Is It Possible To Live In Thailand Without The ''family'' Interfering In Your Life?

[aka_jack]

Yes it is ! we moved to south thailand they live in north, my choice ! sending money to the family wasnt so much a problem as was half ditched with grandmother who has now passed, after she worked in a low cost bungalow resort and was paid pittance, when we moved to uk she wanted to send money to her sis and mother ! fine i said you can send them your wages from work ! Happened twice until she saw a new contract phone she wanted and asked for ! i told her to pay for it out of her own wages ! she did ! sorry family no money she says ! obviously different when it was coming from her pocket and stopped her luxuiries !

[Tanaka]

my wifes brother tried 4-5 times to rip me off, each time i seen it coming a mile away and politely evaded the scams.

i never had any argument with him but after his last last scam attempt he stormed off, later that night my wife called

and said he was planning to have me killed!

Your wife called you and told you that? She was not with you? What did she tell her brother then and the other times he tried to rip you off? If I were you, I would not treat this threat lightly. Life is a low value commodity here. Especially farang lives.

[TheItaliann]

Bringing me food and smiling all the time is called interfering?

[sirineou]

Please forgive me if I am a little critical of your post, but you sound a little confused,you state

i understand if you marry a TG, then you are also marrying the family.

and then you say

i just want a quiet life and dont want people interfering in my life and my TGF life

.

It is not people that interfere in your life ,

it is your family,

the one you understood you married in to,

and in their opinion,

they are not interfering, they are , with the best intentions (in their opinion) helping.

If you want to have a happy, long lasting marriage, I believe, you must understand the Thai family dynamics, and understand your part in them. you must understand that, your wife is a " family person" and derives happiness from from her involvement with her family, to deprive her from that involvement is to deprive her from that happiness.

this can only cause problems .

If I was you, I would except the situation as part of the equation. hopefully an equation with many ,many more good parts than bad.

[Pdaz]

I think many of you have either been sucked into the stereotype or need to get out a bit more.. My missus has a great relationship with her parents.. They live down South near Surat Thani but my girl went to School/Uni in BKK along with her younger sister. Her older sister is married to a BKK Thai guy, the younger one to a Scottish fella and lives in the UK. All call each other on a weekly basis but seem to have litte interest in gossip or the 'my farang is better than your farang' games. Their Mother is friendly and unassuming. She calls for a chat once or twice a week and I often hear her laughing on the other end of the line. So far after three years together my girl has never asked for a satang. She runs a small factory and is self sufficient. She had a house and car when I met her and likes to contribute to our living costs.. She does help her parents out if they need something specific but they run a small shop and have all they need.. All in all the family are well adjusted and content.. My girl has no interest in gossip or the usual Thai style 'money number one' discussions.. Guess like anywhere you find good and bad people. I've been lucky...

Just to buck the odds further.. Her friends and relations from BKK appear to be of similar ilk... I've never been put in the 'farang can pay' situation when out with them... They are solid middle class people and have too much self respect to go begging to a farang..

[anonymouse]

maybe i should find a house about 100km from the mum and dads .

That's exactly what you should do, maybe not a 100km though, I moved away from my wifes family who are now an hours journey away, I see the mother in law once a month or so, usually when we need a baby sitter the rest of the relatives can't be arsed to travel and I haven't seen any of them in the 4 years since we moved.

[GungaDin]

If my cleaner had kept her big mouth shut I wouldn't have been burgled last October.

Maybe that was the whole plan. If you treat people with contempt don't be surprised if they try to get back at you.

Who said I treated the cleaner with contempt?

Never assume.

You are out of order.

Edited May 5, 2010 by GungaDin

[jamesrat1947]

My advice is to be set up in Thailand BEFORE you meet a"nice" Thai lady.. What I did is buy a condominium in my name at Cha-am where I wanted to live.. I know its hard to resist those "lovelly" ladies half our age who "love" us !!!!

About a year after I bought my condominium I did meet a nice lady... The idea is to have your condo in your name and a car which you like in your name (not a pick-up which they want in their name !!).. Then the girl has a choice. You say to her " I live in a condo which I have retired into and drive a plain Nissan Sunny car" do you want to be with me ????

All this is easier said than done because many get involved with females and are under their influence from the word go ..Remember when you buy or lease house in her name and your pick-up she wants is in her name you have " TRANSFERRED your SECURITY to her ..Thai ladies genarally will NEVER sell a house !! and in a village it is nearly unsalable . When this happens "farangs" who argue with their lady usually over MONEY (now they have control of your assets) LOOSE HOUSES and PICK-UPS !!!!! I have many friends who are broke and split up who have lost houses ( yes houses plural) cars and motor bikes .!!! Also I know many friends who are happy like me ..

The best thing a new arrived "farang" can do is bring income and not a large lump sum .. !! Iff you meet a lady then you only have a certain amount of income per month and thats that !! Thais do not see any reason for NOT spending so don't have it.. use net banking and if you use an ATM never keep the balance slip !!!

Having said all that I have been in a relationship with a lady for 5 years . Four years ago I bought her 1 rai of land on a bitumen road on the outskirts of her Village to build a 60 Sq mt Thai house on later and we still live in Cha-am . She has a visa to Australia and has been there 5 times ..

To sum up ...Don't jump in with big expenature . Go slow in the asset department . CAUTION is good otherwise you could join some "farangs" who "asset shed" and thats not what we are hear for !!! Regards James Cha-am

[torrenova]

I know one girl who said her mother should stop work because she was too old. I asked how old she was and she said 43 or something. I told her not to be so stupid and tell her mother to get off her lazy ass and get a job.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Great, clocked up two pages of the usual crap, with a few exceptions.

* Why would you want to ignore her family?? Would you appreciate it if she did the same to your family?

When you get married, you gain a family. IF your fiance has less upstanding family members AND IF she can't handle those, then don't marry her. Only marry someone with some backbone, and for whom you and your kids come first.

[sarahsbloke]

Jamesrat says

She has a visa to Australia and has been there 5 times ..

To sum up ...Don't jump in with big expenature . Go slow in the asset department

The Australian divorce courts may think differently, now she has access .... sorry, just a thought.

Edited May 5, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[GungaDin]

Exactly!

Marry outside Thailand? I don't think so.

I doubt that the OP has thought this marriage thingy through.

[bilbobaht]

Same as farang-land.

1.) YOU don't marry a girl, you marry a family.

2.) the mother rules, ...

3.) the mother rules, ...

Why would a farang in his own country marry a street HO, who his from a village of drunks? Well unless the farang himself is a drunk??

"INTERFERE", the mother rules, if you don't understand this? This is like saying how can I keep my thai wife away from her mother's influence, the answer is to marry a woman who has NO FAMILY.

If your wife has family, expect to be #100, and expect mother to be #1, thai-men know this thing.

Why is that farang come to THAILAND? To even ask this question is a TROLL of course, but then this is TV 99% TROLL 100% of the time.

This is why farang take thai back to his home country, but I would never do that thing, because that is how you lose your money real, once she's in the home country, with access to western courts, its game-over.

[bilbobaht]

Jamesrat says

She has a visa to Australia and has been there 5 times ..

To sum up ...Don't jump in with big expenature . Go slow in the asset department

The Australian divorce courts may think differently, now she has access .... sorry, just a thought.

Yep, I have heard this whine from so many aussies,

They take a girl to aussie-land, when the marriage paper is dry the girl files for divorce, the court gives her 10% of assets, and she's found a thai-boy the first week, seems to happen over 50% of the time. ...

My RULE#1 of thai-girl, is NEVER BRING THEM TO FARANG-LAND.

Besides I take thai girl because I love thailand, food&weather, ... if you take a thai-girl to west its MY OPINION she is no longer thai, I call thai-monster or something worse. Just my opinion.

I know dozens of thai girls who have married farang, and all end the same. The farang then comes back to Thailand and does it again, this is the strangest thing, once a farang has had a thai-girl he seems to be addicted to pain and loss of money.

NOPE my solution is play the game in THAILAND and NEVER bring them back to their home country. I not fear the THAI-MARRIAGE, but a marriage the WEST I know the courts will REAM you. This is a fact.

[GungaDin]

Hi Bilbo.

Where are you from?

[sarahsbloke]

Just had my Thai mother-in-law staying for the week, nice lady, no demands, no problems.

MIL only wanted to eat, sleep and talk. When she left I gave her 1000bht for 'bus fare' and told her come and stay anytime.

(I have previously invited her to live with us, but she likes to live in her village)

When my wife had a really naff idea (getting a job), MIL tells her, your job to look after husband and produce babies for at least 3 years, you get other job before then and you will lose your husband.

Sometimes the family take your side.

PS. Bilbo makes some daft posts (as do I), but the last one, I 100 percent agree with.

Edited May 6, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[Redsunset]

The core of the issue with many poor Thai women farangs tend to date is money. Either directly or indirectly everything boils down to how much money will you give them... It's all about financial security and family.

It is none of your TGF business how much money you have, so don't go showing off how much you make or how much you have. That is counter productive.

Also, your TGF family are like people on welfare. In most cases, the mom does not work; the dad fools around, gets drunk and does not work and the brother is lazy and can't hold down a decent job. Therefore, the daughters become the bread winners.

Most parents know their poor, uneducated daughters work in Bangkok and pay no attention or ignore that their daughters are prostitutes. Fact is, if you give a girl money for sex, or you give her 20,000 baht a month each month to live with you it is the same thing. Money for sex.

Don't fool yourself. You also have to look at your inlaws and accept that these folks are now related to you. Can you imagine introducing them to your friends overseas? "Hey I'd like you to meet my in-laws, including dead beat father in law who gets drunk, philanders all week and does nothing for a living...."

This is reality.

[thaimate]

My wifes familly never get involved in our life except as "familly" never ask for or need money,it all depends who you marry and why ,if you marry a bar girl with a familly that depends on her for support then thats up to you as you will always be the cash cow ,but if you marry an ordinary girl with a familly that do not need your money ,like most marriages in the west then you will be ok.

[bkkjames]

I find that my being my usual self (aka c__t of a personality), but default the family doesn't come around much or ask for things.

[Thakkar]

Great, clocked up two pages of the usual crap, with a few exceptions.

* Why would you want to ignore her family?? Would you appreciate it if she did the same to your family?

When you get married, you gain a family. IF your fiance has less upstanding family members AND IF she can't handle those, then don't marry her. Only marry someone with some backbone, and for whom you and your kids come first.

I suspect the kind of marriage you describe is the most common. Though you wouldn't know that from reading all these Thailand forums.

[robblok]

Great, clocked up two pages of the usual crap, with a few exceptions.

* Why would you want to ignore her family?? Would you appreciate it if she did the same to your family?

When you get married, you gain a family. IF your fiance has less upstanding family members AND IF she can't handle those, then don't marry her. Only marry someone with some backbone, and for whom you and your kids come first.

I would only ignore the family if they are up to no good. In my case they have tried a few things and tried things on my gf so now we do have contact but are just a lot more carefull. Girlfriend will not lend them money anymore because she never gets it back. I have never loaned them any money and they know i wont do it.

You just have to be clear, i would always start off good with people until they do things to change that.

Now we see her family at times (we both work a lot) and its ok we just don't go into financial things with them. My gf gives her mom some money but that is up to her she earns her own money.

But i must say my gf changed a lot from accepting everything from her family and not being able to say no to having a spine now and putting herself and me first. That is the way it should be.

[BlackArtemis]

Great, clocked up two pages of the usual crap, with a few exceptions.

* Why would you want to ignore her family?? Would you appreciate it if she did the same to your family?

When you get married, you gain a family. IF your fiance has less upstanding family members AND IF she can't handle those, then don't marry her. Only marry someone with some backbone, and for whom you and your kids come first.

EXACTLY, I love my in laws. hel_l they came and visited us during Christmas and New Years on their own dime. We'll be back in July and staying at their house and we are excited to do so.

One of the biggest reasons I left my last Farang GF was due to the fact that her family disliked me and mine disliked hers and it was just horrible strain (both of us are happily married to different people now)

[dmax]

do not live within 5 kilos of the inlaws i made the mistake of building my wife a house next door to her dads, bloody silly stupid mistake looking back on it now, i cant buy eggs, meat,food without them coming over and getting tucked in, i have every tom dick and harry coming into my house , some of them i dont want in, i dont mind her sisters or dad but when drunk uncles and his friends start wandering over i quickly get up go inside and lock the doors. plus she will be tapped dry every minute of the day for lao kaow for her drunk relatives, tapped for the petrol money for the motorbikes, tapped for the money for extended families children to go on school trips, tapped for money for food,tapped for money to pay daddys electric bill at end of month , the list is endless.

beware !!

[hhgz]

"...after his last last scam attempt he stormed off, later that night my wife called and said he was planning to have me killed!"

And the reason you're still in this familial relationship is....?

[tonywebster]

It is very possible, been with my gf for 7 years, we live together in a great house, her parents live on the next soi, her 10 brothers (yes 10) and 2 sisters live nearer the home town of nakhorn nayok. My gf is the youngest at 41.

Not once has ANY of the family members asked for anything, I don't think they need anything, one son is a doctor, another is a lawyer, the others own their own businesses. I very rarely see any of her family. In fact when I was buying a new car I decided to finance it and one of her brothers stood as guarantor.

so in short, yes it is possible to be with a Thai woman without interference, in fact they are quite handy when someone insults your gf, saves you having to do the dirty work yourself.

[Samuian]

same, same, same old story, dug up again and again...

some people get high on trolling - I assume....

next:

"I love her, but know her only for seven day's and I am back home now

waiting for the year to pass to see her again, she asked me to send money, should I?"

Edited May 6, 2010 by Samuian

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Another point, in-laws can be an absolute BLESSING when any kids are born.. Many older generation Thais still seem to hold the belief that Dad should at no time be required to change diapers or clean up any messes.

The Second best thing about Thailand after 'the women'? --> Their mothers.

[tonywebster]

same, same, same old story, dug up again and again...

some people get high on trolling - I assume....

next:

"I love her, but know her only for seven day's and I am back home now

waiting for the year to pass to see her again, she asked me to send money, should I?"

Could your pointless response not be described as trolling? Nobody forces you to read the thread or comment on it, so is your response just an attempt to be seen to be controversial.

The people that shout troll at every chance they get are no better than the trolls.

[tingtongfarang]

Mate of mine went to visit his thai gfs family some weeks ago....her brother stole money out his wallet while he was asleep, Then he went out one day to the next town and came back at night...he,s convinced they ate his dog!

Edited May 6, 2010 by tingtongfarang

[Thakkar]

Another point, in-laws can be an absolute BLESSING when any kids are born.. Many older generation Thais still seem to hold the belief that Dad should at no time be required to change diapers or clean up any messes.

The Second best thing about Thailand after 'the women'? --> Their mothers.

Quite. When Mrs. T and I had our first child, we resolved not to have our child brought up by maids (we both worked long hours). So both my mom and hers took turns staying with us in HK for several months at a time. The kids had great baby and toddler-hoods with an abundance of grandmotherly love and great lovingly prepared meals. Now that we live in Thailand, the grandmas still visit and the kids are always delighted to see them.