Think Long Think Hard ! Be Warned !

[davidthai]

What matters now it the present and the future , the past is history , get out now with your child while you have your sanity and your life , some people are unfortunate to be born the way your wife is and may not be able to change

[ThailandLovr]

I got visas for my first Thai-wife-from-hel_l and her two boys to come to the states, which they did. Soon thereafter she began looking for a man with more money that I had, cheating in front of my face, while methodically wiping me out financially. I told her I was buying 3 one-way tickets for them all to go back to Thailand. At first she said ok, but then said she wanted to stay in the U.S. I said fine, but you can get your boyfriends to take care of her because I wasn't, and I never gave her another dime. She moved in with some friends, got assistance from the state, etc. Eventually landed a new poor sucker nearby, and I think is now on easy street. Now I am in Thailand dam_n near broke and she is in the states. Go figure.

Good luck dmax.

[Forethat]

1. Dont make hasty decisions

2. Get legal advice

3. When you have a clear picture of you options, THEN think it over

4. Think it over again...

5. ...and again

6. Make a decision

7. Stick to your decision

The important thing is, you have to make the decision yourself, but I advice you to seek support amongst friends and family. You come across as an emotional guy, this may not be the kind of situation where that is a good thing. I also get the impression you prioritize your kid, and that is certainly key.

Good luck, mate.

[lopburi3]

Several more posts have been removed for quotes of removed flames - please refresh your view if in any doubt - there should not be any flames and there should not be any more quotes of them unless it is deliberate and warnings will then be justified.

[bifftastic]

hey moron you thin k im going to sit and let the likes of you insult me ? prick!!

I just thought that if it might help, perhaps she could voice her own feelings here, just to help sort things out for all of you. Now I reckon that's not likely to help much. Good luck.

You're rather an unsavoury sort of character by these continual insults without askance. I suggest maybe it's best for all concerned that you go alone from now on.

Hardly without provocation, he told us of his problems and your suggestion was to make a movie out of them! You probably thought that was funny. A thought that crossed your mind and maybe made you smile, not really all that helpful and, perhaps, something that could have stayed in your mind rather than posting it here?

Did you think making a movie script of his situation would help? How exactly would that help?

There are situations where 'witty' remarks like that one add something to discussions. This wasn't one off them.

Yes, it was just the first thing that came to my mind, since people were admonishing the lack of paragraphs. I was only thinking of a positive sleight on a sordid kind of story. Maybe it would have been better if I'd just called you and the OP a moron and be done with it, eh? Are you happy now?

Yes, I see now, you were trying to help, to bring a smile to everyones face, to shed a little light in the darkness that is our hopeless existence. Thanks Sean, you're a diamond.

Your comments don't affect my happiness one way or the other, but it's more in line with your usual comments, so it's probably made you happy, or what passes for happy in your life. Making yourself feel better/smarter than everyone else by trying to belittle others.

Good luck with that.

[anon7867763]

Take your child & leave her. Do it now, it won't get any easier if you wait.

i dont want her taking the baby to thailand with her. also i dont want to split up because i split from my ex wife 12 yrs ago and it hurt my other daughter back then, i seen the pain she went through and she still tells me it hurt her a lot, kids are definately adversely affected by break ups, what im trying to do is hang on , my heads telling me to get out ,my heart wont let me go. if i went now my wife would lose her job, she would have no money coming in and would probably go back to thailand , if she loses her job and cannot do things without me there then my kid suffers as a result of that. im going to stay on for the long rough ride .

If the baby was born in your homeland , under no circumstances does she have any legal right to take your child out of the country without your permission in writing.If she does it will be referred to Interpol as a kidnap case..Your kid will suffer more with her around.There are only 2 choices

1.She agrees to get psyciatric help (you have to try it , you owe it to your kid) also , maybe she is without freinds , try to help her make some freindships outside the marraige , everyone needs a life

2.get rid of her and if she goes back , make your life , you and your baby , it sounds hard and it is but from what you told us , she´s a real psycho and your kid will suffer big time if this is not sorted out

Anyway , good luck

[SeanMoran]

Yes, I see now, you were trying to help, to bring a smile to everyones face, to shed a little light in the darkness that is our hopeless existence. Thanks Sean, you're a diamond.

Your comments don't affect my happiness one way or the other, but it's more in line with your usual comments, so it's probably made you happy, or what passes for happy in your life. Making yourself feel better/smarter than everyone else by trying to belittle others.

Good luck with that.

Yes, that's a much better way to go about this caper, although I am not the one with the woman problems, so it is they who you should wish the best of luck to, not me. Thanks for clearing up this misunderstanding anyway, mate.

[whiterussian]

Get a trust fund for the kid set up first.

http://www.childtrustfund.gov.uk/

Child Trust Fund (CTF) is a savings and investment account for children. Children born on or after 1 September 2002 will receive a £250 voucher to start their account. The account belongs to the child and can't be touched until they turn 18, so that children have some money behind them to start their adult life.

[up-country_sinclair]

No disrespect to the OP, but perhaps he should have thought a bit longer and harder before marrying the thai girl he married.

I don't know how many tens of millions of thai women there are, and such broad generalizations do not make sense to me.

From what I read in your post, your relationship appears to be beyond repair at this point. Good luck moving forward.

Edited March 19, 2010 by up-country_sinclair

[anon7867763]

To the OP. Mate good on you for coming on here and telling the truth. The thing is with all these guys taking the piss about the writing. The same thing will be happening in there relelationship'S with there Thai partners but they wont admit it.

8 OUT OF 10 Thai - Farang relelationships fail. But when they have kids i would say its more like 10 out 10 fail. ( how many thai - Farang familys with there own children who are 12 or over do you see on a day out ) i must have seen about 2 the whole time i have lived in thailand i have been here for 5 years ! )

I am to with Thai girl ( we have been together for 5 years now ) and we have a kid . Going ok so far but being honest i cant see us still together in 10 years. The culture thing is just to different. There will come a time were i will say i have had enough and hopefully if we to part ways can stay friends for are child's sake.

Most Thai - Farang relationships only works with weak and desrate farangs who will put up with anything just to stay with there thai partner. Most Farangs who can think and act for them selfs soon get fed up and just say enought is enough. I am yet to meet a Thai - Farang couple who have been together ( i mean lived together in Thailand , not with the guy just coming here for 2 months each year ) for more than 11 years is the longest i have seen, with my mate but they have just broke up. Apart from that its seems to be 7 or 8 years max.

I know several falang / thai couples with kids who are very happy and stable , the fact is that couples with kids are breaking up all over the world.I have a Thai wife for 5 years now , we are very happy together and I am certainly not weak or desparate and neither is she.

Falang / Thai relationships can work very well but most people jump into relationships in Thailand and that´s the main problem.

I knew my Thai wife for 4 years before we got together so i did it right (or I was lucky).Anyway I would say that 7-8 years is the average length of relationships around the world and those who have lasted longer , most of them SHOULD have split up.

[Boo]

Providing the op is giving us an as unbiased account of the situation then imo the first thing is to keep a dairy detailing her behavior. 2nd is to STOP any kind of violence towards her even if provoked. She only need to report you to the police once & she will be on easy street to benefits, further leave to remain & eventually citizenship as the victim of domestic abuse. 3rd, Try to get voice recorded or video evidence of her talking bad to the child & you, general temper tantrums & any other dangerous behavior. 4th; Keep a diary of your involvement with the child. This will go a long way to prove you are the better parent for custody if it ever comes to it. Once you have this information I would present her with it & tell her that she is free to return to thailand with her 100k & you keep your daughter. She may agree & if she doesn't take it to a solicitor. I would also remove all of the childs passports & birth certs from the house & store them with someone you trust.

Lastly, never leave for a day or 2 again, if she can prove in court that you have walked out on several occasions it will, imo, go against you. Stay at all costs even if it means taking your daughter out for a long walk to calm down & allow each other some space.

[Kadafi]

Holy crap, ever heard of paragraphs???

Gave up reading after 3-4 lines....

[ThailandLovr]

"No disrespect to the OP, but perhaps he should have thought a bit longer and harder before marrying the thai girl he married."

My God upcountry_sinc, shoulda shoulda shoulda. Don't we all have lives full of "should ofs"? I know I do.

Maybe the is the LOS ("Land of Shouldas").

[a2396]

To the OP. Mate good on you for coming on here and telling the truth. The thing is with all these guys taking the piss about the writing. The same thing will be happening in there relelationship'S with there Thai partners but they wont admit it.

8 OUT OF 10 Thai - Farang relelationships fail. But when they have kids i would say its more like 10 out 10 fail. ( how many thai - Farang familys with there own children who are 12 or over do you see on a day out ) i must have seen about 2 the whole time i have lived in thailand i have been here for 5 years ! )

I am to with Thai girl ( we have been together for 5 years now ) and we have a kid . Going ok so far but being honest i cant see us still together in 10 years. The culture thing is just to different. There will come a time were i will say i have had enough and hopefully if we to part ways can stay friends for are child's sake.

Most Thai - Farang relationships only works with weak and desrate farangs who will put up with anything just to stay with there thai partner. Most Farangs who can think and act for them selfs soon get fed up and just say enought is enough. I am yet to meet a Thai - Farang couple who have been together ( i mean lived together in Thailand , not with the guy just coming here for 2 months each year ) for more than 11 years is the longest i have seen, with my mate but they have just broke up. Apart from that its seems to be 7 or 8 years max.

I know several falang / thai couples with kids who are very happy and stable , the fact is that couples with kids are breaking up all over the world.I have a Thai wife for 5 years now , we are very happy together and I am certainly not weak or desparate and neither is she.

Falang / Thai relationships can work very well but most people jump into relationships in Thailand and that´s the main problem.

I knew my Thai wife for 4 years before we got together so i did it right (or I was lucky).Anyway I would say that 7-8 years is the average length of relationships around the world and those who have lasted longer , most of them SHOULD have split up.

Thai/Farang couples with a previous Thai husbands kids or ones the Farang produced with the lady? I would say it does make some difference. Many of these guys get "rail-roaded" into a quick marriage, because of the GF's prodding, usually because it means quick money for her & her family. If one could take the greed and the money factor out as a major, if not THE motivation for marriage here, things might be a bit less rocky.

[MJP]

You have stated on more than one occasion that she goes crazy,and her family seem to have a bolt loose somewhere.

My question is

WHY THE hel_l DID YOU HAVE A REALTIONSHIP WITH A LOONEY AND HER LOONEY FAMILY.

I think your ubringing thught this was normal.

MY FRIEND,THIS BEHAVIOUR IS NOT NORMAL

It's not normal, but it's pretty common. I have been married to one of these creatures, basically I felt sorry for her and thought I could change the world. I was young. Very naieve.

But things worked out well for me in the end. Her family have been very supportive and we made the situation stable. I'd still have rather avoided the whole thing, I'd like to say it's been an experience and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger . . . but 2009 was a scary, depressing and fraught time. Worst year in what has not been an easy life.

The OP is right. Avoid.

[up-country_sinclair]

"No disrespect to the OP, but perhaps he should have thought a bit longer and harder before marrying the thai girl he married."

My God upcountry_sinc, shoulda shoulda shoulda. Don't we all have lives full of "should ofs"? I know I do.

Maybe the is the LOS ("Land of Shouldas").

I was making reference to the title of the thread.

[RAZZELL]

To the OP

I know Thai women don't like talking about their emotions etc...But is your relationship beyond repair?

Do you still "love" each other? Is it worth going to counselling? Maybe go to a local temple and see if there's anyone there who can offer support or guidance?

Think long and hard about your next step and good luck.

RAZZ

[MAJIC]

Dmax

A sorry situation for you,had a similiar acromonious divorce many years ago.

What will become clear as time goes on is that you are banging your head against a brick wall.

There is no way this woman is suddenly going to change back to the woman you fell in love with.

Not too clear if you are in the UK or not? if you are, see a good Solicitor and get this (unreasonable behavior) as

termed in a divorce case, logged with your Solicitor for future reference,it will also help if it comes to going for custody for the child.

I suspect your Solicitor will advise you to get your child out of this dangerous situation as soon ASAP.

He will also no doubt advise you not to lay a finger on her,otherwise you will be escorted out of your house in a matter of hours.

The future does look bleak at the moment,but believe me in time "The Sun will shine again for you"

Good Luck

[dmax]

1. Dont make hasty decisions

2. Get legal advice

3. When you have a clear picture of you options, THEN think it over

4. Think it over again...

5. ...and again

6. Make a decision

7. Stick to your decision

The important thing is, you have to make the decision yourself, but I advice you to seek support amongst friends and family. You come across as an emotional guy, this may not be the kind of situation where that is a good thing. I also get the impression you prioritize your kid, and that is certainly key.

Good luck, mate.

thanks mate though only emotional at times like this obviously.

[soundman]

Posts have been removed for flaming, posting in an un-civilised manner & genereally being nasty.

If the topic continues in this pattern, it will get locked.

.......................

The OP looks like he is going through a rough patch, pls. take it easy on the guy & try to offer genuine advice that may make his situation a little more bearable.

[MJP]

Posts have been removed for flaming, posting in an un-civilised manner & genereally being nasty.

If the topic continues in this pattern, it will get locked.

.......................

The OP looks like he is going through a rough patch, pls. take it easy on the guy & try to offer genuine advice that may make his situation a little more bearable.

Second that. He's a nice chap that had a lot of hope for the future, has put in a lot of effort to make someone's life far better than it ever could have been.

He needs support. This is a tough situation for anyone to go through.

[dmax]

To the OP

I know Thai women don't like talking about their emotions etc...But is your relationship beyond repair?

Do you still "love" each other? Is it worth going to counselling? Maybe go to a local temple and see if there's anyone there who can offer support or guidance?

Think long and hard about your next step and good luck.

RAZZ

[/quot

cheers razz

[MJP]

There is one thing that hasn't been considered so far I think.

Post-natal depression.

It's a possibility.

[South]

First of all - to the OP. Better your child comes from a broken family than lives in one, is it not?

To the OP. Mate good on you for coming on here and telling the truth. The thing is with all these guys taking the piss about the writing. The same thing will be happening in there relelationship'S with there Thai partners but they wont admit it.

8 OUT OF 10 Thai - Farang relelationships fail. But when they have kids i would say its more like 10 out 10 fail. ( how many thai - Farang familys with there own children who are 12 or over do you see on a day out ) i must have seen about 2 the whole time i have lived in thailand i have been here for 5 years ! )

I am to with Thai girl ( we have been together for 5 years now ) and we have a kid . Going ok so far but being honest i cant see us still together in 10 years. The culture thing is just to different. There will come a time were i will say i have had enough and hopefully if we to part ways can stay friends for are child's sake.

Most Thai - Farang relationships only works with weak and desrate farangs who will put up with anything just to stay with there thai partner. Most Farangs who can think and act for them selfs soon get fed up and just say enought is enough. I am yet to meet a Thai - Farang couple who have been together ( i mean lived together in Thailand , not with the guy just coming here for 2 months each year ) for more than 11 years is the longest i have seen, with my mate but they have just broke up. Apart from that its seems to be 7 or 8 years max.

I've been married to a wonderful woman. Married for touching 19 years, knew her for a couple before that and lived here for most of that time. Unfortunately, totally because of MY behaviour we are now separated. It's not always the local people who are at fault!

[dmax]

Get a trust fund for the kid set up first.

http://www.childtrustfund.gov.uk/

Child Trust Fund (CTF) is a savings and investment account for children. Children born on or after 1 September 2002 will receive a £250 voucher to start their account. The account belongs to the child and can't be touched until they turn 18, so that children have some money behind them to start their adult life.

thanks ,got trust fund set up an all , she gets £80 per mth into it by direct debit

[patong]

only you can decide what the future holds, look if it's not working out move on, maybe for the best in the long run.

Edited March 19, 2010 by patong

[MJP]

First of all - to the OP. Better your child comes from a broken family than lives in one, is it not?

To the OP. Mate good on you for coming on here and telling the truth. The thing is with all these guys taking the piss about the writing. The same thing will be happening in there relelationship'S with there Thai partners but they wont admit it.

8 OUT OF 10 Thai - Farang relelationships fail. But when they have kids i would say its more like 10 out 10 fail. ( how many thai - Farang familys with there own children who are 12 or over do you see on a day out ) i must have seen about 2 the whole time i have lived in thailand i have been here for 5 years ! )

I am to with Thai girl ( we have been together for 5 years now ) and we have a kid . Going ok so far but being honest i cant see us still together in 10 years. The culture thing is just to different. There will come a time were i will say i have had enough and hopefully if we to part ways can stay friends for are child's sake.

Most Thai - Farang relationships only works with weak and desrate farangs who will put up with anything just to stay with there thai partner. Most Farangs who can think and act for them selfs soon get fed up and just say enought is enough. I am yet to meet a Thai - Farang couple who have been together ( i mean lived together in Thailand , not with the guy just coming here for 2 months each year ) for more than 11 years is the longest i have seen, with my mate but they have just broke up. Apart from that its seems to be 7 or 8 years max.

I've been married to a wonderful woman. Married for touching 19 years, knew her for a couple before that and lived here for most of that time. Unfortunately, totally because of MY behaviour we are now separated. It's not always the local people who are at fault!

That's a lovely quote. Very true. I remember the day my psychotic mother left, I was 11. That front door slamming for the final time brought the most natural and serene sigh of relief.

My daughter was badly affected whilst her mother was still around, she could sense something was wrong. Much happier now. She goes to visit during the school holidays.

[dmax]

There is one thing that hasn't been considered so far I think.

Post-natal depression.

It's a possibility.

[/quote

was on the phone earlier to my sister and she seems to think it is post natal depression but would my wife listen to a doctor, im going to try get her to see a doc, i did suggest this to her a few mths back as well explaining that maybe in my best thai( that maybe she was a little crazy in the head after she had the baby) she shrugged it off, she,s head strong and she doesnt take advice easy ,if she wants to do something she does it her way or no way.

the way my life is now living with her ? its like walking on egg shells waiting for the next explosion.

[bonobo]

You are in a tough position, and I don't envy your situation.

BUt I noticed you wrote that after she called you names, you "slapped her around her face."  It was after that that she held a knife to you.  

No matter the provocation, you can't take matters into your own hand like that unless it is to protect life and limb.  Being called names does not fall into that category.

In most marriage problems, it takes two to tango.  I only know what you posted, but take a look at yourself, too, to see how you might be contributing to the problem.  And if you truly want to work things out, you need to make a sea change on the things that you can change.

From your description, things look dire.  But they may not be hopeless.

Good luck!

[MJP]

There is one thing that hasn't been considered so far I think.

Post-natal depression.

It's a possibility.

[/quote

was on the phone earlier to my sister and she seems to think it is post natal depression but would my wife listen to a doctor, im going to try get her to see a doc, i did suggest this to her a few mths back as well explaining that maybe in my best thai( that maybe she was a little crazy in the head after she had the baby) she shrugged it off, she,s head strong and she doesnt take advice easy ,if she wants to do something she does it her way or no way.

the way my life is now living with her ? its like walking on egg shells waiting for the next explosion.

Thailand is still in the 1950's when it comes to attitudes towards mental health, hence one of the reasons mental health issues are so prevalent in this country.

I've been on anti-depressants. Anyway, one year I came over and left the pills behind. Had to get a prescription from Bangkok Hospital. Went in, explained the issue at reception . . . this is where it gets funny . . . they said, oh it's a head problem, you need to go to the neurological department. No I said, it's the mental health department. They wouldn't have it. So off we trudge to the neurology department on the top floor, only to have this big fake show put on by the staff up there and ended up in the nutters mental bit in the basement.

When the 'wife' saw the department name written in Thai. She laughed pointing at me saying 'this you?'

1954.