the clock. Before you know it, she'll be 4 and then she'll be 5 and then... Think of it, you're the lucky one after all, the mother can't even shape up enough to make her own daughter love her.

Hug her often

[anon345535]

I just received a phone call from the mother telling me Jamie cried all night because she wanted to be with me and has been asking to see me all morning. Now, if this was me, i wouldn't of said anything and would work a bit harder to alter things. Maybe she was lying? Her mother is there, also her two cousins of a similar age, but she wants to come and see her dad?

Jamie doesn't like talking on the phone, so at weekends i never call to speak to her for the fear of rejection lol. Her mum calls 2-3 times a week but Jamie will never speak to her and puts her hands over her ears in defiance, i don't encourage this but at the same time i won't force her to talk to her mum. However, Jamie seems to want to talk to me on the phone, i have just spoken to her twice in 10 minutes.

only a little thing but it certainly makes me feel good...