My 4yr Old Daugher Asks, Why Teacher Hurt My Heart.

[kikoman]

I understand her feelings, you can deal with it because it is the actions of one teacher.

I went to such a school in the US and it was the policy of the School Board!

She will only gain a survival technique that will aid her at a young age in her life, but unfortunately leaves a great dislike for the people and the system.

Cheers:

[wolf5370]

My mother inlaw and younger sister in law call my daughters "farang Noi" in way of a nickname - both of them. They say it a s a joke and tyhe kids understand that (they are 10 and 8 so different story to a 4 year old). However, I would never accept this from a school teacher - no siree!

I have tease nicknames for some of my students: "Sleepy" for one kids that always falls asleep, "Hairbear" for one that has a big hardo and is always playing with it during class, "Sleepy number 2" kind of obvious. My students are college kids and wholey understand I'm taking the p!ss. One of the kids they other students call "China" because I gather he has Chinese parents, I stay well clear of this - I do not call him by this name.

If my kids were being treated in such a way I would set the monther-in-law or the Mrs on them (depends how much blood I want spilt!). I am almost certain your Mrs, being a Thai mum, will sort this out to short order!

I was married before and had a family before - my son (now at Uni in the UK) was bullied at school. He was no victim and frequently thumped them. Unfortunatly the boys that were against him were a small gang and my son's friends were somewhat less active. Both his mother and I (though we had been divorced since he was 2) complained continually to the school - he frequently was in trouble for either fighting or being caught in school during lunch (I had told him to report it to the teachers - they did not listen but admonished him for being in school ). Their one answer was to put him in with the kindergarten kids at break (a 10 year old with a load of 5 year olds!) - whjich he saw as a punishement. The children in question were well known for being buillies and even criminal activity (the ring leader had previously been suspended for having drugs in schools - at 10!). In the end I told the lcoal education authority and the school that if it was not sorted out I would remove him from their care - which I then did 7 days later. He was one of their top graded students and expected to hit top marks on the SATs on which the school was graded. This was all in the UK.

[rixalex]

My daughter has farang features but is very dark skinned, much darker than her mother. When we go to the village (or even the folks we know in the local soi) call her "farang dam". Not a big deal, I don't think. You can pass your sensitivity on to your kids; if you treat it as nothing, which it surely is, they will too. No matter where you are in the world name calling will take place. Cast your mind back; who was the nominated poof in your school when you were about 13? I bet there was some unfortunate who got stuck with that or some other kind of label with no justification. Or "fatty" for example. I bet you all had a "Fatty <insert last name>" in your school. It's just life. Treat it for what it is. Nothing. Don't get sucked into the current fad for being politically correct over every darned thing. Be proud of what you are. Just get on with it. Most big deals are self generated.

Anyway, they call her "Na farang" because they're jealous. It's a compliment.

Spot on.

Some parents are a little too reactionary when it comes to their child.

[Ulysses G.]

"fatty" for example. I bet you all had a "Fatty <insert last name>" in your school.

I bet that you were not "fatty", or you would not take it so lightly.

[Yimmy]

Unfortunately whatever sticks out that is different than the majority will be picked on!

Especially from resentful and jealous Thais.

[GuestHouse]

The child has complained to her parents about being picked on and bullied by a teacher, who is clearly giving the lead for other children in the class to follow.

My response would be to meet with the Head Teacher, and face to face with the teacher concerned to get her behavior sorted out. If the Head Teacher is not willing to back you on this then move your child to another school.

That others in this thread are offering excuses for the Thai teacher is yet another indication of how many foreigners loose their compass when they arrive at BKK Airport.

[MegaRanter]

Wolf 5370,

What did you teach? Physical Education? I can barely understand you.

Na farang is not the most insensitive name I heard thais call other people.

How about the OP telling the kid why she is called that? That is because of his mixed parentage.

[Garry9999]

I have a 13 month old son, he's not a luk krung, he's not a Falang. He is both Thai and Australian.

Tell your daughter she is special and not half anything. I don't like the expression luk krung, it's too close the the English expression, half caste.

And has others have said, teach her to speak English properly, not pidgin.

If your wife is anything like my wife, I won't want to be at the school Monday morning!

[aussiechick]

When kids bully other kids, you cant call a teacher.

Everything will be worse.

Only the kids themselves can fix it, by changing or becoming the bully

I mean, most kids who get bullied kind of deserve it(although its the parents fold) I dont recall one kid through my life who was bullied that wasnt: Fat, wearing worn out clothes, wearing items from the other sex, or majorly retarded/weird/no manners.

All those things come from the parent's baggage

Now your situation, its just thais being 3rd worlders.

i would tell her to be gentle to everyone and ask them everyday how it feels to live in a tin-foil shack on a pile of rubbish with their burmese neighbor and that if they want to be her friend they might be allowed to enter a home that has yet to see a cockroach.

The kids that are not going to finish as construction workers will not get mad because they wont be the ones making fun of your daughter. just the poor ones who will live off 5000baht for the rest of their lives. Like in the west, the poor kids and dumb ones making fun of the rich/bright ones.

Best way i saw kids dealing with that, was putting their own success(or parent's) in the face of the weak kids, or putting the weak's kid life failure in their own face.

Youth is violent and hard and those that don't fight back always end up weird adults who missed a ton of fun.

gvallee2 - I bet you were the playground bully!!! You want a four year old to make insulting remarks about her classmates - really helpful! This is what causes the problems in the first place. I hope I never come across you or anyone that treats people the way you obviously still do.

[473geo]

My daughter who is now 7 went thru a similar situation, being call 'Farang' but it died down as time passed and she became more 'Thai'. Now she is fluent in Thai and just one of the gang, if anything she is a little more popular as she speaks English well. So my advice is go ahead and speak to the teachers but as painful as it is now I feel that it will get much better as time passes by. Good luck and speak English to your daughter everyday.

A sensible post and I'm sure of more reassurance to the Op (and myself thank you),than alot of the posturing and posing here........it is good to know that your daughter has come through what is essentially an experience that is surely inevitable.

I'm thinking apart from reassuring my son in every way that he is loved and cherished, that if I give him 10 baht for every day he is called Farang at school (if that is indeed the case).......then the name calling will back fire on the other children.....as he will benefit......and perhaps not feel so bad about it....especially when he is putting the extra 10 baht in the school bank!!!

[Gerontion]

My hunch is that the teacher does not realize how her remarks are offending your daughter. On the other hand, I seriously doubt that the teacher would change her behaviour if she did in fact know.

I agree with the first part of this and disagree with the second. In my experience, this type of stuff is overwhelmingly based on ignorance, not malice and I think that the vast majority of Thais in this situation would change their behaviour when confronted with evidence that they're causing considerable offence (particularly if this evidence comes from the Head Master or - even better - whoever is the Head Master's boss.) When you meet the teacher, I'd also strongly suggest - however hard it may be - not standing there swearing like a trooper and threatening to chin everyone in sight. Deep breaths and politeness all round is almost always more productive. Edited January 30, 2010 by Gerontion

[Gerontion]

Now your situation, its just thais being 3rd worlders.

i would tell her to be gentle to everyone and ask them everyday how it feels to live in a tin-foil shack on a pile of rubbish with their burmese neighbor and that if they want to be her friend they might be allowed to enter a home that has yet to see a cockroach.

The kids that are not going to finish as construction workers will not get mad because they wont be the ones making fun of your daughter. just the poor ones who will live off 5000baht for the rest of their lives. Like in the west, the poor kids and dumb ones making fun of the rich/bright ones.

Let's hope you don't manage to pass on those genes, eh.

And it's complete &lt;deleted&gt; to think that rich people don't bully. There's no end of bullying in public - or, for any Americans, private - schools. In fact, in British public schools it's part of the educational experience.

Edited January 30, 2010 by Gerontion

[473geo]

My daughter has farang features but is very dark skinned, much darker than her mother. When we go to the village (or even the folks we know in the local soi) call her "farang dam". Not a big deal, I don't think. You can pass your sensitivity on to your kids; if you treat it as nothing, which it surely is, they will too. No matter where you are in the world name calling will take place. Cast your mind back; who was the nominated poof in your school when you were about 13? I bet there was some unfortunate who got stuck with that or some other kind of label with no justification. Or "fatty" for example. I bet you all had a "Fatty <insert last name>" in your school. It's just life. Treat it for what it is. Nothing. Don't get sucked into the current fad for being politically correct over every darned thing. Be proud of what you are. Just get on with it. Most big deals are self generated.

Anyway, they call her "Na farang" because they're jealous. It's a compliment.

Spot on.

Some parents are a little too reactionary when it comes to their child.

Just in case you missed it......the 4 year old child has reacted.......you now expect the parents to do nothing and leave her distressed!!!!...

[rixalex]

My daughter has farang features but is very dark skinned, much darker than her mother. When we go to the village (or even the folks we know in the local soi) call her "farang dam". Not a big deal, I don't think. You can pass your sensitivity on to your kids; if you treat it as nothing, which it surely is, they will too. No matter where you are in the world name calling will take place. Cast your mind back; who was the nominated poof in your school when you were about 13? I bet there was some unfortunate who got stuck with that or some other kind of label with no justification. Or "fatty" for example. I bet you all had a "Fatty <insert last name>" in your school. It's just life. Treat it for what it is. Nothing. Don't get sucked into the current fad for being politically correct over every darned thing. Be proud of what you are. Just get on with it. Most big deals are self generated.

Anyway, they call her "Na farang" because they're jealous. It's a compliment.

Spot on.

Some parents are a little too reactionary when it comes to their child.

Just in case you missed it......the 4 year old child has reacted.......you now expect the parents to do nothing and leave her distressed!!!!...

Didn't miss it. Kids at that age (at any age for that matter) get distressed about all sorts of things. Doesn't mean they are being harmed for life. All part of growing up. The less protective parents are, the stronger the kids become. Learning to ignore silly name calling and labeling will stand her in great stead - she has a life of it ahead after all, i'm afraid to say. The good thing is that most of it won't be spoken in malice, just ignorance.

[473geo]

Just in case you missed it......the 4 year old child has reacted.......you now expect the parents to do nothing and leave her distressed!!!!...

Didn't miss it. Kids at that age (at any age for that matter) get distressed about all sorts of things. Doesn't mean they are being harmed for life. All part of growing up. The less protective parents are, the stronger the kids become. Learning to ignore silly name calling and labeling will stand her in great stead - she has a life of it ahead after all, i'm afraid to say. The good thing is that most of it won't be spoken in malice, just ignorance.

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I think a young child of 4 is perhaps not capable of understanding that the parents are letting her suffer to 'learn the lessons of life'.

There is a big difference between children name calling and a parent over hearing and interfering (that could well be construed as over reacting)......and a child that is clearly upset and has conveyed this to the parents.

I think young children first need to learn their parents will support and protect....as they grow older they will then know that if the parents do not interfere they are being allowed to learn a lesson.

Just my opinion

Edited January 30, 2010 by 473geo

[Gerontion]

^^ I agree that you have to be careful about allowing these things to balloon out of proportion - and parents have to be careful that children aren't just copying their parents' responses - but the teacher is clearly and unarguably in the wrong. Showing that kind of insensitivity to a 4-year-old is not acceptable and the teacher should be dealt with for this, if for other reason than that it shows a pretty shocking lack of professionalism - and I've worked at a couple of Rajabhats so I'm not easily shocked by the lack of professionalism amongst Thai teachers. Dealing with her classmates is a bit more tricky but certainly, if the kids know that they can't take their lead from the teacher, the situation will be improved.

Edited January 30, 2010 by Gerontion

[rixalex]

^^ I agree that you have to be careful about allowing these things to balloon out of proportion - and parents have to be careful that children aren't just copying their parents' responses - but the teacher is clearly and unarguably in the wrong. Showing that kind of insensitivity to a 4-year-old is not acceptable and the teacher should be dealt with for this, if for other reason than that it shows a pretty shocking lack of professionalism - and I've worked at a couple of Rajabhats so I'm not easily shocked by the lack of professionalism amongst Thai teachers. Dealing with her classmates is a bit more tricky but certainly, if the kids know that they can't take their lead from the teacher, the situation will be improved.

Good point. A quiet word in the teacher's shell-like might not be a bad idea, but going down guns blazing is the wrong way of handling it, sends the wrong message to the kid, and could well make matters worse, especially if the teacher loses face over it all.

[ManilaLover]

As she is only 4 years young it's actually way too early to send to school, a bad habit here to send this littles ones to school, they should stay near the mother and family and spend time on playing and socializing with friends, not on learning. Wait with school until she is 7 if you want her to be mantally stable when she is grown up.

[Gerontion]

I imagine it's pre-school, rather than school proper, and I don't think there's any danger of her becoming 'mentally unstable' but there is an unhealthy trend in Thailand - as in many countries - of unthinkingly sending children into the education system at a very early age. What pre-schoolers gain in academic benefits, they can to lose in social skills but it depends on the individual child, the school and the home environment and an anonymous internet forum is hardly the right place to make those judgements.

[sk1max]

As she is only 4 years young it's actually way too early to send to school, a bad habit here to send this littles ones to school, they should stay near the mother and family and spend time on playing and socializing with friends, not on learning. Wait with school until she is 7 if you want her to be mantally stable when she is grown up.

If he does that in a Thai school she will be waaaaaay behind all the other kids, I kind of agree with you that they should wait but if the kid is in the Thai School System they should probably start with the other kids especially in light of the complexity of the language.

[PattayaParent]

So I ask, do any parents of Luk Krueng have any experiance of bullying of your kids at school.

Same same but different.

Some kids in my child's class are not luk kreung and the luk kreungs discriminate against them.

[473geo]

As she is only 4 years young it's actually way too early to send to school, a bad habit here to send this littles ones to school, they should stay near the mother and family and spend time on playing and socializing with friends, not on learning. Wait with school until she is 7 if you want her to be mantally stable when she is grown up.

If he does that in a Thai school she will be waaaaaay behind all the other kids, I kind of agree with you that they should wait but if the kid is in the Thai School System they should probably start with the other kids especially in light of the complexity of the language.

Again I agree.....if anything I would feel it more important for the luk kreung child to be very much up with the Thai learning system.

What better response......than......

'Not Thai....I write and speak better Thai than you do!!!'

Edited January 30, 2010 by 473geo

[Murgatroyd]

I can understand how upset your daughter is about this, and I fully understand that the situation has to be adressed. However, if your wife go's directly to the headmaster or headmistress, and raises cain, then the teacher will lose face. If the teacher loses face, then he/she will be resentful, and inevitably take it out on the child, one way or the other.

Perhaps your wife might consider trying to have a quiet word with the teacher without any witnesses initially. That way the teacher doesn't lose face before their boss. If the teacher listens to reason, and understands that they are hurting the childs feelings, then all well and good, job done. If no satisfactory outcome can be reached in this first contact, then by all means go to the head, and complain.

An initially confrontational approach will further impact negatively on your childs primary education. The teacher has tremendous power to make your daughter's life miserable, both by their own actions, and by continuing to implant the idea that she is different in the minds of the other children. If the teacher is too stupid, bigoted or resentful of farangs to respond to a quiet word, then by all means let your wife go for the throat... if no satisfactary outcome can be obtained from a quiet word, then try the head... if this doesn't sort matters out, then you must seriously consider moving your child to a different school. This may be expensive and/or inconvenient. But it will have to happen. A childs first term at school will set the pattern for their entire education. If the child is unhappy at school, and if the teacher resents the child, then your daughter won't enjoy school, won't learn, and will be marked down or totally ignored by the teacher even if she is doing good work. This will produce a classic negative feedback loop that will make your daughter even more miserable.

[473geo]

I can understand how upset your daughter is about this, and I fully understand that the situation has to be adressed. However, if your wife go's directly to the headmaster or headmistress, and raises cain, then the teacher will lose face. If the teacher loses face, then he/she will be resentful, and inevitably take it out on the child, one way or the other.

Perhaps your wife might consider trying to have a quiet word with the teacher without any witnesses initially. That way the teacher doesn't lose face before their boss. If the teacher listens to reason, and understands that they are hurting the childs feelings, then all well and good, job done. If no satisfactory outcome can be reached in this first contact, then by all means go to the head, and complain.

An initially confrontational approach will further impact negatively on your childs primary education. The teacher has tremendous power to make your daughter's life miserable, both by their own actions, and by continuing to implant the idea that she is different in the minds of the other children. If the teacher is too stupid, bigoted or resentful of farangs to respond to a quiet word, then by all means let your wife go for the throat... if no satisfactary outcome can be obtained from a quiet word, then try the head... if this doesn't sort matters out, then you must seriously consider moving your child to a different school. This may be expensive and/or inconvenient. But it will have to happen. A childs first term at school will set the pattern for their entire education. If the child is unhappy at school, and if the teacher resents the child, then your daughter won't enjoy school, won't learn, and will be marked down or totally ignored by the teacher even if she is doing good work. This will produce a classic negative feedback loop that will make your daughter even more miserable.

I've simply told my wife to ask if the teacher knows any reason why my son is now not keen to go to school.......maybe he has just tired of attending........but I think this might just make the teacher a little more aware that there may be an underlying reason.......gives the teacher the opportunity to identify any issues, provide a solution, take credit for resolving any issues, and everybody is happy.

Just might make her keep an eye out.....no harm in that.

[Neeranam]

As she is only 4 years young it's actually way too early to send to school, a bad habit here to send this littles ones to school, they should stay near the mother and family and spend time on playing and socializing with friends, not on learning. Wait with school until she is 7 if you want her to be mantally stable when she is grown up.

Both my kids started school at 2 - not so sure about their mental state now

[Luang]

.....like every goverment school in the world they usually cater to the lower classes so send her to a international or bi-lingual school where they will be a good mix of students so will be more open-minded.

What rubbish. Let's see...in the States I was principal of a PUBLIC school where we ambassadorial families, the children of several United States senators and members of the House of Representatives, one Vice President, a couple of international sports stars...other rich kids...and yes, middle class and some poor kids. We catered to all the kids who lived within our boundaries just outside Washington, D.C.

Get over yourself.

Absolutely agree. One of the most obnoxious,arrogant and conceited posts i have had the misfortune to read. Humility was obviously not on your 'open minded' schools curriculum. Unbelievable!

[Slaps]

I can understand how upset your daughter is about this, and I fully understand that the situation has to be adressed. However, if your wife go's directly to the headmaster or headmistress, and raises cain, then the teacher will lose face. If the teacher loses face, then he/she will be resentful, and inevitably take it out on the child, one way or the other.

Perhaps your wife might consider trying to have a quiet word with the teacher without any witnesses initially. That way the teacher doesn't lose face before their boss. If the teacher listens to reason, and understands that they are hurting the childs feelings, then all well and good, job done. If no satisfactory outcome can be reached in this first contact, then by all means go to the head, and complain.

An initially confrontational approach will further impact negatively on your childs primary education. The teacher has tremendous power to make your daughter's life miserable, both by their own actions, and by continuing to implant the idea that she is different in the minds of the other children. If the teacher is too stupid, bigoted or resentful of farangs to respond to a quiet word, then by all means let your wife go for the throat... if no satisfactary outcome can be obtained from a quiet word, then try the head... if this doesn't sort matters out, then you must seriously consider moving your child to a different school. This may be expensive and/or inconvenient. But it will have to happen. A childs first term at school will set the pattern for their entire education. If the child is unhappy at school, and if the teacher resents the child, then your daughter won't enjoy school, won't learn, and will be marked down or totally ignored by the teacher even if she is doing good work. This will produce a classic negative feedback loop that will make your daughter even more miserable.

Good Post and I think this is the way I would do it, after calming down!

And please listen to other posters about pigeon English, I always talk propa English to my 4 year old, every time you speak she is learning and I never ever speak a word of Thai unless she is helping me, leave it to the Thais unless you are completely fluent, which I am far from

I have a friend who speaks pigeon English to his gf and sometimes to my daughter if I'm not around

But he is Scottish

[gvallee2]

This topic should just end on this:

WHY would you send your kid to a cheap thai school when you have the chance to send a third worlder to a good school in a good country and come back to his own country where she will be able to make a ton of money or educate her people?

If you cant afford it, you shouldnt of had children in the first place.. Poor kids get made fun of their whole life unless they goto a really crappy school. and if people tease her her whole life she will end up troubled. and this is all your fault

Edited January 30, 2010 by gvallee2

[473geo]

This topic should just end on this:

WHY would you send your kid to a cheap thai school when you have the chance to send a third worlder to a good school in a good country and come back to his own country where she will be able to make a ton of money or educate her people?

If you cant afford it, you shouldnt of had children in the first place.. Poor kids get made fun of their whole life unless they goto a really crappy school. and if people tease her her whole life she will end up troubled. and this is all your fault

&lt;deleted&gt;.....my family was poor but respected......and going to a paid for, high profile school I was respected.......it did make me realise how many of these people wander around with their heads so far up their own anus they view the world from behind their own teeth...

[rixalex]

And please listen to other posters about pigeon English, I always talk propa English to my 4 year old, every time you speak she is learning and I never ever speak a word of Thai unless she is helping me, leave it to the Thais unless you are completely fluent, which I am far from

Good advice.