Is It Possible To Live In Thailand Without The ''family'' Interfering In Your Life?

[schuimpje]

With all the stories out there, there is no difference between here or any other country in the world.

Why people don't understand this? I mean, the millionaire in the UK with a nice big house who married the 7-11 lady in the lowdown living quarters of London...what you expect to happen?

EXACTLY THE SAME!

Many if not most cases, the lady you meet and want to marry comes from a poor family. Simple as that.

Thai culture is still a "Children support their family" culture. Yes,...so was Holland, the rest of Europe...

Nothing wrong with that, see where Europe got with demolishing that idea and the state takes care.

You meet this lovely lady, just make sure you set the rules that you can live with. About family, about money, about food, about the house...etc.

Last time I checked that's part of a relationship. Can't stay within those rules...time to move on, it's not going to work.

If you think you are an 'upper class species' here and still want to marry that Isaan lady with no money, good for you, get ready to set the rules for yourself and for her and just stick to it, but don't complain about all those ATM-Gold Digger whatevers... they are not! They are still set in a different age/culture/mindset that you maybe even never experienced yourself (if you're under 30...)

[schuimpje]

Just to clarify, I am married with a Thai lady, her family lives 2 hours away, never have any trouble with them, more trouble with the wife than with the family. Keep within the borders of your rules, that's what it's all about.

[iwad2010]

This, as we all know...is true.

As commentators have said....set out your stall & start as you mean to go along.

I have seen so many showing off how much they send home, for this, for that, etc etc, ohh so good, etc etc.

They still leave their kids in a village 500mls away.

[Lopburi99]

For me it wasn't so much having the family nearby, as the frustration of not understanding what anybody was saying. Seeing people - family, friends, whatever every day and hearing them gab sometimes for hours and not understanding squat I could accept for just so long. Then I insisted we live where my gf and I are together alone almost all of the time. I like it that way. I don't even like to hear her talking on the phone for more than ten minutes or so before I get frustrated by the language thing. I am not proud I am this way but I can't deny it. If she wanted me to move on to a different woman I wouldn't blame her.

[sarahsbloke]

For me it wasn't so much having the family nearby, as the frustration of not understanding what anybody was saying.

I had a gf like that, if I asked what they were talking about, she would say 'not your business'

I just went into town and got pissed with my pals whenever they came round.

She would say 'where you go' to which the reply would be 'not your business'

She soon got the hint, and the family stopped coming round.

Extremely rude to ignore the person providing the food, drink and venue, and not to be tolerated IMHO.

Edited May 6, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[bifftastic]

my g/f's family is a bit spread out, mum lives in Korat, but her sisters (two of about 9 i think!) live in Chiang Rai where she also now lives with her 2 kids, they don't interfere they help when they can, 'you should do this or you should do that' is very rarely heard, they offer ideas in a nice kind of 'roundabout way' but mainly just get on with their lives, working hard on their tobacco farm and fixing various (so-called) tractors and motorbikes that everyone uses (kind of hard to work out who owns what as everyone in the area seems to pitch in together) Just before my last visit my government, via one of it's many privatised sub-contractors, relieved me of about £500 by towing my car away, meaning that on arrival I had about 2,000 baht to last me a week! This was after they had spent about three weeks building two rooms under their house for us to stay in, in between their working on the farm every day. They were very welcoming and didn't mind about the 'rich' farang not having any money, just smiled and laughed 'bank farang mai dee' shared their hospitality, whiskey, and company with me. Even after the bank thing was resolved (I got paid!) they didn't want any money for the work they'd done, just a meal at the bbq restaurant. Her older sister fends off any of the locals who have any negative or pre-conceived ideas about me and she is too busy with organising all the workforce for the farm to get involved with our relationship, 'up to you' is the most they've contributed so far.

Mum seems like a different kettle of fish, although they do the right thing and all her children send her a little money when they can for her medical treatments and one of her grandchildren lives with her full-time, I get the feeling that the one's who have moved up north are not unhappy to have some distance between them and the family base in Korat. Mum visited for songkran and now she's gone back, i get the sense that there is some relief that everything can now go back to normal. She (mum) does like to talk about money, she was told that 'ok ok when we get a lot money we make blanket and pillow from money for you sleep on money then you happy na!' but she's got 11 surviving children so there's no way I'm funding mum's doctor's habit!

As far as money from me goes, if I'm asked for anything, it depends on how much and if i think it's a p1ss take or not, same as i do here, if i'm skint i'll ask my friends, if they've got it they'll help, if they haven't they can't. If someone asks me for money i don't want to give them i just say i haven't got it and that's the end of it.

There's no reason to lose your mind just because the people you're involved with are from another culture

There are, of course, cultural aspects to be taken into account but where i grew up in London, if you got involved with a girl you also took on her drunken violent brothers/father and a mother who was 'only thinking of what's right for my girl' chipping in with all kinds of 'advice'

As far as families go, I haven't got one in the UK so I can't really compare. I will say that the Thai family have, so far, been nothing but kind and generous and even though there is a language barrier, (something i am working on btw) I miss them, they're nice people.

[mark51mark]

I think many of you have either been sucked into the stereotype or need to get out a bit more.. My missus has a great relationship with her parents.. They live down South near Surat Thani but my girl went to School/Uni in BKK along with her younger sister. Her older sister is married to a BKK Thai guy, the younger one to a Scottish fella and lives in the UK. All call each other on a weekly basis but seem to have litte interest in gossip or the 'my farang is better than your farang' games. Their Mother is friendly and unassuming. She calls for a chat once or twice a week and I often hear her laughing on the other end of the line. So far after three years together my girl has never asked for a satang. She runs a small factory and is self sufficient. She had a house and car when I met her and likes to contribute to our living costs.. She does help her parents out if they need something specific but they run a small shop and have all they need.. All in all the family are well adjusted and content.. My girl has no interest in gossip or the usual Thai style 'money number one' discussions.. Guess like anywhere you find good and bad people. I've been lucky...

Just to buck the odds further.. Her friends and relations from BKK appear to be of similar ilk... I've never been put in the 'farang can pay' situation when out with them... They are solid middle class people and have too much self respect to go begging to a farang..

[kevozman1]

The core of the issue with many poor Thai women farangs tend to date is money. Either directly or indirectly everything boils down to how much money will you give them... It's all about financial security and family.

It is none of your TGF business how much money you have, so don't go showing off how much you make or how much you have. That is counter productive.

Also, your TGF family are like people on welfare. In most cases, the mom does not work; the dad fools around, gets drunk and does not work and the brother is lazy and can't hold down a decent job. Therefore, the daughters become the bread winners.

Most parents know their poor, uneducated daughters work in Bangkok and pay no attention or ignore that their daughters are prostitutes. Fact is, if you give a girl money for sex, or you give her 20,000 baht a month each month to live with you it is the same thing. Money for sex.

Don't fool yourself. You also have to look at your inlaws and accept that these folks are now related to you. Can you imagine introducing them to your friends overseas? "Hey I'd like you to meet my in-laws, including dead beat father in law who gets drunk, philanders all week and does nothing for a living...."

This is reality.

So True. Love the last paragraph mate.

[enginerevision]

Every topic here in TV comes down to the same thing: YOU ARE STILL IN A POOR UNDERDEVELOPED COUNTRY, THIS MEANS STUFF LIKE THIS WILL CONTINUE TO HAPPEN, SO DON"T BOTHER COMPLAINING

[lioness]

Every topic here in TV comes down to the same thing: YOU ARE STILL IN A POOR UNDERDEVELOPED COUNTRY, THIS MEANS STUFF LIKE THIS WILL CONTINUE TO HAPPEN, SO DON"T BOTHER COMPLAINING

I wouldn't view it as everyone complaining, rather folks are having a discussion.

Just to put my 2 Bahts worth in, It is a good idea to start off as you mean to go on, because it is very hard to make changes afterwards.

[elcent]

It is also common practice within Thai marriages that wifes support their families back home. Most of the time the wifes work and the entire income is to support their families when they need it, while the husbands take care of the close relationship within the families.

[Mekhong]

I lived the first 14 years of marriage to my Thai wife outside Thailand. She sent her own money home every month and it was never an issue. Been back in Thailand 2 years now and just can't wait to leave again. The reason? Unbearable and constant inteference from family. Dad is on the phone literally 10 times a day, asking what we are doing, where we are going etc etc etc. He expects food to be delivered to him every day and slowly my wife (and so, effectively I) have taken on all his bills. Mum is just as bad - phones all the time, sleeps on the floor 3 or 4 nights a week, draws my poor missus into all the family <deleted> and gossip. Always skint. Sometimes drunk. Insists on trying to wash my socks and undies (!!) <deleted>? Drunken lazy brother, drunken lazy uncles. I lived here for 10 years in the 80s and always thought I would settle down here. Definitely a big NO now directly because of the family

[Lopburi99]

<snip>.

But i must say my gf changed a lot from accepting everything from her family and not being able to say no to having a spine now and putting herself and me first. That is the way it should be.

Putting herself and you before her family? In Thailand? When the rubber meets the road someday Rob, I wouldn't bet on it.

Edited May 6, 2010 by Lopburi99