Sin ( Groan ) Sod For Previously Married Girl

[Latindancer]

if i didn't have a 100 k handy, I would not even consider marriage, especially to someone carrying a debt load greater than that.

Are her credit cards as unaffected as she is?

I have to agree with T.S on this one.

If you don't even have $3,000 or 100,000 baht why in the world would you even be thinking marriage?

I have many Thai guys working for me.

What I see them do with their Thai GF is they both work and set aside money together in a Sin Sod pool so when they do have enough they can get married.

They do it together

What kind of previously married woman would make it mandatory to ask you for money when she knows you don't have any?

It is quite apparent the money is more important than you

The big issue facing you? It will never, never, ever change no matter how many times you keep telling yourself it is you

Pay the sinsod, she divorces you and finds someone to pay it again

There was a reason her first marriage did not work out

Sorry but I am not buying into the story you never had any problems

These types are girls are always pushing money, money, money because she knows she has you by the balls

With the millions of never been married single girls that would be in love with you, happy with you and willing to contribute their own hard earned cash to your sin sod pot, you have to pick this one

There are many red flags and trouble straight ahead

Thanks for pointing it out about the sin sod pool, Nio, though she can't really save much, as a teacher.

"These types" ? She's not a money-hungry person, or a bar-girl, and this is the only issue we have had. She has always answered my questions honestly and without hesitation. And her previous marriage ended because of his infidelity.

I gotta go. Later, guys, and thanks for your input.

[slapout]

rgs pm box will be full shortly, if referenced girl is in CM area let me know soonest. As to the op tell the girlfriend and the old man you will cosign the loan for schooling and pay that off as per loan agreement/sin sod. This suggestion is dependent on you feeling you cannot live without her. As you stated you do not have the 100,000 anyway, set down with the old man over a bottle of your choice and explain the blood/turnip and prior marriage/cherry concept in a polite way, of course.

[Spoonman]

"These types" or a bar-girl

Do you have issues with Bar Girls ??

Im with the others, if you dont have 3K aud to spare how to you expect to finance the trip back to OZ with your new bride ???

In reality though, I'd be telling em to sling it, my missus parents tried it on for 300k (My missus is 22yr old ex bar girl no kids no previous mariages).... laughed at my missus when she spouted this figure, loud enough for her mother who was on the phone to hear....latest figure for sinsod is 40k.

Edited January 29, 2010 by Spoonman

[needforspeed]

You know her 10 Month,

You dont know any person within 10 months, specialy if from another culture, language and country.

True.....and having followed your thread, I'd say this is a very restrained understatement !

very BIG restrained understatement !

[needforspeed]

if i didn't have a 100 k handy, I would not even consider marriage, especially to someone carrying a debt load greater than that.

Are her credit cards as unaffected as she is?

If i didn't have 100 k handy i would not even start a relationship with a Thai girl with a load off debt, and the good part

for you is that this is the only debt she told you .

Mony money money...is so funny......in a rich mans world

[MegaRanter]

You dont know what you are getting yourself into.

Must you be married?Is she hoarding the honey pot till you settle her folks.

Tell you, it wont stop with the sinsot. If the parents are in her head , they never leave , you will be the third wheel till she leaves you.

Meanwhile, about divorced gals, be ready for re enactment, they walk on the first guy, they will always walk. The first walk is the harder of the rest.

[siggie2]

GO GO GO.

My friend married into hi-so family and no sin sot was given at the weding.He paid for the wedding,about 100,000 baht and the family paid for a honeymoon in Bali.

Has the gf got a baby from ex husband

i would not pay a penny so up to you mate

[F1fanatic]

if i didn't have a 100 k handy, I would not even consider marriage, especially to someone carrying a debt load greater than that.

Are her credit cards as unaffected as she is?

I have to agree with T.S on this one.

If you don't even have $3,000 or 100,000 baht why in the world would you even be thinking marriage?

I have many Thai guys working for me.

What I see them do with their Thai GF is they both work and set aside money together in a Sin Sod pool so when they do have enough they can get married.

They do it together

What kind of previously married woman would make it mandatory to ask you for money when she knows you don't have any?

It is quite apparent the money is more important than you

The big issue facing you? It will never, never, ever change no matter how many times you keep telling yourself it is you

Pay the sinsod, she divorces you and finds someone to pay it again

There was a reason her first marriage did not work out

Sorry but I am not buying into the story you never had any problems

These types are girls are always pushing money, money, money because she knows she has you by the balls

With the millions of never been married single girls that would be in love with you, happy with you and willing to contribute their own hard earned cash to your sin sod pot, you have to pick this one

There are many red flags and trouble straight ahead

Thanks for pointing it out about the sin sod pool, Nio, though she can't really save much, as a teacher.

"These types" ? She's not a money-hungry person, or a bar-girl, and this is the only issue we have had. She has always answered my questions honestly and without hesitation. And her previous marriage ended because of his infidelity.

I gotta go. Later, guys, and thanks for your input.

She's "not a money-hungry person" - but she's demanding 100,000 baht.

I'm not entirely sure why you started this thread as pretty much everyone has told you that money should not be paid for a second marriage. Nonetheless, its obvious that you will find some way of getting the money somehow and continue - regardless of all the advice and warnings

[GuestHouse]

Look just role over and get the relationship off to the start that is expected from you.

[needforspeed]

She's "not a money-hungry person" - but she's demanding 100,000 baht.

I'm not entirely sure why you started this thread as pretty much everyone has told you that money should not be paid for a second marriage. Nonetheless, its obvious that you will find some way of getting the money somehow and continue - regardless of all the advice and warnings

One good thing about this is that his next topic, about 1 month after he lost all his money will be.

"Not money hungry girl run away with my money, why??

I was married 6 month ago, she never lie to me and never was money hungry, i only paid her family 100k, and after her brother got sick so i borrowed another 100k for hospital, and she had to paid her study 100k and intrest 50 k i got that from my parents as it was my wife.

3 weeks ago she sold my i pod and tv.

I try to called her but she doesnt answer the telephone for over a week, yesterday she send me a message that she had family issues and police got involved they need 100k this week.

Any advice, i know she is not money hungry so please no jokes about that.

She send me a message 2 hours ago that she realy loves me, and that sheneeded te money quickly because she wants to stay with me.

Please advice

[Lancelot]

As I understand Sin Sod, its paid once to compensate the family for their costs in raising a daughter that will most likely live with the grooms family, thereby causing the bride's family to lose some labor on the farm, family business, etc. etc.

I don't think they are being fair to you on this issue. Good luck man; I think you will need it...

[dmax]

im sitting here with my thai wife,i told her your pradicament and that your thai girlfriend was married before, im just after asking her opinion, to be completely honest with you her reply was " tell him not pay, not stupid, he can understand thai lady " there you go mate hope it works out for you in the end.

[BigWheelMan]

Mr OP:

If you haven't got any money, I suggest you take out a bank loan for 3 million baht.

Offer a sum of 2 million baht. The family will say; that's not enough, we want 3 million baht?

Say; OK, 3 million baht it is.

You will be guaranteed her companionship until the money runs out, so the more you give, the longer she will stay.

Problem solved.

I have 2 daughters. I`m putting them up for sale next week.

2 million baht for the youngest and 20000 baht for the fat one.

Edited January 29, 2010 by BigWheelMan

[dmax]

haha i should have added that when asked why then did i pay her 100,000 even though she was married before 9 years ago to thai man her reply was " oh, up to you " <deleted> all i do is laugh about it now, i originally knew this was the case but gave her family the money out of respect for her and so she or her family wouldnt lose face and i must state that it was my decision to give her that amount, she asked me once how much i could give but her or her family didnt push it.

[needforspeed]

im sitting here with my thai wife,i told her your pradicament and that your thai girlfriend was married before, im just after asking her opinion, to be completely honest with you her reply was " tell him not pay, not stupid, he can understand thai lady " there you go mate hope it works out for you in the end.

We all hope that it will work out for him, but be honest with yourself,

do you think he is going to believe your wife or his wife (GF)??

Edited January 29, 2010 by needforspeed

[Kf6vci]

You got to sort this out - I think you will prevail.

Instead of sin sod, do a big show with the gold - which you should get back afterwards.

You plan to share what you got anyhow and you plan to pay off her student loan and to provide for her etc., so if that's not good enough, then do not agree to impossible demands. You get what you negotiate - read a book on negotiations and another one named Understanding the Thais. Good luck!

[Kf6vci]

You get, what you negotiate. Focus on the gold gift, tang mun (??). that is good for face and can be returned to the gold store afterwards.

What's the rush? You are willing to give her all you got and you plan to pay off her student loan, too. That's not enough? Tough - forget marriage, live for the moment. If she dumps you, so be it.

[ratcatcher]

Latindancer, are you prepared to tango with the Thais? because you have had a lot of really good advice here on this forum from people who know what they're talking about.

You are involved with a family that sees money as the most important factor here, not you and your GF's happiness.

If you are struggling with the idea that you will lose B100,000 (about Au$3300.00) then the prospects for your future don't look too good.

You didn't mention your age and we know she's 32. are you close in age?

Pardon my comments, but by Thai standards, as lovely as you may think she is, she is "used goods" since she's been previously married and frankly her parents should be delighted that she has found a decent farang to take care of her without demanding you pay a ransom for her.

IMHO a woman's background has diddly squat to do with whether she treats you with respect and honesty and you reciprocate.

Do not cast aspersions on bar girls either. Some are very good people and others are to be avoided at all costs.

Read the same for some of the hi-so, university educated money grabbers too.

Take the advice given here on this board and you will be better off. Good luck.

[MyphuketLife]

S#$t she is 32 and divorced, the parents should be happy she is with some one that wants to marry....

I have said this.....also that I don't mind helping them financially from time to time, as well as telling her we can regularly continue sending the exact same amount ( 1,000 baht per month ) she currently sends them (though actually some months she cannot ). However it seems she or rather her father is adamant. Of course she says I don't understand this part of Thai culture.

I have repeated many times that I have seen many posts on this forum about guys not paying sin sod, or showing it at the wedding, and it being returned the next day. But no go.

I'm not prepared to leave her. She is a lovely person, and I genuinely love her. What I need is a DEFINITIVE answer.....because posters here have said that for a previously married girl it is NEVER paid.

Maybe I should just find an educated Thai person who speaks good English and ask him / her.......

its a culture thing, and you will never find a DEFINITIVE answer. Some families take the sinsod for show, then later when no one is looking gives it back. Some don't ask for sinsod at all. Some ask for sinsod and keep it all. Some only ask the first time the daughter is married, never for the second marraige.

So to me it seams like you got the girl with the worst family... They want sinsod for second marraige, and its not for show its for keeps....

[LivinLOS]

I'm not prepared to leave her. She is a lovely person, and I genuinely love her. What I need is a DEFINITIVE answer.....because posters here have said that for a previously married girl it is NEVER paid.

Well if your not prepared to leave her, then she has you over a barrel..

Maybe I should just find an educated Thai person who speaks good English and ask him / her.......

And you expect them to tell the truth and side with a farang against a Thai whose making some money ?? Or even a Thai make a declarative statement.

First marriage the missus had been married before.. She never asked for a penny.. I sure miss her..

Recently married my GF of 5 years she asked for 99k baht for show, a number she had 'dreamed of' but was then told it was unlucky, as the ceremony got close a local girl married a Thai guy for 120 or 150 and she asked to make it higher, all about face (I dont like this but understand) she showed 200k and it left the wedding party with us that night. We gave enough to cover the party and food, we gave a little extra to the Aunt whose house it was in (my GF doesnt have direct family and the aunt has been great to me and her) and a couple of other little cash gifts to nephews and some money to pay for medicines for a sick cousin for a while. All of which were voluntary and just hints from the GF not demands.

While there was sin sot shown, and my GF expected me to comply with the tradition of it, my GF knew full well that it was tradition and also knew that I knew the tradition is that it is for the daughters security not the parents. Plus she was the one who wanted to marry, me I wasnt fussed either way, so she was pushing to make it happen not me.

Your GF is playing a farang card on you, a Thai guy wouldnt bother to marry her, and in a few years she would want to marry anyway.. The money is for her security not her parents and shes had one lot already.. But as you say your not prepared to leave her over it so what choice do you have. She holds all the cards as she is prepared to leave you it seems.

[britmaveric]

Don't pay it <deleted>. If she actually loves you - she will tell her father to get stuffed. If you do end up paying this, it will be never ending.

[Beardog]

Sin sod is never paid if she has already been married. The part NEVER means absolutely not. I would think maybe if anything the family should be paying you something for used goods. Sounds pretty cold but sin sod is just a formality & the money should be given back if the family is reputable. Just a show of how rich the roped in Farang is. I would say no way if she really loves you & doesn't see you as a hadsum man or a darkling - let her explain to her dad there is not a second kick down coming on round 2. Dad must see you as ATM or she is trying to milk the cow for all its worth & blaming on Pops(which will get his cut for the charade later. I dunno but it sounds like you may be getting played. I am sure Dad knows of the second time around rule!

[Gary A]

I would have to say that even at her age, she is immature or she is playing you. My wife was 35 when I married her and she is and was her own person, No way would she allow her parents to dictate terms to her. I paid nothing even though my wife never had children and only had a village wedding, never legally married. Maybe I should mention that I was willing to pay but I left it up to her.

[BigWheelMan]

.

[ThailandTommy]

This is what I thought too.....to extend the engagement. It's my only option, really ( sigh ).

She really does owe 100,000 baht to the government for her higher education loan....I'm sure of it. And her fellow teachers are all above-the-board decent people. She takes her teaching role seriously, too.

My bullsh-it meter /detector was set to "high" when I came here ( still is ), and I've had 1.5 years of experience here, and 4 years experience in other Asian countries. And I'm a cynical guy. But she really is a kind, balanced and transparent person, so I guess it's a very long engagement then. I don't think her father will like it though, when I hand over the money with a scowl, saying "here's the money, you greedy, grasping git".

This is without doubt the most bitterly-debated topic in ThaiVisa.....more so than driving in Thailand !

That's about the best you can do? extend the engagement using the excuse that you want to save to pay off her debt.

It really wouldn't do you any harm to sit down and calculate (honestly) exactly what marrying this girl and taking her back to Australia is going to cost you. (unfortunately I think you might be unpleasantly surprised).

Once you arrive at a figure add it to the debt and explain to her and her family that while you respect Thai culture and traditions they must also understand that in your culture one would NEVER normally commit to marriage without being financially secure at least not at the start of the commitment. If they are reasonable genuine people and I include your girlfriend in that statement they should back down a little.

For what it is worth MTW said that her family should not expect the sin sod, however they would expect some help when the buffalo is ill etc etc, not knowing your circumstances that is a matter for you to decide on.

[thunder30101]

Pay it, we need more interesting stories like this on tv, but sadly we already know the ending once you give them the money. When did love ever have anything to do with money (except if your buying it) is the way i look at this bs ripoff called sin sod, and that exactly what anyone that pays sinsod is getting RIPPED OFF !!!

[F1fanatic]

Agree entirely. The OP is so lucky to find a woman that's been married before but willing to accept just 100,000 baht to save her from a life without money.

None of us can believe the posters that are insinuating that she's not quite as "transparent" as you believe.

Why on earth would they think that?

[Lite Beer]

Inflammatory and derogatory posts deleted. Also the replies to them.

[marc1878]

SCAM SCAM SCAM, Ive been happily married to an issan girl for 3 years now and let me tell you one thing.All the god forsakin family do is try to extortionate money out of us on a weekly basis. Nightmares.

[F1fanatic]

SCAM SCAM SCAM, Ive been happily married to an issan girl for 3 years now and let me tell you one thing.All the god forsakin family do is try to extortionate money out of us on a weekly basis. Nightmares.

No secret, its what relationships here are all about - money.

Let me say that in a more obvious way =

RELATIONSHIPS HERE ARE ALL ABOUT MONEY!!

Edited January 29, 2010 by F1fanatic