Would You Accept/appreciate/demand A Sin Sod For Your Daughter?

[WinnieTheKhwai]

This topic originated in another discussion where some people made references to looking forward to receiving a sin sod (bride price, "dowry" (it's not technically a dowry)) for their daughter when she gets married. Possibly this was in jest, but let's test that with a poll.

I included rationales with each option. Obviously in any poll it's impossible to capture the entire gamut of feelings towards the topic. Feel free to fine-tune your response with a post below.

[Birdman]

No

[Moonrakers]

2,555 posts Winnie and you are starting yet another Sin Sod thread.

You should know better by now.

Edited March 9, 2010 by Moonrakers

[WinnieTheKhwai]

2,555 posts Winnie and you are starting yet another Sin Sod thread.

You should know better by now.

I would agree with you that these topics tend to be incredibly tedious, and it's all been said 100 times.......from the position of being on the receiving end of a sin sod request!

This poll turns the tables to put people in the position of potentially receiving some money, as opposed to being asked to part with it. I'm testing if this affects people's feelings. I hope this will provide a more impartial exploration of the topic. Feel free to skip it though.

Edited March 9, 2010 by WinnieTheKhwai

[Huey]

I was in a very difficult situation where, sure, I had a choice but it was like the lesser of two evils. Pay and comprimise your integrity, but honor your wife and new family, or refuse and keep your integrity in tact but cause a rift between your new wife and her family.

I HATE the concept and I will not have any parts of it nor will my wife allow it either. No, it ends with me. If my son marries a Thai and he wants to pay it that's on him, but not a baht will come from me. he will pay money he earned by himself. Just like I did, I'm his Father not a pimp to buy his woman for him.

[Maizefarmer]

Nope - its an outdated fuedal practise with little practical place in modern Thai society.

[mmushr00m]

Seems so far Im the only one that voted..... "If it's discussed/offered I would likely accept it, and thren retrn it to the couple, it's tradition"...

I mean why not? its tradition and should be respected. The sin sod should be a token, not extortion. And IMO its better then the other tradition of having a massive wedding reception inviting everyone just for show. That I will not have and if the lil b'stards want that they can pay for it themselves!!!

[Moonrakers]

OK, to give an answer.

I don't even think about it. And if somebody else is even considering it where my daughter is concerned then they are completely barking up the wrong tree. Accepting an amount would be like agreeing upon a monetary value for my daughter whom as far as I am concerned is priceless.

[mark45y]

I am assuming no posters have a teenage daughter or even worse a daughter in her early 20’s. Maybe daughters are different in the States where the father of the bride happily pays for the wedding.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Couldn't agree more.

Interesting results so far though, but it's early days.

[DP25]

Would discourage it, but if the daughter really wanted to would go along with it

[MSingh]

For any Western Father of a Daughter here, if they haven't voted for that bottom option, just WOW !!!!!

I voted bottom & am a proud Western Father off a half Thai/Half English little Girl who is the best thing in my life, bar none.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Yes indeed.. (Note that my 'I couldn't aree more' was in reference to Moonraker's post, so the same opinion as yours, above)

Edited March 9, 2010 by WinnieTheKhwai

[DP25]

What if she wants to do it, even if everything is given back? Would people refuse to go through with the ceremony?

[WinnieTheKhwai]

I would. This is one case where (a segment of Thai culture) really is completely opposed from typical Western culture; Some Thai families would perceive they gain face by a big display of money and gold. To me however it would be the ultimate loss of face, as people in my family would most likely perceive it as selling a daughter, as that's what it looks like. Losses of face (to me) don't come bigger than that.

And it's sexist as well.

Edited March 9, 2010 by WinnieTheKhwai

[yabaaaa]

If they were Thai Id set it at 100 million that should stop it dead in its tracks

[BigWheelMan]

This is our daughters we are talking about, not some item to be manipulated for profit

No self respecting parent would ever sell their daughters for any price and that includes the highest bidder.

As far as I'm concerned, the whole sin sot thing is a scam and any parent that participates is scum.

Any girl in Thailand that will permit herself to be an item with some guy purely on the grounds of finances is no more than a lady of ill repute.

The sin sot system may have been relevant in the past as an agreement between poor villagers just to ensure security for the girl and her children and give the parents peace of mind, but it certainly does not pertain today if the guy is already financially established enough to support a family.

My daughters have been well taught about people and the facts of life. They will choose their own partners and just like any responsible and loving parent, I hope they choose wisely, not marrying some out the gutter loser or has been dreg because he has a few bob.

My children mean everything to me and I cannot see the point of a thread where some parents would actually consider giving the hands of their daughters for money or material possessions.

Anyone that would consider the sin sot for their daughter is weird and definitely not a suitable parent, also in the pimp class, and any guy that would throw away his life`s assets for some gold digger is either desperate or two cans short of a six pack.

Edited March 9, 2010 by BigWheelMan

[MSingh]

This is our daughters we are talking about, not some item to be manipulated for profit

No self respecting parent would ever sell their daughters for any price and that includes the highest bidder.

As far as I'm concerned, the whole sin sot thing is a scam and any parent that participates is scum.

Any girl in Thailand that will permit herself to be an item with some guy purely on the grounds of finances is no more than a lady of ill repute.

The sin sot system may have been relevant in the past as an agreement between poor villagers just to ensure security for the girl and her children and give the parents peace of mind, but it certainly does not pertain today if the guy is already financially established enough to support a family.

My daughters have been well taught about people and the facts of life. They will choose their own partners and just like any responsible and loving parent, I hope they choose wisely, not marrying some out the gutter loser or has been dreg because he has a few bob.

My children mean everything to me and I cannot see the point of a thread where some parents would actually consider giving the hands of their daughters for money or material possessions.

Anyone that would consider the sin sot for their daughter is weird and definitely not a suitable parent, also in the pimp class, and any guy that would throw away his life`s assets for some gold digger is either desperate or two cans short of a six pack.

Hallajuhla ( or however it's spelt )..

You're bang on the money BWM on all of that, sadly there are lots of others who don't share that way of thinking but that's their perogative..

[a2396]

Sadly. or maybe not sadly, I don't have a daughter. If they really want to do this right they need to set up and "auction block" where they can sell her off to the highest bidder. Quick & easy I would think & no "mincing around" negotiating with relatives, etc. I think there is a similar one in Charleston, South Carolina, used in the "old days" for a bit different purpose, but similar none-the-less.

[a2396]

A fitting architectural monument to the practice. Maybe it could be replicated in BKK or better yet Issan.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Sadly. or maybe not sadly, I don't have a daughter. If they really want to do this right they need to set up and "auction block" where they can sell her off to the highest bidder. Quick & easy I would think & no "mincing around" negotiating with relatives, etc. I think there is a similar one in Charleston, South Carolina, used in the "old days" for a bit different purpose, but similar none-the-less.

LOL! I can toally see a social networking / e-commerce site to streamline that... I'm registering www.FaceBay.com

[elkangorito]

Anyone that would consider the sin sot for their daughter is weird and definitely not a suitable parent, also in the pimp class, and any guy that would throw away his life`s assets for some gold digger is either desperate or two cans short of a six pack.

Before I continue, I whole heartedly agree with your post.

In the meantime, maybe Winniethepooh could create a poll about "Who is stupid enough to fall for the outdated/outmoded Sin Sot rubbish."

[tijnebijn]

I was in a very difficult situation where, sure, I had a choice but it was like the lesser of two evils. Pay and comprimise your integrity, but honor your wife and new family, or refuse and keep your integrity in tact but cause a rift between your new wife and her family.

I HATE the concept and I will not have any parts of it nor will my wife allow it either. No, it ends with me. If my son marries a Thai and he wants to pay it that's on him, but not a baht will come from me. he will pay money he earned by himself. Just like I did, I'm his Father not a pimp to buy his woman for him.

I agree, especially the last part .

I've got two sons , and tell them over and over again ( the oldest one ) to be careful with his choices ,

in Thailand when they know they 'go' together they make them marry immediately , very sad .

So if he chooses one and her parents come over to my place about this they come at the wrong place , I don't care about culture on this one , when my children are happy I'm happy , but just keep it normal please .

He knows it and if he goes on with it , its a nice lesson for him how hard it is to keep money while working .

We foreigners didn't have it easy while our children were growing up in Thailand , constant paperwork and visa extensions without any chance of residency , okay Thai bureaucracy and we got used to it .

But its one of the main reasons why I will not succumb to all and every ' Thai way ' , actually its one of those little opportunities

to have a good reason to let them see the farang dad is different and make them believe I do not understand because I'm so stupid , the thought makes me so happy .

We deserve some respect too , and I will not change my mind on this .

[sarahsbloke]

I paid sin-sot, not a large amount as I was buying second hand.

Directly my daughter is 13 ....... she will be marrying the oldest richest white person I can find (hopefully with not long to live and with a judges permission of course, got to keep it legal)

As well as a multi million sin-sot, the old guy will be building her a house on family land, car, etc ...... then divorce/widowed and do it all again.

Edited May 14, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[fletchsmile]

It's a tradition that requires an open mind for many Westerners to accept. Sin Sod is acceptable and appropriate in the right circumstances.

For the question asked: my answer would be that it would be largely the choice of my daughter and wife, in that order, and of course depending on circumstances. I hope we'd bring up our daughter to be educated enough about life to make the right decision in the right circumstances. If I thought she was making a mistake, I'd tell her so...

[fletchsmile]

... Oh and if she brought home some guy from Thai Visa, and I survived such a nasty shock, then I'd be demanding millions... in pound sterling

[kevozman1]

Now I am not a fan of this sin sod business myself

but that does not mean it is evil or pimping.

Lets be honest, it is good in some ways. Means the

man is really interested in having a partner, a wife.

For all you self righteous fathers here condemning

the sin sod that is a old custom, older than

the existance of USA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you think that the way you will allow your daughter to

find a partner is any better, shagging around and meeting men

that you have no idea whether they want a fuc_k toy or partner

becasue they have made no real gesture to suggest a

real relationship will occure. Do you think your daughters

will be any happier with this?????????

[LazyYogi]

If and when I ever had a daughter and the time came for her to marry, I would not accept any money for her to marry.

[elkangorito]

Maybe Winniethepooh could create a poll about "Who is stupid enough to fall for the outdated/outmoded Sin Sot rubbish."

Winnie, your new nick is hereby "WinnieThePollKhwai"

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Thanks!!

I think this poll turned out rather well to be honest, with a surprising result (to me anyway)