Thai Parents And Their Children

[jhwest]

Hi Everyone

I know the Thai culture is that it seems and is expected that older people in the family and certainly the Grandparents to bring up the children. I would like to ask why the parent or parents seem to be totally indifferent to their children. I do not know, but do you think that the Grandparents are taken so much for granted and yes the children are very very lovable over here.

It is just in my experiences that despite and I agree in that the children come very much first in Thailand, why is it that the parents seem to spend so little time with their parents and often the children want to be with older people or Grandparents, but it is something that just really stands out.

Also just because there are Grandparents, do they not think that they too might like to go out sometime, though in my case just love taking the children whenever possible.

This is just a subject which fascinates me and one can just observe and not saying this is true of all families, but just my experiences in what I see.

[onnut]

I think it has something to do with money, the parents have to work and the grandparents have the time to take care of the kids. It does make me wonder when the mother sends the kid up country and they only see each other once a year. But that might come down to money as well.

[mca]

As mentioned I believe in many cases it's a situation of money where both parents have to work to make ends meet. I can count on the fingers of one hand the families in my locale where the mother is a "stay at home" unless the child is an infant.

[garyh]

In our case grand mother was expecting to bring up our son and was not happy to be told no we will bring him up.

[eTiMaGo]

It's mostly cultural... Locals might wonder why an able-bodied farang woman might want to stay at home and look after a kid while she could be working instead?

[Loz]

Raises another interesting point.

Where do the the values and manners come from?

I ask because kids seem to get away with loud and rude behaviours that would be frowned upon in the west. Yet if you were ever to ask a wayward child if his parents taught him/her manners, it is considered a VERY strong insult!!

Not the only double standard in Thailand but, I wondered if anyone could shed some light on it while the subject is up for grabs.

[Pakboong]

We are around Thai kids who play golf with the Thai Junior Golf association all the time and their parents are always with them pretty much as would be expected in the west. Perhaps it is the sample from which you are drawing your conclusions that may not be representative of all Thais.

[Heng]

We probably spend more time with our kids than we do working. For my folks with me and my sister it was less but probably around 50/50 for me, and more time for my younger sister as we were better off at that point. It's all relative.

[SantiSuk]

Raises another interesting point.

Where do the the values and manners come from?

I ask because kids seem to get away with loud and rude behaviours that would be frowned upon in the west. Yet if you were ever to ask a wayward child if his parents taught him/her manners, it is considered a VERY strong insult!!

Not the only double standard in Thailand but, I wondered if anyone could shed some light on it while the subject is up for grabs.

Clearly you have never been to Italy .. or Greece .. or etc. Well-behaved kids is an Anglo/Germanic confection. I don't have any strong views either way as to which is the best

[mrbojangles]

We have a 16 month old little girl who lives with us here in Saudi but every time we go back to Thailand to visit, the family almost beg us to leave her there and they will look after her. No way. But it does make you wonder if it is ONLY about the parents having to go away for work and so leaving the grandparents to take care of the grandchildren.

[dumball]

'Pakboong'

We are around Thai kids who play golf with the Thai Junior Golf association all the time and their parents are always with them pretty much as would be expected in the west. Perhaps it is the sample from which you are drawing your conclusions that may not be representative of all Thais.

The group of people with whom you assocciate with , would appear to be a low percentile of the general family life in Thailand as a whole , there are most likely hundreds of thousands of children who spend their formative years with grandparents , learning basic rural ways of life .

Just how many millions of Thai do you think play golf ? The majority could not afford the clubs let alone the fees etc .

[gvallee2]

That's weird, the only person i know doing of this is an ex shop worker who's almost a bargirl, but not really..

And it's not for work since half the time she has nothing to do(sits home eating sumtam) or goes on vacation alone or with her guy of the month.

Normal people with job usualy have someone of the family nearby taking them during the day or they leave them at daycare

Edited January 18, 2010 by gvallee2

[mahtin]

Normal people with job usualy have someone of the family nearby taking them during the day or they leave them at daycare

Daycare is rare in the village, and it's a long commute to Bangkok.

[Brunus]

Raises another interesting point.

Where do the the values and manners come from?

I ask because kids seem to get away with loud and rude behaviours that would be frowned upon in the west. Yet if you were ever to ask a wayward child if his parents taught him/her manners, it is considered a VERY strong insult!!

Not the only double standard in Thailand but, I wondered if anyone could shed some light on it while the subject is up for grabs.

Clearly you have never been to Italy .. or Greece .. or etc. Well-behaved kids is an Anglo/Germanic confection. I don't have any strong views either way as to which is the best

I am Italian. Kids can be spoiled in Italy. But definitely you can't compare them with Thai kids. Or you can't compare the the way kids are thought how to behave in Italy and in Thailand. I am not saying which is the best one. Just it is absurd the comparison.

As for my experience in Italy kids are spoiled but bad manners are not allowed. At least by good parents. In Thailand I think it's the same, the concept of being polite is different. Just seems strange to me that adults in Thailand leave their seats to kids on the bus. In Italy kids always give their seats to older people (obviously if they are polite).

Edited January 18, 2010 by Brunus

[bina]

i can guess where this thread will go .......but:

Well-behaved kids is an Anglo/Germanic confection

--j friends had their aussie brother and young kids visiting them, they live downstairs from us... we were all bracing ourselves for noise, fuss, yelling, general racket as per most israeli kids do. a full week, and i never heard them. the only time i did it was when they were outside and spoke to me very quietly and politely. to my horror, i found it rather 'cold' after living here in a country where everything is done in full volume with lots of hand movement and physical touching.... anyhow:

this question about thai family /babysitter stuff comes up on here often: in the countryside, traditionally, grandparents raised kids while parents, strong and healthy, were out at work in the fields. nowadays, the parents are hard at work in the big cities, or overseas. the grandchildren are also seen as 'giving life' to the old ones, i.e. they add some noise, commotion, fun, hugs that otherwise the old folks wouldnt have since they are sitting at home. they certainly arent going to senior citizen clubs for social tea and this is one way to have someon keep an eye on them , old people are more likely to eat and smile when yoiung kids are around. in the cities, ive noticed that at least among anon's friends(issan poor folks), granny is imported from korat to take care of the baby. they react with horror when mentioning baby day care. giving your child to a complete stranger? horror.

most of the agricultural old folks have no desire 'to go out' (where to? the noodle kiosk?) ... here the russian grandma is the one to raise most of the children of the young russian couples. as a matter of fact, a majority of families here also (mostly of n. african i.e . yemen and morrocan etc decent) have the grandparents taking care of the kids while the parents work. or the family lives near the grandparents, or the grandmother lives with the family. either way, it is still seen as better then day care for babies and as after school care for older kids. my daughter's boyfriend is ethiopian, and his mother is the caretaker of his sisters' kids while they work, also. after school care is for rich people who dont care fo rtheir kids...

not sure how it is in europe and definately not like in america (the american i know, of course its very cultural and also a bit dependant on the socioeconomic level of the family).

frankly, from all the horror stories we have been having here about after school day care, and babysitters abusing their charges, im all for granny babysitting. non of my kids ever had an 'outside' babysitter. all three were taken care of by grandma (here on kibbutz, after school hours and after non formal education hours) or by my next door ex brother in law and his wife. my american mother found it wierd. i wouldnt have it any other way. i find it too, bizarre to entrust strangers with my kids if i can have relatives look after them. ive been in the middle east too long i guess. gone native.

bina

israel

[Pakboong]

Just how many millions of Thai do you think play golf ? The majority could not afford the clubs let alone the fees etc .

I am only pointing out that all Thais cannot be painted with the same brush. There are 50.000.000 people who live below the poverty line in the US but I do not spend much time with them either.

[garyh]

i can guess where this thread will go .......but:

Well-behaved kids is an Anglo/Germanic confection

--j friends had their aussie brother and young kids visiting them, they live downstairs from us... we were all bracing ourselves for noise, fuss, yelling, general racket as per most israeli kids do. a full week, and i never heard them. the only time i did it was when they were outside and spoke to me very quietly and politely. to my horror, i found it rather 'cold' after living here in a country where everything is done in full volume with lots of hand movement and physical touching.... anyhow:

this question about thai family /babysitter stuff comes up on here often: in the countryside, traditionally, grandparents raised kids while parents, strong and healthy, were out at work in the fields. nowadays, the parents are hard at work in the big cities, or overseas. the grandchildren are also seen as 'giving life' to the old ones, i.e. they add some noise, commotion, fun, hugs that otherwise the old folks wouldnt have since they are sitting at home. they certainly arent going to senior citizen clubs for social tea and this is one way to have someon keep an eye on them , old people are more likely to eat and smile when yoiung kids are around. in the cities, ive noticed that at least among anon's friends(issan poor folks), granny is imported from korat to take care of the baby. they react with horror when mentioning baby day care. giving your child to a complete stranger? horror.

most of the agricultural old folks have no desire 'to go out' (where to? the noodle kiosk?) ... here the russian grandma is the one to raise most of the children of the young russian couples. as a matter of fact, a majority of families here also (mostly of n. african i.e . yemen and morrocan etc decent) have the grandparents taking care of the kids while the parents work. or the family lives near the grandparents, or the grandmother lives with the family. either way, it is still seen as better then day care for babies and as after school care for older kids. my daughter's boyfriend is ethiopian, and his mother is the caretaker of his sisters' kids while they work, also. after school care is for rich people who dont care fo rtheir kids...

not sure how it is in europe and definately not like in america (the american i know, of course its very cultural and also a bit dependant on the socioeconomic level of the family).

frankly, from all the horror stories we have been having here about after school day care, and babysitters abusing their charges, im all for granny babysitting. non of my kids ever had an 'outside' babysitter. all three were taken care of by grandma (here on kibbutz, after school hours and after non formal education hours) or by my next door ex brother in law and his wife. my american mother found it wierd. i wouldnt have it any other way. i find it too, bizarre to entrust strangers with my kids if i can have relatives look after them. ive been in the middle east too long i guess. gone native.

bina

israel

So being "quite and polite" is not an acceptable virtue in israel? but "noise, fuss, yelling, general racket" is expected?

Being polite and well mannered is seen as being a good thing in most places.