Thai Partner!

[BIG SPUDS]

Couldnt fit the whole question on the title,

How do/did your friends/collegues or people you know act when they found out you have a Thai partner?

The reason i ask is just being curious.

As this will be my 3rd trip i have been to thailand this year, alot of people ask me obviously why i keep going back. (I see alot of the same people every day who i know to talk too as i deliver to them, being a courier)

Alot of my usual deliveries are to people who know i have a thai fiance, and know the story. But to people who generally ask where i am going on holiday or if i have a girlfriend, seem to well........ Look at me funny or to put it better i feel i know what they are thinking (with the stero typing of thai girls).

Sometimes people ask where i'm going. Thailand! i say. only to be replied with "ohh we know why your going there!" and when i reply my fiance is thai they look at me strange and look a bit embarrassed. This i suppose can be expected, but i feel i get it a lot when ever i mention to someone who doesnt really know me, that i have a thai partner.

At work there are 50 or so couriers, which i hardly see as we work alone but when we have chance to talk, (start/end of day) i feel as though they find it really funny or weird. I dont mix with these people and dont really know them well.

Now i would expect it if i was 40 or 50 plus, old, ugly, with a 20 year old girl friend.

but im not, im 30, atheletic, ive been told im good looking, previous 3 girlfriends were models, so its not that they find amusing. So what is it?

I'm not really putting the question across very good and i am finding it difficult to find the right words to explain what i mean.

Basically, do you have the same reaction when people find out for the first time you are envolved with a thai? Do you feel like people are talking about it behind your back? I have walked into a room with so call friends talking and laughing about it.

It doesnt bother me one little bit, i love my GF and thats all i care about but has anyone experienced something similar.

Or is it those little voices in my head again.

Hope you understand what im trying to say!!!

Edited May 16, 2005 by BIG SPUDS

[BIG SPUDS]

P.S. I know this wont really apply to people living in thailand surrounded by thai people and farangs with thai partners, but at some point in the past you told someone in england or wherever your from, how did they react?

[Totster]

It doesnt bother me one little bit, i love my GF and thats all i care about

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Exactly... Don't even think about it.....

totster

[BIG SPUDS]

No really it doesnt bother me, i find it funny. But has anyone else experienced it, or am i being paranoid?

[The_Moog]

am i being paranoid?

No its a fair point.

Thailand has made itself into something of a joke country by its advocacy of its sex industry.

For a country of such national pride, I wonder if they realize what an international laughing stock it has become (fair or otherwise)

Yes you will get people thinking 'is she?', but if you're shunned as a result - then these people weren't really worth knowing anyway.

[bino]

I do know what you mean, and this has happened to me also.

My home is a tiny community of about 600 people on a 40 square kilometer island. Everyone knows everyone. And there isn't much to do there, so the biggest entertainment is gossiping. Most of my friends from school who are still there will never leave and can't imagine that there is a big world out there full of people.

When they found out I was moving to Thailand, the buzz ran through the community... questioning my morals based on the stigma of Thailand, even more so when they found out I was living with a Thai girlfriend.

I took her home for Christmas last year, and everyone was speechless and stupefied. She was by far the best looking woman on the island, and she charmed everyone with her smile, intelligence and friendliness. I was ever so proud!

I think most of the close minded people in my community learned a lesson. Those who didn't... &lt;deleted&gt; them. They won't change our life one bit.

Edited May 16, 2005 by bino

[OxfordWill]

Definitely not just you, but I am always aware of the possibility of being offended so I offer the fact I have a thai partner almost straight away to avoid it.

Edit :To actually answer the question: I find it is either

- complete envy (from those 'in the know')

- or indifference (from those who 'just dont know')

- or a sly smile (from those who 'think they are in the know')

Edited May 16, 2005 by OxfordWill

[Insight]

am i being paranoid?

Thailand has made itself into something of a joke country by its advocacy of its sex industry.

For a country of such national pride, I wonder if they realize what an international laughing stock it has become (fair or otherwise)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My girlfriends' father does, but that's perhaps because he worked with Americans during the Vietnam war. He won't consent to me taking my girlfriend back to the UK until we're engaged, and that's because he has a good idea what many people will be thinking. Fair play to him.

A typical conversation I have with taxi drivers back in the UK when talking about Thailand:

Driver: "Oooohhh, Thailand! Be careful of the girls around there!"

Me: "Why? Have you ever been?"

"Erm.... No.... But my mate has.... It's a bit too far for me, like..."

Yawn fckin big yawn.

[Totster]

am i being paranoid?

Thailand has made itself into something of a joke country by its advocacy of its sex industry.

For a country of such national pride, I wonder if they realize what an international laughing stock it has become (fair or otherwise)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My girlfriends' father does, but that's perhaps because he worked with Americans during the Vietnam war. He won't consent to me taking my girlfriend back to the UK until we're engaged, and that's because he has a good idea what many people will be thinking. Fair play to him.

A typical conversation I have with taxi drivers back in the UK when talking about Thailand:

Driver: "Oooohhh, Thailand! Be careful of the girls around there!"

Me: "Why? Have you ever been?"

"Erm.... No.... But my mate has.... It's a bit too far for me, like..."

Yawn fckin big yawn.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah... "Ladyboy" nearly always pops up in the conversation...

totster

[khunlungphudhu]

Ignore them Spuds, you have said it already, what really matters is how the two of you feel about each other!

Others can like it or lump it!

Their problem is either bigotry or jealousy, niether makes them big enough to be worth knowing.

Good luck to the two of you.

Peter.

[markt]

The worst one for me was the woman working at the building society.

Her question - "and your wifes name?"

My reply - "jamnongjit".

Woman - "Oh, that's an unusual name".

Me - "It's Thai, she's from Thailand".

Woman -

She looked fairly uncomfortable to say the least.

Don't know why.

[Boo]

Spud, I've been asked if I have a mail order husband, did I bring him back in my suitcase, does he speak english, a few people shout speak at him when they think he can't & generaly we gets a few ignorant prats asking some ignorant questions or making some ignorant comments. Does it bother him?? No. Does it bother me? A bit! Why?? cause I don't want his feelings hurt but also because I can't beleive that the UK has those kind of morons still in this days & age.

But the people, who after finding out where he is from, take a real interest in the culture, religion, comparisions between the UK & LOS & who try their hardest to make him feel welcome & included, far outway the small minority of idiots who have never even been to Thailand but profess to know it all.

Don't worry about it too much & enjoy the fact that the g/f finally has the chance to go to England & you'll be together at last. It really is true, when you are with someone you love & respect, what others think, becomes insignificant

[Spee]

How do/did your friends/collegues or people you know act when they found out you have a Thai partner?

Hope you understand what im trying to say!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The biggest thing I find is when people (my family especially) keep bugging me with the old white anglo line of "so when are you getting married?"

It bugs the crap out of me, because they don't really understand that even though we aren't married yet, we have a relationship, we have a house, I have a relationship with her daughter and her immediate family.

They don't understand or appreciate that in Thai culture, in many ways we are effectively married. It is just the western formality of having the big formal ceremony, party, etc.

We will have it someday, but that is not the driving factor in the relationship. We want to be married, but it is not the driving factor in her life nor mine.

[NaiGreg]

... "Oh, she's Thai? How do you like living in Taiwan?"

[snoophound]

At work there are 50 or so couriers, which i hardly see as we work alone but when we have chance to talk, (start/end of day) i feel as though they find it really funny or weird. I dont mix with these people and dont really know them well

Are you going to be taking her on your courier run???

Dont worry,they will all be lusting after her and booking trips to Thailand.

Its tougher if you are an exec with the usual dinner circle committments.again the men lust and the women snicker.

Couldnt fit the whole question on the title,

How do/did your friends/collegues or people you know act when they found out you have a Thai partner?

The reason i ask is just being curious.

As this will be my 3rd trip i have been to thailand this year, alot of people ask me obviously why i keep going back. (I see alot of the same people every day who i know to talk too as i deliver to them, being a courier)

Alot of my usual deliveries are to people who know i have a thai fiance, and know the story. But to people who generally ask where i am going on holiday or if i have a girlfriend, seem to well........ Look at me funny or to put it better i feel i know what they are thinking (with the stero typing of thai girls).

Sometimes people ask where i'm going. Thailand! i say. only to be replied with "ohh we know why your going there!" and when i reply my fiance is thai they look at me strange and look a bit embarrassed. This i suppose can be expected, but i feel i get it a lot when ever i mention to someone who doesnt really know me, that i have a thai partner.

At work there are 50 or so couriers, which i hardly see as we work alone but when we have chance to talk, (start/end of day) i feel as though they find it really funny or weird. I dont mix with these people and dont really know them well.

Now i would expect it if i was 40 or 50 plus, old, ugly, with a 20 year old girl friend.

but im not, im 30, atheletic, ive been told im good looking,  previous 3 girlfriends were models, so its not that they find amusing. So what is it?

I'm not really putting the question across very good and i am finding it difficult to find the right words to explain what i mean. 

Basically, do you have the same reaction when people find out for the first time you are envolved with a thai? Do you feel like people are talking about it behind your back? I have walked into a room with so call friends talking and laughing about it.

It doesnt bother me one little bit, i love my GF and thats all i care about but has anyone experienced something similar.

Or is it those little voices in my head again.

Hope you understand what im trying to say!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[otherstuff1957]

My wife met family and friends for the first time this week (we're visiting California now). So far everything has been ok. Of course, fewer Americans go to Thailand, so they aren't as aware of its' reputation.

[Thomas_Merton]

Spuds,

Prepare yourself for the worst.

In my previous job, I gradually became aware of small irritating differences from before I got married: lunchtime conversations started to become a little stilted (nothing was ever said directly); a couple of female friends became difficult to talk to; invitations to parties or booze-ups seemed to fall off; the lads seemed strained in their manner - not as much laughing and joking.

I took the bull by the horns, when I missed out on a promotion, quit and moved closer to my family.

The wife is totally accepted by my family, as I'm sure yours will be.

I am what I am in my new job. Saying to myself, any sign of attitude and I'll give as hard as I get. Fortunately this has not been necessary.

Whatever you do, don't give up on the wife. It's the other bast*rds you can do without.

Best of luck.

[devildog683]

Spuds,

Whatever you do, don't give up on the wife. It's the other bast*rds you can do without.

Best of luck.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Exactly, your wife-to-be should be your number one priority now. In my life, my wife comes before everything, and the sacrifice will be well worth it in the end.

[Gary A]

I think people who worry about what their countryman think are paranoid. A few years ago I went back to the states and was quizzed about what I was doing and where I lived. I replied that I was very happy living in THAILAND! One of the guys said he had heard about that place. Since he is a know it all I just ignored him. His next question was, "So what do you think about the people in TAIWAN".

The bottom line here is that it is my life and I must live it to suit myself. There is only one person on earth who can make you happy or unhappy. YOU!

[snoophound]

Yes its truly fascinating how limited the knowledge of the rest of the world is in the USA.

I travel a lot on business and it never ceased to amaze me how few educated americans knew where New Zealand was......until XENA and now of course Lord of the Rings.

I think people who worry about what their countryman think are paranoid. A few years ago I went back to the states and was quizzed about what I was doing and where I lived. I replied that I was very happy living in THAILAND! One of the guys said he had heard about that place. Since he is a know it all I just ignored him. His next question was, "So what do you think about the people in TAIWAN".

The bottom line here is that it is my life and I must live it to suit myself. There is only one person on earth who can make you happy or unhappy. YOU!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[TizMe]

Last week my cousin, a 41 year old man with 3 university degrees, said to me "Thailand, is that near Bali?"

[devildog683]

reactions vary from surprise to envy to scorn to "i mean well when i tell you this...(insert farang/thai relationship horror story)......."

[mbkudu]

Americans are fairly ignorant of the world around them, so I usually here something like: "So, does she speak Thai.......wanese, or no it must be just Thai, right?" Never have had any snide, rude or condescending comments from anybody here in the US. They are curious and think my situation is at least odd, but intriguing.

[Padkapow Guy]

... "Oh, she's Thai? How do you like living in Taiwan?"

I wish I had a nickle for every time I heard that one. I could retire early.

best thai joke that I've heard. Told too me by my brother.

brother - I hear you are working for the railroad?

me - what , I don't understand, who told you that.

brother - You are laying thai's(ties) aren't you.

[Zarkow]

Well, how to start...

Since me and my wife lived 'back home' for almost 2 years before moving to BKK, situations arose. Or even before she moved and I had to go to intervjues and so on.

It's not like I spend the days thinking about what others think, but when a woman that never ever had anything remotely like a bargirl-job or anything, that only studied at university and so on, get treated like she is a bargirl with an 50 year old 'sugardaddy', it annoys me since I know it hurts her feelings. It's not fun being looked down on.

Sure, have seen some looks in Thailand, but here it's harder to know...since they don't say anything. But back home we unfortuanly have a couple of more winos at bus-stations then needed and we have a saying: "from kids and winos you will hear the truth" - and it's not always plesent. (Btw, our winos have no problem locating Thailand on a map... :] )

Would it have been easier to have had a girlfriend from my own country? Ofcourse. But it's not like I choosed. Love choose me.

[Pink Mist]

I think the Aussies must be more accepting or open minded, at first there was concern from friends had I done the right thing etc, but after meeting and getting to know her, it's total acceptance.

[pnustedt]

I had quite sniggers from old mates in the UK and other comments when I married her were "she's so lucky - she'll be able to get a British passport now!" They just couldn't get their head around the fact that we would never want to live in UK.

[ThaiPauly]

Hi Spudsie,

All the Posters so far have been pretty much spot on.

When I first met my Wife-to-be and then came back to the UK some of my "so called" freinds were obvious in their distain or it could be jelously- especially for one idiot who was open in his condemnation of my situation to my face (but his girlfreind told me one night that she never gives him BJ's so that may explain a lot.) One of my freinds Girlfreinds asked why I could not get a proper English girlfreind- to which I replied that I did not want one which quite took her aback. Pure ignorance.

My REAL freinds were very supportive and very happy for me and we chat every week on e-mail.

My immediate family never had any problems with it, mainly because I already have one Son living here and the other 2 visit regularly, and my Mum and Dad are too nieve to know anything about LOS. But my Brother-In-Law was very anti. He said nothing but you could tell. (Other Posters have put this very well, you just KNOW what they are thinking). Even when he met my wife he did not speak to her except to say hello and goodbye but his grown up children told my Mum she was a lot nicer than my last Farang Wife!

I have two Sisters who live out a mundane existance, married to the same guy all their lives, regulation 2.4 kids regualr jobs, holidays on the South Coast, same place every year... me 4 marriages, 3 great Sons had my own Business and live a very happy life HERE. My life has had more than it's fair share of ups and downs whilst theirs has been steady and in IMO boring. My life has never been like that.

Stuck up -holier than thou attidues are part of the cross we have to bear for our happiness. Would you change your situation to appease them.? Answer will be NO right?

So like many others I say fukc them all, let them get on with their misserable lives and we will get on with enjoying ours

You have to do the same-remember you are probably the happiest you have ever been, but you are never gonna change other peoples attitudes-so don't bother

ENJOY YOUR HAPPINESS NOW- &lt;deleted&gt; to em!

Cheers

TP

[Jai Dee]

I think the Aussies must be more accepting or open minded, at first there was concern from family and friends had I done the right thing etc, but after meeting and getting to know her, it's total acceptance and approval .

I've taken the liberty of modifying your post to reflect my own case Bronco.

Sure when we go back to Oz we get looks from various people, but that doesn't particularly bother us. Everyone that's met my girl and spent some time with her soon discovers that not only is she good looking, but intelligent, charming, and totally devoted to me.

[The Phoenix]

How do/did your friends/collegues or people you know act when they found out you have a Thai partner?

Hope you understand what im trying to say!!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The biggest thing I find is when people (my family especially) keep bugging me with the old white anglo line of "so when are you getting married?"

It bugs the crap out of me, because they don't really understand that even though we aren't married yet, we have a relationship, we have a house, I have a relationship with her daughter and her immediate family.

They don't understand or appreciate that in Thai culture, in many ways we are effectively married. It is just the western formality of having the big formal ceremony, party, etc.

We will have it someday, but that is not the driving factor in the relationship. We want to be married, but it is not the driving factor in her life nor mine.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This is true that in western culture, people will keep asking you, quite directly :"so when are you getting married?"

In Thailand, they will maybe not tell YOU but will anyway think the same and ask your girlfriend quite often, I think: "so when are you getting married?"