Married To An Alcoholic Farang

[Nam Kao]

Life w/o Chang??? Are You Bloody Mad!

[george]

Sorry Mods it was so much easier to cut and paste from P to here. Can you get the pictures here for these guys? I'm sure they would love the alternative 12 step program!!

Send me the pics or links to pics by pm or email admin[thaivisa.com] and I will upload them.

/George

[Gary A]

As far as the answers, the people who have drinking problems have to WANT to quit or at least slow down. Is it a disease? I'm not sure what the answer to that is. I'm having a really hard time quitting smoking. Is that a disease too? I may even be an alcholic but I didn't do well on the quiz. My body doesn't like beer nearly as well as I do. After a drunken night even smelling a beer in the morning would make me violently sick. My hangovers now last three days. I have found that there are several different kinds of drunks. As for myself I turn into a lover and the risk there is being punched by a jealous guy who has no sense of humor. There are feeling sorry for themselves crying drunks and the worst kind are the mean violent drunks. Those guys should definately quit before someone kills them or they kill someone else.

[Neeranam]

A drunk is a sick man trying to get better, not a bad man trying get well.

Alcoholism is the only disease that tries to convince you that you haven't got it.

As for those questions, I would have answered every single one a few years back.

I would say you are an alkie if you cannot have a couple of beers and stop without feeling crap.

[chownah]

A drunk is a sick man trying to get better, not a bad man trying get well.

Alcoholism is the only disease that tries to convince you that you haven't got it.

As for those questions, I would have answered every single one a few years back.

I would say you are an alkie if you cannot have a couple of beers and stop without feeling crap.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'd say your an alcoholic if you can not have a good life without alcohol. People who are not alcoholic can either drink...or not....it doesn't matter. If you want to know if you are an alcoholic or not then just try to go for two weeks without drinking. Go to your usual places....but don't drink. A person who is not alcoholic can do this and it is effortless...no problem...they could do it for months if needed. The alcoholic will know that something major is missing....its definitely not fun....etc.

I'm editing here to amplify on what I've said. To understand a disease it can be helpful to look at health. In understanding alcoholism it can be instructive to look at those who are clearly not alcoholic. A non-alcoholic person, when going to dinner does not think first about the wine list or order a beer. Most clearly non-alcoholic people do not consume alcohol at every meal. Most non-alcoholic people do not care to reply to a topic "10 best liquors" on TV. For most non-alcoholic people alcohol is not in anyway important in their lives....not a topic of convesation..does not enter their thoughts except on the few occasions that they do drink. Most non-alcoholic people, if asked their views on drinking, will not have an immediate reply...they have to think abit about what you want for an answer...because for non-alcoholic people alcohol is totally unimportant and has nothing to do with anything.....a non-issue......

Edited June 2, 2005 by chownah

[chownah]

And one last thing....I don't see anything wrong with being alcoholic. Many of my best friends are alcoholic. Their alcohol consumption is a really boring topic for me and a really vital one for them. If one of my friends is destroying their life with alcohol then I try to warn them and if it does no good then I just get out of their way and let them live (and die) in the manner of their own choosing.

[Khun Larry]

I am currently definitely married to an alcoholic Farang.

I can’t blame anyone but myself for where I am in life at this time.

Next Sunday is our one year anniversary, I’ll confront him and he must choose between me and alcohol. My bags are packed and the ticket to Thailand is confirmed. If he chooses alcohol all I have to do is to say good bye.

Wish me luck.

The unhappy Thai wife.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Surely did not happen in 1 year. Looks like you are correct, can't blame anyone but yourself.

Return to Thailand, better for all.

Chookdee

[Khun Larry]

I'd say your an alcoholic if you can not have a good life without alcohol.  People who are not alcoholic can either drink...or not....it doesn't matter.  If you want to know if you are an alcoholic or not then just try to go for two weeks without drinking.  Go to your usual places....but don't drink.  A person who is not alcoholic can do this and it is effortless...no problem...they could do it for months if needed.  The alcoholic will know that something major is missing....its definitely not fun....etc.

I'm editing here to amplify on what I've said.  To understand a disease it can be helpful to look at health.  In understanding alcoholism it can be instructive to look at those who are clearly not alcoholic.  A non-alcoholic person, when going to dinner does not think first about the wine list or order a beer.  Most clearly non-alcoholic people do not consume alcohol at every meal.  Most non-alcoholic people do not care to reply to a topic "10 best liquors" on TV.  For most non-alcoholic people alcohol is not in anyway important in their lives....not a topic of convesation..does not enter their thoughts except on the few occasions that they do drink.  Most non-alcoholic people, if asked their views on drinking, will not have an immediate reply...they have to think abit about what you want for an answer...because for non-alcoholic people alcohol is totally unimportant and has nothing to do with anything.....a non-issue......

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Interesting perspective. Useful info.

Kop Khun Krup

[Neeranam]

QUOTE(Neeranam @ 2005-06-01 21:49:39)

A drunk is a sick man trying to get better, not a bad man trying get well.

Alcoholism is the only disease that tries to convince you that you haven't got it.

As for those questions, I would have answered every single one a few years back.

I would say you are an alkie if you cannot have a couple of beers and stop without feeling crap.

I'd say your an alcoholic if you can not have a good life without alcohol. People who are not alcoholic can either drink...or not....it doesn't matter. If you want to know if you are an alcoholic or not then just try to go for two weeks without drinking. Go to your usual places....but don't drink. A person who is not alcoholic can do this and it is effortless...no problem...they could do it for months if needed. The alcoholic will know that something major is missing....its definitely not fun....etc.

I'm editing here to amplify on what I've said. To understand a disease it can be helpful to look at health. In understanding alcoholism it can be instructive to look at those who are clearly not alcoholic. A non-alcoholic person, when going to dinner does not think first about the wine list or order a beer. Most clearly non-alcoholic people do not consume alcohol at every meal. Most non-alcoholic people do not care to reply to a topic "10 best liquors" on TV. For most non-alcoholic people alcohol is not in anyway important in their lives....not a topic of convesation..does not enter their thoughts except on the few occasions that they do drink. Most non-alcoholic people, if asked their views on drinking, will not have an immediate reply...they have to think abit about what you want for an answer...because for non-alcoholic people alcohol is totally unimportant and has nothing to do with anything.....a non-issue......

Interesting post.

There are many types of alcoholic, IMO.

I think a "real" alcoholic will relate to the following.

Here is an extract from the first AA book:-

How many time people have said to us: "I can take it or leave it alone. Why can't he?" "Why don't you drink like a gentleman or quit?" "That fellow can't handle his liquor." "Why don't you try beer and wine?" "Lay off the hard stuff." "His will power must be weak." "He could stop if he wanted to." "She's such a sweet girl, I should think he'd stop for her sake." "The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again."

Now these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. We see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours.

Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone.

Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.

But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.

Here is a fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect he is incredibly dishonest and selfish. He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around. Yet early next morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplace the night before. If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over his house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the wastepipe. As matters grow worse, he begins to use a combination of high-powered sedative and liquor to quiet his nerves so he can go to work. Then comes the day when he simply cannot make it and gets drunk all over again. Perhaps he goes to a doctor who gives him morphine or some sedative with which to taper off. Then he begins to appear at hospitals and sanitariums.

This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly.

Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can't he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?

Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle.

We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink, as he may do for months or years, he reacts much like other men. We are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop. The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this.

These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body. If you ask him why he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. Sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility, but none of them really makes sense in the light of the havoc an alcoholic's drinking bout creates. They sound like the philosophy of the man who, having a headache, beats himself on the head with a hammer so that he can't feel the ache. If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off, or become irritated and refuse to talk.

Once in a while he may tell the truth. And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have. Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. But they often suspect they are down for the count.

How true this is, few realize. In a vague way their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal, but everybody hopefully awaits the day when the sufferer will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will.

The tragic truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day may not arrive. He has lost control. At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink." Or "What's the use anyhow?"

When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or to permanently insane. These stark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcohoholics throughout history. But for the grace of God, there would have been thousands more convincing demonstrations. So many want to stop but cannot.

for more here is the link - http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/

[Neeranam]

For the OP, a thing for wives of alkies.

http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/chapter_8.html

[strawberry]

you are the one with the problem right now suggest you get yourself to Al a non

[udon]

I think the OP is a troll.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Mate, before saying that the OP is a troll, check the poster's previous 17.

[chownah]

I think the OP is a troll.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Mate, before saying that the OP is a troll, check the poster's previous 17.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I didn't look at all of them in minute detail but I did look at several of them carefully and I think its a troll. Nothing to get excited about though. Lots of trolls never get recongized on TV and I'm sure some non-trolls are thought to be trolls by many. I don't mind trolls as long as they don't get really obnoxious. I think its a troll.

[sriracha john]

I think the OP is a troll.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Mate, before saying that the OP is a troll, check the poster's previous 17.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I didn't look at all of them in minute detail but I did look at several of them carefully and I think its a troll. Nothing to get excited about though. Lots of trolls never get recongized on TV and I'm sure some non-trolls are thought to be trolls by many. I don't mind trolls as long as they don't get really obnoxious. I think its a troll.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Which are you? An unrecognized troll or a non-troll that many people think is one?

[chownah]

I think the OP is a troll.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Mate, before saying that the OP is a troll, check the poster's previous 17.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I didn't look at all of them in minute detail but I did look at several of them carefully and I think its a troll. Nothing to get excited about though. Lots of trolls never get recongized on TV and I'm sure some non-trolls are thought to be trolls by many. I don't mind trolls as long as they don't get really obnoxious. I think its a troll.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Which are you? An unrecognized troll or a non-troll that many people think is one?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I"m both.

[pipchatel]

Hello all. Just a adding a different angle to the post. As we all agree people who behave difficult/violent when drinking are a real threat to all in a family,and for sure a reason to

leave a guy. But reading some posts about drinking over the months, I think a lot of us Farangs living here in Thailand do worry we are drinking too much? too often? But here at last is some good news . We have just returned home from being in Europe for three months, mostly in the U K. Well the news is I have never seen so must drinking going on as in England. My friends (all very proffessional types in the city) drinking massive amounts at wine bars lunch time/happy hours. Then at home huge amounts of wine (mostly white wine) the garage full of boxes of the stuff.I really could not keep up. This proved quite typical of well to do friends. Here in Thailand, like some of you out there, maybe I thought I was drinking too much. But not so. So dont worry, enjoy your Singha/leos beers and rest easy in your mind youve got a long way to go to catch up with drinking practices in England believe me.

Bye pip

[ThaiPauly]

I really sympathise with you Mydrawingtable.

My last Wife was a chronic alcoholic, she said she wanted to get better but never tried, just blamed everybody else for her drinking. I funded her to go into therapy at a private clinic for a month, but within days she was on it again.

She DID NOT WANT TO STOP, that was the defining moment in the ending of our relationship. I suffered mental and physical abuse, and obviously because she was a female I could not retaliate, just defend myself, I still have the pictures of the scratchmarks all over my face and head as I thought I may need them in court.

She would not go to AA, thought they were all a bunch of losers!

In the end I could not take anymore and had to leave her, really because I feared for my life at this stage. It was the HARDEST thing I ever had to do in my whole life. I still loved her, but I was left with no choice, her parents lived nearby so I knew that they would take care of her.

The divorce proceeded and when we went to court at 9am on Feb 26th 2003 she was pi##ed out of her head, walking round with a water bottle filled with neat Vodka. I felt so sorry for her that I caved in to her unreasonable financial demands in the hope that she would use the money to help herself. I don't know if she did or not I have not seen or heard from her since that day, I dont know if she is dead or alive, but I surely know that if she had carried on at the rate she was going it will be the former by now.

Now the GOOD NEWS. I am now married to a beautiful non-drinking Thai and have never been so happy in my life, living here in Thailand. You see it's not your fault -he is the way he is and you will be dragged down with him if he does not WANT TO STOP. If he does then I STRONGLY beleive that AA is the only real answer. But if he continues to drink and be abusive and has no inclination or desire to stop you HAVE TO LEAVE HIM to have any chance of a better life.

You sound like a good person, start over ,you will be a lot happier in the long run. What goes around comes around, it will be a very hard thing to leave him, but if he does not want to stop the you have little choice, or your very life could be in danger.

From the bottom of my heart I wish you the very best of luck with this very difficult situation

TP

[udon]

The lass hasn't been online since June1, I hope she's ok.

[ThaiPauly]

The lass hasn't been online since June1, I hope she's ok.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Lets hope so Udon, for her to drop out of a thread of some length makes me fear that at the very best her Husband has found out that she is posting on this subject and banned her from doing so or thrown the Computer out of the window in a drunken rage.

If you are out there Mydrawingtable, please let us know you are OK

TP