They Sure Do Get In Yer Head!

[chunkyjack]

Ive been over to thailand 4 times now after meeting a girl on my first trip last year.

Since then weve been in touch with each other EVERY day by phonecalls, sms messaages and emails. I recently got back from my last trip last week when we decided that we should apply for a visa for her and I plan to go back in July.

But looking at forums etc I just think that Im heading straight into dangerous waters open eyed and cant do anything about it.

Dont get me wrong she really is a lovely girl although I have this nagging feeling that something isnt quite right. She tells me she loves me and buys ME presents... she really does sms and email me alot and she even calls me a few times a week.

Im not sure if its just the amount of horror stories Ive heard about from other people who have been had over or what.

She took me to meet her parents a few weeks ago when I was in Thailand, her mum cried when I asked if it was OK to take her daughter to england with me. Is taking you to meet her parents a good thing or do they do that with all their farang???

Maybe Im just being a little too over cautious, I dont really feel as if I can speak with any of my UK mates about this as they obviously have an uneducated opinion.

I dont know what to do, I feel really confused about it all, maybe I should just take a few steps back and have a think.

By the way chunkyjack doesnt mean Im fat and cant find farang girl, quite the opposite infact!! Didnt want to look like a sad loser who cant put a chick in his own country!!!

[Ajarn]

'sad loser', or not, everybody wants and deserves to be loved... And that anonymous 'sad loser' in these forums may be the person who gives you the best advice...

My only advice in such situations is to, "Follow your heart, but cover your ass". It seems that your head is on fairly straight, since you realize and accept that maybe your judgement might not always be as good as 'at home' in this quite-foreign culture... It's also important for you to try to stay centered, too, and not get overly paranoid or start seeing boggeymen everywhere.

Yes, the odds are against you, maybe. But many have found their happiness here in one form or another. The plain fact is, truly anything is possible here.

Keep your heart, mind, eyes, and ears open, and your hand firmly on your wallet.

Best to you, and I hope you'll get better advice than mine.

[easyb]

Ajaran has given you some great advice.

Take your time, take things a step at a time, understand that “truth” or “reality” can be subjective no mater where you come from and when you mix cultures some patience is due while trust is built. You might say “trust but verify” – and if things are a little out of kilter now and then apply a little understanding with the critical assessment – if they are way out of whack don’t hesitate to face facts. You just have to walk that balance of keeping your eyes open and being so paranoid you don’t give it a chance. Is that really so different than any other relationship where love is involved? Just more complex when you mix cultures. And wonderful in a way.

btw my GF & I found the book “Thailand Fever” worthwhile (it’s in Thai & English). Sure it’s a lot of generalizations but for the two of us it opened our eyes to our respective perspectives. Now we have an added way to talk about these things. The other day I asked her something about money. She responded “you know I lie you” – once I stopped laughing at the comment, delivered with a sly smile, I appreciated the depth of self-understanding. She knew quickly, as I did on reflection, that she was unable to accurately answer the question the way I’d set it up and yet her instinct was to go ahead and make something up. When we just stopped, reflected and communicated we found a middle way that respected each other’s needs and perspectives. It’s just eyes-open and hard work IMHO.

I don’t know how to assess the odds – surely they are tough if you count every guy who came for two weeks and fell in love. But best I can tell there are a lot of very happy couples out there. Good luck!

[devildog683]

the answer to this is time

and read the book Thai Fever put out by DCO

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Ive been over to thailand 4 times now after meeting a girl on my first trip last year.

Since then weve been in touch with each other EVERY day by phonecalls, sms messaages and emails. I recently got back from my last trip last week when we decided that we should apply for a visa for her and I plan to go back in July.

But looking at forums etc I just think that Im heading straight into dangerous waters open eyed and cant do anything about it.

Dont get me wrong she really is a lovely girl although I have this nagging feeling that something isnt quite right. She tells me she loves me and buys ME presents... she really does sms and email me alot and she even calls me a few times a week.

Im not sure if its just the amount of horror stories Ive heard about from other people who have been had over or what.

She took me to meet her parents a few weeks ago when I was in Thailand, her mum cried when I asked if it was OK to take her daughter to england with me. Is taking you to meet her parents a good thing or do they do that with all their farang???

Maybe Im just being a little too over cautious, I dont really feel as if I can speak with any of my UK mates about this as they obviously have an uneducated opinion.

I dont know what to do, I feel really confused about it all, maybe I should just take a few steps back and have a think.

By the way chunkyjack doesnt mean Im fat and cant find farang girl, quite the opposite infact!! Didnt want to look like a sad loser who cant put a chick in his own country!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Keep good records. Phone bills, any support you give her, photographs etc. every little helps.

[lampard10]

Ive been over to thailand 4 times now after meeting a girl on my first trip last year.

Since then weve been in touch with each other EVERY day by phonecalls, sms messaages and emails. I recently got back from my last trip last week when we decided that we should apply for a visa for her and I plan to go back in July.

But looking at forums etc I just think that Im heading straight into dangerous waters open eyed and cant do anything about it.

Dont get me wrong she really is a lovely girl although I have this nagging feeling that something isnt quite right. She tells me she loves me and buys ME presents... she really does sms and email me alot and she even calls me a few times a week.

Im not sure if its just the amount of horror stories Ive heard about from other people who have been had over or what.

She took me to meet her parents a few weeks ago when I was in Thailand, her mum cried when I asked if it was OK to take her daughter to england with me. Is taking you to meet her parents a good thing or do they do that with all their farang???

Maybe Im just being a little too over cautious, I dont really feel as if I can speak with any of my UK mates about this as they obviously have an uneducated opinion.

I dont know what to do, I feel really confused about it all, maybe I should just take a few steps back and have a think.

By the way chunkyjack doesnt mean Im fat and cant find farang girl, quite the opposite infact!! Didnt want to look like a sad loser who cant put a chick in his own country!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Don't listen to anybody.........some of them have had bad experiences and wish it on others. Make your own decisions. That way you have no-one to blame if it all goes wrong. If it does go all wrong,thats experience. If I had listened to all the crap I wouldn't be married to the wonderful woman I am now married to..Just remember for every bad one there's dozens of good ones.