Between A Rock And A Hard Place Sin Sod

[MrJohnson]

A happy wife

A happy life

[dmax]

ive heard many times that 100.00 thb is the going rate, i paid a sinsod even though my wife was married 11 yrs before to thai guy, so what !! i only paid because i love her and put of respect and didnt want her famiy to lose face, up to you what u think u should pay but i wouldnt go borrowing money off my family just to throw to her family, let her wait untill you save up some more.

[MiG16]

there are various options to deal with this, some have been suggested by other posters. Ill put them together here, and you can even use combination of these:

but first up - its important that you, and your wife agree on what will actually be paid (ie. not for show) and this amount should be what you can absolutely afford to give away to her parents. [they may or may not return this amount - this really depends on them - so you should set this amount at the level that you can afford to not get back. if for whatever reason they decide to consider that a bonus]

on top of that - if for whatever reason - they wish more than the above agreed amount to be shown - then you can either:

1. borrow from someone - preferably from her side of family and return on the day to that person (eg. borrow from her parents, and its returned to them on the day )

2. Use a cheque

3. display some jewelry

4. display land title (only if you have something together already ie. in her name, or condo in your name?)

5. display your car keys - say its a gift to the bride

(from all the above list, you will note that it becomes crucial that agreement is made in absolute certain term that which items are purely FOR SHOW. for instance - you wouldnt want to end in a situation where they are trying to cash in the cheque )

good luck, and congrats

[rgs2001uk]

I live in Issan. There are some hi so Thainese people here too. Well, they think they are. Some have more than one Fortuner. Some have very pale skin, some even lose successful bars to gambling debts (just like on television!) but NONE have ever married a falang man!

One of the (if not the richest) families in KK had a western son in law.

Doesnt Neeranam live in KK, I thought the others family was fron Korat.

[thaitot]

Agree on an amount you can afford to lose. No borrowing.

If no agreement is made (with your wife)

It will need to wait until you can save some money.

This will give you time to sort out your marriage and for her to learn the value of money.

If she wants to return to your home country take her, but this is the deal.

Most Thai families think all Farang are rich so they shoot for the sky.

The sky is not an option for you.

Your position is not so uncommon.

Forget the village wedding you can do this in a year when you come back for holiday

or forget it all together. What the village people think you will not hear from afar.

[eurasianthai]

A happy wife

A happy life

I like this one.

The Sin Sod is a Thai custom, as much as offering camels for a girl in Africa or the Middle East is

Without it, you're not supposed to get a Thai wife, whatever her social status.

[TheJoker12]

Another buffalo bites the dust.

[a2396]

I live in Issan. There are some hi so Thainese people here too. Well, they think they are. Some have more than one Fortuner. Some have very pale skin, some even lose successful bars to gambling debts (just like on television!) but NONE have ever married a falang man!

One of the (if not the richest) families in KK had a western son in law.

Had or has? In any case, so what? How much sin sod did he pay? Do tell.

[CHdiver]

ive heard many times that 100.00 thb is the going rate, i paid a sinsod even though my wife was married 11 yrs before to thai guy, so what !! i only paid because i love her and put of respect and didnt want her famiy to lose face, up to you what u think u should pay but i wouldnt go borrowing money off my family just to throw to her family, let her wait untill you save up some more.

How can her family lose face wen its not usual to pay a sinsot if a woman gets married a second time.

But yes, in the end its up t.........

[Furbie]

Would you care to share the amount agreed on previously and the new amount requested? It might help give us a sense of the true situation.

Some things to consider:

1) Your wife will be influenced by her parents, probably until they die. Most Thai women are, and very few are truly independent.

2) It is not uncommon for Thai men to borrow money from their parents to help with the Sin Sod and wedding costs.

3) It is not uncommon for most of the Sin Sod money to be kept by the wife's parents, but it is better if they return most or all of it.

way2muchcoffee,

You saved me the trouble of typing and are 100% correct on all counts. The nonsense that some board members post is truly ridiculous.

[nasajsc]

Pay nothing. Its 2010 already, not the dark ages. Time for the village to get with the times...

If you do decide to pay, its only for show, 100% should be returned to you. If its not, then

get ready to pay for the rest of your life - need new fence, buffalo sick, need new cage

for the roosters, bike needs new tire, second brother's in law third cousin broke his arm and

cannot pay his hospital bills, wife's cousin got arrested and needs money to get out of jail,

falang is available, hence $$ is available.

Found and married a girl with zero $ down payment, they way it should be.

Good luck!

[thaikahuna]

If your wife can be influenced by her parents, then she is too immature. Forget about a village wedding and just take her to the UK. She is now your wife and should not allow the village or her parents to make her feel guilty.

While sin sod is a tradition here, some traditions never die as others have here. Tell your wife you married her and not her family. Tell them you will not be held up to extortion and any sin sod will only be for face value as another mentioned. If they still insist on big sinsot, then do as another poster still had mentioned, blow off the village wedding and take her to the UK.

[way2muchcoffee]

Pay nothing. Its 2010 already, not the dark ages. Time for the village to get with the times...

Very Western perspective. 2010 in the USA looks very very different than 2010 in Surin. Yes you might see a few modern trappings like automobiles, televisions, refrigerators, or mobile phones, but everything else is very different. Your position fails to account for reality.

[YanTree]

Bunch of Farang Snobs in this thread. It is not at all 'normal' or 'standard' for 100% of the money to be returned after the wedding and it does not mean the parents are up to no good if they want to keep some or all of the money or have their new son-in-law build them a house or whatever.

Some parents don't need the money and it is for face and they do give some or all of the money back. That doesn't mean that the woman or the family is bad if they do not agree to this. It all depends on their situation or expectations etc.

I've had general sin sod conversations with two girls. The first said her parents would want something like 500,000 baht but she thought she could get them to agree to 300,000 or less. The second girl said her mother wanted 300,000 but it was mostly for show and I could have half or more given back to me with most of the rest being used for the wedding and party etc.

Didn't end up marrying either but would not have had a problem at all paying the money. And I don't think that makes me any kind of a mark. It just means I would have chosen a poor wife.

If you are marrying a woman from Isaan who has a dirt poor family and you can afford it, what is the problem with giving them $5-$10k or something? It isn't like negotiating for a car, this is your wife and future parents-in-law. You'll have to live with them forever and you want them happy.

Edited February 7, 2010 by YanTree

[GuestHouse]

It isn't like negotiating for a car, this is your wife and future parents-in-law. You'll have to live with them forever and you want them happy.

Very well put.

Though I suspect you didn't want to say what you've said with such clarity.

[jfchandler]

So payment of money to the Thai in-laws family buys "happiness"???

If only everything else in the world were so simple....

If anyone else here wants to buy some happiness thru a contribution to my bank account, I'd be more than happy to oblige...

[GuestHouse]

So payment of money to the Thai in-laws family buys "happiness"???

Farang Husband Pays, Thai In-Laws Happy.

But one has to admire the honesty of it all - Start the marriage on the basis on which it is meant to continue.

[goatfarmer]

Lots of good advice here: 'culture' should not be used as an excuse for vanity or extortion. Insist on the previous agreement, otherwise you'll have a yoke around your neck.

[qwertz]

When will you guys realise that you don't have to pay sin sot, it should be a gesture of goodwill and not a cash deal.

Do you really believe that the majority of Thai men pay sin sot?

If your girl was married previously, why not ask her what she did with her ex husband's sin sot?

If it looks like becoming a bone of contention, maybe you should step back a little and reassess your situation.

Maybe you're too old to hear other opinions but but any kind of moral blackmail bodes a bad start to a hoped for long term bond.

Edited February 7, 2010 by qwertz

[jfchandler]

If a Thai woman of any age has been previously married, then there should be no expectation of sin sod a second time around... unless of course, she's a professional scam artist...

[phil2]

Would you care to share the amount agreed on previously and the new amount requested? It might help give us a sense of the true situation.

Some things to consider:

1) Your wife will be influenced by her parents, probably until they die. Most Thai women are, and very few are truly independent.

2) It is not uncommon for Thai men to borrow money from their parents to help with the Sin Sod and wedding costs.

3) It is not uncommon for most of the Sin Sod money to be kept by the wife's parents, but it is better if they return most or all of it.

I'm guessing from 10k to 100k as in my case. I still haven't paid, and will never ever pay it.

[mca]

Do you really believe that the majority of Thai men pay sin sot?

Sure.

[spacemand]

My wife an I are doing this on her suggestion for our "village" weeding we give as much as possible in Sin Sod and we will get it back from her mom after the weeding - minus of cause expenses (except maybe for 10K for her mom which I have not discussed with my wife yet

Its tradition in some parts of the country and I have no problem with it when its for show at least

[Tanaka]

A happy wife

A happy life

I like this one.

The Sin Sod is a Thai custom, as much as offering camels for a girl in Africa or the Middle East is

Without it, you're not supposed to get a Thai wife, whatever her social status.

No. Sin Sod is not a Thai custom. It is a Chinese custom, willingly adapted by thais.

[Padrino]

The BS that is written on here is unreal. People going on like they never paid any sin sod money. Every Thai guy I know has paid sin sod to his wifes family. Only one family I know gave it back because they were kinda flush anyway. When I ask thai people about the fraff spoken on here about sinsod they just don't know where you get this rubbish from . It's also amazing how when I speak with farangs outside of the internet, they tell me how much they really pay, never heard of a farang paying less than 100,000 and if you are a 50+ marrying a 30- you are defo paying more than that. Be honest, help the guy out and stop trying to save face. Man, you lot speak about the thais covering things up.

I am not married, but if I married a thai I would follow the tradition within my budget limitations. A better idea for the op would be to build the parents a home (if they need a better one) so that he and mrs can stay once a year when they visit. A far more practical gesture than giving a wad to be gambled or drunk away.

A good thai friend of mine from the south explained to me that, the sin sod is a payment to protect the daughter if the husband leaves her. Traditionally the wife doesnt work so if the man scarpers she is left with nothing. The sin sod will help her parents put a roof over her head, feed her and help any kids out. In recent times the sin sod has become a way of families getting rich, especially where the farang is concerned. However, i see nothing wrong with giving a poor family some money when you marry their daughter as a gesture of good well. The thing we need to accept is that in thailand the man takes care of the family; and that means if you are wealthy you are expected to take care of extended family. When you marry into a thai family you are doing exactly that, your family effectively marries with theirs, it is like that in most non-western countries; thus the reason families look for other suitable families to marry their son or daughter into. I am not saying you have to support everyone, set out your limitations and boundaries and stick to them before you marry. Most women in the UK would not want a wedding costing less than 10-15k, most are 20k+. So, if you marry a thai woman, pay 3k for the wedding and 4k in sin sod and gold then you are still quids in.

[britmaveric]

^interesting every thai lad I know who is married never paid any sinsod and they say that farangs are just being scammed if they actually give any dosh to a money grubbing family. SinSot is only for show, if anyone tells you differently they are full of BS. Now I am not saying after you are married you won't help the family time to time within reason because you will.

Sinsot is not a dowery!! I sometimes seriously wonder about some tv members intelligence sometimes.

[ukrules]

Put your foot down, give them nothing.

[tartempion]

I paid sinsot on the understanding it would be returned in full to us after the wedding and it was only for face value.

Try to arrange this for yourself.

So who pays for the party after the wedding ie drink ,food ,entertainment,sound system,stage etc etc the parents out of there own money .Yes i paid 100,000 bt but that was for everything and i mean everthing was done for that money,personally i didnt think that was bad considering it was a two day event,the parents did not gain financally at all it was all spent on the wedding,the 100,000 bt was also used for face value as well, ie laid out on a silver plate for the whole village to see.So did i get fleeced by my inlaws?Ithink not.

When I married straight after military service preceded by university studies I owed zero in whatever currency.

My farang fiance's parents wanted the big show, we only wanted to get married.

They organised their big show at their expense and we never came to terms with her parents since.

Sin Sod?

Never.

Paying for the party if the parents are penniless, could certainly be considered.

Sin Sod returned? Here in the village? (40 kms East of Udon Thani)

Never heard or seen it.

BTW, Since Christmas I know of at least 10 people who died in the village, my GF attended that much funerals and these are parties lasting for days and they do cost fortunes. When I ask her where the money comes from I get a blank stare . I do know how poor some of the deceased families are.

[khunandy]

A happy wife

A happy life

I like this one.

The Sin Sod is a Thai custom, as much as offering camels for a girl in Africa or the Middle East is

Without it, you're not supposed to get a Thai wife, whatever her social status.

Another old custom is that a woman must be able to weave silk before being considered wife material.

Do they stick with that old custom?

[torrenova]

What Thai blokes do when marrying Thai women is immaterial. The OP is not Thai.

Western blokes who have gone native or realise years later that they were conned into paying sinsot for her 3rd marriage or even her first (as they are not Thai) are the first to jump up and defend this stupid "tradition".

Politely tell mama and papa that you are not Thai and therefore are having none of this sinsot nonsense.