when i came to thailand for reason i gained a lot of weight, i was fat to begin with and i just got bigger and bigger.

but now i am on a diet and lost 12 kilos since november.

anyway i take no offence when thais call me pompoui...yes its rude but i just roll with the punches. But it seems the fatter the thai the more likely they are to call you names.

that and even those who have seen me before continue to call me pompoui as if it's something that was new to me

so what is the thai word for ugly....next time hear pompoui...i will counter with ugly

and thai for '' i may be fat but your ugly and i can lose weight''

thanks

Well, generally its not meant nastily, Thais make comments on people's appearance. Its like taking offense to someone saying you are tall. Usually (but not always) its not meant as an insult. Of course, there will always be those insecure people who will need to try to make you feel bad to make themselves feel better and I usually just smile and say "kop khun kha" and walk away. Kill them with kindness works much better than retaliating with their same garbage.

Who's in a bad mood then??

No idea how long you've been here, but Thai's do it all the time. They find any physical deformity funny - just watch their TV 'comedies'.

Sorry SBK, have to disagree, I think the OP's future comments about them being ugly may actually make them think twice in future, being kind won't.

Have to quickly add here (cos I know a lot of posters will be assuming that I've received insults in the past - I haven't, but my ex did and at the time it really upset me).

Well, we can beg to differ. The times I have seen Thai people put others "in their place" about inappropriate comments it has always been done with a smile, and a very subtle dig. Thais, despite their proclivity for slapstick, are masters of the subtle yet devastating put down and using a bludgeon won't earn you any respect.

Good, at least you are not changloy

Well, we can beg to differ. The times I have seen Thai people put others "in their place" about inappropriate comments it has always been done with a smile, and a very subtle dig. Thais, despite their proclivity for slapstick, are masters of the subtle yet devastating put down and using a blunt weapon won't earn you any respect.

Fair enough, but your previous post said 'just say thank you' - if you do that they'll assume you're a stupid farang who had no idea what was said but was saying the one phrase you know!

Well thats what you would assume anyway. Stooping to their level only does one thing, bring you down to their level. Assuming, of course, its meant in a nasty way. Often it is not.

Well thats what you would assume anyway. Stooping to their level only does one thing, bring you down to their level. Assuming, of course, its meant in a nasty way. Often it is not.

As I said previously, its considered funny here to point out any deformities etc., - and its an excuse to say its not meant in a nasty way.

Nonetheless, it is nasty. Laughing at someone else's mental or physical problems is not funny.

I would be v suprised if Thai's didn't automatically assume that a simple 'Khop khun ka/khrup didn't just mean the farang didn't understand what was said.

Quick edit - unless they knew the farang spoke Thai - in which case, I agree - it would work v well!

Edited April 10, 201016 yr by F1fanatic

"........ and i can lose weight''

thank

Obviously not, or OP would not have started the post. Although they dont have the right to slurr, if it annoys you, do something about it , and if you do, maybe you might thank them for bringing your attention to an issue which might longer term affect ur health.

Edited April 10, 201016 yr by skippybangkok

Even if it comes over to us as rude, i have the impression these kinds of comments are not meant to be mean. Even Thai to Thai make a lot of comments to each other, probably more than to us. I even think in some cases its a term of endearment or at least general banter. I think retaliating with saying something along the lines of "well, you are ugly", would just make you seem odd and mean. But of course, your choice. Do what makes you feel better. If it were me, i might make a face and say something like "oh lor? Mai suey na?" (Oh really? Not beautiful?)...which would likely have the Thai person realising the comment offended, and made me feel ugly, and encourage a positive reply in return. Next time the person would likely not say it again, realising it was a comment i didnt take well.

Some time back I had a Thai girl always make comments about my figure and eye me up and down. It was during a time that my weight was fluctuating a lot due to my Thyroid illness. I wasnt large per say, but i dramatically puffed up, and dramatically shrunk down. Some days she would exclaim how small i looked, other times she would give me the whole once over and say nothing ..just give me some kind of eye raise etc. Finally i got sick of it one day and told her i wasnt well, and that my weight goes up and down, and its not fun. After that, she never commented again. She just didnt realise. She just didnt think. Which i guess is the problem..not thinking.

Another time a friend who is tall with a really curvy figure was in a Songtaew with me, and a group of older small bodied Thai ladies got in. One instantly exclaimed "OH! Dua yai!" (OH! Big body!). At first i was shocked..then i realised she was just letting what popped into her head come out. It doesnt mean my friend wasnt beautiful in her eyes. I think no one could say that about her! But she is a big girl, and the woman wasnt used to seeing that, so she exclaimed out loud. If we see someone who is super tall or super short, etc, we usually think it, but dont speak it. Especially out loud. Doesnt mean we think any less of the person for thinking about what they look like. I think many Thai people just dont consider that stating the obvious is impolite or offensive. They just call a spade a spade.

I usually just smile and say "kop khun kha" and walk away. Kill them with kindness works much better than retaliating with their same garbage.

You said a mouthful there, sbk. It works on bullies as well. Just agree with the bully and take it one step further to make a real joke of it. Pretty soon everyone is laughing and it takes the power away from the bully. I fought my whole childhood because I was not taught how to deal with bullies other than fight. I taught my kids, when they were very young, how to deal with bullies and abusive people, and it worked quite well for my son, but my daughter had more problems because she always argued. I don't think my son (who is now 36) has EVER had a physical fight, but I fought about once a week right up to my twenties.

I eventually learned how to be assertive rather than passive-aggressive.

I usually just smile and say "kop khun kha" and walk away. Kill them with kindness works much better than retaliating with their same garbage.

You said a mouthful there, sbk. It works on bullies as well. Just agree with the bully and take it one step further to make a real joke of it. Pretty soon everyone is laughing and it takes the power away from the bully. I fought my whole childhood because I was not taught how to deal with bullies other than fight. I taught my kids, when they were very young, how to deal with bullies and abusive people, and it worked quite well for my son, but my daughter had more problems because she always argued. I don't think my son (who is now 36) has EVER had a physical fight, but I fought about once a week right up to my twenties.

I eventually learned how to be assertive rather than passive-aggressive.

Works wonderfully well when you speak the language fluently. I suspect the OP doesn't, but I could be wrong.

Eek - telling a stranger they're fat is not a term of endearment in any language.... unless its valued in that society, and its certainly not in Thailand!

You controlled the situation by pointing out the truth of the matter - they got the point and never dared say anything again.

Have to disagree with the rest of your post though. As I've pointed out before the Thai TV shows portray physically/mentally deformed people as something to laugh at. Any civilised country finds this abhorrent.

I usually just smile and say "kop khun kha" and walk away. Kill them with kindness works much better than retaliating with their same garbage.

You said a mouthful there, sbk. It works on bullies as well. Just agree with the bully and take it one step further to make a real joke of it. Pretty soon everyone is laughing and it takes the power away from the bully. I fought my whole childhood because I was not taught how to deal with bullies other than fight. I taught my kids, when they were very young, how to deal with bullies and abusive people, and it worked quite well for my son, but my daughter had more problems because she always argued. I don't think my son (who is now 36) has EVER had a physical fight, but I fought about once a week right up to my twenties.

I eventually learned how to be assertive rather than passive-aggressive.

Works wonderfully well when you speak the language fluently. I suspect the OP doesn't, but I could be wrong.

Eek - telling a stranger they're fat is not a term of endearment in any language.... unless its valued in that society, and its certainly not in Thailand!

You controlled the situation by pointing out the truth of the matter - they got the point and never dared say anything again.

Have to disagree with the rest of your post though. As I've pointed out before the Thai TV shows portray physically/mentally deformed people as something to laugh at. Any civilised country finds this abhorrent.

As a side note, you keep mentioning physical and mental deformities, and that Thai people find fun in it. Thats worth a different thread imo, as is a whole other topic in itself. Being fat isnt a deformity F1.

Anyway..we are brought up in such a way, that we consider certain comments rude and impolite. We are putting those values onto another culture that werent brought up with the same set of values. In the west its usually ok for us to exclaim things such as "Oh, you wear glasses!", or, "Oh, you have grown a beard!". If the person were to fire back "yes, i do, i can always take my glasses off, but you will always be ugly", we would likely be shocked at the extremeness of it. In Argentina, they also make comments similar to the Thai ones. Probably do in other countries too. But then again, maybe these countries just arent "civilised" enough for you. Or, maybe you were just raised with a different set of values, which you think everyone else should know and share.

I usually just smile and say "kop khun kha" and walk away. Kill them with kindness works much better than retaliating with their same garbage.

You said a mouthful there, sbk. It works on bullies as well. Just agree with the bully and take it one step further to make a real joke of it. Pretty soon everyone is laughing and it takes the power away from the bully. I fought my whole childhood because I was not taught how to deal with bullies other than fight. I taught my kids, when they were very young, how to deal with bullies and abusive people, and it worked quite well for my son, but my daughter had more problems because she always argued. I don't think my son (who is now 36) has EVER had a physical fight, but I fought about once a week right up to my twenties.

I eventually learned how to be assertive rather than passive-aggressive.

Works wonderfully well when you speak the language fluently. I suspect the OP doesn't, but I could be wrong.

Eek - telling a stranger they're fat is not a term of endearment in any language.... unless its valued in that society, and its certainly not in Thailand!

You controlled the situation by pointing out the truth of the matter - they got the point and never dared say anything again.

Have to disagree with the rest of your post though. As I've pointed out before the Thai TV shows portray physically/mentally deformed people as something to laugh at. Any civilised country finds this abhorrent.

As a side note, you keep mentioning physical and mental deformities, and that Thai people find fun in it. Thats worth a different thread imo, as is a whole other topic in itself. Being fat isnt a deformity F1.

Anyway..we are brought up in such a way, that we consider certain comments rude and impolite. We are putting those values onto another culture that werent brought up with the same set of values. In the west its usually ok for us to exclaim things such as "Oh, you wear glasses!", or, "Oh, you have grown a beard!". If the person were to fire back "yes, i do, i can always take my glasses off, but you will always be ugly", we would likely be shocked at the extremeness of it. In Argentina, they also make comments similar to the Thai ones. Probably do in other countries too. But then again, maybe these countries just arent "civilised" enough for you. Or, maybe you were just raised with a different set of values, which you think everyone else should know and share.

You're right about wearing glasses. If someone turned up with glasses we would say something along the lines you suggest and not think it rude. The difference is that a complete stranger would never dream of doing the same thing.

Having a beard is entirely different, its a personal choice.

The difference is that STRANGERS would never dream of commenting on a 'fault' in someone else in Western society - it IS rude.

Perhaps it is just a different value, but somehow I don't think so. Its the same sort of "different set of values" that allows deformed babies to be left out to die in the past.

I realise that this is an extreme example, but its not that far off.

Incidentally, not all fat people can help it. In which case it is a deformity, or better - medical problem.

Edit - the fact that the 'comedy' shows in Thailand find any 'deformity' funny - is v relevant to this thread. It explains why its considered acceptable to laugh and comment about fat people. The 'comedy' shows certainly find them funny......

Edited April 10, 201016 yr by F1fanatic

You are not in the West. You are in Thailand. And you can call it rude if you so choose, as it is rude by your cultural standards but that doesn't necessarily mean it applies to the one you happen to live in.

I had a moment of revelation many years ago in Taiwan, walking through the train station with my giant bag and this lady, who had to see me with my bag, didn't move. So, I banged her with my bag. She moved and I said excuse me in Chinese. She looked very surprised that I apologized and said, "oh, its alright" and thats when I realized, Its not rude Just because I thought t was rude does not mean she thought it was rude.

As a side-note, to my knowIedge, pompoui is simiIar to "chubby" or "IittIe bit pudgy", not fat. Fat is "Uan". But maybe those with better knowIedge of Thai Ianguage can confirm that.

As a side-note, to my knowIedge, pompoui is simiIar to "chubby" or "IittIe bit pudgy", not fat. Fat is "Uan". But maybe those with better knowIedge of Thai Ianguage can confirm that.

That's OK then. Edit - Sorry, reading this back I realised this sounds v rude - I didn't mean it that way.

SBK - So just because we live here we daren't express on TV the reality of what's going on?

If you're OK with it - then fine, but that doesn't mean that just because it happens here its right.

There are lots of things that happen in the UK that I don't agree with - but I would be horrified if they were excused by 'that's the way it is - deal with it'.

One always has to justify one's views without being quite so simplistic.

Edited April 10, 201016 yr by F1fanatic

Its your reality. Not mine. Just because you choose to look at things in a negative light does not mean I have to follow.

I have been here long enough to know when someone is being bitchy and when someone is simply making a statement. Sometimes, regardless of how you choose to look at it, that is all it is. Sometimes, it is being bitchy. Learn to be able to judge the difference and your stay will be much more pleasant.

Pompui has an affectionate side to it, it's positive rather than the negative perceived "fat". Again, if ur so annoyed, address the root cause (your self) not the symptom

As a side-note, to my knowIedge, pompoui is simiIar to "chubby" or "IittIe bit pudgy", not fat. Fat is "Uan". But maybe those with better knowIedge of Thai Ianguage can confirm that.

My understanding is that 'pom pui' is a less euphemistic way of saying "you're looking well", or "prosperous". My understanding is that it means 'fat' as in 'wallet'.

To take offence when none was offered seems rude, but I suppose it is nice to be able to find things that others might not have noticed...

The way I see it, if it was not meant as an insult, then you are only insulting yourself by taking it as such, and if it was meant in a negative manner, then it would be better to ignore the opinions of such people than stoop to their level

SC

My Thai girlfriend of five years absolutely loves my pompoui. While I'm not overall fat, I do have a belly pouch and she loves to kiss and snuggle her face into my belly ... and sometimes she has what I call a monkio attack which can be a bit scary at times when she looses it. My GF adored her grandmother who had a very fat belly and as a child she would go to sleep on her belly. So I'm a very lucky guy ... I have a much younger, very beautiful GF who loves my fat belly. Trouble is it doesn't give me any incentive to diet/exercise to take it off. In fact, if I bring up the subject she moans "Noooo ... I love my pompoui!"

To the OP ... with respect, I think you are too sensitive to being called pompoui. And the more you negatively react to their teasing the more they are going to be amused. Chill out and join the fun.

The story I've heard is there was a famous Thai clown named Pompoui and that's where the word comes from. Anyone know if this is true?

And what's with the Thai monkio (spelling ???) thing. Sometimes my GF's monkio attacks are somewhere between highly amusing and downright scary ... esp. with my willie. While there's no equivalent word in English I equate it to the feeling/emotion one experiences upon seeing a really cute baby whereby you get an overwhelming feeling and exclaim "You are sooooo cute I could just squeeze you to death." This is a very curious human emotion.

'wealthy'... very much so. husband has grown a rather 8 month pregnant stomach so we always laugh about him being pregnant in stead of me.... but when his parents and family saw him, they also mentioned 'oun' ....but with a big smile, and spent a lot of time patting his stomach and feeling his arms... to them, i think it meant he is eating well and therefore living well. btw, when i got married i was still very very thin even by israeli standards, becasue i had been working very hard physically and also the stress of visa/permits etc. this time round in my visit everyone was all excited that i was 'oun' (all 50 kilo) and looked great........ and frankly i laugh at myself all the time ; its very acceptable here as well... often people will say, oh, why are u wearing that dress, it makes u seem so much older, or i see u've been eating well , or other 'spade/spade' sentences... no offense unless its done in a really mean way... and here bosses will say things to workers or vice versa along the same lines...

bina

Pheu see-dam is a good return insult (skin black/dark)

Take a good obvious look at their skin then say "Mai Suay, pheu si-dam", that should shut them up pretty quick.

but

Na Gliat is the answer to the OP question (hate face aka ugly)

Na Boot is a good alternative (miserable face) but much more insulting

Of course the problem with trying to insult someone from such a different culture is that the same things don't insult them, and conversely when they insult us it might be entirely by accident. A Thai calling someone pompui may not be an insult at all.

Edited April 11, 201016 yr by sarahsbloke

According to my husband, using Na gliat to anyone (other that a very close friend in jest) is likely to have the result of getting your face punched

The best way I have found when being commented on in a possibly insulting way is to just play the dumb farang & turn it back to them.

i.e.. them: ohh you pompoui

me: yes you pompui, (Point at their belly & look them up & down with smile on face), mai pen rai.

Them: ??? confused as to whether they have been insulted or not

As for throwing offensive thai phrases at someone, unless you are fully fluent & aware of the words & connotations you are using I would avoid it.

Calling with names like pompoui and uon are every day in Thailand and they joke each other with it. I've been called with both of the names by my bf (Ok, I'm not all fit and firm, but 36 / small in size) I try to deal with it and think of it as a part of Thai culture, but it still makes me angry everytime. I've said to my bf not to call me with the name and told him, that western people don't like that! But his reply is "why western people cannot except the truth?" or "you are in Thailand now, you have to except our culture" Yea, I try to be patient.. But dunno how long I can put up with it. Honestly, I am lucky to be strong-headed and can put up with things to some point.

So, talking and explaining doesnt always help. Getting angry doesnt either. There must be some wicked word to make them stop joking, but I havent figured out what is it. Ok, loosing weight and getting firm could stop the joke, but it would mean I have excepted the truth that I am fat (?) and I have lost the arguement.. so I dont want to give that satisfaction, haha!

There's a difference when someone's doing it in a targetted way (like a lover who wants to wind you up) and just general observations by a coworker, stranger, or friend. Asians in general seem to feel freer to comment on personal physical appearances in ways that are now completely taboo in English-speaking societies. I had to learn this the hard way when living in Japan- people telling me all the time I was tall, big, etc. (as if I didn't know)!!!

In fact, there are a lot of people who might tell someone this because they actually LIKE it (as hard as that may be for some of you to believe). Being a bit chubby can be considered cute here, possibly because it is a minority appearance type (as is being a foreigner).

"so what is the thai word for ugly....next time hear pompoui...i will counter with ugly

and thai for '' i may be fat but your ugly and i can lose weight''

Of course that retort only works if you are less ugly than the person you are talking to.

I was called Oun for the 6 years I lived in Thailand, and I am not a larger western woman. I am fat, always have been. However I am not your average fat farang I have great curves and have always dressed very fashionably. At first the constant comments on my body were very aggravating and then they started to feel like terms of endearment. When my husband (He's Thai) and I got together, he explained that they were not commenting to hurt me or be offensive but were intrigued(as many people would ask him why I was fat). It was usually followed up with how beautiful I was and I often argued with him on the fact that I feel like they say, "she is fat but, she is beautiful." which to me is putting fat in a negative context. He said they were always saying "fat and beautiful".

We lived in the South were Thais are very blunt and the women are overall bigger than your average Thai woman so there were fat Thai women who maliciously called me fat and I just chalked it up to the fact they were happy to see someone who was fatter than them for a change. My husband's family adores my Ounness, his mom brags and brags about the fact that I can eat her cooking and how I can eat anything spicy, his aunts love feeling me up and rubbing my arms, old woman every where in Thailand love to talk about my body and squeeze my arms and tap my hips with huge smiles on their faces, but it has never been offensive to me. We lived in a very un-westernized town so children would often point and call me Oun and honestly when I was in a bad mood it would bug me, but I understand that the big white farang was not something they saw everyday so of course they found me interesting.

When I travelled to popular tourist places, I was rarely commented on so I realized that the majority of people who were commenting in our home town were those who were not used to Westerners and their larger sizes.

Also while I lived in Thailand I lost 20 kilos, and people started calling me "pom" and I was hardly skinny! So it just added emphasis to the fact that their words and terms did not carry much weight (no pun intended

Being called fat in Thailand is definitely not the same as being called fat in the West, it is often used as a term of endearment in Thailand and it most definitely is never used that way in the West, as I have been fat in both places I can say this with authority. However there are people in every culture who are out to get you or hurt you to make themselves look/feel better.

I can now tell it what context it is being used, but I would NEVER insult someone back, I do add " yup, I am fat and beautiful isn't it wonderful" and this confuses the woman who makes the comment and it is usually left at that.

My husband has never ever had an issue with the comments either and thinks that I am perfect, so really who cares what anyone else thinks

Just to clarify, when I said, " I am not your average fat farang" I was not insinuating that average fat people don't have great curves or a sense of fashion! I just mean that I have a tendency to break stereotypes or preconceived notions of what a fat woman looks like.

g/f calls me 'uan' she also calls her nephew the same, when i stayed there last, this would be called out from upstairs and we both would respond!

When I was last in Suvarnabhumi I had been chatting to a guy on the 'plane and we'd gone out of the airport for a smoke when we landed, this Thai man walked past and stopped for a chat, I guess he wanted to practice his English and we looked 'fresh of the plane' anyway, He spoke to us, welcomed us to Thailand and as he was leaving he looked at the guy I was with and said, without any change of expression, 'oh you're very beautiful man, nice to meet you.' and off he went.

I think Thai people often just say what pops into their heads, I think it's nice. It does take some getting used to though.

I definitely would go with the 'jing lor? mai suey na?' rather than go for any insults.