Have Big Problem With Dad/husband

[lukejackson]

I meet some girl 'feai' on an internet dating site in thailand. We have sex on first date and then have many more dates, she comes to my hotel many times and I go to her place a few times. She is 28, I am 22. She lives alone with cousin. And she is a research student at local university.

However it turns out that her dad is very controlling over her life. Like she is supposed to be home by a certain time and he doesn't like her seeing boys etc. Basically he pays for her, her car, her house, her education, and tries to control everything about her.

However bear in mind that she has fallen in love with me by this point (easy to do, I am young, good looking, independent farang), and she has been keeping the whole crazy dad thing mainly under wraps.

BUT THEN 2 nights ago I stay at her place (we didn't have sex, I just went over to see her). When I wake up in the morning her 'dad' is here trying to kick and punch my face off from the side of the bed. We wrestle for a few seconds and I manage to stop him attacking me. He calms down a little bit and points to the girl and says it's his wife.

Now, I know for sure that this guy has a wife, a different woman called 'nan', who he lives with (I have seen picture of them on facebook, and feai, nan, and the guy all went on a small vacation together a few weeks ago).

And at this point I had never heard of the concept of having more than one wife.

So at this point I thought he was lying and he was her dad. I said 'I like her, and she likes me' in thai (he cannot speak english, I speak thai a little) with the hope that this would calm him down, and make him think that I really liked her, and that I hadn't been just having sex with her for fun. (At this point I am still trying to walk out with my life). Then he asked me if I am going to marry her! <deleted>!? (I tried to say different culture, that's not how we do things in the west)

I get dressed and he goes outside to his car. I manage to get outside. At this point he said he would shoot me, I sprint from the house to the housing village security. But my motorbike is still on their driveway. I asked security to get my bike back, they tried but the dad/husband said I have to go get the bike myself. Obviously I'm not going to do that, so I get a taxi and head to the bike rental shop to ask him. He advised to go to the tourist police. I went to the tourist police and told them what had happened, after they had had a good chuckle about the situation, I went with the police back to the girls house and we all had a chat with the police and the guy. I explained that the girl had lied and said she was single. (I'm not stupid enough to try to get involved with a girl who has a boyfriend/husband). At this point I have realised that this girl is probably the guys second wife (he looks a lot older than her, maybe in his 40's).

With the police translating, the husband/dad asked me if I will ever try to see her/meet her again. Obviously I say no (I want to wash my hands from the problem as quickly as possible). He accepts my 'no' in front of the police, and I get on my bike and head off home.

She then continues to ring and text me all day, I don't respond: I had said I wouldn't contact her. But what I can pick up from her broken english text messages is that she is now saying that the guy really is her dad, or more like a guardian, maybe not her biological dad, but he looks after her and controls her life. Also the guy rings me a lot, but I don't pick up: he cannot speak english.

I didn't go back to my hotel for fear that they would wait for me. But apparently the next day, she came around with tourist police (and possibly the dad/husband) and wanted to talk to me.

So then I get my thai friend (girl) who is very good at english to ring them. She spoke to the dad/husband. Apparently he was very rude to her, swearing down the phone and being generally condescending. Despite this my friend managed to ask him what he wanted, he said he want to meet, and basically he was asking whether I will marry her or support her. Obviously I can't do either (I am young farang). (I wonder if it's basically a scam and they're just trying to get me to send her money)

So this is the situation now. I don't really want to have to leave this city (I have many western friends here). But I think maybe this guy has some power in this city so staying here maybe is a bad option if he is still angry.

Now my thai friend has a trusted friend in the police force, so my other option is to go with the trusted policeman and maybe tourist police and maybe my thai friend to speak to these people. Which would probably wind up as me explaining that there is no way I can support/marry this girl.

And the third option is just not meet them, change hotel, maybe get my thai friend to explain that what they are asking is never going to happen and hope that the whole situation calms down.

Any advice on any of this would much appreciated!

And any questions welcome.

- Luke

[WOOHOO]

Forget any ideas of ever seeing the girl again. You no full well there can be no future there now. Stay put for now. If you're happy there you shouldn't have to move on. If any more problems arise in the future, with the man pursuing you and such, you will have to make another decision then, which will basically be to move on or pay your friends police mate to take care of it. That will depend on how much you want to stay and how much grief you can deal with. I'm fairly sure what seems a major drama now, will be all forgotten in a couple of weeks.

Oh to be young, dumb and full.....

[hanuman1]

You don't know what you're dealing with. Get out of the situation now before you lose something - be it materially, physically or emotionally.

[powderpuff]

The girl told you she was single, a student & that the man was her father. She lied & you had no way of knowing the truth.

Keep your story straight. Don't pay anybody any money.

Simple mistake anyone could have made. She is the one at fault.

If they start harassing you change city but I doubt that will be necessary.

[onnut]

This is a very funny story, funny from where I am anyway, I am glad it's not happening to me and I feel very sorry for you.

I would move hotel just to be on the safe side. The guy is probably harmless but it's not worth the risk. If you can yo should change phone numbers also so they can't contact you. Did this girl meet any friends of yours and see where they lived?

I reckon the guy will calm down soon but to be honest with you if you bump into him in town while has friends about they will give you a beating, so mind out for him.

Good luck and be carefull.

[IanForbes]

Good answers so far and no flames. It's a tough situation and I can even see the guardian/father's position. If It was my daughter some foreigner was messing with then I'd be upset as well. The girl is playing both of you against each other.

I would change my address and change my phone SIM card if the problems continue. You have to accept that the relationship is finished with the woman unless you actually DO want to marry her.

[flying]

Quite the first post Luke

Anyway if true what is the problem? Your in a hotel you say....So move to a new hotel & get a new SIM card.

PS: she sounds like a Mia noi & also sounds like the man has a consenting panrayaa if they do in fact vacation together.

Edited April 27, 2010 by flying

[RAZZELL]

Oh to be a "young, good looking, independent farang"

I think you've been shagging someone's mia noi

Change your phone number and move...sharpish!

RAZZ

[lukejackson]

Let me make it clear, there is NO WAY I want to carry on any relationship. That would be suicide. All the lies and death threats are enough to tip the balance even for the most infatuated man.. I was somewhat impartial in the first place

I have evacuated hotel already, and have a new sim. I'm not sure that would be enough though, I think this man may have been a police officer in the past, and now he is a rich business man. How does that change things?

Also I when my thai friend spoke to him, he apparently was putting the blame squarely on me. I mean, it doesn't take much brain to realise that I was simply acting out a preprogrammed male procedure: If a girl lays herself out on a plate for you, then accept. But on a serious note, it is somewhat disconcerting that, a day later, he still hasn't realised that it's almost entirely her fault. Would you expect him to calm down?

I have a theory: okay this is his second wife, he is the sponsor, he pays everything for her and now she has betrayed him. She is in the sh1t right? But I am guessing he still loves her. (they have been husband&wife/father&daughter for a long time).

my theory is this, if he leaves her she is totally screwed. So it is much better if they can get me to marry her/look after her or whatever, so this woman she loves isn't totally screwed. Makes sense?

Kap

[jackr]

Why would she take you back to her (their) place to do the dirty deed when she'd know he'd possibly be about? Perhaps best to move to another city for a bit and return later. Changing the SIM is a given as is totally forgetting her.

[Heng]

[daoyai]

He is her daddy, her sugar daddy, he sounds like he would be willing to "sell" her to you, he probably feels he has an investment in her. Good story and quite believable. You have to love the school of life.

[Koh_Falang]

You need to remove yourself from anything to do with either of these people... If you went to pubs/ places to eat together etc, dont go there again... And have another backup plan for if they find you again...

As for your friends in the police... Ide suggest keeping police out of it at all costs!!! less people to bribe when/if sh*t hits the fan..

Next step... Move on, live your life and enjoy...

[SomTumTiger]

You are 22 - get your ass back in College, get a degree, get a real job, and stop living a freaking hotel.

[elcent]

Lucky Luke - nothing else to comment

[a2396]

Why did you choose to live in this city. What part of Thailand? How big is the city? How long do you intend to stay there? You should know by now, don't believe ANYTHING these women tell you, unless you have the means to verify it. Most of them are just pathological liars. Don't have sex or even visit their residence, unless you know what is up.

[barky]

Well, firstly as no-one has said it yet, "Welcome toThailand".

I think you've already got some good advice from most of these TV members.

You've potentially got youself in a life threatening situation. And, remember the general male Thai temperment is aggressive. Killing you would be seen by the vast majority of Thais as totally justified. The facts are irrelavent to the Thai especially when it comes to an alien westener.

Everyone in this situation will try to extort money from you. This it a national sport with westeners (not your Thai female adviser though, she seems genuine).

Chalk it up to experience and move on , and don't leave a trail to where you can be found.

[Ulysses G.]

RAZZELL Posted Today, 2010-04-28 03:47:11 a "young, good looking, independent farang"

Edited April 28, 2010 by Ulysses G.

[jazzbo]

I meet some girl 'feai' on an internet dating site in thailand... Interesting as to why Ms. Feai was on the warpath in the first place.

[Koh_Falang]

Why did you choose to live in this city. What part of Thailand? How big is the city? How long do you intend to stay there? You should know by now, don't believe ANYTHING these women tell you, unless you have the means to verify it. Most of them are just pathological liars. Don't have sex or even visit their residence, unless you know what is up.

LOL i dont mean to sound all high and mighty (i know someones gonna have a dig anyway) but ive met a lot of Thai girls but none of them have been pathological liars...

Can i take a stab in the dark and guess that you arent meeting your girls at a university singles night?

[slapout]

The op mentions the girl lived alone with her cousin. The mia noi I know/have known did not have room mates. The whole point is they are available, thus set up in their own apt./house vs living with family. Sounds like she got bored, got on internet and found some entertainment.

To the op, take your playthings home with you, never to their pad until you establish their martial position. When you wake up and notice size 14 work boots under the bed, XXL clothing in the closet, and you realize what consequences you have escaped, you will appreciate my belated advice. Your lucky your weren't shot or had to escape out a 5th floor window (suicide would probably be the police report). I have noted that girls/ladies, initially, tend to leave out, what later, turns out to be very important information about their personal situation.

[neverdie]

Perhaps I could assist you, young Luke.

If you PM me her telephone number we can test my theory. I'm not scared of her sugar daddy, this is like a game of chess, you just move the pieces around the board and sooner or later somebody will mutter the word 'checkmate'. Uncle neverdie knows, he's been down this road, once or twice before

[Loz]

Run Far, Run Fast. Thailand is not for you.

[alfieconn]

Good answers so far and no flames. It's a tough situation and I can even see the guardian/father's position. If It was my daughter some foreigner was messing with then I'd be upset as well. The girl is playing both of you against each other.

I would change my address and change my phone SIM card if the problems continue. You have to accept that the relationship is finished with the woman unless you actually DO want to marry her.

Iv'e heard it all now pot calling the kettle black springs to mind .

Edited April 28, 2010 by alfieconn

[jazzbo]

take your playthings home with you... No, you go to a third party location (hotel room) until you know what is what...

[simon43]

Always try to look on the bright side of life

Fact - The 'husband' hasn't killed you

Fact (not 100% proven) - Your GF is not a post-op ladyboy

Fact - You got your motorbike back

What more luck do you want? Get out now before it starts to turn bad

Simon

[givenall]

RAZZELL Posted Today, 2010-04-28 03:47:11 a "young, good looking, independent farang"

A bit more than 22 years old

[Chonburiram]

Real BIG problems have an easy solution: Kill yourself, get a new live. Next

[sarahsbloke]

You met a hooker, you had fun, move hotel, change SIM, job done.

(They seem to be trying some sort of scam on you, but who knows what)

Maybe you should go to stay in a different town, if in BKK move to Phuket.

Where I am you can rent a nice room for 200bht, some of my pals are so paranoid they never take girls to their own rooms and have throw-away SIMs.

Another couple of rules for the future

Never reveal your past history, employment, home address, income, etc. (they never tell you anything true)

Never allow them to meet any of your friends or take them to places you like to hangout.

Never allow them to speak to other girls you know or mates girlfriends

Don't even tell them your real name, use a nickname like they do.

Edited April 28, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[centrico]

Sounds to me like she was not totally happy in the relationship and thought she might be able to find a hansum young man to take her away from it all. Many students have a man to help take care of them while they are at college / uni in return for favours of a sexual nature. Some definitely have more than one man. These students have nice cars, clothes, an apartment and other stuff.

She does seem a bit old to be a student at 28 years though. At 40 he is too young to be her natural father.

If he was paying for exclusive rights to her you can understand why he was upset at finding a younger man in her bed. By your age you are a threat to him. If you are deemed to have money too that will not help.

Take some time out. You have changed hotel and changed the sim card. Take some simple precautions when you are out. Do not get p*ssed when out on your own. Take care but not to the extent of paranoia to make sure you are not being watched and followed. It will take some time but if you keep a low profile and have nothing at all to do with her or any friends of hers it will blow over. Anger like that hangs around a while until something happens to divert that anger elsewhere.

Your friend is aware of the situation. That is a good thing.

As to him having connections it seems every Thai and his dog have connections here. Don't believe all you hear.

In future try to take more care over choosing a partner. In saying that it can be a lot easier said than done. You are young get on with life, meet some friends from uni and hang out with them. Forget those who tell you to run, to leave Thailand as fast as possible.

Make sure you learn something from the mistake.