Soooooo Hard Being A Hertero Male In Bangkok

[Abrak]

On the few occasions that I do socialize with drinking friends, i now see them in a different light and see loud, rude, know it all, argumentative people.

You see that's the problem. Non-drinkers tend not to like drinkers, so why should drinkers like non-drinkers.

One thing I find a bit strange is that a lot of Thais dont drink - often because they are allergic - but they are fun to be with. I give up drink for say a month a year and I am not.

[jetpack]

I TOTALLY get where you're coming from. Like the other guy said, it sounds like you may have "depression" issues. Sorry if this sounds lame, but I'm speaking from personal experience. You should try workingout, excercizing. Dude, I know it sounds lame, but I used to be pretty messed up. From the outside everything looked cool, decent job, gorgeous girl, cool ride, but I was still really unhappy. I would do stuff to sabotage myself, really crazy effed up stuff.

But I started to weight train semi seriously and it seems to have helped me alot. Who knows? maybe its the endorphens or whatever but you should give it a try.

I don't drink, don't smoke either.

Seriously though, depression ain't no joke.

Whats up with all the homosexuals here? I'm from LA and used to live and work near West Hollywod. But Bangkok is crazy.

Well hope everything works out for you.

BTW I'd like to try to meet people from LA, any suggestion?

[Tinkelbell]

To OP, you're just hanging out with the wrong crowd.

Any young professional man who has a good job, non smoking, non drinking is a catch for good Thai girls from decent families.

The problem is those good girls have not found you yet. Now try to go where they are.....campus cafeteria in Thammasart ( at Tha Prajarn, close one) or Chula. You may use this (innocent) pick up line......" how to order this dish in Thai ? ( the dish she is eating) or " what the name of the (tropical) fruit she's having ?"

Most would be happy to help the farang ( a good chance to practice their English.)

If you're honest ( as you have been described about your life), next step thinking I might even going to show you where you'll find them. This is no joke, this is the first time I ever say something like this.

In the meantime carry yourself with confidence....telling yourself life is only going to get better each day.

[bgfkhlgfhgfdh]

OP, you knew this was the situation from before you expatted it on over here, so...why'd you choose it?

100% of situation is your fault.

Perhaps my response is too brief and just seems like an insensitive and throwaway thing to say, but really, what made you want to come here? If you can answer that then...you can be happy.

Edited February 27, 2010 by bgfkhlgfhgfdh

[bgfkhlgfhgfdh]

Quote from OP:

"It feels like only a certain kind of Thai woman goes for a falang, the kind I don't want. Which is why Thailand to me is such a lonely and frustrating place."

Blah, I am editing out my post because I want to come back and say something nice and helpful, but ... I just can't think of anything nice to say. Anyway, I need to refrain from posting, and just go back to lurking about the forums.

Edited February 27, 2010 by bgfkhlgfhgfdh

[TheLaughingMan]

Some of you are really threatened by my nondrinking and responding with some hostility. Which proves my point perfectly, thankyou. Like I said, it is really hard for me to find friends to go out with in my age bracket that will accept a non drinker. And I tried to explain I dont judge people that drink and ho, just because I dont do it doesnt mean I judge, but you keep getting angry at me for judging.

Thanks Tinklebell, Jetpack and a few others for your positive words.

And I do train fairly extensively and know the uplifting feeling of physical fitness. If it wasn't for my training I'd probably be a lot worse off.

As to why I came to Thailand. Well for work, career type work thats important to me, not a part time job I can easily dismiss. But also I had no idea what Thailand was really like when I came here, in fact my first 5 months in Thailand were the happiest time of my life. But once you get to know the reality of Thailand, its not such a happy place unless alcohol and hookers are your thing.

[Birdman]

".............But once you get to know the reality of Thailand, its not such a happy place unless alcohol and hookers are your thing."

Can you go back from where you come from?

IF yes: Don't hesitate

If no: Meditate

[TheLaughingMan]

".............But once you get to know the reality of Thailand, its not such a happy place unless alcohol and hookers are your thing."

Can you go back from where you come from?

IF yes: Don't hesitate

If no: Meditate

You are right, that sounded worse than I meant and I know that for a lot of people Thailand offers true happiness. For a hopeless romantic like me that wants true love with not even the hint of ulterior motives from my life partner... well its not as great. But no I can't leave until I finish my work.

[thithi]

Apart from studying and drinking, I have no idea what else to do in Bangkok

[BOS2BKK]

Hey friend. I routinely go to Soi Cowboy with friends. I too neither drink nor ho and it has never bothered anyone. If you look at the tone of your post it is very negative, and in spite of your saying you don't judge your friends, it is clear by the end that you do. Maybe what you are picking up on is that your a basically nice guy, but your negativity ruins the fun. I was brought up to beleive everybody doesn't like somebody, but if everybody doesn't like you, then look in the mirror. I am not trying to shoot you down. On the contrary. I am encouraging you to reassess how you interact with people. Your post says it all my friend. You may beleive you are being non judgemental, but you are not.

[WarpSpeed]

Why don't you drink?

Where I come from we don't trust tea-totalers.

Moron you must come from a prison then..... The same can be said for drunks...Far less judgment and reliable...

OP I feel for you, I've had the same response my entire life and it's maddening and it also extends to the business world too with morons like the quoted one above who look at it in such ways instead of realizing the virtue, trustworthiness and maturity of someone who can make such a life choice and stick to it, It's sabotaged me more times then I can comment on. JFYI that is why drunks don't trust you because they don't have your moral character or strength of conviction and so judge you for having it due to their own short comings & insecurities....

Pm me some time and maybe we can have a social going bowling or something and no I'm not gay nor Bi, I have a wife and 2 kids..As for picking up pretties you should try going to the new Immigration building in Bangkok during lunch time (dam_n! wish I was still single!), many attractive and available young professional women (not professional in the usual sense but in actual chosen career path) now that they have many places there in the court yard to eat and it is comfortable, clean and A/C you can just sit and watch and have your choice of ladies who are not drinking or drunk when you meet them so you know it's not the booze talking..

Edited February 28, 2010 by WarpSpeed

[madampunk]

The laughing man, please be yourself, don't change....

If you are a farang man who doesn't drink, that's good for the decent Thai women. As you said, the decent ladies, they might feel too embarassed to show their interests but it's the same way that they reacts to Thai men. (if you give up, Thai men might have to give up too?) So you are farang, who is honest and be straight of what you want and what you are ... so you are the type of man of the Thai decent lady wants to be with... believe me.

Don't be in the wrong place with the wrong people if you know that you are not fit in or happy with.. You will find your world with Thai decent ladies or even Thai men friend.

You are good man!

good luck

(sorry if I spell soem words wrong)

[TheLaughingMan]

Hey friend. I routinely go to Soi Cowboy with friends. I too neither drink nor ho and it has never bothered anyone. If you look at the tone of your post it is very negative, and in spite of your saying you don't judge your friends, it is clear by the end that you do. Maybe what you are picking up on is that your a basically nice guy, but your negativity ruins the fun. I was brought up to beleive everybody doesn't like somebody, but if everybody doesn't like you, then look in the mirror. I am not trying to shoot you down. On the contrary. I am encouraging you to reassess how you interact with people. Your post says it all my friend. You may beleive you are being non judgemental, but you are not.

Yeah I went back to reread my original post and even though I'm trying to be clear that I personally don't want to do it and find it lame and that I don't think people that do it are lame individuals... it still kinda sounds like that is what I think. I guess my bitterness at being judged and excluded because I don't partake is coming through. I am not negative when I'm out and certainly don't say anything bad. But everyone can see that I'm not drinking and not associating with the women in a "possible customer" kind of way. And I am polite to the women, even joke with them if they aren't bothering me repeatedly to buy them a drink which of course I see no point in doing.

OP I feel for you, I've had the same response my entire life and it's maddening and it also extends to the business world too with morons like the quoted one above who look at it in such ways instead of realizing the virtue, trustworthiness and maturity of someone who can make such a life choice and stick to it, It's sabotaged me more times then I can comment on. JFYI that is why drunks don't trust you because they don't have your moral character or strength of conviction and so judge you for having it due to their own short comings & insecurities....

Pm me some time and maybe we can have a social going bowling or something and no I'm not gay nor Bi, I have a wife and 2 kids..As for picking up pretties you should try going to the new Immigration building in Bangkok during lunch time (dam_n! wish I was still single!), many attractive and available young professional women (not professional in the usual sense but in actual chosen career path) now that they have many places there in the court yard to eat and it is comfortable, clean and A/C you can just sit and watch and have your choice of ladies who are not drinking or drunk when you meet them so you know it's not the booze talking..

Thanks man, your advice sounds good but I can't even imagine approaching strange women in a situation like you described. At least at a disco it is a social setting.... but what you describe is kind of scary for a shy guy like me. Yes not drinking described as sabotaged pretty much nails it. Many times friendships and business connections fizzled out the instant they found out I don't drink. Several posters here refuse to accept that and think I must be a true asshol_e and that is the reason I have trouble with friends but everything would be going fine up until the drinking issue. This is a reality. hel_l I had to totally forget about doing business with the Japanese... they have a heavy drinking business culture, you cant get business with them unless you do drink, so that was complete fail.

The laughing man, please be yourself, don't change....

If you are a farang man who doesn't drink, that's good for the decent Thai women. As you said, the decent ladies, they might feel too embarassed to show their interests but it's the same way that they reacts to Thai men. (if you give up, Thai men might have to give up too?) So you are farang, who is honest and be straight of what you want and what you are ... so you are the type of man of the Thai decent lady wants to be with... believe me.

Don't be in the wrong place with the wrong people if you know that you are not fit in or happy with.. You will find your world with Thai decent ladies or even Thai men friend.

You are good man!

good luck

(sorry if I spell soem words wrong)

Thankyou for the positive encouragement.

[Curt1591]

Face it; life is so much easier when you drink!

[whistleblower]

I got to line six of your post and then realised why your friends dont invite you out!!!!!

people go to pubs/bars etc to socialise and of course drink. You seem to have a problem with socialising. i suggest you google 'chess clubs in Bangkok' or check out the local libraries.

[lovenim]

loud, rude, know it all, argumentative people.

even though i like a drink or 3 when going to bars, this is by and large what i see too. horrible. alcohol is seen as the social lubricant but it actually isolates people further . . .

[TheLaughingMan]

I got to line six of your post and then realised why your friends dont invite you out!!!!!

people go to pubs/bars etc to socialise and of course drink. You seem to have a problem with socialising. i suggest you google 'chess clubs in Bangkok' or check out the local libraries.

This unfortunately is the typical attitude I am faced with and why I tried to explain it is hard for me to make friends. There is a high amount of bias against a man that does not drink with his "mates". I socialise just fine, but I do it sober, which is crime enough.

[Birdman]

That's all BS above. Best woman you can get is during daytime somewhere.......

[whistleblower]

I got to line six of your post and then realised why your friends dont invite you out!!!!!

people go to pubs/bars etc to socialise and of course drink. You seem to have a problem with socialising. i suggest you google 'chess clubs in Bangkok' or check out the local libraries.

This unfortunately is the typical attitude I am faced with and why I tried to explain it is hard for me to make friends. There is a high amount of bias against a man that does not drink with his "mates". I socialise just fine, but I do it sober, which is crime enough.

I suggest you go back to your original post and re read it. You are not saying "im a go to guy who just doesnt drink" you mention you "dont do hoes" find it disgusting etc. If you go to cowboy with your friends as you say in your post, they probably arent upset with the fact you dont drink, they are probably upset with the moral high ground that im guessing you take!

[TheLaughingMan]

I never said disgusting. I said it was boring, and when the girls pester me to buy them a drink it becomes annoying. Never thought of it as disgusting. I enjoy looking at naked women as much as the next guy, I simply don't want to purchase any services.

[StreetCowboy]

I never said disgusting. I said it was boring, and when the girls pester me to buy them a drink it becomes annoying. Never thought of it as disgusting. I enjoy looking at naked women as much as the next guy, I simply don't want to purchase any services.

I have some sympathy, but I really recommend thsat you define yourself by what you do, rather than what you don't. Actually, I often don't particularly enjoy looking at naked women, I find it frustrating and vexing. But you'll get more entertainment if you're free and easy with your cash. What else do you think God gave it to you for, than to help single mothers from Esan?

I think that you are missing out on the opportunity to meet some lovely girls by eschewing their services, but I suppose you need to make your own mind up on how important a couple of thousand baht is. So long as they are still in 'sales and marketing', you'll never get to know them...I don't see the point of having money if you are not going to squander it, but some people seem to think that money has some value in itself...

When it comes to the demon drink, maybe you should try 'looking both ways' so to speak. But if you want to retain your faculties, tell your acquaintances "Hoor you tae tell me hoo tae hoor?".

Anyway, remember again that these girls are offering you hope and salvation, for it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God...

SC

[biggles68]

sometimes i dont drink at all when out or if i do i only have a couple of beers, i dont need to get drunk i enjoy the company and conversation and when in thailand u can chat to any girl u want anywhere and have a good time..........i suggest u have aholiday asap cos u sound like an absolute sad sack!!! maybe u need a good massage

[TheLaughingMan]

I have some sympathy, but I really recommend thsat you define yourself by what you do, rather than what you don't. Actually, I often don't particularly enjoy looking at naked women, I find it frustrating and vexing. But you'll get more entertainment if you're free and easy with your cash. What else do you think God gave it to you for, than to help single mothers from Esan?

I think that you are missing out on the opportunity to meet some lovely girls by eschewing their services, but I suppose you need to make your own mind up on how important a couple of thousand baht is. So long as they are still in 'sales and marketing', you'll never get to know them...I don't see the point of having money if you are not going to squander it, but some people seem to think that money has some value in itself...

When it comes to the demon drink, maybe you should try 'looking both ways' so to speak. But if you want to retain your faculties, tell your acquaintances "Hoor you tae tell me hoo tae hoor?".

Anyway, remember again that these girls are offering you hope and salvation, for it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God...

SC

Hehe interesting point of view. It's not that I have a problem spending money to enjoy myself, I just don't want to spend it on THAT kind of enjoyment. Takes all the fun out of it for me.

[IanForbes]

Hehe interesting point of view. It's not that I have a problem spending money to enjoy myself, I just don't want to spend it on THAT kind of enjoyment. Takes all the fun out of it for me.

You've got it bass akwards. Try making the woman enjoy HERSELF for a change. Totally forget what gives YOU pleasure. If you try it I think you'll find enlightenment. But, it WILL take time, and you might have to go through a bunch of different women to find the right ones. However, eventually you'll meet someone who REALLY responds and cares what you are doing for them... And I don't mean filling their pockets with cash. It certainly worked for me. I don't NEED to add any more to my list of friendly friends. The more attentative you are to others the more responsive they'll be to you.

[britmaveric]

Why wouldnt you buy the ladies drinks? This is tantamount to taking them home... they earn a bit of dosh while they are chatting with you. Anyways pretty rude going into a gogo and not buying drinks especially if they are talking with you. Now I didnt say every one that comes up to you, but couple drinks isnt going to hurt you.

Anyways as I said you do not need to drink in these situations to have fun - misconception of the highest order.

[LuckyLew]

I have some sympathy, but I really recommend thsat you define yourself by what you do, rather than what you don't. Actually, I often don't particularly enjoy looking at naked women, I find it frustrating and vexing. But you'll get more entertainment if you're free and easy with your cash. What else do you think God gave it to you for, than to help single mothers from Esan?

I think that you are missing out on the opportunity to meet some lovely girls by eschewing their services, but I suppose you need to make your own mind up on how important a couple of thousand baht is. So long as they are still in 'sales and marketing', you'll never get to know them...I don't see the point of having money if you are not going to squander it, but some people seem to think that money has some value in itself...

When it comes to the demon drink, maybe you should try 'looking both ways' so to speak. But if you want to retain your faculties, tell your acquaintances "Hoor you tae tell me hoo tae hoor?".

Anyway, remember again that these girls are offering you hope and salvation, for it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God...

SC

Hehe interesting point of view. It's not that I have a problem spending money to enjoy myself, I just don't want to spend it on THAT kind of enjoyment. Takes all the fun out of it for me.

What is wrong with spending a few baht on a hummer every now and then

Might help you take the edge off and give your wrists a breather.

I don't really like or agree with it, but every now and then a nice rub and

tug Thai massage style makes me feel good and relaxes me.

[Naam]

moderators have mercy and edit the title! every day the heRtero hurts my eyes several times.

[TheLaughingMan]

Hehe interesting point of view. It's not that I have a problem spending money to enjoy myself, I just don't want to spend it on THAT kind of enjoyment. Takes all the fun out of it for me.

You've got it bass akwards. Try making the woman enjoy HERSELF for a change. Totally forget what gives YOU pleasure. If you try it I think you'll find enlightenment. But, it WILL take time, and you might have to go through a bunch of different women to find the right ones. However, eventually you'll meet someone who REALLY responds and cares what you are doing for them... And I don't mean filling their pockets with cash. It certainly worked for me. I don't NEED to add any more to my list of friendly friends. The more attentative you are to others the more responsive they'll be to you.

Ok first of all, Im pro. That means, if sex was in the olympics.... I'd be famous. That being said, why would I want to waste my talents on a women I PAID to pleasure? Seems all wrong if you ask me.

[TheLaughingMan]

Why wouldnt you buy the ladies drinks? This is tantamount to taking them home... they earn a bit of dosh while they are chatting with you. Anyways pretty rude going into a gogo and not buying drinks especially if they are talking with you. Now I didnt say every one that comes up to you, but couple drinks isnt going to hurt you.

Anyways as I said you do not need to drink in these situations to have fun - misconception of the highest order.

I know I dont need to drink to have fun, been doing it all my life. But I just dont get the whole "buy a lady a drink" to talk to me thing. She sees me as a big baht note, not a person. She is told to get men to buy them drinks for the bar, its just her job. I am simply completely incapable of buying the illusion that she has any real interest in me or talking to me, which ruins it for me. I might as well light 200 baht on fire for all it will do for me to buy a woman like that a drink. This is just me, I'm sure it is great fun for others.

[canuckamuck]

I know I dont need to drink to have fun, been doing it all my life. But I just dont get the whole "buy a lady a drink" to talk to me thing. She sees me as a big baht note, not a person. She is told to get men to buy them drinks for the bar, its just her job. I am simply completely incapable of buying the illusion that she has any real interest in me or talking to me, which ruins it for me. I might as well light 200 baht on fire for all it will do for me to buy a woman like that a drink. This is just me, I'm sure it is great fun for others.

Well said

Edited March 2, 2010 by canuckamuck