Temple Stays

[khunandy]

Hi,

Is it common for Thai ladies to stay in temples for extended periods of time, in this case after a loss of face and an longish period of depression. The lady in question is my wife and is quite a devout Budhhist and seems to seek sanctuary in various temples when everything "gets too much".

She seems to absord herself fully in these stays and follows the silent, non talking regime. I am under the impression that it is a form of spiritual healing /cleansing. With very little understanding of this form of retreating I would like to gain a better understanding. I respect my wife's wishes in regard to this practice but I get a little concerned that she seems to slip deeper into some sort of state where family, social and work commitments start to suffer.

Can someone tell me if it is common practice.

Thanks

Edited February 1, 2010 by khunandy

[jdinasia]

It is not UNcommon for Thai women to become MaeChii (unordained nuns) for various periods of time. Most that have plans to remain MaeChii will cut their hair and those that do not plan to remain that long will not. It is normal for them to wear only white.

It is not unheard of for even a married woman with kids to choose to become a nun for a long period of time or even for life.

[khunandy]

It is not UNcommon for Thai women to become MaeChii (unordained nuns) for various periods of time. Most that have plans to remain MaeChii will cut their hair and those that do not plan to remain that long will not. It is normal for them to wear only white.

It is not unheard of for even a married woman with kids to choose to become a nun for a long period of time or even for life.

Thanks JD,

It sort of concerns me that everything else gets put on hold while she is going through this period but I guess she has to do what she has to do.

[rockyysdt]

It sort of concerns me that everything else gets put on hold while she is going through this period but I guess she has to do what she has to do.

It could be her way of escaping from relationship, family & life issues.

It's a perfect way of gaining respite whilst her daily needs are provided for.

Her positive would be exposure to dhamma provided her teachers are competent.

Edited February 1, 2010 by rockyysdt

[khunandy]

It sort of concerns me that everything else gets put on hold while she is going through this period but I guess she has to do what she has to do.

It could be her way of escaping from relationship, family & life issues.

It's a perfect way of gaining respite whilst her daily needs are provided for.

Her positive would be exposure to dhamma provided her teachers are competent.

Thanks Rocky,

It is true that she does occasionally need to escape relationship, family, work and life issues which sort of goes against my Western way of thinking (at least to the degree of requirement) but I do offer my support.

We have been married 6 years and this has happened 3 times and I am fine with it really as this last time we both needed breathing space. What I am having a difficult time understanding is that all things previously important to my wife such as family care, Govt job, home business doesnt seem to matter during this "break" from life.

My concern is also the teaching and guidence through this time...do Monks offer maritial advise etc?

Also my "need" for contact is causing me self pity as she doesnt seem to be needing the same contact....sorry for actually asking advice but is it best left alone and let this run its course? I accept and appreciate her Buddhist beliefs but there are times that I just dont understand this letting go of all things during this respite period. At the moment some Thai family and friends are getting concerned at the length of this particular episode and her lack of contact.

Regards

[britmaveric]

Go there for merit making purposes, not to mention brings good luck.

[Brucenkhamen]

So you are saying she's done 3 retreats in 6 years? That's hardly anything to be bothered about unless it's been foir months on end each time.

In my experience though it's not common for thai women to stay at the wat those who do who have a desire to stay at a wat will generally do it for months at a time, or on a semi regular basis.

Everybody needs a break sometime, this is much cheaper than a shopping spree in Paris, does she come back happier and more content? if so be happy for that.

[moe666]

My girlfriend will do this on occasion, she has 7 kids and helps members of her family who are on the down and out. I tried to call her last year and no answer for a month then out of the blue I get a email I have been in wat for one month. it helps her she is really run ragged.

I will be going to a wat in a week or so but she cannot come her mother is on death bed.

[khunandy]

So you are saying she's done 3 retreats in 6 years? That's hardly anything to be bothered about unless it's been foir months on end each time.

In my experience though it's not common for thai women to stay at the wat those who do who have a desire to stay at a wat will generally do it for months at a time, or on a semi regular basis.

Everybody needs a break sometime, this is much cheaper than a shopping spree in Paris, does she come back happier and more content? if so be happy for that.

Thanks, it is clearing a few things up for me. She has quite a lot to do with the local temple and goes on e few group tours to varios places and temples in Thailand occassionally but the three times of extended stays without any notice or clear time of return are a bit unsettling for me, I think I will just relax and wait it out

[Brucenkhamen]

without any notice or clear time of return are a bit unsettling for me,

This part is probably the problem then, it would bother me.

Do you have a communication problem?

[edgarfriendly]

Any reccomended wats for a few days 'peace n quiet'

thai readers specifically, where do u go to get some breathing space?

ef

[khunandy]

Hi.

Thanks for the input over the last few days, wife has returned home and is at peace with the world.

[eurasianthai]

It is not UNcommon for Thai women to become MaeChii (unordained nuns) for various periods of time.

This is sure not uncommon for my wife.

But not very common either.

In 7 years of marriage, she did it once, two years ago. For a few days only.

For the anniversary of the death of her father.

[bina]

as someone here put it: its much cheaper then a week in paris with the girls.

here when women need some 'time off', they either go overseas for a week, or to a resort town with 'the girls' for a shopping spree, or they go back to their parents for a week or so....

its basically the same thing, just cheaper and more culturally acceptable to them then running off to a foreign country with friends for wine drinking and perfume buying. or like a guy going off to a mountain retreat for a week of fishing with the guys, or on his lonesome.

i would love to do that (go to a wat only here it would be some vipasanna shanti banti type thing, not for me). here all friends keep bugging me to go to turkey or milano but no money and husband (thai) would have a fit because if i went to a place like a wat, he knows for sure that im not gallavantiing around some town at night drinking daquaris and going to discos. he would much prefer that i be someplace where there are monks and old ladies surrounding me at night!!!!

so yeah, dont worry. btw, my husband seems to do the same sort of thing here. he just refuses to work for a week, stays at home, goes off whereever kind of like walkabout, and after a week or so, is ready for the real world again. here we dont have a wat nor a way for him to go off fishing for a week or so so this is the closest thing. he says: 'tamada' (usual). although if there are many problems at home, u might want to delicately find out what they are. thais dont discuss stuff much, but there may be things that are 'too heavy ' for her or causing 'a headache' or 'think too much' (husband's reasoning that friend of mine had nervous breakdown btw. he thinks she should have gone to someplace like a wat for a few months. instead she went to a mental hospital for a few weeks. same same but different.)

bina

israel

[jdinasia]

I wouldn't go so far as to equate a respite at a temple (and living with the 10 precepts that MaeChii take) as the same as a shopping trip to Paris.

Andy .. one day that you are at peace and all is well, ask your wife about her days in the temple and what she gets out of it? Do so when you are feeling good and you can show in your questions your interest and your loving support.

If her replies fit in with what I think, and more importantly you are comfortable with them ... maybe someday take a trip to Nakhon Pathom. The Thai MaeChii foundation is located there and they run a school for girls (many of whom have had drug/discipline problems) and in town if where the (formerly?) only Thai ordained Buddhist (Thervedan tradition) nun is. (I say formerly, as she has been ordained long enough to do ordinations herself .. so there may be more) She is not part of the Thai sangha as she was ordained in Sri Lanka.

Note --- the advice for taking that trip is based upon you feeling secure in your marriage etc .. if you feel that she would be tempted to run off and join a nunnery ---- well --- then that is a whole other kettle of fish!

I took a Women in Buddhism seminar and spent time talking to both the MaeChii and the nun (as well as staying at Pathom Asoke and speaking with the ordained nuns there -- very different sect)

I wish you the best!

[khaowong1]

It sort of concerns me that everything else gets put on hold while she is going through this period but I guess she has to do what she has to do.

It could be her way of escaping from relationship, family & life issues.

It's a perfect way of gaining respite whilst her daily needs are provided for.

Her positive would be exposure to dhamma provided her teachers are competent.

Thanks Rocky,

It is true that she does occasionally need to escape relationship, family, work and life issues which sort of goes against my Western way of thinking (at least to the degree of requirement) but I do offer my support.

We have been married 6 years and this has happened 3 times and I am fine with it really as this last time we both needed breathing space. What I am having a difficult time understanding is that all things previously important to my wife such as family care, Govt job, home business doesnt seem to matter during this "break" from life.

My concern is also the teaching and guidence through this time...do Monks offer maritial advise etc?

Most monks don't offer marital advise, most have never been married. They only advice they will offer is what the Buddha says about the responsibilities of both husband and wife to each other.

Also my "need" for contact is causing me self pity as she doesnt seem to be needing the same contact....sorry for actually asking advice but is it best left alone and let this run its course? I accept and appreciate her Buddhist beliefs but there are times that I just dont understand this letting go of all things during this respite period. At the moment some Thai family and friends are getting concerned at the length of this particular episode and her lack of contact.

Regards